One Past Midnight (13 page)

I stayed silent; I knew if they realized I was awake
they would take this discussion elsewhere and I needed to hear it.

“Dr. Levi, what do you think we're dealing with here?” my father said, as if asking a mechanic about a broken-down car.

“I'll need to spend some time with her to make any formal diagnosis. She's obviously experienced some kind of mental breakdown. She could be suffering from a number of things: hallucinations, substance abuse, compulsive lying, a personality disorder—”

“Schizophrenia?” my father interrupted.

“It's possible. We've sent her blood for testing. The easiest thing to identify or rule out is a drug problem. We'll start there.”

“Christ.”

“I assure you we'll take good care of her. The main thing at the moment is to ensure that she doesn't make another attempt on her life.”

Someone cleared his throat. I opened my eyes a fraction again just as Ethan pushed off the wall. “Ah, Dr. Levi, I . . . I'm not so sure that's what she was doing. She appears to know full well the injuries inflicted were not life threatening. I dressed the wounds myself. They're nasty, but for someone who is currently on SW, she was incredibly careful to avoid major arteries.”

“She broke her own wrist!” my father roared.

Ethan didn't seem bothered, which almost made me
smile. “She told me how it happened and I'm sure there were a number of witnesses that saw her fall.”

I wanted to applaud Ethan and give my father the finger.

Dr. Levi chose this moment to intervene. “Do you have a suggestion for what we should be looking for, Ethan? Clearly you've managed to draw some information from her.”

Ethan was silent for a moment and then he sighed. “I don't know. Like you said, she's clearly going through some kind of psychological trauma. She was petrified about being restrained last night, with a particular fear of midnight.”

Something inside me sank to hear him analyzing me in such a detached way.

“What I want to know is when she became so disturbed that she created an entirely different world.” Mom spoke up for the first time. She wasn't crying today. No, Mom had pulled herself together the way she always did, and now she was on a mission.

“Different
world
? Sorry?” Ethan said.

Mom straightened. “My daughter believes she lives in an alternate reality. She says she goes there every night. To another
life
!” she hissed.

“Oh my God,” Ethan whispered. I felt the urge to jump up and tell him it wasn't like that, but really . . . it was. They just didn't realize it didn't make me delusional.

“Ethan, you might be of some assistance with this patient,” Dr. Levi said.

My father scoffed. “He's a nurse. He's hardly equipped to be dealing with this.”

“Actually, along with his nursing qualifications, Ethan has been studying psychiatry. He's one of my star pupils and has a very promising future ahead of—” Dr. Levi stopped mid-sentence before awkwardly starting up again. “Establishing a connection is key in these cases. If Sabine has already formed a bond with Ethan, he may be our best hope of getting her to open up.”

“Ah, I don't think . . . I can't . . . No. She needs someone more . . . someone better,” Ethan stammered.

“And I will be here,” Dr. Levi continued as if Ethan hadn't spoken. “I'll assess her when she wakes up and hold daily sessions with her. But if Dr. Meadows does not object, Ethan will be in charge of her care during the night shift. It's not the most conventional method, but it's possibly the time she might feel the most comfortable opening up.”

Ethan started up again. “Dr. Levi, I'm not the one to . . . You know why this is not . . . Please don't—”

“Ethan, what's the problem? You're here anyway. May as well keep busy.” Dr. Levi shrugged as if it was all decided.

Before Ethan could object again I rolled over, keeping my eyes closed.

“She's starting to wake up,” Dr. Meadows said.

No shit.

“Here are some of her things,” Mom said quickly.

“We've checked it all as you requested,” my father added.

“Thank you. Would you like to stay and talk to her?” Dr. Meadows asked.

“Er, no. We have to get back to the drugstore. We'll stop by in the next day or so,” he said. I heard their footsteps as they walked toward the door.

“Very well. I assure you she is in good hands.”

I heard my father stop. When he spoke his voice was low and private. “Dr. Levi, we're sure you understand. We work in this industry. It would not do well for too much of this to get out into the medical community . . . We need to protect our business.”

“Discretion is a given, John.” It was the right thing to say, but the reply sounded weary.

“Well then, let's keep her here,” he said firmly.

“Certainly, John,” Dr. Meadows said. “I'll see you out.”

I waited until I was sure my parents were gone. They hadn't wanted to talk to me, but the feeling was definitely mutual. I didn't know if I could ever look at them again.

“You can open your eyes now,” came Dr. Levi's voice from beside me.

I looked up at him. He was the only one who'd stayed behind. “How did you know?”

He smiled. “Years of experience. So, where should we go from here?”

I turned my head to the side and took a few shaky breaths. “Am I going to be tied down again?”

“I hope not. We don't like to use force to achieve our goals. Hopefully you will soon see that. We have four levels here, though you will be confined to the lower two. The second floor is the eating-disorders unit; drug and alcohol on the third; and the top floor is extended-stay and terminal care.”

Wow, fun times.

“And where am I?” I didn't imagine they had a floor for multiple lives.

“This is the first floor; it treats mood disorders and provides intensive care. For now, you will be confined to your room until you earn privileges.”

“Privileges?”

He nodded. “Once we start working together and you show a willingness to cooperate, we can add privileges to your daily program. Outside time, personal items, television, phone—those kinds of things.”

He checked his watch while I stared at him in horror. Privileges? As in out-frickin'-side time? I was in prison!

There was a knock at the door and Ethan came in.

“I'm off now, but I'll be back tonight, Levi,” he said.

