Out Late with Friends and Regrets (60 page)

           
Just in case.

She was about to sit down again, but Siobhan said, “Go home, Fin. Get some sleep. You can come back mid-morning – there’s no sense hanging around at the moment.”

A surfeit of emotion had left Fin unutterably weary, so after hugging her companions and murmuring words that could never be appropriate enough, she set off on the interminable walk back down the corridor.

It was strange. Janet looked so different, and it wasn’t just the hairstyle and make-up. Her face was relaxed, and the smile, still so like Paul’s, glowed. Fin couldn’t help smiling through her prepared defences in return.

“You’re looking great, Janet,” she said.

“It’s the love-life, Mum,” said Anna, putting down her knife and fork, “I’m afraid she’s setting me a terrible example.”

Janet made a preening gesture – God, I never knew she had a sense of humour, thought Fin – and said, “Actually, it’s a little bit true. Amazing what the love of a bad man-”

“-Or two,” interjected Anna.

“- can do for one’s self-esteem. Of course, it hasn’t distracted me from my duty of care in respect of Anna.”

“You believe it, Mum,” said Anna, “I still have to let Janet know where I am and who I’m with, but she doesn’t tell
me
who
she’s
with.”

Fin wondered when the ‘Auntie’ had bitten the dust.

“Well, it’s obviously doing you the world of good, Janet,” she said, “
you
look ten years younger.”

“Of course, the new job helps,” said Janet, “You’d know all about the beneficial effect of new pastures, Fin.”

“Yes. Oh, yes, I do. You’re fully qualified now, aren’t you?” said Fin; “I guess massage and complementary therapies are a good thing to be into, these days.”
      

“She picks up all her men that way,” said Anna, “she gets them right under the thumb. Thumbs.”

“Not quite accurate, Anna. But the last one
was
rather a well-made football coach, admittedly, and yes, he did come to me to sort out some knots in his back.”

“And his front,” muttered Anna, looking sideways at her mother.
        

“And you’re still enjoying jumping up and down and shouting at people, Fin, are you?” asked Janet.

 
“Love it. I’ve still got the shop of course, though I leave most of the day-to-day to my trusty lieutenant. But I love the teaching.”

“Isn’t that astonishing,” said Janet, “I’d never have seen you as a teacher in a million years, a quiet soul like you.”

“Yes, well. So I was. Let’s not go there. But I’m teaching nine classes a week, and I seem to be thriving on it.”
           

“Unsocial hours, of course.”

“Like acting. Or therapies, come to that. And it’s not all evenings.”

“Well, I’m glad for you,” said Janet.

The waiter adjusted their glasses to accommodate the starter, and topped up their water.

“Anna’s really flourished since she moved in with you,” said Fin, “I am grateful, Janet. She hasn’t been any problem, honestly?”

“You would have heard about it by now, I promise you that,” replied Janet with a wry smile, whilst Anna gave her mother a sharp look.

“Sorry. It’s just so odd thinking of the teenager-that-was being so adult and independent,” said Fin, wishing she hadn’t started along this conversational byway.

The clink of hotel silverware on china prevailed for a while, until Janet gave Fin a little nod and said, “We’ve all moved on a bit since Paul’s funeral, haven’t we.”

“It feels like a lifetime ago,” agreed Fin. “
Is
a lifetime.”

“God, and it must be over a year now since your friend Rosie died, mustn’t it?” said Anna, and the wound in Fin’s memory broke open again, hurting only minimally less than last time. Donal’s cry of pain when they took him away and told him, still haunted her.

“Nearly fifteen months.”

Fifteen months, and still Fin railed inwardly against the injustice of it. Thank God for Ellie; she had been nothing short of amazing, especially at the beginning, when all Fin could do was wallow in her own guilty misery. Rachel had been great, too, but that was Rachel. Ellie had unexpectedly mellowed into the sort of empathetic human being Fin would not have suspected lived beneath that spiky, sparky personality. In fact, it had become almost unsettling, but Ellie it was who had been a great help in rehearsal when Fin was due to take her first aerobics class unsupervised, and who had done sterling work in the front row as a participant. It had been a gut-wrenching, imperfect affair, but it marked the end of the worst of it, and Ellie had gradually reassumed her natural ebullience in the weeks that followed as Fin’s confidence grew.

