Only You (16 page)

“You will not!” Edna declared, being more obstinate than she’d ever been.

“Go with your aunt, Lady Theo,” Soloman said.  “I’ve had enough of the Wallaces to last my entire life.”

“But I need to talk to you,” Theo said.  “I have to thank you.”

“I don’t
need
to talk to you.  Whatever it is, save it for an occasion when I’m in the mood to listen.”

He whipped away and stormed off.

“Soloman!”  She forgot to be circumspect and refer to him as Mr. Grey.

He continued on, and she growled with exasperation.

She’d spent the night in his tent, and while it could have been scandalous, it was all very proper.  There were several female servants present at all times.  She’d been given a dose of laudanum so she’d slept off the remnants of her ordeal.  Yet whenever she’d awakened, he’d been sitting beside her, holding her hand.

In the morning, when she’d finally roused for good, he hadn’t been there, and the servants had apprised her he’d had chores to complete.  He’d made arrangements for her though, to be bathed and fed and pampered—and to never be alone.

The servants had fussed and flitted around until she’d grown aggravated by their hovering.  She wasn’t an invalid and had been embarrassed by their extreme attention, so she’d headed to her own tent. 

She’d washed and changed clothes, then she’d hurried off to find Soloman.  She’d been desperate to snuggle in a quiet, secluded place where she could confess all the things she was dying for him to hear.

Wasn’t it just her luck that she’d located him
after
he’d fought with Edna?  He was so temperamental, his patience for nonsense exhausted years earlier.  He’d claimed they’d chat later, but in light of how offensive Edna had been, Theo wouldn’t be surprised if he never spoke to her again.

“You called him Soloman,” Edna suddenly said, yanking her out of her miserable reverie.  “Not Mr. Grey, but
Soloman!
”

“Yes, I did, Edna.  The man has rescued me over and over, so I think I’m entitled to a bit of familiarity.”

“Theodosia Postlewaite!  Have you been…
fraternizing
with him?”

“Of course not.  I know better.”

“I’m glad your father isn’t here to see this.”

“See what?  Mr. Grey has been kindness personified to me.  If it wasn’t for him, I’d likely have drowned in the Nile.  I won’t pretend we’re not friends.  You can be as snobbish as you like, but I won’t be.”

“Get to my tent, Theo.”

“You’re scolding me as if I were a child.”

“We will review your conduct, then I will write to your father.”

“About what?”

“About your inability to modify your immoral behavior.”

“I’m
immoral
because I called Mr. Grey by his Christian name?”

“The very fact that you don’t grasp why you are in the wrong, only proves how wrong you are.”  Edna pointed down the path.  “I won’t listen to your twaddle, Theo.  Get yourself to my tent.  Immediately!”

Theo was not a fighter and had never been a fighter.  She was generally happy and pleasant.  She was polite to her elders, polite to her father, polite to everyone—even when they didn’t deserve it.

She wanted to tell Edna to sod off, wanted to be crude and rude and offer her exact opinion as to Edna’s snippy attitude, but it wasn’t in her to act so reprehensibly.  Nor would she admonish her aunt in a public spot where others could walk by and witness their discord.

She stomped off, proceeding—without argument—as the older woman had demanded.  She wouldn’t lie down like a rug though.  She would calm the situation, would discourage the writing of a derogatory letter, then she’d dash off to find Soloman the moment she felt it safe to sneak away.

He had to talk to her.  He had to!  She refused to accept that any other ending was possible.

W
hat are you doing?”

“I’m leaving.”

“Leaving…for where?”

As opposed to the clients he ferried up and down the Nile, Soloman travelled light.  He had a tent and sufficient trimmings to make himself comfortable in any situation, but he could head out on a moment’s notice.  And he was definitely ready.

He threw the last of his clothes into his trunk, then spun to Preston.  “I’m sorry, but I’m off to Cairo.”

“Now?” Preston asked.

“Yes, now.  I’ve had all the fun I can stand.”

“What about my friends downriver?”

“You have two options:  You can leave with me, and I’ll take you there.  Or you can stay here, but you’ll have to find your own way to their camp.”

