Our Totally, Ridiculous, Made-Up Christmas Relationship (11 page)

I move to the bedroom Kayden and I are sharing and see him unbuttoning his shirt. He must have heard my footsteps because he begins talking without turning toward me. “Dinner shut down early, which is probably for the best. Everyone could probably use some rest.”

I slowly close the door behind me, and when I see his shirt leave his body, I gasp. He’s hot with a shirt on, but without one, he transforms into a superhero. He turns to see me gawking, but I don’t stop. There’s this tattoo lying on his chest of a coin—a penny.

When I finally tear my eyes away, I feel conflicted on just about everything. For a second I’m thinking about Kayden, but then thoughts of Danny flood my brain. My mind is confused, shuffled up because of all of these feelings of past regrets—and disgust in myself for still caring about those regrets.

His lips turn down and I move closer to him, resting my hands on his chest. My head is quick to fall to his chest, too, when he wraps his arms around me.

“I’m going to ask you something,” I whisper, and I’m positive he can feel the tears falling against his chest.

“Anything,” he says, stroking my hair. “Anything you need. Let me know.”

“Make love to me?” I ask, looking up into his eyes. “I know it wouldn’t be real, but I’m fine with that. I’m fine with fake love making.” I’m begging for him to touch me gently, to caress me in his arms, and to kiss me as if I’m the only person in this world he would ever want to kiss.

His body cringes against mine before he pulls back. He turns away from me and runs his hands through his hair. “I can’t do that.”

“Yes you can. I’ll even double your pay if you want.” I pull my shirt off of my body and toss it to the side of the room, walking closer to him. “Don’t worry. It won’t be real. I promise it will be meaningless.” My hands attach to his sides and he brushes them off faster than they land.

“Don’t, Julie,” he hisses, using my real name. “I don’t want to do this.”

I’m mortified by his rejection. Pulling his cell phone out of my back pocket, I hand it over to him. “Good Sex called twice. You might want to call her back.” I walk over to my suitcase, unzip it, and look for my pajamas. Christ! Of course the only ones I packed have puppy dogs, penguins, or Santa on them. No surprise Kayden doesn’t want to touch me.

“Really? You’re upset because of some names in my cell phone?” he asks, moving over to me. I keep digging through my suitcase, even though I’ve already found what I need. “You’re upset that I have a lot of sex? I’m sorry. I didn’t know that was part of my job description—letting you know all about my sex life.”

“No, that’s not it. I just don’t see why you can be so screwable for them, but then I ask you for the same thing and it’s a big no.”

“It’s been a long day. You’re sleepy.” I see him sit on the edge of the bed. The way his muscles become even more noticeable when he’s pushes his hands into the side of the bed makes me blush.

“I’m not sleepy. I want some meaningless sex from a guy who seems to be a pro at that task.” When those words leave my mouth, I want to slap myself because I sound like such a raging bitch. His hands dig deeper into the bed before he pushes off of it. He moves over to me and grabs my arm, pulling me into his direction.

“What do you want, Jules? You want meaningless?” His voice is harsh, rough around the edges, and I flinch at his intensity. “How do you want it?
Hard
?
Aggressive
?
Fast
?
Deep
? You want me to pull your hair, unzip your pants, and slide off your panties without saying your name once? You want to wake up the next morning alone? Feeling hopeless yet again?” His hands wrap around my waist and he tugs my hips toward him. His voice softens and his touch becomes gentler. “Or do you want me to make fake love to every inch of your body? Telling you how I am the luckiest man alive to call you mine? Do you want me to take my time with you? Whispering sweet-everythings into your ear? You want my lips to kiss yours in such a way that makes it hard to tell where yours begin or mine end? Then do you want to fall asleep in my arms and wake up around two a.m. and make fake love with me all over again?”

He steps away from me, leaving my brain foggy, and he slides his hands into his jeans pockets.

“Or do you want me to be Danny? Because I pride myself in being a pretty damn good actor, let me know what role I’ll be playing. The meaningless man-whore, the hopeful and endless lover, or the pathetic ex-boyfriend who used you and left you to become this weak thing before me.”

I’m insulted by his words. He could’ve said no and left it at that, but no—he had to make me feel like a fool. “Fuck you,” I whisper.

