Oscar: An Accident Waiting to Happen (9 page)

They had a really great two weeks together. On 6 May, a week before he left, they had the dinner with Oscar’s siblings in commemoration of their mother at Oscar’s home. It was an emotional time, but Oscar and Sam were in love, and very happy together. He was supposed to leave on Monday, 12 May, for about six weeks of training in the Italian village of Gemona, before going to London for the last part of his Olympic preparations. The Italians loved Oscar – perhaps it had something to do with the fact that he had some Italian blood a few generations back in his family, or more likely it had something to do with his achievements in the face of adversity.

In 2011 he was appointed by the town as its ambassador for sport. Gemona was his training base for the European summers of 2011 and 2012. In 1976, the town itself had recovered from two devastating earthquakes that had struck twice in the same year. Gemona ultimately recovered and opened its heart to Oscar and adopted him as a true son.

And so after saying tearful goodbyes, Sammy flew back to Cape Town on Sunday morning, the day before he left. Months
later, Sammy told me that she had found out that his ex had spent the rest of that Sunday with him. That still really upsets and sickens me.

After arriving in Gemona, between May and June, he and Sam Skyped daily, often up to four times a day while
BBM
ing in between. Though they were physically apart, Sam was with him every step of the way. He made us laugh so hard on Skype one day when he used a funny program that put different masks and hats on him.

He was still very much part of our lives and in our minds while he was away. He was always saying how he was missing “his baby”, and was so envious of all of us, wishing he could be with us for Sunday lunches overlooking the beautiful dam. According to him, all he was doing was training, eating and sleeping. That was soon revealed to be just another one of his “sad” stories.

Around the time that Oscar left for Italy, I went along with Sam to meet with a friend of mine who was doing work for a TV reality show called
Clifton Shores
, the brainchild of Quintessential, a company owned by South Africa’s youngest billionaire, Quinton van der Burgh, which was airing at the time.

The meeting went brilliantly. She asked us if we were interested in helping the contestants organise some events to promote the show. The company was looking for a few young, intelligent, beautiful and well-bred women to act as hostesses at these events.

I knew a lot of young women who would be willing to work as hostesses – friends of Sam and Kerri-Lee’s who would jump at the chance to make some good money and do easy, good, honest work. We were excited at the prospect of collaborating with Quintessential.

Ironically, during our first meeting with them there was a screen in the background showing a TV documentary about Oscar’s life and the upcoming Olympics. It was almost as though he were in the room with us. Well-known sporting personality Ali Bacher conducted the interview and it was probably one of the
best Oscar ever did. He was so relaxed and positive – he really came across well.

I felt such affection for him and was very proud of what he had achieved so far. He was in superb physical condition, ready to conquer the world, representing our beautiful country. It was mid-June and at that stage he was about to leave Italy to fly across to New York for a break and to do some training before going to the Olympics in London.

A few weeks later, on 17 July, the
New York Post
reported that Oscar was dating a Russian supermodel, called Anastassia Khozissova. The paper claimed they had been seeing each other for a month, since meeting in June in New York.

Pictures of her were plastered everywhere. She was exactly Oscar’s type – straight-haired, beautiful and blonde. The press was all over the story, reporting that she was crazy about Oscar and that she had had modelled for Chanel, Prada, Dolce & Gabbana, Giorgio Armani and Marc Jacobs.

News of Oscar’s “new love” popped up on news sites and blogs all over the world. A blog post on
examiner.com
called the relationship between Oscar and Anastassia “inspirational”. It went on to describe how people with disabilities, “no matter what they may be, are deserving of love and happiness… The Russian model and the South African athlete make quite the handsome couple too.”

Sammy was totally distraught. All this time she had been in communication with Oscar, loving and supporting him, believing that he was just “training, eating and sleeping”. I think she was especially hurt as she had put such huge effort into saving up for a ticket to join Oscar in London, only to be told by him that she shouldn’t, as she would be too much of “a distraction”.

Now seeing Oscar’s betrayal splashed all over the media was just too much for her to bear.

But beyond the Russian model, there were hints of other betrayals. For instance, she had recently seen a photograph of him sitting extremely close to a blonde girl in Italy. Despite Oscar’s
protests of innocence, Sammy was convinced that he was seeing other women. And to top it off, Sam now firmly believed that Oscar had continued his relationship with his ex-girlfriend, Jenna, all during the time he and Sam had been seeing each other.

