Overboard (17 page)

D
uncan was still too confused
and angry to talk when he heard Sebastian creep into the room.

“You awake?” Sebastian whispered.

Duncan lay still, hoping Sebastian would leave him alone.

They needed to talk, but later. When Duncan had had a chance to decide whether his feelings for Sebastian were stronger than the distrust that had crept back into the relationship.

He almost caved. He wanted to believe in Sebastian so badly. But he couldn’t tell if he believed that Sebastian
had
changed for him or whether he just wanted to believe that Sebastian
thought him worth changing for.

The latter was scarier. Duncan didn’t want to be that vulnerable. He knew that even if Sebastian thought he was worth changing for, it didn’t mean he would be capable of making the change.

Sebastian said, “I guess not,” and headed to the bathroom.

Duncan focused on the sounds, desperate to catch any sign of what Sebastian was really thinking. Was he laughing? Crying? Rubbing one out before climbing into bed?

Stop being so pathetic.

His body refused. He slowed his breathing to make it easier to hear things, but the air conditioner chose that moment to kick on, right as Sebastian started peeing.

Fine. That’s good timing, I guess. I don’t need to be thinking about his dick in any way shape or form.

Just saying the word made him want it and wanting it so badly made him want to shut the whole relationship down even more. There was a difference between having a fling during a cruise and staying with a man who might be cheating on him during that same cruise.

Prick.

Duncan noted that Sebastian washed his hands and brushed his teeth.

Must not be too drunk.

Duncan had worried that Sebastian had made a bad choice while drunk. That seemed in character with the jerk from the speed date. That Sebastian would drown himself in alcohol and then use it as an excuse for any stupid decisions.

Figuring it would make it easier to fake being asleep rather than risk talking, Duncan rolled onto his side before Sebastian returned. He was hot under the blankets, but Sebastian returned to the room before he could uncover.

Duncan nearly flinched when Sebastian flopped dramatically onto the couch.

“Duncan. You awake?” Sebastian whispered. He sounded sad.

Duncan knew he should get up and comfort him. Hiding in bed was the coward’s way out. Sebastian deserved more than a coward.

But for all Duncan knew, Sebastian had already been with one brave man that night.

The tiny couch rustled a few times while Sebastian shifted, trying to get comfortable. Duncan hated that little couch with its hard, slippery cushions and felt bad that Sebastian was way over there instead of on the comfy bed.

He brought it on himself, though.

Assuming Jason was telling the truth.

Idiot. What are the odds that asshole is telling the truth?

Jason being an asshole didn’t mean that Sebastian wasn’t cheating, though. The world was full of assholes. Jason had sounded amused, but he didn’t sound like he had needed to get too creative to make up the story.

“Fuck it,” Sebastian said. “He must be out cold.”

Sebastian eased himself into the bed and under the covers, lying on his back, probably staring at the ceiling.

Guilty or lonely?

The air conditioner turned off.

Sebastian’s breathing was the only sound in the room. Duncan listened to the steady inhale and exhale. He wanted to rest his head on Sebastian’s chest and let his boyfriend lull him to sleep.

He wanted to call him his boyfriend and not have to worry about any of the horrible things that Jason had said. They had to be lies. Duncan nearly gave in when Sebastian rolled over and wrapped his arm across Duncan’s chest.

Everything was perfect in that moment.

They would just sleep away the nightmare the day had turned into. When they woke up, they’d be back to being the happy couple in the pyramid’s Love Chamber.

Duncan could smell alcohol, but he focused on Sebastian’s familiar cologne instead. The scent of his man in a perfect world.

Sebastian nuzzled in tighter, pressing his firm body fully against Duncan’s back, teasing him with his erection. Duncan forced himself to not wiggle against Sebastian’s erection, no matter how amazing it felt against his ass and would have tasted in his mouth.

As long as Duncan was sleeping, there could be no problems in the world, so he kept pretending, hoping that would be enough. Even when Sebastian’s hands began tracing through his chest hair.

“Oh, I want you so bad, baby,” Sebastian whispered. “I wish you were awake.”

