Our Bodies, Ourselves (152 page)
Read Our Bodies, Ourselves Online
Authors: Boston Women's Health Book Collective
MAKING A SAFETY PLAN
Making a safety plan while you are dealing with a violent partner can give you hope in what so often feels like a hopeless situation. It can also bring you closer to leaving a dangerous situation in a safer and more organized way. In many communities, advocacy organizations can help you develop a plan to increase your safety and that of your children. To find a domestic violence victim advocate in your community, call your state domestic violence hotline for a referral. For national organizations to contact, see
the sidebar on.
Carry important phone numbers
for yourself and your children. Keep these numbers in a place that the abuser cannot find. Do not use your computer to store this information unless you are sure it cannot be accessed. Make sure your cellphone does not have any tracking software.
Find someone to tell
about the abuse and develop a signal for distress. Ask neighbors to call the police if they hear sounds indicating that violence is occurring.
Think of one or two places
where you can go and not be tracked down if you have to leave in a hurry.
If possible, open a bank account
or a credit card just in your own name. Keep this information where your abuser does not have access to it.
Pack a bag with essentials
in case you decide to leave in an emergency or unexpectedly. Keep this bag where you can get easy access to it, but not where your abuser can find it. Often, this bag is best left with a trusted friend or family member. Items to include: money, checkbook, bank cards, credit cards; copies of your identification, driver's license, and car registration along with extra car keys; important phone numbers; copies of birth certificates, Social Security and health insurance cards, welfare identification, copies of passport or immigration card and immigration papers, work permit; divorce or other court papers and child custody orders; school and medical records; prescriptions and needed medications; house deed, mortgage; insurance papers and policies; information on past abuse, such as photos and police reports including restraining orders or orders of protection.
Rehearse an escape route
.
Periodically review and update
your safety plan.
Increasing Safety After you Leave
Withdraw as much money as you can
from a joint account and deposit it into a personal account.
Use different routes
as you go home, to work, or about your daily tasks.
Avoid the places
that you know your abuser goes to often.
Tell your child care provider
who has permission to pick up your kids. Warn the provider's staff if you think the abuser may attempt to kidnap your children. Tell them to call the police if he/she appears for any reason.
Get a protection order
, if it is right for you. Know what it includes and what will happen if the abuser violates it. Keep it with you at all times.
Tell someone you trust at work
about the abuse, and have that person screen your calls. If possible, show other people a picture of your batterer and instruct them to call the police if he or she arrives at work. If you have a protection order, people at work should have a copy of it.
Study the abuser's patterns.
Are there times when the abuser is calmer and less volatile? For example, after an incident of violent abuse, there may be a brief period of “making up” or apology. Although you may most want to leave when the abuser is explosively angry and violent, it may be safer to leave during a time of relative calm.
There is no single right way to handle abusive intimate partners. Each woman must decide what is best for herself and her family. Abusers can be prosecuted for crimes such as rape, assault, and battery. In addition, special laws protect battered women in all fifty states and all U.S. jurisdictions. These laws are quite similar from one state to another. Immigrant women are included in many protections.
The laws enable you to go to a local court and obtain an immediate protection order against the batterer. Orders of protectionâoften called civil protection orders, restraining orders, or protection-from-abuse ordersâcan provide different kinds of protection. They can order the abuser to leave the family home, to stay away from you and your children, and not to molest, assault, harass, stalk, threaten, or physically or sexually abuse you in the future. They can give you legal custody of your children. They can order the abuser to pay child support, medical bills, and the costs of car or house repairs, such as broken locks.
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You can obtain protection orders even when you continue living with your abuser. Protection orders in all states except North Carolina offer protection to women in lesbian relationships.
Since the easy accessibility of firearms makes intimate partner violence particularly deadly, federal law specifies that people against whom a court has issued an intimate partner violence protection order cannot legally own or purchase firearms.
In addition to abuse prevention orders, all states have antistalking laws, though the legal definitions of “stalking” vary among them. Recognizing that women are often at greater risk right after leaving the batterer, these laws impose criminal sanctions against batterers who continue to harass or stalk. (For more information, see
“Stalking,”.
)
Some abusers are intimidated enough by the legal system to be stopped by a court order. If this is the case, a protection order can provide safety and some reduction in the severity of the abuse. However, restraining orders don't work in all cases. Some batterers become violently enraged by what they see as betrayal. In these instances, going to court may actually make you and your children less safe. An advocate at your local domestic violence organization may be able to help you decide whether getting a civil protection order is best for you.
You may be able to improve your safety under a protection order by pursuing other legal remedies first, such as applying for and securing welfare benefits. If possible, immigrant women should consider initiating a case for victim-related
immigration benefits and filing for a protection order only after receiving information confirming that the Department of Homeland Security believes that they have filed a valid case.
If you have had to defend yourself against a violent attack and have been charged with a crime, seek legal representation with an attorney who has experience defending battered women and who understands the dynamics of violence against women. The National Clearinghouse for the Defense of Battered Women (ncdbw.org or call 1-800-903-0111, ext. 3) or your statewide domestic violence or rape crisis coalition can inform you about legal resources and connect you with someone familiar with your state's selfdefense laws. The Battered Women's Justice Project (bwjp.org) also provides resources and information.
