Out Of The Darkness (15 page)

“Not on my account.” A look had entered his eyes, and it had her breath backing up. Too late; he had already noticed.

Nalik had never looked at her quite like that. Not even when they had kissed before. Now there was something else in his expression. Almost possessive. What was he thinking? “Nalik…I…”

He stepped closer, more into her room. He closed her door behind him. “What, girl? Just what do you plan to say?”

She shook her head. She didn
’t have a clue. She raised her hands up between them, struck again by how big he seemed. How imposing. He stepped toward her, until his chest was against her hands. He felt so hot and strong beneath her palms. Was she actually trembling? Over a man old enough to be her hundredth-great-grandfather? Crazy.

He didn
’t look seven hundred years old. And he definitely didn’t feel that old. He was nothing like Tyler; he had been thin and sickly when they’d been together. Ty had already known he was dying when they’d made the decision to have sex. It had been easy and slow and sweet.

She had a feeling sex with Nalik would be anything
but
those three things.

And that terrified her. How could it not?

But her fingers curled in the material of his shirt. It didn’t feel like cotton or silk, but some type of cross between the two. His chest was hard as granite beneath the black cloth.

He smelled clean and like some type of spice she
’d never smelled before. She wanted to breathe him in.

Cass must still be dreaming, or something. That was the best explanation she could come up with. There was no way she was in this strange room ready to kiss a man like Nalik Black. He hated her, hated her entire family;
everyone
knew that.

And what did he hope to gain from her? She pulled back where she could look at him. “What do you really want?”

He wrapped a hand in her hair and pulled her head back, harder than she’d expected. He hissed, a sound that she’d heard her now-Dardaptoan cousins make on occasion. “You have not figured it out yet? I have finally decided to accept the fate I’ve been handed.”

What did he mean by that?

She didn’t have any more time to wonder—he yanked her against his body and crushed her mouth with his.

It
was so much better than last time. Last time there had been that fear of the unknown, the surprise of having never kissed him before.

Surprise and fear were there, but it was different.

This time…this time there was far more purpose in his actions than there had been.

What had he meant? Accepting his fate? What did that have to do with
her
?

A Dardaptoan spoke of only one fate—she
’d learned that many times in the last year. But what would Nalik’s fate have to do with her?

When the answer hit her she pulled back and stared at him. “
What
do you mean, your
fate
?”

He grinned, an almost sinister expression that had her taking a few steps
back. It was then she realized that he’d somehow pulled her sleep shirt up to her waist. She yanked the cotton back into place, hiding her naked parts from him. “I think you know the answer to that, kitten.”

“I think you
’re crazy to even think it!”

“No. I am not the least bit crazy. You
’re mine. And it’s time I staked my claim. It is too dangerous in this world now to leave you unprotected. I will not risk you again.”

“That
’s all there is to it? You think that I belong to you and you want to
claim
me? Like Rydere claimed my sister? Whether I want it or not? How is that right?” It wasn’t, and the mere idea of him disregarding anything
she
might have wanted irritated her. “And if I’m your
Rajni
, why have you waited so long?”

He crossed his arms over his chest and glared at her. “Your sister seems to have come around to being claimed. Those cousins of yours that are everywhere. Why should you be any different? And I waited because I thought you would be safer without me. But the world has changed since then, has it not? And now
you will be far safer
with
me. So that be it; we shall act on what the damned goddess has set into place. And will have it done before your sister and that idiot mate of hers arrives this eve.”

Cass walked right up to him and pushed him. “I refuse. I don
’t need someone like you to protect me. Sure, I appreciate you getting me here safely. I’m in your debt for that. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to let you completely change my life without even
considering
what I want or need. That’s wrong of you and completely selfish. Did you consider that? I’m an adult, Nalik, I make my own decisions. And I
don’t
choose you.”

He picked up a glass bauble off the small end table and ran his fingers over the figure
’s face. “In other times I would woo you with pretty lies and shiny baubles. But that is not now, cannot be now. There is no time for such things.”

“But you honestly think that you can just say,
‘Hey baby, you’re my mate. Get naked.’ and I will just fall in line? What about how I
feel
?”

“Neither of us are allowed to feel anything other than what the goddess has decreed long ago. Certainly you realize that? It is how the damned goddess operates.”

Cass was shocked at the harshness of his words. She knew he and the goddess weren’t exactly close—no one had missed the snub he had given her when she’d arrived in Colorado a few months ago for a visit—but the hatred beneath his words frightened her. “You despise her, don’t you?”

“Haven
’t exactly been quiet about that, have I? No, I do not revere the goddess as so many of my idiot brethren do. I see her for what she is.”

“And what is that?”

“A selfish child in the guise of a woman. Through her actions my people were cursed, horribly, and many females and children died because of it—and that continues to this day. We are so damned weak we cannot hope to defend ourselves—must rely on who were once our enemies for even the barest hint of protection. It’s sickening. She has let our people down time and time again, and we’ve bought in to her treachery because she’s the damned goddess who created us. We were as sheep to the slaughter, following her. I will do so never again.”

Cass stepped back when he crashed the glass knickknack down on the table. It shattered, pieces going everywhere over the rug. His hand bled.

