Outlaw Hearts (48 page)

“He said maybe he was…just like me.” The words came in broken stutters as he refused to let himself break down. “He said maybe he should put on my guns…and go find out who the real Lloyd Harkner is. He's lost Beth because of me, and that's what's eating at him the worst. When he said those things, I lost control. I wanted to stop him…just stop him; but it came out of me the same way it used to come out of my pa, through my fist.”

“Jake.” She started toward him but he waved her off and turned away from her.

“The way he looked at me—” He breathed deeply. “I saw myself, saw all the hatred, the hurt, even the fear. I never thought I could hit my own son. After he left, all the old hatred for my own father and for myself just…welled up inside of me. I started hitting the wall…over and over until I passed out.”

“I can bring you something for the pain—”

“I don't
want
anything for it! Don't you understand, Randy? I
want
to hurt! I
deserve
to hurt!”

“No! You're wrong, Jake! How many years did it take me to convince you of that? All that happened was your father's fault, not yours! And when you hit Lloyd, it wasn't out of cussed meanness like your father, it was out of love, out of a desperate need to keep him from suffering and making the same mistakes you did when you were young. When he has time to think all this over, he'll realize that. You've loved him too much over the years for him to turn away from that love forever. Jake, please let me hold you.”

“No. It only makes it harder for me.” He winced with pain and supported his right arm with his left hand as he walked over to sit down on the cot. “You've got to find him, Randy. You're the only one who might be able to talk some sense into him, make him understand. He won't listen to me right now.” He met her eyes. “You have a way of making ornery men listen. You bring out the best in people. Jess can help you find him.”

She stood in front of him. “He's my son too. As a mother, I see him as a helpless boy running around out there in a cruel world. You know I'll try to find him. I'll have the police search the city. Surely he'll come and see me and Evie, he'll come to the trial.”

“Trial? There's no sense in even having one. I'm already a condemned man.”

“The crime is twenty years old. We're bringing in people to testify as to the good man you've been over those twenty years. I'll tell the judge what a good father and husband you've been. We've even subpoenaed Zane Parker to testify to the fact that for years you've been his right-hand man, carried important responsibilities, risked your life to save a miners' payroll. The man might not want Lloyd near his daughter now, or want us on his land, but he can't deny the truth about the kind of man you've been these past years. I'm getting an affidavit from Betsy Price as to the kind of man you were when she knew you in California, and from Mrs. Anderson in Virginia City. The judge can't ignore the way you've changed your life, Jake. He has to take all that into consideration.”

He shook his head. “Damn it, Randy, it doesn't matter. I've lost Lloyd. I did some terrible things and I'm getting my just punishment.”

“Jake Harkner, don't you dare give up on me! All these years I've held on, stayed by your side through the worst of it. Be strong for me, Jake!” Her voice broke, and she turned away, her shoulders shaking in sobs.

She felt him touch her then. She turned and wept against his chest, took comfort in the feel of his left arm embracing her. “My poor Randy,” he groaned. “You've always been far too good for me.”

“No. Not nearly good enough. You're…the one who had the strength to rebuild your life…after all the obstacles…all the horror. I've always admired your courage, Jake. Don't lose it now.”

“I don't think I can go on with my son hating me,” he told her. She felt him tremble. “I can't stand it, Randy. You didn't see how he looked at me.”

She rubbed at his back. “If you won't fight for yourself, Jake, then fight for that, for Lloyd. You never had the chance to confront your own father, to truly know him. You can't tell me you wouldn't have liked to be able to just see him once more and tell him that deep inside a part of you loved him. You never got over his life ending through such hatred and hard feelings. Don't let it be that way for you and Lloyd. Someday he's going to see he was wrong, and you're going to want to be here for him when he does.”

Jake pulled away and rubbed at his eyes. “The only thing he understands is that he's lost Beth. He admitted that things between them had gone a lot further than we thought. I'd be angry too, if somebody caused me to lose you.”

She touched the bandages on his arm. “Jake, your hand. It must be so painful.”

