Pandora Gets Greedy (17 page)

“Crispus,” Pandy said, prodding the boy from his kneeling position on the floor. “Come on. We can all get out of here and get back before sunrise. Then we can warn Caesar …”

“Can't you see the boy is praying?” came a soft squeal from over Pandy's shoulder.

Pandy turned to see a woman standing a little further along the wall. Her face was lovely—beautiful, in fact—and very familiar. Then Pandy glanced at all the carvings in the cavern. The nose, the mouth, the almond-shaped eyes; they were the very same.

“It's … she's … you,” Pandy said, pointing to the walls.

“Go to the head of your class.”

But the face of the woman in front of her was dirty and her dark hair appeared to have been coiffed, but perhaps several days ago. Now some of it hung down in unkempt ringlets, and a pearl comb was tangled in a knot of hair and … something else. The fabric of her robes looked new, but they were beyond filthy. Then Pandy caught a downwind whiff and nearly keeled over.

“For Jupiter's sake, don't fall backward,” the woman said. “You'll fry like a fish.”

“What?” said Pandy, covering her nose.

The woman picked up a tiny stone and tossed it in front of her. One meter out from the wall, the rock exploded against an unseen barrier.

“Stop exploding things, Cloacina,” Juno called out. “Or I'll explode you.”

“I hate her,” said Cloacina, her eyes narrowing as she looked at Juno. She was trying to keep her voice low, but Pandy felt somehow that this was a creature who was used to screaming. “People despise me for what I look like, what I rule over; how I smell. Yet they need me to keep their homes and their bodies clean and purified. They love me for that. No one needs Juno or that new one. The Greek sow. No one needs or loves them.”

Cloacina turned back to Pandy and the others.

“You may thank me for saving you now,” she said.

“I knew it!” Crispus cried, raising his head. “I knew it was you!”

“Of course,” Cloacina said. “You chanted, I answered. I can't get myself out of this silly prison those two have put me in, but I can still bust out a wall and save a group of slaves from drowning in bathwater.”

“Cloacina, Goddess of the Sewers,” said Crispus, “this is Pandora of Athens. She's actually not a slave. She's here to find …”

“
I know
who she is!” Cloacina snapped, but in a way that reminded Pandy of a small barking dog. “I know who you are, my dear. Honestly, just because I live underground and my home is decorated with Rome's waste material, nobody thinks I'm in the loop, you know? Oh, sure I try to pretty it up with effective mood lighting but … anyway,
you're
the one all the gods are talking about. It's not that I get invited to any of their smart evening meal gatherings, mind you, but I hear things. Vibrations through the pipes and whatnot. I read a lot. I stay current. And those two blue-robed gorgons have done nothing but talk about you since they wangled their way into my home and imprisoned me. I would've liked to welcome you properly, but I'm afraid I really can't play hostess right now.”

Pandy was overcome by the oddest sensation. She had become used to having her name and tales of her adventures precede her; Douban the Physician had known all about her, and Mahfouza had told her family everything before Pandy had arrived at their home. But Pandy had never been so bizarrely excited—this time, her reputation had gone before her into the sewers of Rome and into the ears of an important but isolated goddess.

“I don't mean to be rude, but why are you imprisoned?” Pandy asked.

“
They
wanted to use my underground palace for their unsavory scheme,” Cloacina said, cocking her head toward the two goddesses. “I said no, so I got locked up. They caught me completely off guard—which doesn't happen often. They were all smiles one moment. ‘Oh, we're just taking a tour of the sewers,' Juno said. Next moment, I'm in here. You know, I think I've seen the other one—the bigger one—before. I think she was in line at the Bureau of Visiting Deities in Persia just a little while ago. I was there on a working vacation for some genies, seeing if they could get a better sewer system in Baghdad, and that blue-robed kraken was asleep at the head of the line. What a maroon!”

Suddenly a rock exploded against the barrier—from the other side.

“Cloacina!” cried Hera. “He's almost done over here. If you cause him to make a mistake I will personally slice you into tiny bits and feed you to my prized peacocks.”

“And I'll let her,” yelled Juno.