But in the end, the Russian was the tipping point. Something finally switched off in Samantha – she suddenly realised that she had had enough of all the confusion and chaos that characterised her relationship with Oscar.

Now things began to unravel really quickly. It seemed that the thin filament of trust that had been holding the relationship together was finally broken. In the end, I think for her own survival and sanity – what little was left of it – she decided to end her romance with Oscar.

Oscar refused to accept it. He was devastated, denying anything untoward had happened with the Russian, or with anyone else for that matter, but none of us believed him.

In the midst of this tumultuous time, a friend called and asked Sam and Kerri to hostess at the 5FM Billabong Pro surfing event in Jeffrey’s Bay, that was scheduled for the weekend of 3–5 July. They would be flown down, accommodated and paid really well. Of course, they both leapt at the chance.

They had a fantastic time. Quinton was there with a group of friends and colleagues, and they all hung out together. When they returned home my girls were elated.

The only downside, according to what Kerri-Lee told me later, was the fact that Oscar didn’t leave Sammy alone the entire weekend. For the first time in a long while, Samantha was free and having a good time, and it seems Oscar must have sensed it. Ke told me how Oscar did not stop calling her, Skyping her and messaging her. He constantly questioned her: where are you, what are you doing, who are you with? He repeatedly asked her the same things, trying to make her feel bad, shouting at her and undermining her, and just basically destabilising her. Kerri-Lee, who is very protective of Sam, was furious.

Kerri also told me that Quinton and Sam got on very well over that weekend and that it looked like they were becoming really
good friends. Ke loved it that Sammy was enjoying herself and she also thought Quinton was a terrific fellow.

Although I was delighted Sammy was having a good time, I was concerned. Not only were we going to be doing business with Quinton, I knew it was going to make everything much more complicated with Oscar.

Quinton started calling Samantha and paying particular attention to her. Even though at this stage Samantha had decided that her relationship with Oscar was over, Oscar was unable to accept it.

Two weeks after Sam attended the function in Jeffrey’s Bay, Quinton invited Sam to Sun City and they got on really well together. It was around this time I started to see a change in Sam; for the first time in a while, she was happy and light-hearted. All that heaviness and stress related to Oscar was lifting. She seemed to be getting stronger and stronger, and was laughing and smiling again.

At about the same time, a competition was announced, a search for the ultimate Quintessential Girl. The winner, a beautiful, intelligent and talented young woman, would become the official Quintessential ambassador, representing the company at all its functions and launches. The girl who won would receive R50 000 in prize money and the title would give her endless travel and networking opportunities.

When the search for the Quintessential Girl got officially underway, both Ke and Sam were invited to enter. It was a very exclusive competition, and only a few girls would make it to the finals. Sam and Ke were definite favourites – Sammy was told more than once that she had everything they were looking for: looks, class, brains, great manners and people skills.

Sam also knew how to dress. She had always had unique and impeccable taste when it came to putting outfits together and styling herself. As far back as nursery school she would insist on dressing herself. First she would put on a boys’ red Speedo, then layers and layers on top of each other. Generally her nursery school days were taken up with changing into different outfits and not
much else. Clothes were her passion. As she grew up, she perfected her style, and invariably looked stunning and elegant.

When Oscar heard that Sammy was taking part in the competition, he freaked out completely. He even went as far as saying that she must pull out and that he would pay her the R50 000 cash prize money not to enter the competition. In fact he had a big issue around Sam doing any type of modelling work. (I have often wondered how he felt about Reeva being the subject of overt male attention – posing in bikini mags like
FHM
and doing pretty provocative lingerie modelling.)

Every time he called and Sam said, “I am working”, he just couldn’t handle it. He appeared to be deeply threatened by the whole idea of Sammy becoming involved in a project that would take up her time and energy and seemed clearly upset that Sammy looked like she was moving on.

I had to put my foot down, saying to him, “Oscar, we are actually working for this company. I have committed to them, please don’t jeopardise what I am doing.”

Although Sammy had ended her relationship with Oscar, she didn’t tell Oscar at this stage that she was dating Quinton, as she didn’t want to upset him during the lead up to the Olympics. We all knew how much was riding on the Games. But it was as though Oscar was deaf to the truth, the more she tried to insist that things could not be fixed or go back to the way they had been before he left, that their relationship was over, the more persistent he became.