“I'd cut it off if it would bring back Lloyd and keep him from trouble,” he said resignedly. He walked to the cell door, feeling restless. “When is the trial?”

“Just a few more days, Attorney Mattson says. He'll be coming to talk to you again soon. Tell him the truth, Jake. Don't leave anything out.” She rose and walked over to put a hand to his back. “Don't lose hope, Jake.”

He smiled sadly. “How can I, with my ever-hopeful wife around?” He faced her, putting a hand to her face. “See if that attorney can arrange it for me to clean up and shave before I have to face the judge. Get me some clean clothes.”

“I will.”

“Jess with you?”

“He's out in the main area with Evie.”

“Good. I don't want you walking around without him, understand? Some men get strange ideas about women married to criminals.”

“Oh, Jake, you're no criminal. Not now.”

“I mean it. Keep Jess with you. He'll watch after you, gladly.” He met her eyes. “The man loves you, you know.”

She felt herself blushing. “Jake Harkner, what makes you think that?”

“I don't think it. I know it. If something happens to me…”

“Jake, stop it! There could never be anyone else for me.”

“You aren't that old, and you're a beautiful woman. I need to know someone will love you, take care of you. I wouldn't mind if it was Jess.”

Her throat ached with a need to cry. “I can take care of myself, Jake Harkner! I did it before you came along and I can do it again. Don't go pushing me into some other man's arms just yet. You might be coming home with me.”

He shook his head. “You know I won't, Randy.”

Their eyes held. They both felt the agony of needing to be together just once more. They would not make love again, never again enjoy the freedom and happiness they had shared for the last nineteen years. There had been bad times, but they had gotten through them. This was the worst, and, she thought, perhaps he was right. Perhaps he wouldn't be coming home, ever.

A guard came to the cell door then. “Time to go, Mrs. Harkner.”

Miranda blinked back tears. “Keep faith, Jake.” Her voice began to break. “Remember what I said, about how we were meant to be? I still believe it. God will bring us through this. Lloyd too. You'll see.”

He gave her a weak smile. “I'll see you at the trial.”

The guard unlocked the door, and she stepped out. She looked back at Jake. They had not even kissed, and she knew he wanted it that way. “Good-bye, Jake,” she said softly, remembering the day she had said it years ago when he rode off and left her back in Kansas City.

***

The courthouse was packed, as it had been for the three days of Jake's trial. The general public, many for whom the days of lawlessness during and after the war were a vague memory, or younger ones who did not remember those days at all, were there out of curiosity, to see a “real outlaw.” Others who had stronger, more painful memories of those days, were there to see that the “goddamn, murdering rapist” paid his just dues.

A few testified against Jake about the robbery and the abduction in question, and Attorney Steven Mattson, a young lawyer who had taken the case for Miranda at a reduced fee because she'd convinced him Jake was innocent of the charges, did an excellent job of discrediting some of them. He pointed out the fact that after twenty years, memories can become vague. After so long a time, how could they possibly remember seeing Jake at the scene? Several of the others in Kennedy's gang dressed like Jake did then, carried several guns, were just as big, some bearded.

Miranda was furious at the prosecutor for bringing up things totally unrelated to the specific charges for which Jake was being tried. The man kept mentioning other raids and robberies that “men like Jake Harkner” had committed before and after the war. He put Lieutenant Gentry on the stand. The man testified that as a Confederate agent during the war he had bought stolen guns from Jake, guns Jake had killed to get.

Mattson protested vehemently. “But you had no reservations about
buying
those illegal guns, did you, Lieutenant?” he shot back. “Even though you knew men had died in their taking. I will remind you, Lieutenant, that there was a
war
going on at the time! Men do strange things in time of war. A lot of innocent people usually die, but it's forgiven because it was war. How many innocent people did
you
kill in the war, Lieutenant?”

