Only Skin Deep (10 page)

“Definitely not alone,” Travis reiterated, reluctantly taking his moist lips from hers at the sound of a carload of teenagers honking their horn and hooting as they raced by.

That couldn't possibly be their homeroom teacher making a spectacle of herself on Main Street of all places. Could it?

Lauren's face grew hot as Travis helped her up into her seat by strategically placing his hand squarely on her bottom and giving her a little boost. After he was settled behind the wheel, she gestured to the rowdy youngsters peeling out at the next stoplight.

“More grist for the rumor mill.”

“I have an idea,” Travis said, flashing her a smile. “Let's give them something really juicy to talk about.”

Clearly he was not as mortified as Lauren by the thought of people gossiping about them. She attempted to explain the gravity of the situation to him without sounding prudish.

“That's all well and fine for you to say.
You
don't have to face those young men in your classroom next fall. Or their parents. Or the principal who told Lucia Mote that it would be in her best interest to marry the man she was ‘shacking up' with.”

Travis looked shocked. The Spanish teacher's elopement was news to him. As was the part that the principal played in making it happen.

“This is the new millennium,” he reminded Lauren. “Not the turn of the nineteenth century.”

“Yes, but this is a conservative community and an administrator can get rid of anyone he wants to if he has enough pressure to do so.”

Lauren knew. She had recently been assigned to a Drama Review Board because certain influential people had objected to the director's last production on the grounds that some lines were too racy for a public school performance. Lauren herself felt forced to walk a fine line regarding the selection of literature that she used in her own classes. Teaching
The Scarlet Letter
could become uncomfortable if people decided to compare her to the novel's beleaguered heroine.

“You're blowing this all out of proportion,” Travis insisted.

But for the remainder of the ride home he made no move toward her that could be misconstrued by anyone—including Lauren herself. Unfortunately, having gotten exactly what she'd asked for, she started having second thoughts. Travis's sudden restraint was no deterrent to her own reaction to his nearness. The effect of the kiss with which he'd branded her showed no signs of diminishing. Her lips tingled, and her blood ran hot. She was on fire.

Arriving home before she had a chance to gather her wits about her, Lauren felt an awkwardness that had hitherto been absent in their relationship. And she was filled with a jarring sense of grief at the thought of spending the night alone.

She wondered what harm could come of indulging her body's demands one more time. It wasn't as though she was a virgin who was saving herself for her wedding night. Or even as though it would be their first time together. She'd heard that nothing was better, more bittersweet and satisfying than break-up sex.

“Damn you!” she exclaimed, unsnapping her seat belt with an impatient flick of her wrist.

Travis couldn't have looked any more startled when she leaned across the seat and assertively pressed a kiss on him. Not pausing to question the mercurial nature of her mood swings, he dragged her out of the pick up and swept her up in his arms. The next thing Lauren knew, she was being carried over the threshold of her cabin, vaguely aware that this romantic gesture was part of the matrimonial tradition that she unfortunately would never have with the man who held her so lightly in his arms. However, that knowledge was not enough to give Lauren the strength to stop the inevitable from happening.

Bodies tangled with sheets as Travis laid her upon the bed. The last time they'd made love, he had taken special care to be tender. Today neither one of them showed any inclination toward anything but hot and wild sex with no emotional strings attached. Lauren tugged her dress over her head and kicked her high heels to the far corner of the room. Travis tore off his shirt and pants, struggling to remove his boots first. Lauren's sexy matching bra and panties were lost upon him as she ripped them off without regard to the indecent price she'd paid for them.

Neither was concerned with preening at the moment. Or protection. Nothing, except complete, immediate gratification, counted for much. All worries and inhibitions, all ties to rational consequences dissolved beneath the flesh's consuming needs. Naked, they sought refuge in the glorious sensation of skin against skin. Animal sounds accompanied pure animal lust as selfish pleasure gave way to selfish pleasure.

Lauren grabbed her brass headboard between both hands and commanded in a hoarse whisper, “Now!”

Travis obliged. Already fully aroused, there was no reason for foreplay on his account. She unabashedly held herself open, and he slipped inside with an eagerness he thought he'd outgrown. Slick with sweat, they moved in unison, each working toward a shared goal. That Lauren could climax so quickly and so often in such a short time was a wonderment to her.

And an incredible turn-on to him.

“Oh, baby,” was all he could manage before exploding in time to yet another of her over-the-top orgasms.

Lauren opened her eyes wide to watch him. He was so very beautiful in the throes of passion. To hold such a gorgeous man between her legs and claim him as a willing and alluring partner in her own right was the stuff of fantasies. His breath came in great whooshes that stirred the bangs out of her face and made her feel incredibly powerful. He shuddered in exquisite release. The warmth that flooded Lauren satisfied her as a woman—and made her want to have his babies.