Me, too.

The hand slid down over Duncan’s stomach and found his dick. His dick was definitely not pretending to be asleep.

“Well, at least someone’s happy to see me.”

Sebastian teased the tip of Duncan’s dick with the tip of his thumb. “Can you get a little wet for me?”

Sebastian’s movements were so slow and light that they were killing Duncan. He swore he could hear his heart pounding a frantic rhythm. If Duncan weren’t so afraid, he would have rolled onto his back and shoved his dick into Sebastian’s mouth and demanded, “More, faster, tighter.”

“There you go. I knew you could get wet for me.”

Sebastian spread the wetness over his cock and came back for more. Only then did he start slowly and methodically stroking Duncan’s cock.

“I missed you earlier. We should have stayed together. I should have just stayed here with you. Things sure fell apart when we split up tonight.”

Duncan’s blood turned to ice.

Was that a confession? Had Jason been telling the truth?

Sebastian released Duncan and rolled onto his back.

Duncan bit back screams of frustration. He wanted Sebastian to have been faithful. He wanted Sebastian’s hand back. He wanted time to stop. He wanted to be alone and safe with Sebastian forever.

“We were so good together. We’ve got to find a way to make this work out.”

They were Sebastian’s words but they mirrored the ones in Duncan’s head.

“Fuck it. We will make it work. No matter what anyone else thinks.”

Sebastian grabbed Duncan’s dick again. With a perfect tight grip and a fast stroke, he pumped Duncan as if making him come would solve all their problems.

Duncan knew the world was more complicated than that, but he didn’t dare stop Sebastian to tell him that. His body begged for a release and Sebastian pushed him toward it. Faster and faster until Duncan exploded into the sheets with a grunt he couldn’t contain.

“Ah, you liked that, huh? Too bad you didn’t bother to wake up. We could have had some real fun.”

Duncan’s heart eventually calmed, but not his mind. What had all that meant? Was it an apology for some transgression? Was it a kind moment from a gentle lover? Was it just some early-evening fun?

None of Duncan’s earlier concerns or questions had gone away. He felt spent and tired. Confused and frustrated.

He needed some answers, but was too afraid to ask the questions.

Still holding Duncan in his arms, Sebastian quickly fell asleep.

But sleep would not come for Duncan, and he couldn’t move without waking Sebastian. So he stared at the wall, waiting for the alarm to wake him.

When it finally sounded, Duncan shot out of bed, locked the bathroom door behind him, and jumped into the shower to clean himself off.

After the shower, the two men passed each other wordlessly while Sebastian headed to take his own shower and Duncan started dressing. Duncan opened the bathroom door long enough to shout, “I’m thirsty. I’m heading to find a drink. The show starts up in a little bit, so let’s just meet up again there.”

Duncan left their room before Sebastian could reply.

H
e collapsed
with his back against the door. The pull to return to Sebastian and talk things through was very strong. He only resisted because he worried that they would just end up fighting. The show was coming up soon. He didn’t want to deal with a fight right before the show, knowing his family would be there.

On autopilot, his feet took him to the casino. Duncan had never enjoyed gambling, but the chaos of noise seemed like a fine way to pass the time and keep his crazy thoughts from overwhelming him.

He sat down at an empty chair in front of a slot machine and started playing, mindless of whether he won or lost or how much he was spending. He just kept pulling the lever whenever the slots stopped spinning.

It was kind of like life, he thought bitterly. Everyone just kept on pulling the lever of life with no idea of whether they’d win or lose. The game itself was painful and boring most of the time, but you had to keep playing. You couldn’t stop because of the off-chance that you would finally win a jackpot.

He wondered if Sebastian was bothering to look for him. It would have been nice to be chased.

Whatever. We’re probably a lost cause anyway.

He pulled the lever again, and remembered that he was spending Sebastian’s money. Even when he got away from the guy, he was still dependent on him. It would probably be just as hard to get away from him once he did return to Miami.

Duncan knew he hadn’t made the best decisions so far regarding Sebastian, and figured whichever way he chose would wind up being the wrong one again.

