Painted Lines (14 page)

Chapter
22

I
pulled out my sketch pad and pencils and offered them to Liam but he shook them
off.

“No,
you do it,” he told me, then went about explaining what he wanted. From there
he built off the initial sketch until he was happy with what we had, and with
thirty seconds remaining on the clock.  I let out a breath and stood up and
stretched.

“So,”
I said.

“So?”
Liam asked.

“Why
didn’t you sketch it out?”

“Because
you always sketch it out,” he said confused.

I
thought back and realized he was right; he and I would bounce off ideas in
certain aspects with me sketching.

“Okay,
who’s ready to go home?” Simon asked.

We
filed into the house laughing and shoving one another, though all of a sudden
all three guys stopped walking in front of me and blocked my view.  I tried to
peer between them but there wasn’t space.

“What’s
going on?” I asked.

“Nothing,”
Simon whispered.

I
heard voices but couldn’t understand what was being said, then the sound of
flesh hitting flesh. I winced then started worrying about Cas.

“Where’s
Cas?”

“He’s
fine, Harper Lee,” Liam murmured.

There
was a bang that sounded like a door and the guys moved out of the way, I ran
into the living room, Cas was walking back in the room away from the kitchen. 
I looked him over and found blood on his knuckles, I reached out and grabbed
his hand and looked them over.

“What’s
going on?”

“Nothing
you need to worry about,” Cas replied pulling his hand from mine.

“Something
is going on,” I yelled. “Why won’t you tell me?”

“It’s
nothing you need to worry about, Scout,” Cas growled, “now let it go.”

“Of
course, I mean, why would we break the routine now?  Don’t tell Scout anything,
keep lying to her, it’s easier,” I mocked.

“Scout,
that’s enough,” he barked.

“Cas,
why are you home?”

“What?”

“Why.
Are. You. Home?” I asked enunciating each word.

“I
was sent home.”

“Lie,”
I told him.  “Cas, why are you home?”

“I
was sent home,” Cas yelled.

“Why
were you sent home, Cas?”

“I
had things to take care of.”

“What
things?”

“Drop
it, Scout, I’m warning you.”

“What
things, Cas?”

“You,
god damn it, I had to take care of you,” he bellowed.

“What
about me did you have to take care of?” I screamed.

“To
keep you from fucking getting locked up again,” he replied.  “Happy now, did
you get what you want?”

“What
I want?” I asked stunned. “Why would I be locked up?”

“Because
you’re unstable, because a doctor decided you were unsafe to yourself and
others, and has been trying to get you committed,” he yelled.  “So are you
happy now?  I left everyone behind, I left my unit behind to take care of you,
and you can’t do a damn thing that I ask, can you?  I ask you to stay away from
that guy, and do you?  No.  I ask you to quit, and do you?  No.  Me though, me,
I give everything up for you.”

“Cas,
when have I ever asked you to give up anything for me?” I shrieked.  “Name one
time that I said Cas give up your life for me?  Cas protect me from my own
shadow?  Hey Cas, make all my decisions?”

“You
said all that when you let Tristan do that to you.  You should have fought, I
taught you to fight, Scout,” he roared.

“Fuck
you, Cas and stay the fuck out of my life,” I snarled.

I
spun around and found four sets of eyes trained on us in horror.  I pushed past
everyone ignoring Cas screaming at me not to leave, I flipped him off and went
out the door slamming it on my way.  I made sure I had keys to both bikes then
climbed on Angel and headed out.  I ended up at the diner I had been meeting
Thayne at.

I
went inside and ordered a cup of coffee then pulled my phone out.

ME:
YOU BUSY

THAYNE:
NO WHY

ME:
NEED HELP

THAYNE:
WHERE R U

ME:
DINER

THAYNE:
5 MIN STAY PUT PLZ

I
had to laugh at that, the first person to be polite when giving me an order.

My
phone vibrated across the table then hit the floor, I let it lay there, and I
didn’t really care at this point.  I wanted to talk to someone who wouldn’t lie
to me, and I, on some unconscious basis, realized that was Thayne, or maybe I
just needed someone who actually heard me, and once again that was Thayne. 
When had that happened, had Cas always blamed me, had they always lied to me,
and I was just blind to it all?  I didn’t know.  I didn’t know anything anymore.

“Hey,
get out of your head,” Thayne told me sitting down across from me.

