Out of the Ashes (4 page)

“Maybe my dad will go for it.” I shrug, but I already know he won’t. Dad doesn’t trust anyone. We have too much money, and he knows Linette doesn’t. No one in Ashlan Falls does. It’s a miracle he lets her into the house when we aren’t home. He’d be way too paranoid to let her live with us. “Anyway, he’ll be asleep when we get there, so we won’t have to worry about it until morning.”

Her hands tighten on the steering wheel. “I don’t like this one bit, Logan.”

“What was I supposed to do? Garret was treating me like a criminal, and I didn’t do anything. How am I supposed to get Cara to trust me, remember me again, if he’s working against me?”

“You were desperate, I get that. However, it doesn’t make this situation any better. We’re going to have to figure this out fast, or Garret will come up with his own solution, and believe me, you aren’t going to like it.”

No, I’m sure I wouldn’t like it one bit.

Chapter Four

Cara

Although day two of my new life doesn’t start off much better than day one, I’m at home in my own bed. Of course, it could be a stranger’s room for all I can remember. Mom must have brought my memory book up and placed it on my nightstand sometime last night.

I pick it up, take a deep breath, and open to the first page. Jeremy and Mom. At least I know
their
names. In the picture, they’re standing on top of a waterfall. Did I take this photo? I shake my head, trying to jostle the memories. Nothing. I turn the page. A pretty brunette with wide, brown eyes is staring up at me. She’s wearing a bikini and is lying by the water. Maybe the same waterfalls as in the previous picture. I look at the name on the bottom of the photo. Rachel Pinchot. Doesn’t ring a bell, but the paragraph below her name says she’s my best friend. Some best friend I am. I probably couldn’t pick her out of a police lineup.

I keep flipping through the pages until I find Nick Fitzpatrick. He’s cute with his sandy brown hair and dark eyes. Was he really the one who tried to kill me? I killed him. My last act in my first life had been taking a human life. Even if Nick was a Hunter, how am I supposed to deal with the fact that I killed someone? I flip through the pages, unable to look at Nick any longer.

I expect to see Logan’s picture at the end of the book, but the pages are empty. I need something to remind me of him. Something to make me feel…connected to him. My cell phone vibrates on the nightstand, and I reach for it, seeing Rachel’s name on the screen. I’m not ready to talk to her. Not yet. I have too much I need to relearn about her and what she meant to me. I press ignore, sending her to my voice mail. Without even thinking, I scroll through my call log. Logan’s name appears as the last call I made. He was telling the truth about that. I had called him while I was at the school. I search my speed dial and find Logan at number three, right after Mom and Jeremy and before Rachel. That alone tells me we were as close as he says we were, but his picture ID confirms it even more. It’s the two of us kissing.

My heart beats faster as I look at the picture. Though only our faces are in the photo, Logan’s hand is cupping my cheek and I can see he’s wearing a leather jacket. How long have I known him? With the way everyone was talking, I thought it was only recently that we’d met, but he’s wearing a jacket. Who wears a leather jacket in the summer?

“Knock knock,” Mom calls from the doorway. “May I come in?”

I put my phone back on the nightstand.

“Were you talking to someone?” She motions to the phone, panic on her face. “That’s probably not a good idea yet. Not until we figure out what we’re going to tell people.”

“I didn’t talk to anyone. I got a call, but I sent it to my voice mail. Believe it or not, I remembered how to do that.” I look down at my bed, fidgeting with the sheets.

Mom sits down and pats my hand. “Sweetie, I know it’s tough, but you’ll get through it. I did. Monique did. Jeremy did not long ago at all, and you were a big help to him.”

“Is it true? About Logan?” I meet her eyes, needing to see her reaction. “Did I love him like he says I did?”

Mom sighs. “Honey, I wish I could tell you that Logan’s nothing more than a guy with a crush, but he’s not. You two were very much inseparable, no matter how hard I tried to keep you apart.”

I sit up, leaning against the headboard. “You tried to keep us apart? Why?”

“Because of this. I wanted to protect you, make sure you didn’t end up like—”

“You?”

Her eyes rise to meet mine.

“I overheard you and Monique last night in the kitchen. I wasn’t trying to spy. I was coming upstairs, and…well, I guess I was curious when I heard what you two were saying.”

