Orbital Maneuvers (39 page)

“We are not going anywhere yet,” said Ivan.  “I do not think we have our passenger manifest confirmed yet.” Susan smiled at Ivan’s subtle persistence, but did not dwell on it as she was more troubled by the message from NORAD.  Susan thought about why they might be trying to contact them, and she knew she could probably come up with a dozen reasons why they may not want them to deorbit.  She also knew that it was useless to ponder such ideas when she had no real facts. 

She waited, staring at the intercom for a voice to join her in the silent compartment.  As the moments slipped by, her thoughts strayed from Captain Greene’s message back to her dilemma at hand.  She could feel the constant pull her heart was exerting on her to make the decision to go with Ivan.  It was like being back on the surface with gravity pulling her feet to the ground, relentless, persistent, and yet reassuring.  Susan did not want to let her emotions rule her future, but then she questioned whether her emotions were not already determining her destiny.  Was her decision to stay an emotional reaction, or a logical choice?  She could not tell any longer and was getting more frustrated with each additional second of static that allowed her more time to twirl these thoughts over and over in her mind. 

The intercom burst forth with a crash of static and then dead silence!  Susan held her breath hoping that a voice would follow, but there was only silence.  She let out her breath slowly and looked out the window toward the cloud-covered planet. 
What goes on down there
? she wondered.  A second time the intercom blasted to life, only to fall silent again. 

Susan was beginning to wonder what they should do if they received no more information from NORAD.  Should they leave the station by the original time, or should they wait?  If they wait, will there be another opportunity?  For her, it did not really matter, but for her crew and friends it mattered a lot.  She moved over to the intercom to send another message to NORAD and jumped when the intercom sprang to life again with a crescendo static. This time it carried a voice buried deep inside the crackle and hiss, she heard it, and so did the rest of the crew on board.

“Ivan!  Did you get that?” Susan yelled over the intercom.

“No, I heard something, but I did not understand it,” he answered.

Susan switched the intercom over to transmit.  “NORAD, this is Susan Corin, we do not copy.  Repeat, we do not copy your message!  You are breaking up…over…”

The intercom responded with a long train of static that began to modulate in amplitude, louder, then softer.  Eventually, Susan and the others could make out Captain Greene’s voice in the troughs of the waves of static.  “…Do you copy, Susan?…Do not deorbit until you cross zero degrees latitude!  Do…cop…”

“NORAD, we copy!  We will not deorbit until zero degrees latitude, we copy!” Susan shouted with relief at hearing the complete message. 

The static rose again and then began to quiet down, “Important…you have only a two minute time window at zero degrees latitude to leave the sta…” The hiss rose abruptly cutting the captain off, who was timing his communication in the lulls of the static.  As the hiss began to decrease his voice came back, speaking very rapidly, “…only have a two minute time window at zero degrees latitude to deorbit.  Bug in program…can’t fix…leave only in that two-minute window!…Copy?!” Susan was taken aback by the thought of the crew deorbiting on the first opportunity. 
What would have happened to them
? she wondered.

“Yes, we copy!  Two-minute window at zero latitude!  We copy!” she responded.

“…comm system damaged…sorry…mber, last chance to deorbit this time!  Good luck…” The intercom squealed and then fell silent again.  Susan stared at the perforated speaker cover wondering what disaster they avoided and what might have happened to Captain Greene. 

“Susan, I take it that we can only leave in that window, and this is our last chance?” Ivan asked.

“That’s what it sounded like to me.  Is everything set with the CRV?”

“Yes, it is all ready.  We have about twenty minutes to our window.  We should get everyone strapped in and ready to go.”

“Yes, I think you’re right.” Susan hesitated.  “Ivan I have to talk to you, do you think you could meet me in the Command module?” she asked.

“Yes, I will be right there.  Paul,” Ivan called over the intercom, “you and Jerry can come down and strap in.” Ivan left with Nicholas and Alexander settling into their seats and passed Paul and Jerry on his way to the Command module.