And life had moved on. Difficult lunches with Donal and Siobhan, trying to give comfort where none was possible. A growing closeness with Siobhan. A visit to London to see Anna, so much easier and more enjoyable than expected. The hope that acceptance might have begun to set in, reinforced by the fact that Janet appeared to know about her sexuality, and was unbothered. Later, Fin had enjoyed a relationship with a tutor of Ellie’s acquaintance; it hadn’t lasted, but they had remained friendly.
 
Classes, courses, business, outings, friendships; the progress of healing.

“So,” said Janet, very obviously turning the signpost to point away from Rosemary, “you’ll have to help me out with what to wear on Saturday, Fin. I’ve never been to a Civil Partnership ceremony before.”

Fin grinned.

“Neither have I, Janet. But you’ll look right, whatever you decide on. You
are
The Appropriate Woman.”

“How boring,” sighed Janet, “but I think I’ll wear the blue. I feel good in that.”

“Her pulling outfit,” added Anna.

“Huh,” said Janet, “A fat lot of good it’ll do me, too, with the entire gay population of
Harford
present.”

“Don’t worry,” said Fin, “There’ll be heaps of our friends there who aren’t gay. We’ve put you next to Donal for the meal, and he’s the loveliest man. I don’t think for a moment he’ll be up for any
footsie
under the table just yet, but you could certainly keep him entertained. This will be his first major social event since Rosemary.”

“Social therapy. She’ll be brilliant,” said Anna.

“He may go home before the disco,” said Fin, “and then you can really let your hair down with all the available straight guys. I’ll make them wear luminous badges.”

“How kind,” said
Janet.

“Shame Patrick and the Oz contingent couldn’t make it in time,” said Anna, “I’m really looking forward to seeing them – Skype’s OK but it’s not the same.”

“Same here,” said Fin, “I’m not too bothered about them missing the CP, they won’t know anyone there anyway, but they’ll be here for a whole month. It’ll be great.” And she really meant it, despite a certain amount of inward qualification.

The Great Hall of the university was affectingly beautiful, carved oak glowing as if lit by candles, a dapple of jewel-stained sunshine splashing the ancient floor, and creamy-white flowers on stands along the walls. The university choral society sang Linden Lea, accompanied by a lively string quartet. Friends and supporters of the brides formed a slowly-morphing collage of colour and display as they filed into their seats; stood, sat, stood again as another arrival eased past, filling row on row, on each side of the aisle.

Fin peered through the ajar of the anteroom door. They were still at it, these people, talking, talking, the hum and hub-bub conducting a current of excitement around the hall.

There were Rachel and Dave with their daughters next to Anna and Janet, there was June with Annette
Harney
, there was Henry Moffett with his luckless wife, there was Archer with a girlfriend, there were Hamish and Doc, Petra and her latest trophy. And many others Fin recognised from the Social Work Department and from college functions.

And there was Donal, on his own, in the front row.

“It’s certainly filling up, isn’t it, Fin.”

Fin turned. Siobhan was utterly beautiful, the silky green-blue tones of her outfit showing off her white skin and gleaming dark hair. Oh, and that was the perfect touch, the simple green glass beads round her neck.

“It is. And do you know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone look
so
utterly stunning as you do now, Siobhan.”

“Looking pretty good
yerself
, Fin-the-Cool.”

Fin had opted for an unfussy two-piece in caramel, which she felt Granny’s ambers complemented well.

“Thanks. Oh, hi, Ellie, we were beginning to wonder if you were a no-show. And what happened to the rhinestone-encrusted DMs?”

Ellie had just come in by the inner door, and cut a smart if untypically restrained figure in navy. She had grown her hair, and it was now dyed a rich copper colour. But the shiny lipstick was reassuringly familiar, and she wore huge discs of hammered gold at her ears.

“God, I’m so excited,” said Ellie; “Come here, you two, I need a hug. No kissing, though, mind the lippy.”

They hugged, with due respect for the buttonholes, and Fin checked her watch.

“We’re nearly there,” she said, taking a deep breath, “Everybody ready? Where’s Danielle?”

Right on cue, their celebrant tapped and put her head round the door.

“You guys good to go, or have you changed your minds?” she enquired with a broad smile.

“All ready.”

As Danielle walked out in front of the assembled guests, Fin signalled to the conductor, who immediately instigated a rousing burst of Handel, for the entry of today’s Queens of Sheba.
 
She prodded Ellie and Siobhan into position in front of her, and gave them a little push forward into the aisle. She checked both pockets: Ellie’s ring; Siobhan’s ring.

She walked slowly behind them, and was content.

END

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This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to real persons, alive or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

First Kindle Edition, 2013

Text Copyright©2013 Suzanne
Egerton

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Egerton
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