Out of the Dark (23 page)

But now he had an excuse to go over there. He had just gotten a call from Earl Walters, telling him that he could pick up a copy of Johnny Newton’s mug shot. They needed to know if he was someone Jade knew. If not, then he’d been hired by someone else, which meant she needed to see the picture.

He reached for the phone and dialed Sam’s number. The moment Sam answered, Luke could tell something was wrong.

“Luke…thank God. I’ve been on the verge of calling you, but I hated to bother you with family problems.”

Luke’s fingers tightened around the receiver.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s Jade. She won’t come out of her room. Every time I got up to check on her, I could hear her pacing…and talking to herself. A couple of hours ago, Velma tried to take her some food, but she didn’t respond. I don’t know when she last ate or slept, and I’m at my wits’ end.”

“Did you call Antonia DiMatto?”

“Yes. She says it’s grief and to let Jade work it out her own way. But I’m afraid.”

Luke frowned. “Are you saying you’re afraid Jade will hurt herself?”

Sam’s hesitation before responding was answer enough for Luke.

“Look,” Luke said. “If I know one thing about your daughter, it’s that she’s a survivor. She hasn’t quit on herself once, despite all that she’s been through. Don’t sell her short, Sam. She’s grieving, not plotting suicide.”

“Yes, I think I knew that, I just needed to hear someone else say it. Sorry to burden you with our troubles. Why did you call?”

“It’s not a burden, Sam. I care, probably more than I should.” Then he sighed and blurted it out, knowing what he’d been feeling had to be said. “I’m doing something Raphael told me not to do,” he said.

“What’s that?” Sam asked.

“Falling for your daughter.”

Sam frowned. “Why on earth would he say something like that? I would be overjoyed.”

“I think because he knew what a challenge it would be for Jade ever to trust, let alone be intimate with, another man. He didn’t want her hurt. Neither do I.”

Sam sighed. “Thank you for being so frank with me. I’m not doing so well as a father, so I’m hardly in a position to criticize.”

“We’re all off balance,” Luke said. “Especially Jade. Her fragile world has been torn apart. It’s going to be up to us to help her find a way to put it back together.”

“And keep her in one piece in the process,” Sam added.

“Exactly,” Luke said. “Which is the reason for my call. I have a copy of Johnny Newton’s mug shot. I’m not sure Jade will talk to me, but I need to know if she knows him.”

“Come on over,” Sam said. “Maybe, between us, we can get some answers.”

“If you don’t mind, I think a united front at this point in her life might seem as if we were ganging up on her. I’d like to try it alone.”

“Of course.”

“Fine, then I’ll see you soon.”

“Right,” Sam said, and hung up the phone. As he was turning around, Velma came in the room.

“Mr. Cochrane, that yard boy, Kevin, is here. He wants to know if there is anything special you want him to do this time or just the usual?”

“Tell him to just mow and use the weed-eater. The hedges don’t need to be clipped until we get some more rain.”

“Yes, sir.” Then she paused in the doorway. “About your girl…”

“Yes?”

“She hasn’t touched the food I left in the hall. Should we do something?”

“Like what?” Sam asked. “We can’t force feed her. She’ll eat if she gets hungry. Besides, Luke is on his way over.”

Thankful that the hard decisions were out of her hands, she went to deliver the instructions to Kevin.

Luke’s car wouldn’t be repaired until sometime the next day, so he was driving a rental. It was a white two-door Lincoln and smelled too much like pine aerosol for his liking, but it was his for the moment.

Despite what he’d told Sam, he was worried about Jade. If she’d shut herself off from everyone in the house, he could only imagine what devils she was battling alone, and if she wasn’t sleeping, he knew why. Before, she’d had Raphael to help keep the demons at bay when she slept. But now he was gone and she was afraid to close her eyes for fear of what would come. “God help her…and me,” Luke muttered.

When he got to Sam’s, he grabbed the photo, waved to a couple of his employees who were still on duty outside, then rang the doorbell.

Velma let him in.

“He’s in the library on a conference call,” she said. “He said to tell you to call him if you needed him.”

“Thanks. I’ll be upstairs.”

She shook her head. “Hope you have better luck than we did.”

“It’s not about luck. It’s about perseverance,” he said, then, worrying about her fragile mental state, he laid the photo on the hall table and headed up the stairs. The last thing Luke wanted was to confront her with a face from her past without a little preparation.

Jade shuffled from the bed to the table and back again, and everywhere she walked, a picture of Raphael smiled back at her. She’d drawn him in every way that she could remember. But the smiles never changed and the lips never parted and the words never came. Now, instead of drawing comfort from the pictures, she was becoming paranoid, imagining that his smiles turned to taunting laughter, but only after she looked away. She didn’t understand it. Rafie would never taunt her. He’d loved her. But then she would remember that he’d kept secrets—horrible secrets. He’d told everyone else before he’d told her. She wasn’t sure she would ever be able to forgive him for that. And she wasn’t sure she would ever be able to forgive herself for letting him die alone. It was a dichotomy that was driving her mad.

Then there was a knock on her door. She turned abruptly, her hands curled into fists.

“Go away.”

Luke leaned his forehead against the door and closed his eyes. He hadn’t expected this to be easy, but the pain in her voice was nearly his undoing.

“Can’t do that,” he said.

Jade inhaled sharply. It was Luke. Why was he here? He didn’t belong here—not in this room. It belonged to her and to Raphael.

“Jade…let me in,” he said.