XXV

Susan was still undecided as to what she should do.  She floated in the Command module and distractedly watched the radar display that Paul set up while her mind trudged through the pros and cons of each path that lay before her.  She knew that had Ivan not said anything, her decision would have already been made.  She chastised herself for allowing her heart to sway her head.  At the moment, neither side had won the battle, and she now tried to think of what to tell Ivan. 

Ivan felt a strong sense of déjà vu as he approached the module, having gone through very similar motions not more than an hour ago.  He entered the module with no idea of what Susan’s intentions were.  Susan’s demeanor immediately signaled her indecision.  Ivan knew Susan well enough by now to read her body language and everything about it told him that she was very uncertain about what to do. 

“Hello,” he said, glancing at the computer display to check the time they had left.  Susan followed his gaze, and seeing the clock count down past eighteen minutes caused her heart to race even faster.

“Hi, Ivan,” Susan responded, staying by the radar display while Ivan floated by the console he had used before.  “There is not much time, I know, but I wanted to talk to you,” she said hesitantly.

Ivan looked at her and fought the urge to move closer to her.  “Well, I am here.  What is it you wanted to talk about?”

Susan fumbled for words.  “Uhm…I…I really don’t know…” Her voice trailed off.

“Do not know what, Susan?” Ivan was sure he knew what she was trying to say, but wanted her to say it. 
She needed to say it
, he thought.

“Ivan, I really want to be with you!” Susan blurted out, before her brain could restrain her heart and take control of her mouth.

Ivan felt a warmth flow through his body, but before he could respond, Susan continued.  “But…I can’t come to terms with what is down there.  I don’t think I can face it or deal with it, alone or with someone…even someone like you.”

Ivan’s warmth turned to a chill.  He wanted so much for Susan to come with him, but it had to be her decision, not his.  He would not be responsible for convincing her to come with him. 

“Susan, I know that things are not going to be pleasant on Earth,” he said.  “I know that humanity will survive and that somehow we will be better because of this.  I also know that having you with me would make anything I have to face down there so much more bearable.  I had hoped that being together might make it easier for you to cope too, with whatever challenges may arise.  You will face a very different set of challenges here, very difficult and dangerous ones, but by yourself.  Can you deal with that?  If you can, tell me that you will be happier here under those circumstances, then I will not say anymore.” Ivan paused for a moment, and then added.  “Remember though, I told you that I would stay here with you if you would like, I meant that.”

Susan glanced at the timer: fifteen minutes to go.  “Ivan, I know that you would stay here, but I can’t ask you to do that, or even allow you to do that.  It wouldn’t be fair to you or your family.  I can’t say that I will be happier here.  I am not sure that I can cope with the solitude, as I am not sure I can cope with the chaos on Earth.” Susan’s voice grew very quiet.  “Sometimes I just wish that I went with Jill, it would have been so much easier.” Quickly refocusing herself she continued, “I do not want to be a burden to you by coming with you—”

Ivan interrupted her.  “Susan, you are not listening to me!  I want you with me!  I, for very selfish reasons, am very glad that you are alive and here.  I can appreciate your dilemma, but please understand that you would not be a burden, but a pleasure to have with me.  At least I can help you, if you are with me.  If you stay here, you will be totally out of reach, and that would make me very sad indeed.” Susan’s smile betrayed a crack in her foundation, and Ivan felt a glimmer of hope.

Paul was ushering Jerry to the CRV as Ivan hurriedly floated by on his way to the command module.  Getting to the hatch first, Paul looked inside to see where Alexander and Nicholas had positioned themselves before he directed Jerry toward a seat.  Alexander, seeing Paul peek in, said, “Come on in gentlemen, the seats are going fast!”

“I see you two bought the last tickets in coach!” Paul retorted.

“We thought that if we were going to be back-seat drivers for Ivan, we should be all the way in back!” Nicholas chimed in.