Then Quinton invited Sam to Dubai, a trip that would take place before the main Olympics, which started on 27 July. I tried to dissuade Sam from going. I told her to tell Quinton even though she wasn’t with Oscar at all officially any more, it just wasn’t right to go away with him at this important moment, while Oscar was preparing for the Games. If Oscar heard that Sam had gone to Dubai with Quinton I knew he would be terribly upset. I still cared about Oscar and really felt the burden of helping him keep up his morale during the Olympics. I suggested to Sam that she tell Quinton they should wait until both the Olympics and Paralympics were over to go to Dubai.

Quinton and Sam got on really well. In the end Sam ended up going to Dubai, despite my entreaties. Inside I dreaded having to deal with the possible fallout from Oscar, which I sensed was imminent. My instincts would prove to be right.

The thing was, Sam and Quinton were very compatible; they both enjoyed having fun and doing exciting things together. I knew that Sam wanted to try to make things work with Quinton but she was still very hurt by everything that had happened with Oscar. I think at this stage she felt confused, but things had been so hectic over the past few weeks that she desperately needed to get away.

But as hard as Sammy was trying to move on and be free of Oscar, I think embarking on a new relationship was all just too much for her. Oscar just couldn’t let it go and kept on trying to make his presence known. It was clear she enjoyed spending time in Quinton’s company and the distraction he created from Oscar’s persistent anger and manipulation. When they weren’t together they chatted for hours on the phone. It looked like she was beginning to fall in love with Quinton but Oscar was making things very difficult. Even though she was trying to have as little contact as possible with Oscar, he was doing his utmost to keep her hooked in. Although she tried to ignore them, there were times when she was very worried about him and she would accept some of his Skype calls and reply to his pleading
SMS
es, although I know how hard this was for her. In fact, her main reason for accepting calls and
SMS
es from Oscar was because he kept threatening to hurt himself and, with the Olympics being such a huge event, of course we all felt that pressure to somehow be there for Oscar.

My heart nearly broke when she said one day, “Mom, Quinton’s so kind to me, he is so gentle and so caring.” I really don’t think she ever got that kind of treatment from Oscar. I found it so sad that someone that young and innocent should have been subjected to so many things that shook her self-esteem, her confidence and belief in herself. In fact, by then I had begun to wish that she had never met Oscar. Little did I know how much worse things would become.

The Inside Track

By the time the Olympics began on 27 July, it felt like Oscar was on the phone to me and my family 24/7.

He wept constantly, saying how he didn’t want to be there. In fact even before he got to London, while he was still training in Gemona, Italy, he was distraught about the upcoming Games. There was so much pressure on him to perform, I don’t think even we, who were aware of a lot, knew how much it was.

On the day he had to fly to London he phoned me from his hotel, sobbing, saying he didn’t want to go. I begged him to call his manager, Peet, or coach, Ampie, or his siblings Carl and Aimee but he wouldn’t speak to any of them. Eventually it turned out that I stayed on the phone with him as he left the hotel, speaking to him as he wept. Finally he got into a taxi and checked in at the airport, crying all the way. It broke my heart to hear him so sad and desperate and alone. I tried to coax him on and encourage him. All the while, I prayed that he would just get on the damn plane. The stress was unbelievable. Then we all waited in the lounge in Somerset West, eyes glued to the television with bated breath, watching Sky… CNN… switching channels, desperate to
see if he had actually flown in and arrived.

Of course there were many reasons why Oscar was feeling so distraught – having to compete with all the able-bodied athletes after all the effort he had made to be accepted by the World Athletics body, the weight of huge sponsorship deals, his deep insecurity about whether he had what it took to compete against some of the fastest athletes in the world, like Usain Bolt, and simple homesickness. But I think what was underpinning everything at this stage was the heartbreak he was feeling over the break-up with Sam. Sometimes stubborn to a fault, she seemed adamant about her decision to move on. So I became the unwilling mediator.

A flood of desperate and emotional emails,
SMS
es and phone calls from Oscar were now a daily occurrence.

Things got really intense when Sam tried to tell him that she had met Quinton and that she was planning to go to Dubai with him. Oscar began phoning and
BBM
ing me and the rest of our family even more obsessively. By then he had realised that it was over with Sam and there was another man in the picture. One thing he kept repeating was that Sam was leaving him for Quinton because he, Oscar, was not rich enough. “It’s because I’m too poor,” he kept on saying. How ridiculous was that, coming from someone who was rumoured to be earning R2 million ($200 000) a month at the height of his career! At this stage he couldn’t see that it was because of his betrayals and inconsistent and thoughtless behaviour that Sam had decided to call it quits.