“Thanks
for coming,” I mumbled.

“You
sounded like you needed a friend.”

“Yeah,
you could say that.”

“Wanna
talk about it?”

“No,
but I think I need to,” I answered honestly, so I told him about coming home,
about Cas and my argument, about what Cas had said.  I even went back telling
him about the parking lot incident when he had said basically the same thing.

“He
didn’t mean it, Scout,” Thayne told me adamantly.  “I know the guy doesn’t like
me, and I can kinda understand why, but he didn’t mean what he said to you.”

“He’s
said it more than once.”

“Yeah,
and I’m not making excuses, because I am pissed that he’s taking his shit out
on you, but it sounds like he’s been under a lot of stress and dealing with a
lot.”

“Not
that I would know,” I muttered.

“Yeah,
he should stop hiding crap from you, but you haven’t minded before.”

“Are
you really going to take his side?”

He
put his hands up.  “No I am not, but be honest with yourself here, you didn’t
mind before, did you?”

I
shook my head no.

“So
if you’ve never cared before and you haven’t sat down and had a conversation
where both sides listen, how is he to know it’s not business as usual?”

“I’ve
tried to talk to him, he doesn’t listen.”

“You’re
going to have to make him.”

I
leaned my head back to rest against the booth.  “I just feel so lost and
confused, like I don’t know who anyone is anymore.”

“Scout,
sometimes you have to get lost to find yourself. I think you have the lost part
down, now it’s time to find out what you want.”

“How
do I do that?”

“That
I can’t tell you, I would love to, but this is something you have to do on your
own.  I will be here, I will support you, but I cannot nor would I do it for
you.”

“What
if you don’t like who I am?”

“Scout,
I don’t think that is going to be a problem.  I’ve seen glimpses of her, and
believe me I will more than like her,” he whispered.

I
wiped the tears from my cheeks and nodded.  “I don’t want to go home yet,” I
confessed.

“No
one is making you, but you do realize you will have to eventually?”

“Yeah,
I know, just not yet.”

He
slid my phone across the table, “Here, I think you dropped this.”  Then we
spent the next few hours drinking coffee, talking and Thayne coercing me to
eat.

When
we were leaving, it was close to the time we usually met, Thayne sat down on my
bike and looked me over.  “Do me a favor, sweet cheeks, get some sleep, and
more than a nap, real sleep.”

“I
can’t.”

“You
have to, or you are going to pass out while riding and get yourself killed.”

“I’m
fine,” I replied automatically.

He
scowled at me.  “No, you are not fine, sleep, please, if not for me then for
yourself.”

“I’ll
think about it.”

“No,
don’t think about it, just let your body have what it so desperately needs, please.”

I
sighed and nodded, “I’ll try.”

“Thank
you,” he replied and leaned down and pressed a kiss to my forehead.  “Drive
home slowly and be safe.”

I
nodded and traded places with him, he grabbed my helmet and put it on my head
then buckled it checking to make sure it was secure.

“I
would follow you home, but I know how much that will irritate you, so can you
text me and let me know you got there okay?”

I
nodded then turned the bike on, gave him a wave bye and took off towards home.

I
pulled up into the driveway and turned off the bike then removed my helmet.  I
quickly sent Thayne a text saying I was home safe and sound then I headed
inside.

When
I walked into the living room Cas, Simon, Liam, and Kale were sitting there
staring at me.  I bypassed them and went into the kitchen grabbing an energy
drink and my meds.  After draining the can, I tossed it into the trash and
headed back into the living room.

“Can
I go to bed now?” I asked and four heads turned and looked at me like I was
crazy.

“Where
the hell have you been?” Cas asked quietly.

“Out,”
I told him and went towards the bathroom to change into the pajamas I had been
keeping in there.

“I
asked you a question,” he yelled.

I
closed the bathroom door and stripped out of my clothes then quickly pulled on
a pair of capris and a tank top and headed back out.

“And
I told you I was out.”

“Where
the fuck were you?” he bellowed.

I
sighed and looked at him towering over me.  “I was out drinking coffee, had
some dinner, and then came home.”

“Who
were you with?” he asked grabbing my arm hard.

“Thayne,”
I told him glaring into his eyes.