She bites her lower lip and gathers her thoughts. “I loved your father very much. He was the only person I’ve ever imprinted on.”

“Wait, do you mean we can imprint more than once?”

“I’ve heard a few stories, but I suspect that’s all they are. Nothing but rumors or the wishes of those Phoenixes who’ve lost their mates.”

“Do you wish you could imprint on someone else?”

Her shoulders shake as she takes a deep breath. “This ache I feel inside me is unbearable at times. I was afraid if you imprinted on Logan, you’d wind up the same way.”

“But I’m not.
He’s
the one who’s suffering because I can’t remember him. I’m causing him all this pain and I don’t even mean to. I—”

“Sweetie, stop. None of this is your fault. We can’t control who we imprint on, and we can’t control what happens after we’re reborn, either.”

I swallow the tears that are threatening to choke me. Even if I can’t remember loving Logan, I can’t bear to see him hurting. “What if the imprint doesn’t fade? What will happen to Logan?”

“He’s young. He has plenty of time to fall in love again.” Mom smiles, but I can see it’s forced.

“You mean with someone else, right?”

She squeezes my hands and closes her eyes for a moment before answering. “Cara, there’s no easy way for me to say this, so I’m just going to get it out. Phoenixes need to be with other Phoenixes. It’s the only way. Logan is going to live a normal, human life. He’ll grow old and die. You, on the other hand, will age slowly, and you’ll be reborn several more times.”

“If a Hunter doesn’t get me first.”

Her face turns white at the thought. “Don’t say that.”

“So what you’re saying is, I have to let Logan go? Even if I can somehow remember him, there’s no future for us?”

She nods. “I’m sorry, but it’s better this way. You can’t remember how you felt about him. It will make it easier to say good-bye to him for good.”

“For good? I thought we have to keep a close eye on him, make sure he doesn’t tell anyone about us.”

“We do. The rest of us. Not you.”

“Meaning you want me to stay away from him.” It comes out as more of a statement than a question because I already know the answer.

“I think that would be best. Once we figure out what we’re going to tell people about your accident in the chemistry lab, it’s best that you keep to your close friends.”

I narrow my eyes at the absurdity of that statement. “I don’t have any close friends. I can’t remember anyone. That Rachel girl in my memory book, she’s no more my friend than a model in a magazine advertisement. I don’t know her.”

“You will. You and Rachel were so close you were like sisters. It will be that way again. You’ll see. You have to give it time.”

“And until then what am I supposed to do? Smile, nod, pretend I know who she is and how things used to be?”

“I know it won’t be easy, but you
will
get through it. I promise.” She stands up. “Why don’t we go to the falls? You love it there.”

“What if someone sees us? Should I be going out yet?”

Mom’s shoulders drop. “You’re right. Garret would throw a fit.” She looks up and wrinkles her brow, deep in thought. “Oh, to hell with Garret. Let’s go.”

“Isn’t there a Hunter on the loose out there?”

She places her hand on my shoulder. “If what Logan said is true, and I think it is, then the Hunter we’ve been searching for is gone, thanks to you. I still can’t believe it was Nick. We all thought we knew him so well.” She drops her hand. “Let that be a lesson to all of us. We can’t trust anyone.”

“What about Rachel?”

Mom laughs. “I’m positive Rachel isn’t a Hunter. The only thing she hunts is boys.”

The look on Mom’s face makes me smile. Rachel must be special if Mom likes her so much, but the thought also makes me sad. If she’s that special, how could I forget her so easily?

“What will I tell her? She called earlier, and if we’re as close as you say, then I’ll have to tell her something about what happened at the school.”

“We’re holding a meeting this morning to discuss what we’re going to tell everyone.”

“Another meeting?” I can’t keep the disappointment from my voice, but I’m not up for another gathering of the Phoenixes. Not so soon after last night.

“Well, this time Linette and Logan won’t be here. We don’t want Logan sitting in on the decisions we make. We’ll tell him what he needs to know, when he needs to know it.”

“You sound like Garret.”

Mom makes a noise, like a grunt. “Garret needs to work on his people skills, but for the most part, he’s good at leading. He knows what he’s doing.”

“Has he always been in charge of us?”