Of all of us, I don’t think anyone was more affected by Oscar’s torment than Sam. She cared for him deeply and knowing he was struggling tore her apart but she also felt really angry and manipulated by him. And as always when Sammy felt under pressure, she simply withdrew. This only seemed to make Oscar more intent on trying harder to win back Sammy’s affections.

As days went by, the endless phone calls,
SMS
es and weeping got more intense. Sam, who was trying to put up boundaries and move on, did not always answer his calls. When he couldn’t get hold of her, there’d be endless ones to me and to our other kids, Kerri-Lee,
Ty and Greg. He just wouldn’t or couldn’t stop calling,
BBM
ing,
SMS
ing and emailing.

Now, in a complete turnaround, after being obdurate about not allowing Sam to join him at the games in March and April, he begged her to join him in London, offering tickets, anything to have her back at his side.

In Oscar’s camp, it must have become obvious that things were going haywire and their star was suffering from a serious meltdown. When Oscar’s pleas to Sam didn’t work, people like his brother, Carl, and his manager, Peet, began to contact Sam, asking her to join Oscar. But Sam had decided that she was not going under any circumstances. Between crying and phoning sometimes hourly, and having Oscar himself and people in his camp phone us daily, it seemed as if Oscar was completely consuming every waking (and sleeping) hour of our lives.

Knowing that the world’s eyes were on him, we felt almost compelled to be at his beck and call. It was as if South Africa’s national pride and joy had become our responsibility, as if we held Oscar’s entire mental wellbeing in our hands.

The insanity of our situation hit me one night while I was cooking supper, after a particularly harrowing session with Oscar, and I thought: if only the world knew what was really going on behind the applause and glorious victory laps. South Africa’s richest and most famous athlete was calling us almost constantly on both his phones, weeping and sobbing, driving all of us crazy. As my eyes focused on the television in the background, it felt like I had become part of some lunatic soap opera: on one channel was Quinton on
Clifton Shores
and on the other was Oscar Pistorius, competing in the Olympics… It was nothing short of bizarre.

When Ke’s boyfriend at the time asked me to listen to him on a radio interview the next day, I jokingly said to him, “That’s it! I never have to leave home again because I can watch our whole lives being played out in the media without having to leave the room!”

As July ended and August began, Oscar’s heart-wrenching calls and mood swings were not letting up and were taking a toll on our whole family, especially on Sam. Even though she didn’t always
show it, I knew she felt in some way responsible for his pain.

I felt exhausted and consumed by it all. My life seemed to be going from one Oscar problem to the next… I worried about him constantly. Was he going to be functional enough to make it through the Olympics? Would he buckle under the pressure? Walk out on the Games as he kept on threatening to do? Do something to Sammy when he came home? Carry out some crazy threat against Quinton? Harm himself? My primary concern was for our family’s safety, especially Sammy’s.

One minute Oscar would be sobbing, saying he didn’t want to be in London, then he would end the call and I would be left feeling responsible for his safety, wracking my brain on how I could help him. A day later I would send him an encouraging
SMS
, a little line of inspiration, a good-luck wish for his race and I would get a very rude response saying: “Please don’t ever contact me again. You disturb my mental preparations.” Then, hurt by his brutal reply, I would withdraw. The next thing he would be calling me, sobbing and crying. It was like I was on a constant seesaw with him; at times it felt like I was going mad.

As much as I tried to be loving, supportive and kind, in the back of my mind lurked the memory of the Russian model, the final straw in Sam’s break-up with Oscar. I was still really angry about it.

Suddenly everything else that had happened in the past year flooded back, all at once, and I saw how much mayhem, chaos and damage one person was capable of causing. In a flash, all that buried anger and suppressed emotion came flooding out.

On 18 July I sent Oscar a message referring to their break-up and all the times he had hurt Sammy, stood her up, ignored her and treated her badly… the hurt and chaos he had brought on our family; the lies and betrayal. I just let him have it, although all the way through I still tried to remain loving and supportive of him, knowing the insane pressure he was under.

I hoped he would get something out of this letter, that my honesty would spark something inside him and that he would make some changes within. I never in a million years expected to receive the letter Oscar sent back.