She grabbed a small figurine from a shelf and flung it at the door. It shattered, just as Jade’s life had done.

“I said, go away,” she repeated.

Luke gritted his teeth and grabbed the doorknob, only to find it locked.

“Open the goddamned door before I break it down,” he warned.

For a moment there was silence; then, from the sound of her voice, he could tell Jade was standing near the door.

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“Try me,” he warned.

“You don’t belong in here.”

It hurt to know that whatever little bit of headway he’d made with her was not only gone, but she’d begun to shut him out.

“I’m not leaving until I see you.”

She shuddered, then covered her face with her hands. See her? She couldn’t bear to look at herself. Why would anyone want to see her?

“There’s nothing to see.”

“Prove it,” Luke said. “Open the door now, or I’m coming in my way.”

She looked up, defiance in every line of her posture. Then she shouted.

“No, damn you, no!”

The door rocked against his first kick, and when it did, Jade realized he was serious.

“Wait!’ she screamed. “Wait!”

Luke paused, his heart pounding, his breath coming in short, angry gasps. He heard the click of a lock being undone and watched as the doorknob began to turn. Then he saw her, and all the anger he’d felt turned to shock.

She was wearing the same clothes she’d had on earlier in the day when he’d brought her home from the morgue. Her hair was wild and tumbled all about her shoulders. It looked as if she’d combed her fingers through it countless times. Her body was trembling—he guessed from physical exhaustion—and the look on her face was one he would never forget. She looked just like that little girl they had found in the mall—the one who’d gotten separated from her mother. Her expression was somewhere between desperation and despair. He took a deep breath, girding himself for whatever might come, and then walked into her room and shut the door.

For a few moments there was nothing between them but two feet of silence. Then he let himself look at what she’d done. Images of Raphael stared back at him from all over the room. And they, like the faces the police chief had taken away, were smiling. It didn’t make sense. She’d said that the only uncles whose faces she’d drawn were the ones who’d caused her pain. And then it hit him.

“Oh, honey,” he said softly. “Raphael didn’t mean to hurt you. But the business of dying is very personal. It’s something we all have to do alone. Even if you’d been there—even if Raphael had died of natural causes—you couldn’t have changed what was. You couldn’t go where he was going.”

She swayed on her feet. “I don’t know how to do this by myself. I thought I did, but I don’t.”

He moved closer. “Do what?”

“Live.”

He touched her face with the back of his hand, and when she didn’t move away, he turned it palm upward and cupped her cheek.

“Oh, baby…it’s easy. You just breathe in and breathe out.”

She swayed. Luke picked her up and carried her to the bed, then swept aside the pictures she’d drawn. He drew the covers up to her waist, then pulled a chair up close to the bed.

She watched his every move until he sat down.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“Close your eyes,” he said softly.

“I can’t.”

“Yes, Jade, you can. You have to.”

Tears rolled from the corners of her eyes.

“What if I dream?”

“I’ll be here.”

“Oh God,” she said.

“I thought you didn’t believe in God?”

“I don’t, but on the off chance that He’s out there, I don’t want Him to forget I’m here.”

Luke scooted out of the chair, then slid onto the side of her bed.

“When you were little, do you remember ever saying your prayers?”

“No.”

“It’s real easy…and it will make you feel good. Want to try?”

She shrugged as more tears followed the first.

“I don’t know what to say.”

“I do,” Luke said, and then got down on his knees beside the bed. “You don’t have to get up,” he said. “Just close your eyes.”

Seconds passed, then turned into minutes as Jade thought about what he’d said. Just when Luke thought she was going to refuse, she reached for his hand and then shut her eyes.

Way to go, baby.
“Repeat this after me, okay?”

“Okay.”

“The Lord is my shepherd…”

“The Lord is my shepherd.”

“I shall not want…”

She echoed each phrase that Luke uttered until they had gone all the way through the twenty-third psalm.

“Amen,” Luke said.

“Amen.”

She was silent for a few seconds; then she opened her eyes and looked at Luke.

“Do you believe that…about walking through the valley of the shadow of death and fearing no evil?”

He nodded.

She sighed. “Okay, I’ll give it a try.”

Luke got to his feet and had started to sit back down in the chair, when Jade reached for his hand.

“Do you remember when you promised to be my friend?”

“Yes.”

“So, if I asked you…as one friend to another…would you do something for me?”

Luke’s stomach knotted. Something told him this wouldn’t be easy, and still he said yes.

“Would you lie down beside me? I’ve pretty much never never slept alone, but I’m so tired. If you would only—”

Luke kicked off his shoes as he walked to the other side of the bed. Then he crawled in beside her, and with the covers between them, spooned himself up against her back and then laid his arm across her waist.

She stiffened almost immediately.

Luke sighed.

“I’m not Raphael.”

“No,” she said quietly. “I can tell.”

“If I frighten you, I’ll move.”

She thought about it for a moment, trying to figure out exactly what it was she was feeling, then decided it wasn’t that kind of fear.

“No, don’t move,” she said. “I just have to think about this a minute.”

Luke felt for her in every way there was for a person to feel empathy for another human being, and at the same time, wanted nothing more than to have her turn in his arms and look at him with love and not fear.

He laid his chin against the crown of her head and then whispered softly next to her ear, “Jade, I swear to God, I will never do anything to frighten you or hurt you…not in any way. Please know that you can trust me.”

She didn’t answer, but she did slide backward just a fraction of an inch, settling into a more comfortable position against him.