He
shoved me and I stumbled tripping over the coffee table at which point the
other three jumped up and started yelling at Cas.  I pushed legs out of my way
and stood up.  I glared at all of them then headed down the hall where a hand
came out grabbing my arm and pulling me into the master bedroom.  It was a good
thing I saw that hand or I would have screamed bloody murder, as it was my
heart was beating a mile a minute.

“I
swear I could beat them all,” Cam said then locked the bedroom door.

“Uhm,
what are you doing?”

“Going
to bed, you coming?” she asked then went and sat down on the bed looking at me
expectantly.

I
looked at her, shrugged, and climbed up on the bed, “What about Simon?”

“Oh,
he already knows he’s not sleeping in my bed tonight,” she said sounding pissed
off.

Yelling
came from the other room but I laid down ignoring it; I was done with this
tonight.

“So
how was your night?” I asked her.

She
laughed, “Oh it was fantastic, you left and I had four pissed off males to deal
with, eventually I just took Zadok and locked the door.”

“Sorry,”
I mumbled.

“Oh
I am not mad at you.  I am pissed off at them.”

“Who
was here when we came in earlier?”

“Ace,”
she told me, “him and Cas were fighting.  He pissed Cas off, so Cas hit him
then tossed him out the back door.”

“Why
not just tell me that?”

“Because
you would want to know what they were fighting over.”

“No
I wouldn’t, they were fighting over me.”

“Yeah,
partially, the other is for Cas to tell you, no matter how much I do not agree
with him keeping things from you, it’s for him to tell you.”

“Well,”
I said turning over and gazed at the wall, “that will never happen.”

Chapter
23

I
blinked, then blinked again, fighting to stay awake, it was after midnight and
I could still hear them talking, I sighed and started counting anything I could
in the room.  I blinked again fighting to reopen my eyes, I opened them as wide
as I could staring up at the ceiling, I looked over at the clock and it had
only been three minutes since I had last looked.  I knew if I went back out
there that I would only be pulled into the argument they were having.

I
would’ve gotten up and paced but I was afraid of bumping into something and
waking up Zadok or Cam.  So I fought to keep from blinking but I could feel my
eyes get more and more heavy, lethargy took over my body then I was gone. 
Sleep had finally caught up with me.

I
felt the bed dip and I whimpered which was answered with a slap across the
face, then his fingers began running up and down the gashes he had left on my
torso.  He dug a finger in causing one to bleed again, I screamed.   He slapped
me again and told me to be quiet, he wanted to enjoy this.  He pulled out his
knife and cut my panties away, I bit my lip hard enough to draw blood.  He
stood up and began taking his clothes off and I knew what he was going to do to
me.  I started begging and pleading with him not to do this, just kill me now.  He
laughed it off.  After all his clothes were off, he climbed on top of me.  I
screamed and he punched me in the torso, I screamed louder.  When he climbed
off me, I thought I was safe, but he only grabbed my jaw digging his fingers in
and shoving the rag back into my mouth.  I heard tape rip then he slapped it
hard over my bleeding mouth. He climbed back on top of me and I fought.  I
fought him as much as I could being bound to the bed.  He laughed telling me
loved me like this, feisty.  He grabbed ahold of my hips jerking them against
the bonds then proceeded to force himself into me.  I stopped fighting, I
stopped screaming, I laid there through the pain through the humiliation of him
doing this to me.  He finally grunted then pulled free of my body laughing at
the fresh blood on my thighs, and I laid there, broken, beaten, just hoping he
would kill me soon.

Arms
were holding me down and I fought, I fought as hard as I could through the
shackles of their fingers, but I couldn’t get away.

“Come
on, scream, you little slut, scream for me,” he yelled as I continued to stare
at the ceiling, he pulled back and punched me again.  I didn’t move.  I didn’t
react.  He pulled out a lighter grabbing my leg and putting the flame against
my skin, and I withered in pain and let out a whimper, finally screaming. 
After he got that out of me, he climbed back on top of me, I turned my head and
began dry heaving, and he slapped me.  I couldn’t remember how many times he
had violated my body at this point.  I no longer cared, I just wished for
death.

“Shhh,
come on, Scout,” I heard a voice whisper.  “Leave that place.”

He
finished and laughed.  “I have a present for you later, little one,” he said
chuckling to himself then left.  I passed out.

“Scout,”
a voice yelled, “that’s enough.”

Cold
water coated my skin and I jerked awake.  “Wake up, little one,” his voice told
me laughing hysterically.  Then he grabbed my head and ripped the tape off,
pulled out the rag and then proceeded to pour water into my mouth while holding
my jaw open.  I choked, it felt like I was drowning.