“Try it, heifer!” said Cloacina. “I'll choke 'em all …”

“Uh! It was me!” said Pandy, as Cloacina turned to look at her. “Sorry, my bad.”

“Add it to the list, brat,” said Hera, turning back to Varius.

Suddenly, at the worktable, Juno gave a whoop and held up a small, shiny piece of gold. Hera and Juno both examined it in the candlelight. Then Juno set the coin back on the table as she and Hera danced about joyfully in the colored mist.

“What gives?” whispered Alcie.

“Iole,” mouthed Pandy.

Ignoring the celebration over at the table, Pandy took a small step forward.

“Iole?” she asked softly.

“Here,” came Iole's voice.

“Bright ideas?” Alcie asked.

“None. How about your power over fire, Pandy? Any way to use it?” Iole's voice seemed to be coming out of the mist.

“I can't think of anything,” Pandy replied. “I could
turn all the water spray to steam … but that would only cook everyone.”

Without warning, Iole materialized for an instant, then disappeared again.

“Uh-oh,” Pandy said, then all at once she felt exhausted. Beyond exhausted. She nearly sank to her knees alongside Alcie, who was leaning against the rock wall. Then she found her footing again and was fine. Then Iole popped into view for a longer period of time. Then she was gone again.

“The rolls,” Alcie said. “They're wearing off!”

“Which means our six hours are up and it won't be too much longer before dawn,” said Pandy. “Iole?”

But Iole was already on the move. Flickering in and out of view, she was moving through the mist, trying to get close to Varius and the new coin. Then Pandy saw Iole's flickering arm from behind the large wooden chair, reaching out for the golden disk, newly engraved with Lucius's face.

“What is she doing!” Alcie gasped.

“Gods! I think she thinks the coin might be connected to Greed!” Pandy said.

“It's not,” said Cloacina flatly.

“The aureus Caesar held up to the crowd wasn't, I know that,” Pandy said, flickering hope that the goddess
knew something more. “But how do you know that
this
gold isn't affected?”

“Please,” Cloacina said with a laugh. “I deal with scary, putrid nastiness all day, every day. You think I wouldn't be able to tell when
una malorum SEMPER
came into my realm? Besides, all the things I've heard about your adventures indicate that merely touching one of the great Evils would infect the mortal touching it. And that pale kid with the tiny chisel has been hands-on with that gold for a while; he looks fine. Greed is somewhere else, believe me. And your friend is gonna get herself in trouble for nothing.”

Iole's fingers were almost on the coin when she became completely solid and in plain view … of Hera. The goddess snatched Iole's wrist, nearly breaking it.

“Well hello, little one,” she cooed. “So nice to see you. Juno,
this
is the smart one! Then again, maybe not so smart after all, eh? Oh, Pandora, change in plans! Not going to kill the redhead first. I'm going to snuff out the brains of the operation.”

“Wait!” cried Juno.

“Why is someone always stopping me!” screamed Hera.

“But, my darling, she's a Vestal!” Juno said excitedly, picking up the newly carved coin and dropping it into a pocket in the folds of her robe.

“Yes,
and
…?” Hera said.

“
And
do you know what they do to Vestals if found in the company of a male?” Juno said, nodding toward Crispus.

“Swat 'em hard on the behind?” Hera queried, shrugging her shoulders.

“They bury them.
Alive
!” Juno said. “And she belongs to the senator's house. Oh, Hera! If I am correct, all the other entertainment at Caesar's feast will just be an appetizer to the main course
and
a tremendous bore! We're going to see this child covered with dirt while she's still squirming!”

“Gods,” yawned Pandy, in spite of her terrific panic, as she leaned against Alcie where she stood. “Juno makes Hera look like a purring kitten.”

But Alcie was already asleep.

“All right, everybody front and center,” cried Juno.

Instantly, Pandy, Homer, Crispus, a sleeping Alcie, and Cloacina were transported out of their invisible prison to face the blue-robed goddesses. Pandy felt sleep trying to overtake her. It had been forever since she'd closed her eyes, and all that running and jumping. As energized as she had been, that's how tired she was now. One of her two best friends was going to be put to death in the most gruesome way and it was all she could do to keep her eyes open.