“
Exactly
, sweetheart!” he sings, clapping his hands together. “You just tell me how.”

“Ugh, do you have to be such an asshole?”

“Do you want me to be? Because, clearly, I’m an actor. I’m unattached to feelings, to real emotions.” He gestures toward the closed door, “I’m just like them.”

My feet fidget against the floor. “I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t have to.”

I feel terrible, because I
am
terrible. I’ve managed to disrespect and piss off the one and only ally I have in this place. What’s wrong with me? “I’m—I’m sleepy,” I mutter, filled with my own self-hatred.

He sighs, picks up a pair of sweatpants from his suitcase, and nods. “Me too.” He heads for the bathroom attached to our room and when the door slams, I stomp my feet against the ground.

Idiot!

Changing into my puppy pajamas, I hop into the left side of the bed, covering myself up with blankets, including my head. I hope by the time Kayden re-enters he’ll think I’m sleeping.

I hear the turning of the knob and peek out to see him staring at me.

“I know you’re not asleep in the two minutes I’ve been gone. But I do apologize for the way I spoke to you.” I don’t say a word, and he moves to the right side of the bed before pausing. It’s a big bed, so there’s enough distance between us to make it a little less awkward—but it’s awkward nonetheless. Picking up a few blankets and pillows, he moves over to the large couch that is lying against the wall. Good—sharing a bed would be a little too real for me.

“I’m sorry, too. For being—”

“—Crazy? Twisted? A lunatic?” He lists all of my very blatant characteristics, and I can hear the smile in his voice. I smell the mint scent of his toothpaste and wish I weren’t such a dummy, because I really could use another Kayden kiss.

“I was going to say for being sleepy, but crazy works.” I laugh, and I hear him snicker, too. Pulling the cover from over my head, I turn to find his face resting in my direction. There’s a large gap between our bodies, but I feel as if we are already holding one another. “Did we just have our first fake fight?”

He nods. “For a first fake fight, that was pretty short-lived. We really have to work on that. Maybe more screaming next time.”

“Maybe a little more name-calling, shoe-throwing, to edge it up a bit. Make it more believable.”

A grin makes its way to his face, and he turns it back toward the ceiling. A period of silence follows, but it’s not weird. It seems natural actually, the ease of not talking, a comfortable silence. I never had that with Danny. I always felt as though I had to entertain him, to stay interesting in order to keep his attention. Truth of the matter is, there was nothing I could have done differently—he wouldn’t have loved me the way I wanted him to. You can’t make someone fall in love with you just because you fell in love with them first. Before Danny I never realized how dangerous this emotion is—how lonely love can truly be.

Kayden clears his throat and moves around on the couch cushions, trying to get comfortable. “My older brother’s last girlfriend came on to me once after a bad fight they had. I was still trying to find a new place, and I was crashing on his couch for a few weeks. I mean, Landon was a shitty boyfriend to her, spent more time working than next to her. She deserved better. They both did.”

I listen, not judging his story, believing he wouldn’t share such a memory with me for no apparent reason. I watch his partially closed lips as he continues telling his story. “After the last fight, Landon stormed out, calling her ‘bitch this,’ ‘bitch that,’ some nasty things. And I was sitting on the couch, confused as hell on what I was supposed to do. Here was this broken girl with tears streaming down her face. So I moved over to her and held her, feeling her weak body fall against mine.

“After calming down her wrecked self, I led her to the couch and we talked. About anything but Landon. I tried my best to make her smile, to make her laugh, because I’m almost certain there’s nothing more beautiful than the sound of a woman’s laughter. Then I told her she deserved more for herself and that no one should ever speak to a woman the way Landon spoke to her. I don’t know if I sent her the wrong signals or if she was just so messed up in her head, but she crawled over to me, tried to kiss me. Said I was the brother she always wanted.”

“What did you do?”

“I sent her home. I mean, yeah, my brother’s an asshole, and sometimes it’s hard for me to stomach the idea that we’re related, but there’s no way in hell I would mess around with his girl. There are supposed to be rules about this stuff. Ya know? Lines you never cross.”

“I guess my family never got the memo on those rules.”