“I paid you to deliver me.”

“I’ll refund your money when you return to Cairo, and don’t worry about hiring other transportation.  There’s plenty of traffic to convey you wherever you wish to go, and lots of it stops at Cedric’s dock.”

“What brought this on?  I thought you were content to dawdle.”

“I’m not.  I’ve had it with Edna and Fenton Wallace, and I won’t spend another second in their company.  Nor will I waste another minute saving Lady Theo the next time Fenton plays a trick on her.”

“That child is frightening, isn’t he?”

“He’s seriously deranged, but as that old witch, Edna Wallace, pointed out, it’s none of my affair.”  He slammed the lid on his trunk and buckled the straps.  “What’s it to be?  Are you coming with me or not?”

Preston dithered, obviously not having expected Soloman’s departure.  Soloman was surprised too by his sudden decision, but when he’d stood face to face with Edna and had listened to her hateful lies, his path had immediately become clear.

When he’d been a confused, befuddled boy of twenty, he’d let people accuse him of all sorts of hideous conduct.  But at thirty, no one was allowed to speak to him as she had, and her diatribe had worked wonders on his convoluted mind.

He’d been loafing at the camp in order to flirt with Theo, but it was ridiculous to fraternize with her.  Only disaster could result.  He’d be caught with her, or Fenton might see them together and he’d race to inform his mother.

Soloman wouldn’t imperil Theo, just as he refused to put himself in a position where he had to explain his salacious infatuation to Edna.  He wasn’t about to propose to Theo, so why dally?  It had been madness from the start, and he still couldn’t comprehend his lack of sense where she was concerned.

“I guess I’ll stay,” Preston said.  “Cedric sets a mean supper table, and I’d relish a few more chances to sample his wine cellar.”

“And of course Susan Wallace is an enticement.”

Preston feigned indignation.  “Miss Wallace?  Why would you suppose so?  I realize I trifled with her earlier in the trip, but I learned my lesson.  I haven’t been alone with her.”

“Save it, Preston.  It’s not my business if you’re dabbling with her.  Just be careful.”

“I’m always careful.”

“I hope you know what you’re about.”

“I always know.”

If they’d been friends—which they weren’t—he might have tried to decipher the remark.  Preston was likely scheming to get Susan in the family way, then force a marriage.  Susan was pretty enough, but she was snotty, annoying, and awfully young.

What sane man would wed her?  What sane man would deliberately place himself in a spot to have Edna Wallace as his mother-in-law?

Well, Preston could have them both and good riddance.

“I’ll be gone within the hour,” Soloman said.  “If you change your mind, send a messenger to the dock, and I’ll wait for you.  But I won’t wait long.”

“I won’t change my mind.”

“I’ll be at Valois’s.  Once you’re in the city, you can collect your refund there.”

“I will.”

Preston left, and as he was exiting, someone was outside for he said, “Hello.  How are you feeling?  Better?”

“I’m fine,” a female replied.

Theo!  Dammit! 
He’d planned to slink away without her being apprised.

He turned around, and she was standing in the entrance.  His glare was irked and annoyed, while hers was uncertain.  Apparently, she’d intended to bluster in, but on seeing his glower, she wasn’t sure of her welcome.

“May I come in?” she hesitantly asked.

“I’d rather you didn’t.”

She stepped in anyway, the flap dropping behind her so they were sequestered in the small space.  She gaped at the trunk on his bed.

“Are you packing?”

“Yes.”

“You’re leaving?”

“Yes,” he said again.

“Why?”

“I’m sick of it here.”

“I don’t want you to go.”

“It’s not up to you, and your view is irrelevant.  I was hired to bring Preston down the river, but he’s not interested in completing the trip.  I need to get back to Cairo and secure another fare.”

“But…why?”

“I’m a working man, and I have to
work
.”

“This is all so sudden.”

“It’s not sudden on my end.”

“Is this because of Aunt Edna?  Is it because she was so horrid to you?”

“I don’t give a rat’s ass about your aunt.”

