Our Eternal Curse I (28 page)

Every year the May Balls brought
Cambridge alive.  The University and each college laid on the most lavish
affair and everyone who was anyone traveled the length and breadth of England
to attend.  Daughters were brought out at such occasions.  Eligible young men
from the wealthiest families were in abundance and this is the place where a
good many of the aristocracy had been making their matches for generations.  In
a culture so obsessed with courtship it was inevitable that Robert would one
day find real love with a member of his own class and when it happened his
confused but functioning world was shaken to the core.

Colleges held regattas each year
to coincide with the season of balls and Robert was the star of Kings.  Having
just finished rowing in the final his eight were celebrating their victory by
throwing their diminutive cox into the Cam.  Having waded in to retrieve his
colleague Robert helped his teammates lift the polished wooden boat out of the
water.  In mid lift he caught sight of a lovely young woman standing on the
bank watching him and while drinking in her powerful presence unknown parts of
his mind came rushing into life.

Her translucent blue eyes were
framed sweetly by strawberry blonde hair which flowed with a natural wave over
her well-formed shoulders.  She seemed so familiar to Robert it was like gazing
upon himself but he was sure that he had never seen this beautiful girl
before.  He could not stop walking because they carried the boat above their
heads as a team, but as soon as it was placed on its rack he returned to the
riverbank to look at her again.  Try as he might Robert could not find the
young woman, so with a twinge of sadness he returned to the dressing rooms to
change.

During the spectacular ball at
Kings, that same night, Robert sat with his parents and Miss Parks at a round
table in the vast pink and white marquee.  This year as every year it was
erected on the wonderfully groomed lawns by the river and lit by flaming
torches set on the top of poles driven into the ground.  Lord and Lady
Pishiobury thoroughly enjoyed the obvious popularity of the Cambridge version
of their son.  Every master made a point of introducing themselves.

Both the boys and masters seemed
to adore him and Mr Woods positively sung his academic praise.  Not bad when
they considered his beginnings.  Their heart-wrenching decision to return him
to Spellbrook now seemed completely justified.  Lady Pishiobury and Miss Parks
knew that Robert’s personality was a compromise.  A mother and a Nanny can
always feel fear as deep as Roberts, but he was functioning in society and that
counted for a great deal.

Much to Lady Pishiobury’s
delight, Robert showed interest in an extremely eligible young lady during
dinner.  As one of England’s premier socialites, she had absolutely no trouble
identifying the daughter of another well-established family.

“
That my dear is the daughter of Lord and Lady
Martin — your father and I know them well — they have both attended functions
at Pishiobury.”

“
Have I met them before Mother?” asked Robert a
little taken aback by her obvious enthusiasm.

“
No darling.  I believe you were at school during
their visits.”

Lady Pishiobury had never pushed
Robert towards a match before.  She wanted to protect him from any additional
complication for as long as possible, but now she believed he was of the age
where he must think about marriage and an heir to the Pishiobury name.

Robert was mesmerized by the
emotions generated by just his second, brief sighting of the girl but he feared
the pain these feeling were going to cause him in the long run.  Around women
his senses were becoming more and more predatory but this young lady sparked a
desire to protect her from men such as himself. 
Anyway it’s all academic
,
reasoned Robert defensively, one as lovely as she could never be interested in
someone like him but, even so, he was compelled to ask his mother for more
information.

“
What is her name Mother?” he asked attempting to
sound nonchalant.

“
Julia my dear and she is simply divine.  I will
introduce you if you wish.”

“
No thank you mother. I was merely curious that is
all; I do not believe that she will be interested in meeting someone like me.”

Lady Pishiobury’s heart bled for
her darling son but Nanny seemed quite relieved.   He was clearly interested in
the girl but so totally afraid of meeting her.  Observing much more than simple
shyness his mother watched Robert stealing glances at Julia during the course
of the evening.  She also noticed that her friend’s daughter could not stop
looking back at him in return.  Julia was obviously as interested as he was and
even more obviously frustrated because Robert would not acknowledge her.

When the dinner ended and the
many waiters and waitresses cleared the tables all guests moved out on to the
lawns to stand by the river and enjoy the balmy evening weather.  When Lady
Martin walked by with her family, Lady Pishiobury quite deliberately caught her
eye and asked, “How are you this good evening?”

“
We are well thank you,” replied Lady Martin. “We
are enjoying the ball immensely.”

“
I am very pleased to hear it.”  Lady Pishiobury
turned to Robert, “I do not believe that you have met our son, may I take this
opportunity to introduce Robert?”

“
Good evening to you Robert,” said Lady Martin
through a beaming smile; then much to poor Julia’s embarrassment added, “I must
confess that I already know who you are because Julia asked me to enquire after
observing you during your fine boat race, this afternoon.”

The poor humiliated Julia turned
bright red and looked at Lady Martin as every child looks at their mother in
such circumstances.  Much to her obvious relief it became Robert’s turn to
changed color when his mother replied, “That is such a coincidence because
Robert was asking about Julia during dinner.”

Observing his discomfort Julia
instinctively helped the young man by breaking the ice. Through a beaming smile
she said, “Good evening Robert.”

“
Good evening to you.  May I ask how you are this
evening?”  Robert politely bowed his head slightly as he spoke.

“
I am extremely well, thank you.  I watched your
splendid victory today, you row very well.”

“
Thank you. Are you at all interested in rowing?” 
Robert was surprised by his ability to find the words to talk lucidly with a
woman of his own class — something he had never been able to do before.