“Mine either. I told Landon, when he got home—how Jasmine had tried to come on to me—and he called me a liar and kicked me out. Said he had a call from Jasmine saying that I hit on her and tried to have sex with her. He believed her over his own brother because ‘that’s what Kayden does.’ He screws chicks and leaves. I didn’t even try to explain the situation to him; his mind was made-up. It was right then that I realized he wasn’t my brother. He never was.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because”—he inhales deeply and exhales slowly—”genetics make you related, but loyalty makes you family. Turns out the only family I have are my mom and my aunt.”

I laugh. “And your made-up girlfriend, jerk.” He smiles and runs his fingers through his perfect hair, pleased by my comment. I feel terrible for the way I spoke to him earlier, ashamed really. “I didn’t want meaningless sex with you.”

His lips curve up. “I know, and I didn’t want you to want to have sex with Danny.”

I nod once. “I know.”

“Maybe after all of this is over, after I’m not Richard, and you’re more…emotionally stable. Maybe then I can ask you out.” He speaks with such certainty, such truth.

I laugh again. “It may take me a while to become emotionally stable.”

He looks at me, his green eyes soft and still a bit puffy from his allergies, and when he turns away to face the ceiling, I follow his gaze, staring up at the ceiling fan that remains still.

“So what happens next?”

“Oh, I don’t know. I mean, if you’re willing to wait for me, then I can figure out my life. And you can take me to a really nice restaurant maybe. And do you dance? I love to dance. My last boyfriend made me think I loved video games but I despise them. I actually have no clue how to use the damn things and—”

“Jules?” Twisting my neck in his direction, I wait for him to continue his thought. “I meant what happens next with this family trip.”

“Oh…” Just when I think I cannot embarrass myself any further, I one-up myself. No need to buy blush anymore. These red cheeks come with the territory. “Well, tomorrow for the girls there’s cookie making and hot cocoa—I bring Bailey’s to slip into mine. And for the guys, you go cut down the best trees—yes
trees,
as in more than one—and then each couple decorates one. The best tree wins a trophy, because clearly, what’s a Stone’ family get-together without awards?”

“Sounds nice.”

“It was.” I remember all of the fun years I had with Danny, doing all of those Christmas activities together. Then I think about how different it will be this year, watching him perform those tasks with my sister. But I have Kayden this year; I’ll do my best to make believe with him. “It will be nice.”

“Jules?” Kayden’s voice comes out as a question, just as it did before I embarrassed myself with my overactive imagination of a world with him in it.

“Yes?”

“I love to dance, too. The older music, the better the music. Boys II Men, Hall and Oates, Temptations.”

My hands fly over my heart, because I’m sure it’s about to zoom out of my chest. “Stop, stop! You had me at Hall and Oates. When Lisa and I were kids, we stayed at this cabin with my grandma whenever Mom and Dad were filming. Grandma would always take us girls to old record stores, and of course I bought Hall and Oates’s second album. I would play it over and over again. It’s perfection. So…okay. Favorite song at the count of three. Don’t think about it, just say. Ready?”

“Ready.”

“One…two…three…”

“
She’s Gone
!” we both holler, and I toss my hands up with excitement after hearing his reply. “Kayden Reece, I hate to say it, but…I think we just became best friends.”

“This is the fastest moving, all-over-the-place relationship I’ve ever had. First we are madly in love, and now we are best-friends status. All within ten hours.”

“There’s only one life to live. Might as well live it up!”

A silence fills the room and the darkness of the room overtakes me, bringing on a new wave of sleepy thoughts. I close my eyes, thinking that Kayden is on his way to dream, too. Until, of course, I hear him humming the tune of
She’s Gone
to himself. Then the lyrics follow. His voice is smooth and rich—in every note is a new found lust I have for this ‘co-star’ of mine. I can’t help but join in at the chorus of the song, singing the high parts as he takes on the low in perfect pitch.

My cheeks are so sore from smiling so big for so long, and I catch a mad case of the giggles as his voice goes deeper and deeper. I never knew I could love Hall and Oates so much more.

When the sounds of our voices fade out and the stillness of the air summons us to complete silence, I relax against the mattress. I hug my pillow and curve my body away from Kayden after watching his eyes shut. Before I close my eyes, I realize a new personal truth.