“Harper
Lee,” someone murmured, “come on, wake up.”

“We’re
going to have some fun, little one,” he told me.  “You know what this is?”  I
stared at the ceiling ignoring him so he hit me.  I continued to stare at the
ceiling, “I made this for you, little one,” he told me then climbed on the
bed.  I waited for his body weight but it never came, sharp excruciating pain
did though.  I screamed with what voice I had, I begged him to stop, but he
just continued, telling me how beautiful I looked.  It felt like he was cutting
me open from the inside out, and he was laughing.  Then I heard a new voice say
something, then he was off the bed and I passed out from the pain racking my
body.

I
was so cold, why was I so cold?  The water, he was back, I screamed fighting,
begging him not to hurt me again.  Slowly my body couldn’t move, my voice
became faint then I couldn’t remember anything other than the blackness that
surrounded me.

“We
can’t take her to the hospital, if we do, they will commit her this time,” I
heard someone say.

I
couldn’t open my eyes, my body felt so heavy.  I tried to open my eyes over and
over but they wouldn’t respond to my commands.  Eventually I drifted off to the
place in between sleep and awake, I could hear voices, sometimes even
understand them.

Finally
I was able to flutter my eyes, and then again, keeping them open longer this
time.  I looked around and found I was alone in Simon’s room.  I tried to
remember how I got here, then it came back and I wish it hadn’t, the time with
Thayne, the fight with Cas, sleeping in here with Cameron, the nightmare, the
rapes.  I curled up into a ball and cried.  I cried for the little girl whose
body was broken, for the woman whose life was unequivocally changed.  I cried
giant racking sobs for all that was taken from me.  I cried as I had never
cried before mourning her loss.

I
felt arms circle me from behind.  I jerked at seeing Thayne there then rolled
over gripping him hard and hiding my head in his chest while I cried.

Finally
when the sobs had lessened he pulled me away and caressed my cheek.  “You’re
brother called me.”

My
surprise must have shown on my face because he let out a humorless laugh.  “He
wanted to know what I had done to you, but I heard your screams so I came over,
Cam let me in.  She is scary.  By the way, remind me never to piss her off.”

I
nodded, watching him, waiting him to tell me he couldn’t do this.  “So this is
why you don’t sleep, huh?”

“Yeah,”
I said my throat hurting and my voice hoarse.

“It
scared the hell out of me when I heard you screaming on the phone,” he
murmured.

“I’m
sorry,” I whispered.

“Nothing
to be sorry about, Scout, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

I
curled back into his chest.  “After I was found, I almost died.  I wished they
had let me, at times. Now I still wish they had,” I confessed.

He
held me tighter against his body and I felt peace. For the first time in so
long, I felt peace.

The
door slammed open and I jumped.  “What the fuck are you doing in here?” Cas
yelled.

I
flinched and buried myself into him further.  He ran a hand through my hair. 
“Lying with Scout, talking to her,” he said calmly.

“She’s
awake?” he yelled, “and you didn’t come tell anyone?”

“Yeah,
she’s awake,” he replied then pulled back from me and kissed my forehead. 
“Talk, soon?”

I
nodded and he kissed my forehead once more.  “Okay, I’m going to go.”

“Okay,”
I whispered and watched him untangle himself from me then climb off the bed. 
And I felt the loss of his body against mine like a blow.

After
he left, Cas sat down beside me and reached out but when I flinched, he
retracted his hand like it had been burned.

“Scout,
I’m sorry for what I said earlier, and I am so sorry that I pushed you, that
will never happen again.”

I
nodded pulling the blanket up to my chin watching him; he looked like a caged
tiger.

“I
don’t think you should compete today,” he said.

“I’m
not quitting,” I told him.

“That’s
not what I was saying,” he paused then licked his lips.  “Though I would like
you to think about bowing out.”

“No,”
I croaked, “if I bow out as you put it, the guys are down to three team members
and are disqualified.  We are going to win.  We are going to have the money we
need.  I refuse to give up now.”

“We
can talk about this later, but it’s six a.m., Scout, you were given Haldol. 
You can’t go in today.”

I
shrugged. “Have to.”

“Scout,
you’re slurring your words, your movements are off, how are you going to work?”