“
My brothers row,” replied Julia her eyes fastened
on Robert’s.

The connection between their two
offspring was instantaneous and as Robert and Julia continued to speak all four
parents slowly walked away leaving them to get to know each other.  Nothing
would please both families more than a marriage.  It was very early days yet
but the first step had been made and the mothers were both very satisfied with
their work to date.  Miss Park was not happy about their meeting however; she harbored
strong feelings of foreboding.  It was as though a mistake was about to be
repeated and she knew that nothing good was going to come of this union.

The evening spent in each
other’s company melted away.  Robert behaved in a natural unguarded fashion
with someone outside of the Pishiobury estate for the first time in his life
and was charming in every way.  Julia enjoyed his company as they walked arm in
arm along the riverbank until the sunrise brought a low mist onto the river’s
surface.  “We should return to the ball,” said Julia reluctantly.

“
Yes, of course.  Allow me to escort you back.”

As they approached the marquee,
still full of people dancing to the music played by a large orchestra, Robert
and Julia could not let go of each other’s hand as they effortlessly joined the
throng.

“
Quite splendid,” said Lord Martin.

“
Splendid indeed,” replied Lord Pishiobury.

Both fathers were very happy but
Lord Pishiobury was also completely relieved.  He remembered the anguish on the
day of his shooting party so many years before and marveled at his son’s
apparently normal behavior.  Both mothers were also beside themselves with
happiness.  There was a good chance that a society wedding may have to be
organized and nothing would please them more.

On the following day the mothers
blatantly engineered another meeting, arranging for both the Pishioburys and
the Martins to be invited to lunch at a mutual friend’s home.  Yet again,
Robert and Julia spent all of their time together walking in the grounds of the
wonderful stately home talking and laughing.

Working with military precision
thereafter the mothers planned each day of the week that Julia was to remain in
Cambridge.  Lunches, dinners, walks, picnics, punting, horse rides, anything
that would place one child with the other.  They became inseparable so, when
the day came for the Martin family to return to their home, they both felt a
terrible sadness.

“
I will write to you my darling,” were Julia’s
tear-filled parting words as she blew a kiss from the coach window.

Robert’s inevitable misgivings
started before the back wheels passed through the gates of Kings College.

Sensing Robert’s inner collapse,
Nanny spent her remaining time in Cambridge walking with him.  Talking as they
passed along the riverbank, she loved to hear him talk about Rome.  He was so
knowledgably, so intelligent.

Sometimes they sat watching
boats.  Sometimes they skipped stones and sometimes he slept in the sun.  Nanny
always held Robert when the bad dreams wracked his body.  She didn’t know what
could possibly generate such violent thoughts in him.  It was as though he was
remembering someone else’s terrible life.

On the day Robert said farewell
to his parents and Miss Parks his mistrust and insecurities returned stronger
than ever.  Searching for solace, he turned to his well-worn copy of Homer’s
Iliad
. 
He always felt connected to the story of Helen’s impetuous journey to Troy,
crossing the ocean with her lover Paris.  He felt close to the story of Prince
Hector, brother of Paris, who had lost his life fighting Achilles on the plains
below the high walls of Troy.  The passage in which Homer explained how Helen
stood beside Hector's slain body felt so familiar. Even Homer’s final two
sentences, “These tears of sorrow that I shed are both for you and for my
miserable self. No one else is left.” echoed Robert's fragile existence
perfectly.

As bad luck would have it, fate
chose the week after Julia’s departure to trigger the ailment which had been
lying dormant in Robert’s lungs since birth.  It was a very dry summer; the air
was unusually full of dust and pollens, and during the morning row Robert broke
down at his oar.

Supported by his fellow rowers
he lay in the bottom of the eight gasping for the breath that would not fill
his burning lungs.  Robert felt like he was drowning in fresh air.

After rowing to the bank,
Robert’s teammates carried him to the nearest college on a makeshift stretcher
made of oars and jackets.  There, he passed out.

After days of convalescing the
eminent professors of medicine informed Robert that he was suffering from a
malady known as asthma.

Unfortunately, this was one of
those diseases which gave no outward signs of its existence.  It could not be
treated by bleeding or leeches so in their usually appalling bedside manner
proceeded to tell him that it was all in the mind. “Psychosomatic,” they said
without a thought for the effect their words would have on a mentally fragile
patient.

“
What can I do about it?” asked Robert very confused
and fearing for his sanity.

“
Absolutely nothing, except snap out of it,” replied
one of the professors as he left the sad boy alone to deal with his mental and
physical turmoil.

Believing that he may be going
mad, Robert tried every kind of thought process to remove his affliction but,
of course, it was a real and very serious illness which could not be changed by
any amount of mind games.  The professors were wrong but not malicious, simply
victims of the thinking of their time, and like all experts could not even
consider an alternative to the accepted diagnosis.

Because of his inability to
breathe Robert could no longer do the things which gave him self-worth and the
speed of his decline was terrible.  He tried to row but could manage nothing
more than a slow paddle before breaking down again. 

Self-doubt occupied Robert as he
wondered what else in his life was psychosomatic.  Were his feelings for Julia
like his asthma?  Did love really exist or was he imagining it?  Even the love
letters she sent every day could not improve his mental state.  Robert read her
words with great hope but shortly after reading them the nagging doubt about
their sincerity returned.

It was while locked in the
mental battle caused by his apparently self-imposed ill health and his
dichotomous hatred of women with his love for Julia that Robert read the news
that tipped him over the edge.