She started to him.

“Don
’t move.”

At his order she froze. “Nalik, you
’re hurt…”

“I
’ll live.” He glared at her, as if she was responsible for his injury. “And that’s the goddess-damned rub. Thanks to her ignoring the pleas of the test rats in your grandfather’s lab, I’ll probably live forever. Miserable bastard that I am.”

“You wanted to die?” She ignored his order and grabbed a towel out of the bathroom. She slipped her shoes on and walked through the shards to him. She wrapped his hand in the towel and held it as she looked up at him.

He was hurting so much. And she didn’t think it was from his sliced hand. Why hadn’t she realized that before? She hated seeing someone in so much pain. “Do you still?”

He stared down at her for a long time. “I
’ve tried a few times, kitten. It’s damned hard to cut off your own head. And every time I tried to bleed myself out, the wounds healed before I was finished. Your grandfather made sure I wouldn’t ever bleed to death. And he tested his little experiment out several times. Thanks to your grandfather, I truly am a monster. An indestructible one.”

Tears filled her eyes. No wonder he hadn
’t told her she was his
Rajni
before. How could the goddess do that to him, knowing how much he’d suffered at her grandfather’s hands? “Do you think she knew what would happen to you? Do you think it was fated, too?”

“Three hells
no.
The goddess doesn’t have the power to see the future, or so I am told. Just the present, the past. But she was there in Levia
watching
as Iavius and Erastine were dying. Watched as Kindara miscarried my nephew into Barlaam’s hands. And she did nothing. No matter how much I begged and pleaded. She forsook my family, in every way possible. And now they seek to task me with protecting
hers.
”

It wasn
’t just the anger in his words that struck her—he
did
have a right to be angry with the goddess, if what he said was true—but it was the pain.

It was obvious he
’d felt abandoned and betrayed by Kennera. Had he been a strong believer in the goddess of his people? Theo was, according to Mickey, and from what Cass had observed of him, he really seemed to have faith that Kennera would lead her people well.

But Nalik felt far more deeply about the goddess. Did anyone else realize that? “I
’m so sorry for what my grandfather did. I know you must hate all of us for it.”

“I don
’t hate
you.
”

“But you don
’t like me, either, do you?” She pulled the towel back to check the bleeding. It was already half healed. So quick. Remarkable, especially for a Dardaptoan. Everyone knew it took them forever to heal from bleeding. “How could you? My family has caused you nothing but pain, and then we show up at your house, expecting you to welcome us with open arms. It really isn’t any wonder some of your people throw rocks.”

“Who threw rocks at you?”

“Nothing for you to be concerned about. It was months ago.”

His expression grew even darker. Something she almost wouldn
’t have thought possible if she hadn’t seen it for herself. “Anyone
ever
does something like that again, you tell me. Immediately. I will deal with them.
No one
treats my
Rajni
that way.”

“Nalik…I
’m not your
Rajni
. How could I be? You hate my family, we have nothing in common, I’m
human,
and the conversion is supposed to hurt like hell, and in case you’ve missed it, I’m a bit too young for you. Not much, but a bit.”

“I may not care for your family—and I doubt I ever can—but I do not hate
you.
You are mine.”

“No. I am no one
’s. Even if I chose to be with you, I will still belong
to
me.”

“I do not mean it like that. If—
when—
we seal our bond, I will belong to you as much as you will me. Of course, I am no real bargain. I understand that—you are getting a monster. I will not deny it. But I will guarantee your safety, welfare, and happiness will be put above my own. My honor as a Dardaptoan male alone will ensure that.”

The words were formal and she got the feeling he was making some kind of sacred vow. But it still wasn
’t enough. How could it be? She wanted the man she eventually married to love her, not just be picked by some goddess
she
would never choose to worship. Where was the freedom in that?

She wanted what Emily had said their parents had shared. Her father and mother supposedly loved each other a great deal. Cass had been too young when her mother died to really
remember her that well. If she were honest, Mal and Em and Rand had raised her more than anyone. Her father had always been there, but he had been so busy that sometimes she had gotten forgotten. Claudette had loved her, but she was not family. Not really. And she had always clocked out at five o’clock and left. It wasn’t until Claudette’s husband had died before Claudette had gotten close to Cass’s father.

But with Nalik standing right there in front of her, Cass couldn
’t outright reject him. What kind of cruel would that be if she was the one who was supposed to be with him? She couldn’t reject him after what her grandfather had done to him. But she couldn’t be with him because she felt bad over what Grandfather had done.

That wouldn
’t be right either.

“I don
’t know. I don’t have any clue what I should do.”

He stepped into the bathroom and dropped the bloody towel into the sink. He washed the blood from his arm and patted it dry with a second towel. Cass
just watched him, studying his expression in the mirror.

She crossed her arms over her chest, once again reminded that she was ill-dressed for this type of conversation. She grabbed the robe Mallory had lent her and shrugged it on. It added at least a little bit more separation between him and her near nakedness.

She’d spent days with the man, slept next to him even, yet hadn’t felt nearly as vulnerable as she did now in a castle, surrounded by close to a hundred something people and demons. What was up with that?