She winced at his rough language, but regrouped and soldiered on.  “If it’s because of her accusations, you know I don’t believe any of it.”

“I know.”

“Then why are you going?”

“Because there’s no reason for me to stay.”

It was a blunt, callous comment on the state of his relationship with her.  Clearly, she’d built up numerous idealistic fantasies that included him.  No doubt she envisioned them falling in love and living happily ever after.

Yet it would never happen, and he wanted no part of her foolish dream.  He had to nip it in the bud.

“There’s no reason to stay?” she asked.  “You don’t mean that, do you?”

“I mean it.”

“I thought we were…were…”

“Finish your sentence, Theo.  What are we?”

“Friends?”

“No, we’re not friends.”

She flinched as if he’d struck her, then she said with a quiet dignity, “You’re furious about what occurred with Edna, but you don’t have to take it out on me.”

“A friend is someone you can invite into your home, Theo.  It’s someone who can pop in for supper unannounced, who can correspond with amusing letters when he’s away on holiday.”

“I know that.”

“Then in what bizarre universe would I be considered a
friend
to you?  Name one person who would assess our connection and call it friendship.”

“I don’t care about my aunt’s opinion, and I’m begging you to remain.”

“Why would you beg me?”  He huffed with frustration, wondering how he’d gotten himself into the middle of such an excruciating conversation.  “I never planned to dawdle, but Preston is my client, and he was eager to linger.  I loafed for a bit, waiting for him to agree to move on, but he’s determined to delay so he can pursue your cousin.”

“He’s willing to stay for Susan, but you won’t stay for me.  Why not?”

“Oh, Theo, don’t make me be cruel to you.”

“Be as cruel as you like.  I’m an adult.  I’ll survive it.”

“Yes, Preston is willing to chase after Susan, but whatever his ploy, there are no good intentions behind it.”

“I’m sure that’s true.”

“But I’m not like Preston.  Nor am I like Lord Trent.  I would never use you badly, then abandon you to face the consequences on your own.  I would never put you in a position where you could be disgraced because of me.”

“So…you’re saving me from what?”

“From me.”

“What if I don’t want to be saved from you?”

He shook his head in disgust.  “You’re being absurd, and I’m awfully busy.  Would you go?”

She came over so she was directly in front of him, and she laid her palm on the center of his chest.  He pushed it away.

“You have no fond feelings for me?” she asked.

“No, none.”

“You’ve suffered no heightened affection?”

“No.”  He sighed.  “Theo, stop it.”

“Stop what?”

“You’re belaboring what’s been between us.  We had a trifle, a dalliance, but it’s over.”

“We were just two lonely people who had nothing better to do?”

“Yes, although I won’t admit to being lonely.  Bored, yes.  Lonely, no.”

“You were bored?  That’s why you constantly snuck off with me?”

“Theo!  Please!”

“You’re being rude and tactless, and I’d like to understand what’s happening.  Aren’t I entitled to understand?”

“You keep pushing and pushing, but I’m not in the mood to humor you.  If you continue, I’ll grow angry, and I can’t bear to hurt you.”

“Well, if you go immediately, you’ve already hurt me.”  She peered at his traveling trunk again.  “Were you planning to say goodbye?”

“No.”  Spitefully, he added, “Why would I have?”

She bristled with indignation.  “Now you’re seriously aggravating me.”

“I’m sorry to hear it, but I don’t have time to listen to the reason why.”

“Will I ever see you again?”

“I can’t imagine you would.  Perhaps we’ll stumble on each other when you visit Cairo on your way to England, but it’s a big city.  You shouldn’t count on it.”

“And you’ll never return to England, so I’ll never bump into you there.”

“No.”

He couldn’t abide her woeful expression, and he hated how it niggled at his more gallant instincts. 

When he’d claimed he felt no bond, no heightened connection, he’d been lying.  He liked her so much, and if he’d been a more romantic sort of fellow, he might have paused to wonder if he wasn’t halfway in love with her.  But so what if he was?