Well, I guess we will take the tourist class seats and leave the business section to Ivan.  Paul would have preferred to have Jerry as far in the back as possible, away from Susan and Ivan, but the two cosmonauts had already taken two of the three seats in the back row, leaving the staggered middle back seat and middle row seats empty.  Assuming that Susan, if she were to come, would take the right front seat next to Ivan, Paul directed Jerry to take the seat on the port side in the middle row, putting him behind Ivan.  Paul would sit behind Susan.  In the event that Susan decided to stay, then he would move up to the right-hand seat to assist Ivan.  Much to Paul’s relief, Jerry floated into the compartment and quietly settled into his seat, but not after he checked the countdown timer and his own watch. 

Paul looked over his shoulder to the two cosmonauts, “I hope you two are comfortable.  You do know that there is no food service on this flight, don’t you?”

“Yes, we have already had that discussion and Alexander refused to be the steward.”

“There is no galley on board.  How can I serve refreshments without a galley?” Alexander asked, straight-faced with raised palms.

“Well, let’s hope this is a quick trip, and we won’t have time to get hungry,” Paul said as he strapped himself in.  Paul looked about the CRV and soon realized that he did not like the position of the middle row, because it placed him and his partner directly under the hatch.  His total consuming view was of the open hatch.  He found himself anticipating when Ivan was going to come through it, and if Jerry was going to go berserk again.  Paul did not have to wait too long as Jerry, making no effort to hide his annoyance, checked his watch and announced that they had fifteen minutes before departure. 
Great
, thought Paul,
now he’s going to be our countdown clock
!  He wished that Ivan and Susan would hurry up.

Susan drew a deep breath and turned to look at the timer.  They only had nine minutes and twenty seconds left.  She felt the perspiration forming on her skin, it was warm in the module, and she was very stressed at the moment.  They had spent the last five minutes talking in circles with Susan coming back to the reality that she had to make this decision on her own, and Ivan was not going to force her, or even nudge her, one way or the other.  Actually, Ivan had said all the right things to make her feel comfortable about going with him, providing her with a perfect opportunity, should she decide to take it.  That in itself only reinforced the argument that her heart was making, and she was now beginning to think that his companionship might make her worst fears more manageable.  If she only had more confidence in herself in coping with the solitude that she would have to endure, she would stay without question.  The physical challenges did not scare her half as much as the mental ones. 

Susan looked around the compartment at the equipment, thinking about the memories that she would carry with her of this sanctuary that had given them a chance to survive.  The tense moments that they had gone through flashed through her mind. 
So much has happened in such a short time
, she thought.  Susan’s eyes finally settled on Ivan who was checking the station’s status while giving her a few moments to herself. 
He has been there through all this and more
, she thought,
what would it have been like without him
?  The countdown continued relentlessly as the clock decremented through nine minutes.  Susan closed her eyes and told herself to think logically through this. 

She cleared her mind of everything and in the nothingness that remained, she allowed a question to form: Are you more afraid of the loneliness, or are you more afraid of the realities that you will face on Earth?  The answer flowed freely and quickly.  She was more afraid of the loneliness; it was more of an unknown to her.  She cleared her mental blackboard again and allowed one more question to form in the void: Which path is the logical choice?  Susan was surprised by the directness of the little question.  Is it that simple she wondered?  She did not wait for the answer.  She could feel her body relax and the burden that she had been carrying on her shoulders float away in the micro-gravity.  She knew it was that simple, and she finally surrendered to her heart.  Susan opened her eyes and turned to Ivan, “Let’s go Ivan, we have a trip to take!  That is, if you want me to tag along.”

Ivan’s face lit up like she had never seen before.  Susan moved over to him and putting her arms around his neck, kissed him softly.  “Come on,” she said pulling Ivan toward the hatch.  “We don’t have much time.”

Pulling back, Ivan said, “I want to set a timer to put the station into standby mode, in the event that someone makes it back up here in a few years.  It will only take a minute.”

Susan watched as he clicked through the screen menus until he found the one he wanted.  “Do you really think we will get back here?” Susan asked, not believing it herself.