He left without waiting to see whether he had won or not. It didn’t really matter either way. Even if he had won, he’d feel guilty about winning by using someone else’s money.

Better to leave any money he might have won for a random stranger to enjoy.

As he wandered through the main concourse, peeking into the various shops, he wondered what he should do about Sebastian for the rest of the cruise. He needed a plan. It was too risky continuing to just wing things.

His brain told him to dump the jerk right then and there before he grew any more dependent. His heart told his brain to relax. It was just a vacation. They were just having a fling and Sebastian couldn’t possibly be the horrible person Jason had described.

He peeked into a darkly lit bar. The man at the end of the bar closest to him happened to look up at the same time.

His dad.

George finished his drink and said, “I was hoping to see you alone sometime soon. Sit down. Let’s have a talk.”

Duncan recognized that his father had issued yet another command. Unlike he could back home, he couldn’t exactly run to get away on the ship. He might as well get it over with.

He nodded without a word and sat at the bar next to his father.

George flagged down the bartender and held up two fingers. He wouldn’t even let Duncan order for himself. The bartender set two glasses of scotch in front of them, knocked twice on the bar, and returned to the other end to wipe up a spill.

When they had as much privacy as they were likely to get, Duncan snapped. “Is this going to be another one of those times where you lecture me on the horrible things that I’m doing? And then tell me how you would do them better without even asking what I want? Maybe your way of doing things better isn’t better
for me
. My goals are not your goals, you know. You can’t just go shoving your ideas on me, assuming that I want my life to be like yours. I’m not you, Dad.”

The outburst confused George, but he shook it off.

“Listen son. I’m not sure how to respond to that. You want a different drink, go ahead and order one. Can we make a note to talk about all that other stuff some other time? We just have a few minutes alone, and I have something important we need to talk about.”

Duncan lifted his glass toward his father and downed it in one swallow. “Your dime. Your topic, I guess.”

George took a sip from his glass. Duncan raised an eyebrow. His father had never been one to nurse a drink. He must have serious something serious on his mind.

He’s found out that I’m gay. We’re going to have that talk right now. Shit. I’m not ready for this.

George cleared his throat and asked, “What do you really know about this Sebastian guy?”

Duncan wanted to tell his father just how wonderful Sebastian was. But the words choked in his throat. “He’s just a... We know each other... We’re just going to be partners...”

Duncan shrugged his shoulders and continued before his dad could reply. “I appreciate your concern for me, but you don’t know anything about him either. I have a lot of things going through my head right now and I’d really rather not have this conversation. Don’t worry about me and Sebastian.”

Duncan started to rise, but his father’s words held him in place.

“He doesn’t know shit. He sounds like a rich man’s party-boy son. He’s just playing at business for some reason. Probably daddy issues. Don’t let him drag you down with his incompetence. He’ll be the only one that walks away undamaged. And he will walk away at the first sign of the business having trouble. And it will have trouble, because he doesn’t know shit.”

“He knows plenty, Dad.” The words sounded hollow to Duncan. He couldn’t even convince himself to believe the lie.

He turned on the barstool to look away from his father. “I don’t know, maybe you’re right this time. A broken clock, twice a day, and all that.”

“That’s all you’ve got? Maybe I’m right? You’re starting a business together. If you set it up wrong, you could lose everything. And Sebastian can’t possibly know enough to properly make sure you’re protected. You’re going to have to protect yourself. And the best way to do that is to stay away from the jerk.”

Duncan turned back to his father. “I don’t know what Sebastian and I will end up doing, but I’m definitely listening to your words. Like I said, you’re probably right this time. I just need some space to come up with what I plan to do about it all.”

It was George’s turn to raise his eyebrows in surprise. “Thanks for listening to me. Normally we just seem to fight for the sake of fighting without listening to what the other is trying to say. I apologize for my part in all that. I just want what’s best for you and sometimes forget that you’re a grown man and your life will be different than mine. But I do know when I smell trash. That Sebastian is trash. Put the trash out to the curb.”