Ideally, all hospitals would be required to train the staff about violence against women. Some hospitals do but some do not, and in some the training is inadequate. As one Boston-area activist commented, “In Massachusetts, hospitals seem to universally include three or four questions related to safety in the forms that folks complete, but I suspect that many hospital staff would not know what to do if someone disclosed violence in responding to these questions.” If you find that the hospital where you are being treated has no one to advocate for you as a victim, ask someone to call the local domestic violence shelter and request an advocate.
Since the person taking you to the hospital may be your abuser, the hospital staff should separate you so you can talk freely about your experience and injuries. The hospital staff should also assist you in getting help from the social services department.
There are alternatives to enduring intimate partner violence. More and more women are leaving violent partners and making new lives free of violence. Women everywhere have been organizing to help battered women leave abusive situations, provide shelter, and demand a more responsive legal system. Efforts have been developed in every state to establish collaborative, community-based responses to intimate partner violence. These task forces bring together advocates, attorneys, health care professionals, police, judges, prosecutors, and relevant women's organizations in the community to identify and resolve problems that battered women face when seeking help. To get involved in curbing partner abuse in your community, contact your state or local domestic violence program or coalition.
After ending the relationship, I was stalked for more than six months. Despite the fact that the relationship had ended, my ex continued to call me fifty or more times a day, show up at my apartment with bloodied wrists, paste my old emails together, and send himself love notes in my name, and reported to the college that I was making death threats to him.
Recommended Resources:
For more information on stalking, visit the National Center for Victims of Crime, Stalking Resource Center (ncvc.org/src).
IN TRANSLATION: UPENDING THE NOTION OF VIOLENCE AS “NORMAL”
The Serbian adaptation of
Our Bodies, Ourselves.
Group:
Women's Health Promotion Center
Country:
Serbia
Resource:
Naša Tela, Mi
, a Serbian adaptation of
Our Bodies, Ourselves
Website:
centarzdravljezena.org.rs
Domestic violence against women is a widespread problem in Serbia, due to conflict, poverty, and unemployment across the country.
Our Bodies Ourselves' Serbian partner, Women's Health Promotion Center, notes that reporting of violence against women remains pathetically low. This is mainly because gender-based violence is perceived as “normal,” and there is a corresponding lack of political and social will to increase awareness and track crimes against women and girls. In addition, women are often unaware of their rights and understandably lack confidence in institutions charged with protecting their well-being.
Since the early 1990s, the center has helped draw public and government attention to women's health and make it a central part of social and health policy. Some examples: a manual and screening questionnaire on domestic violenceâthe first of its kind in Serbiaâwhich is now part of routine medical evaluations in public and private health care settings; an action plan on promoting women's health that has been incorporated into the country's national response on gender equality; and special guidelines on protecting and assisting women exposed to violence that are now used by the Ministry of Health.
A key player in Serbia's social movement, Women's Health Promotion Center notes that its Serbian adaptation of
Our Bodies, Ourselves
has been pivotal to the movement's success. The book has helped highlight violence in the community, put women's health on the political agenda, and brought meaningfulâand lastingâchange to the lives of women and girls.
While legal definitions of stalking vary from one place to another, a good working definition of stalking is “intentional behavior directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to feel fear.” A more complete definition identifies stalking as “a course of conduct directed at a specific person that involves repeated (two or more occasions) visual or physical proximity, nonconsensual communication, or verbal, written, or implied threats, or a combination thereof, that would cause a reasonable person fear.”
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Stalking is serious, is often violent, and can escalate over time.
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According to the U.S. Department of Justice, both men and women are victims of stalking, but women are three times more likely to be stalked. Three in four victims know their stalkers, and 30 percent of stalking cases involve a current or former intimate partners who may monitor a partner's behavior, follow her, go to her place of work, or track her down if she has gone into hiding. Current or former intimate partner stalkers are more likely to reoffend and to approach the victim with a weapon.
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In many jurisdictions, batterers who continue to stalk after a protection order are subject to arrest.
CYBERSTALKING AND ONLINE SAFETY
According to data from the 2009 National Crime Victimization Survey,
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approximately one in four people who experience being stalked reported some form of stalking online, such as via email (83 percent) or instant messaging (35 percent). Cyberstalking is often conducted as a form of surveillance and harassment by an abusive partner, but people report cyberstalking by acquaintances and strangers as well.
Though it is most often thought of as sending or posting obscene, hateful, or threatening messages and images, cyberstalking can also involve identity theft, posting false accusations, monitoring a person's online activities, and using personal data to empty bank accounts or ruin someone's credit score. Stalking via social media sites such as Facebook may involve adding strangers as friends to get information about someone or leaving vulgar or harassing comments on someone's public profile page.
Stalking and harassment in digital spaces should be taken just as seriously as stalking and harassment in person and should be reported to the authorities. In 2005, Congress extended the federal Violence Against Women Reauthorization Act to include cyberstalking.
The National network to End Domestic Violence offers numerous resources to help victims and agencies respond effectively to the ways that technology affects victims of domestic and dating violence, sexual violence, and stalking. For online privacy and safety tips, visit nnedv.org/resources/safetynetdocs. Also check out the Electronic Privacy Information Center (epic.org) for tips and tools to protect online privacy.