“Thank you, Ethan. Leave a report for me in the morning.”

With a nod he backed out, barely glancing in my direction before closing the door. I don't know why it upset me, but it did.

Dr. Levi turned back to me. “Right, well, I have rounds to make. We'll meet every day at ten a.m., starting today. The nurse will bring you to my office. Do you have any questions?”

I pressed my lips together to stop from crying. When I had myself under control I ventured, “My parents said they brought some stuff?”

He pointed to the small bag on the floor. “These items have been approved, along with the clothes you were wearing when they brought you in. They've been washed and placed in your closet.”

I swallowed. “Is there a bathroom?”

“Yes, but you will be escorted there for now. You've been assigned a day nurse who will assist you.”

He saw the tears welling in my eyes and sighed. “Sabine, it will get easier. Things seem at their worst right now, but we are going to help you find the clarity you need.”

Clarity? Right. By sedating me, tying me up, and not letting me go to the bathroom on my own? Things really couldn't be clearer.

Instead of arguing, I turned my head toward the wall. He'd never get it, and I had no intention of trying to explain
anything
to him.

I didn't walk into Dr. Levi's office expecting reclining armchairs and mahogany bookshelves, but I definitely hadn't pictured a white-walled room—empty apart from two cheap-looking cane chairs, two cardboard boxes positioned as footstools, and a large dartboard hanging on the far wall.

My day nurse, who'd collected me from my prison cell, was the same woman who'd come to my house the previous day. She was still wearing too much blush and was smaller than I remembered. Perhaps holding a syringe added height. She ushered me into Dr. Levi's office, holding the door open for me.

“The doctor will be here in a moment. I'll be outside when your appointment is over to take you back to your room,” she explained.

I gave her a look that wasn't pretty. She ignored it and shut me in the room. I didn't bother checking the door after
she left—I knew it would either be locked, or she'd be waiting on the other side. Instead, I pulled one of the rickety cane chairs to the window and took a seat facing into the sun. It was a strategic move. I wasn't about to sit facing Dr. Levi so he could control the appointment, or me. I had attitude in this life and I'd been forgetting that. I needed to remember who I was here. With that in mind, I leaned back, slung my feet up onto the windowsill and closed my eyes.

The sun's heat was just starting to seep into my bones when the door opened and Dr. Levi walked in. I didn't so much as flinch; just kept my face toward the window.

“Hello, Sabine. It's good to see you again,” he said, moving through the room.

I shrugged, but otherwise held position. “Budget cuts, huh?”

He gave a small laugh. “I just like it this way. Keeps the focus on the right things.”

“What's that? Room echo?”

“Not exactly.” I heard the other chair creak as he sat down. “What do you think should be the focus in this room?”

Here we go.

I decided this was as good a cutoff point as any. I folded my arms across my chest.

After a stretch of silence, Dr. Levi sighed. “All right then, Sabine. I take it you're not in the mood to chat today.”

It was something he was going to have to get used to.

“Would you like to tell me about your other life, Sabine? I'd like to hear about it. Anything you say in this room will remain between us.”

Yeah, right. I could just see it all playing out, where it would end. Me tied to the bed again. Not going to happen.

I had to give Dr. Levi credit—he didn't seem surprised. I heard him get out of his cane chair and then a whooshing sound followed by a thud. I forced myself not to look. Was he seriously going to play darts for the whole hour?

Yep. That's exactly what he did.

And for my part, I stayed in place by the window. It wasn't until the whizzing sounds stopped that I cracked open an eye to glance in his direction.

“Perhaps tomorrow we can talk,” he said, throwing the loose darts onto his chair. He smiled. “Or maybe you'd like to try your luck against me at darts.”

When I didn't respond, he shrugged. “I'll see you tomorrow, Sabine. Ethan will be stopping by to see you this evening. Do you have any objections to him passing on his notes to me?”

Silence.

Dr. Levi clicked his pen a couple of times. “I'm sorry, Sabine, but this is one question I will need an answer to before you leave the room.”

I closed my eyes again, wanting the appointment over with. “I don't care what he tells you,” I mumbled.

He scribbled something on the otherwise untouched page of his clipboard and opened the door. “Macie, can you please see Sabine back to her room?”

“Of course, Dr. Levi,” Macie responded, walking up to me. “Sabine, let's go.”

I drew in one last sun-warmed breath and stood up to follow her.

As we walked down the hall, she watched me carefully, as if half-expecting me to bolt. Honestly—I considered it.

“An early lunch will be delivered to your room. Would you like to use the bathroom before you go back?” she asked in a flat tone.

I sighed, but said, “Sure.”

The bathroom reminded me of the one in our gym at school. Open shower stalls and a row of toilets. I headed straight for a toilet stall.

“You'll need to leave the door unlocked,” Macie said, positioning herself by the sinks.

I stared at her.

“You can pull the door closed,” she explained. “But if I feel the need, I will open it at any time. Until you are off SW, no locks. It's the rules.”

I gritted my teeth and went into the stall. It was utterly humiliating to have someone waiting right outside the door who could, at any time, decide to “open sesame.” Needless to say, I did my business quickly.

Macie walked me back to my room, returning when my lunch was delivered to watch me eat every mouthful of my sandwich. By the time she had checked the tray to make sure I hadn't palmed the plastic wrap—probably in case I had some grand suffocation plan—I was seething. This should not have been happening to me.

“It gets easier,” Macie offered, her expression softening slightly.

I didn't respond.