A whole passel of them.

The realization that might actually be a possibility considering their lack of foresight in the birth control department didn't slack on her desire one whit. Figuring the damage had already been done in regard to potential conception, Lauren tossed aside such worries with a carelessness that was uncharacteristic of her. She didn't think this was the right time of the month for her to conceive and didn't particularly give a damn if it was. She just wanted the wonderful feeling of being in Travis's arms to stay with her forever. Wrapping her legs around his middle, she gave a squeeze to let him know she wasn't ready to let him go just yet.

“Again?” she asked, hoping to prolong the moment when he left her bed and went home unencumbered by thoughts of her.

Travis's chuckle gave the impression he was amused by the insatiable monster he had created. “You might have to give me a minute,”

Licking the salt of his sweat from his neck, Lauren teased him into a state of arousal far sooner than one would have imagined possible after such incredible earth shattering sex. She was a wildcat, suggesting positions and offering to do things that most men only dreamed of. By the time she was done turning Travis into liquid honey, he couldn't have straggled out of bed had he wanted to.

Completely and utterly satisfied, they snuggled in each other's arms, not wanting to lose the feeling of closeness and togetherness that they both knew could be so very short-lived. Lauren was as surprised as Travis
that desire could well up inside her so quickly after each successive climax. She cherished the tender petting of after-play as much as, if not more than, the act of intercourse itself. She had read somewhere that some women could ride out multiple orgasms, each gaining in momentum and intensity. She would never have guessed she was one of those lucky few. Lauren hoped that didn't make her a nymphomaniac.

Figuring that she had nothing to lose, other than her pride, she decided to take advantage of her lover's spent state to risk her heart.

“I could take a lifetime of loving like this.”

Travis tensed in her arms, and Lauren immediately regretted uttering the words that ruined an otherwise perfect moment. He removed the arm he'd possessively thrown over her and rolled away. Draping one sexy, well-defined, slightly hairy leg over the edge of the bed, he sat up and cradled his head in his hands, giving the impression that he was fighting off a headache—namely her. Lauren sat up as well and reached out to give his shoulder a reassuring pat.

“I'm sorry.”

And yet, having broached this sensitive subject, she couldn't let it just go at that. Sighing, she drew her knees and the top sheet up under her chin before posing a delicate question.

“Just what is it that you are so afraid of, Travis?”

T
ravis didn't like being put on the spot, especially when he couldn't come up with a reasonable answer to the very question he'd been asking himself for the past few days. In any case, he didn't think it wise to continue this particular discussion in the nude. Lauren's lovely body made it impossible for him to concentrate. To make matters worse, he swore he could almost hear her ovaries ringing the wedding march. Cursing himself for failing to use protection in the fervor of the moment, he just hoped she wasn't pregnant.

Or did he?

The thought of fathering a baby with this woman was not altogether unappealing. In fact, the warm glow he felt deep inside gave him reason to pause. But, having
been pushed into a bad marriage before by a woman who used her pregnancy as a lifetime meal ticket and then discarded his baby as if it were no more than a cancelled stub, Travis was leery of making the same mistake again. After his divorce, he'd promised himself never to let his libido overcome logical, rational thought again.

That promise might as well have been written in the sand for all the good it had done him tonight.

You would think that a man would have better sense to try filling his canteen from a poisoned creek after nearly dying there before. Travis knew his reluctance to commit was inexplicably tied to his disastrous relationship with Jaclyn, but he suspected the root causes went even deeper. The best he could manage by way of answering Lauren's question about what he was so afraid of was to simply quote the Rolling Stones.

“Once bitten, twice shy.”

Torn between wanting to remain in bed with Lauren forever and running as fast as he could in the opposite direction, he took her face between the palms of his work-roughened hands. With her hair tousled and her lips swollen from his kisses, she was the most beautiful creature he'd ever seen. Her very soul seemed to shimmer in the depth of those guileless eyes. Try as Travis might to rationalize away what they shared as nothing more than great sex, the knowledge that it was much, much more resonated deep in the marrow of his bones.

And scared the hell out of him.

He didn't feel inclined to admit that to the woman staring at him with those big soft eyes and an expres
sion of concern splashed all over her pretty face. Travis wasn't much for confiding his fears with anyone, let alone the person he most wanted to impress with his stoic machismo. When Lauren ventured a response to that old refrain, he chastised with a single finger placed upon her lips.

“Shhh… Let's not ruin what we have by overanalyzing things.”