“And now, two centurion guards, if you please,” Juno said.

Hera held the group at bay while the Roman goddess snapped her fingers. Instantly, two guards in full armor appeared, completely confused at having been whisked off the streets above.

“You will not speak,” said Juno. “You will listen.”

She yanked Iole out of Hera's hand. Dragging Iole over to Crispus, she grabbed him by his cloak, holding them both out in front of her as if they were soiled garments.

“I have here a Vestal and her male companion. She belongs to the house of Lucius Valerius and you will get word to him that she has been compromised by his company and probably has been for many moons. You will take them to the prison and you will inform the captain of the guards and Valerius himself that you two found them both on the street together holding hands. Inform them as well that her sentence of death and his must be carried out after nightfall but before daybreak or the wrath of the Queen of Heaven will fall heavily upon him.”

“Queens,” corrected Hera.

“Very few people really know that the Greek gods are here, lambie-pie,” Juno said. “We don't want to confuse anyone. Let's keep it simple.”

“Fine,” huffed Hera.

“Iole,” Crispus whispered, gazing at her terrified face. “I'm so sorry.”

“Not your fault,” Iole said stoically. Then a single tear streaked down her left cheek.

“Do you understand?” Juno asked the guards.

“We do,” said one.

“Begone.”

“Pandy!” Iole screamed. Then she and Crispus vanished, Iole's cry hanging in the air.

“That's it,” mumbled Cloacina, so softly that Pandy barely caught it. “I'm done. They wanted to see the sewers …?”

The moment that Iole and Crispus disappeared with the guards, Juno and Hera fell all over themselves with glee and congratulations. In that instant, Cloacina lowered her head just a touch and closed her eyes.

Within the space of a heartbeat, the draining bathwater began to gush with greater force out of the mouths and eyes of Cloacina's carved faces; such was the pressure that some of the faces actually exploded outward. Shards of rock flew all over the cavern as the water began to rise. Then the Cloaca Maxima quickly began to overflow. Desperately wanting to sleep, Pandy willed her eyes to stay open when she realized what was happening. A second later, the water level had risen by a full
meter. Suddenly Juno and Hera grasped what was going on and both reared back to strike at Cloacina. Pandy summoned on reserves of strength completely unknown to her and leveled two fireballs directly at the eyes of both goddesses. Momentarily blinded, Juno and Hera fell back into the water.

Pandy turned to Cloacina to ask what she should do and was horrified to see that water was also pouring out of Cloacina's own mouth. Cloacina craned her head to look at Pandy, grinned—which nearly terrified Pandy out of her wits—and winked. Suddenly, Pandy was knocked off her feet and found herself floating in a rising sea of used bathwater.

And she couldn't keep her eyes open.

She only knew that she was floating swiftly but rather gently, bumping into something that felt like it might be Homer or Alcie, who were also floating. They were all bobbing in the water and heading toward the stone arch, which led to the Tiber.

The Tiber!

Pandy jerked awake for only a moment. Time enough to see Juno and Hera flailing about.

“Can't swim!” said Hera, fighting to keep her head above water.

“Well, if you can't, then I can't!” Juno cried.

Then all was dark. Pandy had floated under the arch
and only seconds later was breathing sweet, fresh air as she headed down the mighty river that bisected Rome. Without warning, Morpheus appeared in her mind as she began to sleep again, a huge smile on his dark, beautiful face as he was about to speak. Then, he was gently shoved aside, rather surprised, as Cloacina stepped into view.

“Thanks, Morph. Just a few quick words, okay? Oh, that Morpheus; such a pal. Hi, Pandora!” she squealed. “First of all, real treat meeting you. Best of luck with your quest and all that. I've enchanted the water to hold up you and your pals until you hit the riverbank, so no worries about drowning. And Morpheus has promised to wake you all just before your heads go bonk on the stones alongside the water. Hopefully, you'll be able to get wherever you need to go before anyone catches you. So—probably won't be seeing you again—which is a shame 'cause I could have given you a sewer tour that very few mortals ever get. Ah, well. Anywho, just wanted to show you what you're missing now that you're out of my realm.”