She made him want to be the man she needed, the man she assumed he was.  For a short interval, he’d let her think he was that man, but theirs had simply been an enjoyable flirtation, a holiday romp where the rules of hearth and home didn’t apply.

One of them had to come to their senses.  One of them had to accept reality.  Obviously, that someone had to be him for she was too smitten to realize the correct path.

“Won’t you miss me?” she asked.

“Of course I’ll miss you.”

“Then how can you pick up and leave?”

“It’s easy, Theo.  I’ve never been a man who stays.  Just ask people in London.  At the first sign of trouble, I’m out the door—or out the tent flap as the case may be.”

“Don’t be flip,” she scolded.

“All right.  I’ll be very, very blunt instead.”

“You said you would be.  Go ahead.”

He felt as if he was running toward a cliff and about to jump over.  There was a tiny part of him that would be desolate over a separation, that would desperately pine away.  But those were foolish, maudlin sentiments, the type a besotted boy would suffer for a sweetheart.  They had no place in his relationship with her—a relationship he had to cleanly sever.

“I was bored and looking for a diversion.”

“Me.”

“Yes.  You’re pretty and smart and funny, but it was lunacy for me to trifle with a woman in your position.”

“My position?  You talk as if I’m a high-and-mighty queen.”

“You’re a baron’s daughter, Theo.  You’re
Lady
Theo, remember?”

“It’s not like that with us.”

“I was using you, Theo.  I was trying to learn how far I could shove you down the passionate road, and I discovered I could shove you quite far.  I’m ashamed to confess that I planned to ruin you—then depart.  So you see?  I’m not so very different from Lord Trent after all, and this is me being noble.  This is as noble as I get.  I’m slinking away before any irreversible deeds can occur.”

They were cold words, cruel words, and he wasn’t usually cruel, but he had to hurt her so she wouldn’t gaze at him as if he was some kind of messiah sent to save her. 

“This is you being noble, huh?” she asked.

“Yes.”

“Pardon me if I inform you that I don’t believe you.”

“It doesn’t matter if you believe me or not.”

They stared, an impasse as vast as an ocean opening between them.  He yearned to pull her into his arms, to tell her he was sorry, but he stood his ground, his hands at his side.  If he touched her, he’d never be able to drag himself away, and he was determined to escape.

Suddenly, she said, “Take me with you.”

“Take you…where?”

“To Cairo.”

“To do what?”

“Marry me.”

He gaped at her as if she’d spoken in a foreign language he didn’t comprehend.

 “Marry you?” he scoffed.

“Yes, why not?”

“I don’t ever intend to wed.”

“You always claim you won’t, but why shouldn’t you?  You’re a healthy, red-blooded male.  Why shouldn’t you be a husband?  It’s the ending for every man.  It wouldn’t kill you.”

“I have no desire to marry, Theo.  It doesn’t appeal to me at all.”

“But we could be together forever.  Wouldn’t that be grand?”

“Theo, I don’t have a home of my own.  I don’t have a family.  I don’t have a penny to my name.  I have nothing to offer to any woman.”

He didn’t mention that he actually would inherit a substantial sum of money when his baby brother was finally declared dead by the courts.  His cousin, Benjamin, would receive the title and estate as the new earl, but Soloman’s father had left him a hefty bequest.

Once the money was paid out, the rumors would swirl again:  that Soloman had killed Caleb so Benjamin could become the earl.  The gossip would be horrid and alarming.  When the whirlwind erupted, his feet would be firmly planted in Egypt and far away from the upheaval.  With that future winging toward him, he would never select a bride and subject her to the scorn that was about to arrive.

Instead, he said, “Why would you bind yourself to such an unreliable, aimless nomad?”

“Because I love you.”

He winced, then snorted with derision.  “No, you don’t.”

“Yes, I do.  I love you, and I think you love me too.”

“I don’t,” he callously insisted.

“We could be so happy.”

“You’re mad, Theo.  We’d never be happy.  I’d drive you insane before the first week was out.”

“Won’t you even try?  Can’t you—for one second—consider how splendid it might be?”

“No, because it’s not what I want.  It’s never been what I wanted.”