Instantly the expression on her face turned inscrutable.

“Fine.”

The defeat in that single syllable made Travis feel guiltier than any amount or quality of argumentation that she might have offered to convince him his fears were groundless.

“It isn't like I promised you more than—” he began to say defensively.

“I said fine.”

Travis exhaled loudly. “What's so wrong with staying in a holding pattern for a little while?” he asked. “Don't you think it would be smart to get to know each other a little better before we jump into something rash?”

Lauren freed herself of his hold and whipped the sheet back.

“You seem to think you know me plenty well enough, but whenever I try to understand you better, you pull away so fast and hard that it makes my head spin. If you ask me, I think you're stuck in a permanent holding pattern and are just too afraid to land.”

Distracted by Lauren's state of undress, Travis placed
a kiss on the top of her nose and did his best to defuse the situation.

“Come on,” he cajoled. “You really don't want to weasel a commitment out of me that I'm not ready to give just yet. And…”

The cuckoo clock on the wall popped out of his hole to remind them that time was tick, tick, ticking onward.

“And,” he continued, clearing his throat and staring into hurt eyes. “I don't want to lose you, either. Maybe we could try finding a compromise that we both can live with.”

Curiosity softened the stubborn set of Lauren's jaw. She tilted her head to one side and gave him her full attention.

“I'm listening.”

Travis had a hard time forming his thoughts into a coherent sentence. What he was about to suggest was in itself more of a commitment than he was sure he was ready for.

“What do you think about moving into the big house with me?”

 

Lauren blinked. She studied him closely for some time before responding. She, too, was having a hard time getting words around the heart stuck in her throat. Except for the fact that Travis stopped short of actually asking her to marry him, the idea of moving in with him was a dream come true. Her pulse zinged. The blood pounded in her ears. And somewhere in the distance an angel choir burst into a chorus of hallelujahs.

And yet she hesitated.

She didn't know what was wrong with her. Any woman in her right mind would jump up and down at such an opportunity to cohabitate with this gorgeous hunk of man. Lauren had to ask herself why she would throw up a blockade against happiness rather than rushing to embrace it with open arms. The easy answer to that question was simply to blame everyone else for the expectations that she put upon herself.

“I've already told you that my position as a public school teacher makes that difficult,” she said.

There was, of course, more to it than that, but she didn't want to divulge anything more personal. How could she ever hope to explain that the person she was most afraid of disappointing was actually her father? Gone for many years now, his presence still guided all his daughter's major decisions. And left her reaching for a higher standard than others.

Travis dismissed her concern with a blunt question. “Who's to know whether you're in this little house as my renter or living in the big house as my lover?”

As logical as that sounded, something queasy sloshing around in the pit of Lauren's stomach made her nervous about agreeing too quickly.

“I'd know,” she told him unequivocally. “And my family would be certain to find out sooner or later. It's not like we live in a sprawling cosmopolitan center instead of a small community where everybody knows everybody else's business. Somehow, I doubt my relatives would be very open-minded about the kind of living arrangements that don't involve a ring.”

The thought that her father would roll over in his grave at the news of his little girl shacking up with the most notorious player in all the county didn't make her feel any better about wanting to accept his offer. For one silly moment before Travis had opened his mouth, she'd thought he was actually on the verge of proposing. Swallowing her disappointment, Lauren wondered why his compromise couldn't at least include setting a wedding date—even one way off in the future. That alone would be enough to appease her family, squelch any rumors floating around town, buy Travis himself some time to warm up to the idea of marriage—and assuage her own stubborn feminine pride.

It was that very sense of pride that prevented Lauren from asking Travis for any token of his fidelity. Having just initiated the wild sexual interlude that preceded this conversation, it wasn't that she was afraid of asserting herself. She had certainly proven herself an apt aggressor in bed. But Travis was right about the folly of forcing a man into a commitment he didn't want.

In the innermost chambers of her romantic core, Lauren longed for a Hollywood proposal upon bended knee. And not one coerced by threats or tears or wheedling, either. She wanted Travis to ask her to marry him because he wanted to. Because, like her, he couldn't imagine living without her.

He cleared his throat. “You know it hasn't been easy for me getting over my divorce. Jaclyn was the kind of woman who always had to be in control of everything—regardless of how I felt about matters large or small….”

Lauren couldn't know that he was envisioning the baby he'd never hold. Travis never talked about this part of his life with anyone. Not even his lawyer who demanded to know all the pertinent information that would advance his case in court. His voice sounded as rough as sandpaper as he continued.

“When I finally filed for divorce, Jaclyn made things as messy as she could. She had a… miscarriage… and we never seemed able to recover from the loss.”