“Well,” Ivan said as he entered a thirty-minute countdown, “I think we will eventually make it back, but I am not sure when.  If this station stays in one piece and is functional, it will be more of an incentive to get us back into space.” Pushing away from the console, Ivan said, “The timer is set for thirty minutes.  In case something were to go wrong, that should give us plenty of time to get away from the station before it goes into standby.” He took Susan’s arm and they headed toward the hatch. 

Jerry became more agitated with each passing second, and Paul considered taking his watch away.  Jerry went into a tirade with the announcement that they had only nine minutes left, shouting that they were going to miss the window and it was all Susan’s fault again.  “You wait and see,” he told Paul, “we’re not going to make it!  We’re going to die here on this damn station!”

“Jerry, calm down!  We have plenty of time.” Paul said, but was beginning to become a bit concerned that Ivan had not arrived yet.  The cosmonauts behind them talked in Russian in low voices causing Paul to wonder if they shared his same concerns or exasperations.

“Yeah, plenty of time!  Just like last time, until we missed the window!” Jerry spat out.

At the announcement of eight minutes Jerry tried to get out of his seat.  “I’m going to go get them,” he said struggling with his harness. 

Paul took a deep breath and was about to yell at Jerry to stay put when he heard Ivan’s voice echoing though the tunnel to the CRV.  “Wait!  I think I hear Ivan coming!” Paul shouted, which stopped Jerry for the moment.  They all could hear Ivan and Susan talking and Jerry slowly settled back. 

Susan and Ivan made their way to the CRV mostly in silence, although they held hands, which said much more than words could say at this time.  Susan was fighting the butterflies she now felt in her stomach, and the emotional giddiness she was feeling having put her decision behind her.  Her thoughts drifted back over the good times she had shared with Ivan and the rest of the crew as they prepared for this flight.  Thoughts of Jill and Jerry brought a starkness of reality to her otherwise happy memories.  As they passed the cupola, Susan glanced out the window and images of Jill flashed through her mind, making her wish even more that she were with them, returning to Earth.  She wondered if Jill’s family was even aware of their daughter’s death, or if they knew that the shuttle crew had made it to the station. 

Susan suddenly remembered that she had stored Jill’s personal effects in the Habitat module and wanted to bring them back.  She felt she owed it to Jill to return them to her family.  Susan squeezed Ivan’s hand and said, “Ivan, I stowed some of Jill’s things in the habitat module.  I want to return them to her family.  They live in Maine and should not have suffered directly from the impacts.  Before we go to Russia, do you think we could get to Maine and return them to her parents?  That’s the least I can do for Jill now.”

Ivan nodded in agreement, and said, “Yes, I think we could do that provided that we can find the transportation to Maine.  We will have to see once we land, but hurry, we only have about four minutes until the window closes.”

Susan nodded and with a tug on Ivan’s hand pulled herself closer to him.  She quickly kissed his cheek and then headed into the Habitation module while Ivan hurried in the opposite direction to the CRV.

Ivan entered the CRV to be greeted by Jerry saying, “It’s about time.” Ivan shot Jerry a piercing glance and moved to his seat.  Paul, ignoring Jerry’s comment, asked about Susan.  Ivan told him that she was coming, but went to get Jill’s belongings to take to her family.

“Hey, that’s great!  I’m so glad she changed her mind,” Paul said. 

Alexander spoke up.  “Ivan, good work!  It would have been horrible to leave her here alone.”

Ivan stretched to look over his shoulder toward Alexander.  “I did not do much,” he said “Susan made the decision on her own, but it is good that she is returning.” He then turned his attention to adjusting his seat harness to keep him secure for the ride back.  Ivan had no idea what the ride was going to be like in the CRV.  The shuttle provided a fairly smooth ride back, but the CRV was so much smaller and lighter.  With its bathtub -shaped hull, characteristic of a lifting body design, Ivan wondered just how stable it would be through the turbulent atmosphere.  Remembering Alexander’s comment about the lack of windows, he realized that they had only a limited forward view on the one display, which could be very disorienting and disturbing to anyone susceptible to motion sickness. 
It does not really matter
, Ivan told himself. 
It is the only ride back and if we can walk away from the landing that is all that matters
.