“I’m
not,” I told him.  “I am going to lay down in my corner out of the way, just
like I planned to do, I’m not involved in this one.”

Simon
walked in and smiled at me.  “She’s right, this is all Liam, Kale, and me.  She
would play gopher if anything.”

Cas
ran his fingers through his hair.  “Fine, just watch her,” he told Simon then
got up and stomped out of the room.

“Thanks,”
I told Simon.

“Cam’s
coming in to help you get dressed, we’re taking the car,” he told me then left
the room.

I
sighed and when Cam came in dressed me, adding a flannel shirt to cover the
scratches on my arms, unfortunately I couldn’t hide the ones on my neck as
easily.  Time to cut my fingernails down, I thought as I got ready to go.

We
got there just in time.  They corralled us through make up then out to the
floor and into formation.  Eddie came up and gave today’s directions but I
didn’t hear any of it, I was too focused on keeping myself upright.  After what
felt like an eternity, we were released and the guys brought me into the teams
stall, grabbed my pillow and blanket then laid me down.  I snuggled down on the
concrete floor with the blanket wrapped around me.  I half watched them
scramble around doing what they needed to, I could feel sleep tugging at me,
but I fought it off, watching them.

Thayne
walked into our stall and motioned over at me, all three of them looked at each
other then back at Thayne.

“We
have to get this bent, and we can’t leave her alone,” Liam explained.  “Can you
stay with her?”

Thayne
nodded. “Yeah, my team doesn’t want me around.”

Simon
cocked his head, “Why?”

“Uhm,”
he said rubbing the back of his neck then looked over at me.  “I don’t know
anything about engines, or metal work anything like that,” he mumbled blushing.

Kale
shrugged. “That’s why we have teams, not everyone can do everything.”  Then
went back to work.

I
watched Thayne walk over towards me then sat down leaning against the wall.

“How
you feeling?” he whispered.

I
shrugged but not sure if he could see it since I was wrapped up like a burrito.

“She
won’t talk much, the meds are still in her system,” Simon told him. “Keep her down,
give her water when she’ll take it, and make sure she stays wrapped up.”

Thayne
nodded, “Will do, anything else?”

Simon
handed him my phone.  “It has all our numbers if you need anything, at all,
call—we will come running.”

“Okay.”

Simon
looked down at me and smiled sadly, “Sleep,” he ordered then followed Liam and
Kale out.

I
rolled my eyes up to look at Thayne, he looked over at me and smiled then
scooted closer and patted his thigh.  I lifted my head as he slid under, I laid
my head down on his upper thigh.  He ran his fingers through my hair and I
hummed in pleasure.

“One
of these days, Scout, you’re going to trust me enough to tell me what
happened.”  He continued to run his fingers through my hair looking down at
me.  “So why aren’t you up there helping them with this stuff?”

“Not
allowed,” I whispered, my voice was still hoarse, “meds mess with me, it’s not
safe.”

He
nodded.  “What meds?” I shook my head no and he nodded his head yes.  “Come on,
Scout,” he cajoled.

“BuSpar,
Ativan, and on occasions Haldol.”

“For?”

“Anxiety
disorder,” I told him.  “Now your turn.”

“My
turn for what?”

“I’ve
told you about me, now your turn.”

“Not
much to tell,” he said and I glared at him.  He ran his other hand through his
hair and sighed, “Fine, let’s see, perfect family or so we thought till Dad ran
off with his secretary divorcing Mom.  He left us with very little, so Mom went
to work, but she had been a stay at home mom for years so there wasn’t much, ya
know?”

I
nodded.

“So
she worked two jobs leaving me and my sister at home alone all the time. I
resented her, I hated my dad, I was a teenage boy and I was angry.  I started
doing stupid shit, drugs, and drinking.  Found I had a knack with spray paint
cans, picked up more than once for that.” He smiled.  “Then one building I got
busted by the owner’s son.  I was seventeen at the time, and he convinced his
dad that instead of calling the cops they should teach me instead.  Apparently
the building I chose that night built custom bikes, and my particular skill set
was useful to them, they gave me an apprenticeship and taught me to paint
bikes.”  He looked down at me smiling wistfully, “they saved me, and I will
never forget that”.  “That’s why when I hear you talk about Tris it doesn’t
make sense to me.  I cannot see him hurting someone, and I mean, he really did
save me, he’s been my best friend since.”