The courtroom had broken into pandemonium for several minutes. Once the judge managed to calm things down, Mattson argued that nothing else Jake did or was rumored to have done should be considered. Affidavits from old acquaintances supporting Jake were read to the court. Zane Parker showed up to testify that he had indeed been a dependable ranch foreman for years, but Miranda did not miss the man's cool attitude toward her and Jake. There had been a brief recess after his testimony, and the man had stopped to talk to Jake.

“I'm sorry about all of this, Jake. I've done all I can do.” He looked at Miranda. “I just hope you understand why I can't let your son see my Beth any longer. In fact, Beth has married and moved to Chicago.”

“
Married!
” Miranda's heart fell.

“Who?” Jake asked. “And why? Why didn't you just send her to school?”

“I can only tell you the man is reputable and is quite fond of her. Marriage was the only way to make sure she didn't try to see Lloyd. She understands it was the best thing to do.”

Miranda had watched after him in disbelief. The man had forced his daughter to marry a man she didn't love!

“This will kill Lloyd,” Jake had told her. “Maybe he already knows.” He had looked around the courtroom, as he was doing now, searching for his son, but still he had not come. There was only Evie, faithful Evie, who had wept so many tears and stayed by her mother's side through it all. She sat behind her father, with her mother and Jess.

Finally Miranda herself was able to take the stand. Jake watched her with an aching love. So brave and strong and devoted. She looked especially beautiful, in a russet-colored, beautifully pressed cotton dress with white lace trim around the moderately cut bodice. Her hair was done up in curls, topped with a fashionable hat that matched her dress and sported tiny flowers. She was every bit the lady, looking refined, sitting straight and proud, showing absolutely no shame or embarrassment for being Jake Harkner's wife.

Miranda's testimony as to the kind of man he was left the courtroom silent, until the prosecutor asked her to explain how she had met Jake. When she told about shooting him, a courtroom mumble grew to a near roar of gossip and laughter that caused the judge to pound his gavel in order to bring order. The prosecutor began badgering her, asking her about other violent incidents, Jake's work in Virginia City, the shoot-out in California. “Why in God's name did you marry such a violent man, Mrs. Harkner?”

Miranda watched Jake quietly for a moment. “I married Jake because I fell in love with the real man beneath all the bravado,” she answered, facing the jury. “I learned about his battered childhood. His father beat him severely and often, killed his mother and little brother. You have heard the awful story that he killed his father. He did it because he was only fifteen years old, and his father was raping a girl even younger. He didn't know how to stop the man, so he shot him. After that, he was an orphaned young man with no direction in life, a young man who knew nothing about love, either how to give it or receive it. He led a life of wandering and getting into trouble. I taught him it was all right to be proud of himself, all right to let people love him. With me and through the children he found a whole new world like nothing he had known before.”

“That's enough, Mrs. Harkner,” the prosecutor interrupted.

“Let her finish,” the judge told the man.

Miranda kept her eyes on Jake. “I have loved Jake Harkner for almost twenty years,” she continued. “I have never for one moment regretted marrying him, and at his side I have known nothing but happiness. He has been a gentle man who never once raised a hand to either of his children. He never told them about his past because he loved them so much and was afraid of losing their love.”

She looked up at the judge. “The man on trial here today, sir, is far different from the man whose picture is on those twenty-year-old wanted posters. The old Jake Harkner is a stranger.” She looked at Jake, proud of how nice he looked today in spite the weight he had lost, the way he had aged. He was still her handsome Jake. She had picked out a pair of black cotton trousers and new leather boots for him. He wore a white silk shirt that made him look even darker. The collar of the shirt was dressed with a black string tie, and he wore a black suit coat.

She turned to look at the jurors then. “Jake is a man with many scars, both physical and emotional, all put there by a violent, brutal father. He survived and brought himself out of that hell. He is a changed man, and the new Jake Harkner does not deserve to be hanged or put in prison. He has already suffered much worse punishment through his own struggles and nightmares. As far as the things he is charged for here, he was not with Kennedy's men that day. If the girl he helped that day were here, she would tell you he risked his life to rescue her from them. That's why Bill Kennedy searched for Jake afterward, for revenge. That is what led to the shoot-out in California.”