Travis didn't mention that the miscarriage hadn't been spontaneous and he was not part of the decision of whether they were going to keep the baby or not. He saw no point in disparaging his ex-wife or bringing up hurtful topics that no amount of discussion would ever change—other than to give Lauren some idea of why he was so hesitant to embrace the concept of marriage.

“Suffice it to say that until you literally waltzed into my life, I haven't wanted to get close to anyone. So just in case you're not aware of it, asking you to move in is a big step for me.”

Lauren didn't know what to say. Travis's life was so much more complicated than she had ever imagined. It had been so hard for her to deal with the loss of her father. She couldn't fathom what it would be like to lose a child. Her heart went out to him. And to herself.

If she was having this much trouble broaching the subject of marriage, how was she supposed to casually bring up the fact that she wanted children someday, too? Lauren knew that Travis would make a wonderful father. She wondered how he felt about starting over. With her.

She supposed she should feel grateful that a man so publicly sworn to bachelorhood would offer to share his home with her, but somehow she wasn't feeling particularly lucky. As important as it was that they continue this discussion about his first marriage in greater depth, Lauren could tell by his stony expression that Travis had said all he was going to say on the matter for the time being. Reaching deep inside herself, she offered him a little smile and postponed the conversation that was already twisting her guts into tight, hard knots.

She patted the pillow beside her. “Why don't you come on back to bed and we'll both sleep on it? Hopefully a good night's sleep will do wonders for both of our perspectives.”

Apparently happy enough to leave things at that, Travis snuggled back under the covers and dozed off almost immediately. Lauren remained wide-awake, however. She didn't want to dismiss his offer out of hand.

Still, she couldn't help feeling diminished by the compromise he suggested. It wasn't so much her fear of God or even of what the neighbors might say as much as it was a sense that she was worth more than he was willing to give her. Afraid of selling herself short in the long run, Lauren believed that she deserved a soul mate who would openly claim her.

She couldn't help but wonder if Travis didn't want to keep their relationship hidden away from his friends and family because he was secretly ashamed of her. Maybe he couldn't get past her nerdy image from the past. Perhaps it was merely the sexist belief that he
didn't have to buy the cow if the milk was free. Or did he simply think she was too old for happily ever afters complete with white dresses and fairy godmothers?

Or was he merely looking for an invisible playmate and no one fit that description more perfectly than she?

Lauren felt herself fading away at the thought.

And fought against it.

She had worked too hard to make herself visible to the world to let such negative thoughts destroy her new self-image. Yet as tempting as it was to walk away from this relationship while she could still hold her head up, the thought of abandoning what she had with Travis was almost more than she could bear. Hoping that she would be better able to face that possibility in the morning light, she tried to put her fears to rest. In the bleak and lonely hours of the night, it was enough to cuddle up in this man's loving arms and feel his heart beating against her own without asking for more.

 

Unfortunately, sleep did little to shed any light on her dilemma. When Lauren woke early the next morning, she was no closer to knowing what to do than she'd been the night before. If anything, she was even more confused. Unlike her, Travis hadn't lost any sleep over the issue. Reveling in the sensation of waking up after a good night's sleep, he stretched his long, masculine body out so that his feet stuck out over the foot of her queen-size bed. And wriggled his hairy toes.

“Good morning, beautiful,” he said, rolling over on his side to look at her directly.

All sinew and muscle and latent strength, he was too good-looking for words.

“Morning, sleepyhead,” she managed to reply.

Quite frankly Lauren was a little irritated that he'd slept so well. That he seemed so sure of himself. That he seemed so apparently unattached to whatever decision she reached in regard to their future. That he didn't seem to doubt for a moment that she had already mentally packed her bags and would be moving in with him just as soon as she could gather up her things.

As tempting as that thought was, Lauren really hadn't made up her mind yet. In fact, the only thing she knew for sure was that she didn't want to slip back into a state of invisibility just to make life easier for others.

“Well, angel, have you come to any conclusions?” he asked, stroking her bare arm lovingly.

Lauren pushed a wayward lock of dark hair away from the face she loved. She knew she would be doing a terrible disservice to Travis, not to mention herself, by not honestly disclosing her feelings for him. Squeaky with apprehension, her voice betrayed the depth of those feeling as she reached inside herself for an ounce of courage.

“Just one.”

Travis trailed a lazy finger along the edge of the sheet where it bulged out to accommodate the swell of her breasts.

“And what's that?” he asked.

Swallowing hard, Lauren looked straight into a pair of eyes that had captivated her for so much of her life. She wanted nothing less than his full attention when she spoke the words aloud for the first time. She held his gaze tenderly.