“Mostly, we make decisions together. It’s not like we all follow Garret. You saw what happened last night. He was outvoted. He didn’t want Logan to go free, but that’s what happened because the rest of us decided it was best.”

“Logan isn’t free. Linette’s watching him.”

“It was the best we could do for him.” She narrows her eyes at me, like she’s trying to see inside my head. “Are you worried about Logan?”

I don’t know what I feel about Logan, but something tells me I’ll never figure it out if I can’t see him. Somehow I know that’s not what Mom wants to hear.

“I don’t want anyone getting hurt because of me.” It’s the safest answer to give her right now.

“I know you don’t.” Mom brushes the hair from my face and walks toward the door. “Since you aren’t crazy about the idea of going to the falls, I’ll make us some breakfast. How do pancakes sound?”

I have no idea. I can’t remember what they taste like. “Sure.”

“They’ll be ready in fifteen minutes.”

That’s enough time to take a hot shower and put on a brave face. Standing under the showerhead, staring up at it, I contemplate what Mom said about the falls. If I loved them so much, how could I forget them? It doesn’t seem plausible, yet I’ve forgotten everything. I must have known this was going to happen, but knowing and experiencing are two very different things. If I really did love Logan, knowing I was going to lose him must have been killer. I can’t even imagine it, which is totally crazy considering I lived it.

My head pounds with unanswered questions and memories long gone. Not even the scalding water can make me feel better. I get out and dress quickly. I know Mom’s downstairs with Jeremy and probably the other Phoenixes. I’m supposed to go eat and listen to their big plans for me. Only I’m not going to because I’m not about to sit around and let them tell me how I feel and what I should do. I’m going to figure it out for myself.

I open my bedroom window and eye the tree a few feet away. Too bad Phoenixes can’t really fly. Escaping would be so much easier. I step out onto the ledge and reach for the branch. I easily grab it, but the thought of swinging into the tree doesn’t make me eager to move any farther. Screw being part bird. I’m going to pretend I’m a cat and crawl across the branch. I pull myself onto the tree limb, laying my stomach against it. It bends with my weight, and I silently pray I don’t end up in a broken heap on the front lawn.

Though I move much slower than necessary, I make it to the ground in one piece. Now if only I had a clue where the falls are. My iPhone is practically falling out of my pocket after climbing down the tree. I start to push it back down when I get an idea. I pull it out and press the button on the front. There must be a navigation system in here somewhere. My memory of how to use everyday objects is still there, thankfully. I can’t imagine how awful this would all be if I forgot simple things like how to brush my teeth or use a microwave.

A chime goes off and the phone prompts me to give a command. “I need directions to Ashlan Falls.” The search fails, and I realize I’m in Ashlan Falls already. I need the actual waterfalls, not the town. “Search nearby tourist attractions.”

“There is one tourist attraction fairly close to you.”

Only one? How small is this place? I check the search result and see it’s the falls I’m looking for. I click on it, and the directions pop up on the screen. Thankfully, it’s close enough to walk there. However, walking means there’s a good chance someone will see me. I look back at the cars in the driveway. Why didn’t I think to grab my keys? I can only think of one solution that doesn’t involve climbing that tree again. I’m going to run to the falls. I take a deep breath, wondering if maybe I was a runner in my first life. No such luck. As soon as I start out, I’m breathing heavily and I get a stitch in my side. Nope. I’m definitely not a runner.

I follow the directions on my phone and finally make it to the parking lot in front of the falls. The roar of the water cascading down three tiers is like music. I wish I could say it was familiar music, but it’s not. I’m hot and tired, so I kick off my shoes, place my phone next to them, and walk right into the water. Instantly, a calm washes over me. This must be why I liked coming here so much. The water cools my natural Phoenix warmth. I lie back and float on top of the water. For the first time since being reborn, I feel peaceful. I’ll definitely be coming back here often.

I float for well over an hour, enjoying the sound of the waterfalls and the solidarity of being alone. I know the other Phoenixes are worried, both about me and Hunters, but I can’t listen to any more of it right now. I need this time to myself. My cheeks start to feel warm from being in the sun so long, so I turn over and swim a few laps. I go through the lowest waterfall, letting it pound down on top of me and drown out any thoughts in my head. When I finally need air, I swim back out.