Parallel: The Secret Life of Jordan McKay (3 page)

I shrugged. “Sure, I don’t mind.” Truthfully I wanted her to stay, not just because I liked this woman but because I was also frightened to be alone.

She shook her head with a smile. “And to think, earlier today I figured God was a fraud. I guess this is his way of proving me wrong.”

I raised my eyebrows and thought about my own predicament. “Yeah, me too.”

She laughed again, and it made me feel good, as though her laughter had touched my very soul. There was another couch opposite the one on which we were sitting, and I eyed it. I was sure I had a bedroom somewhere, but I desperately wanted to be close to her, to hear her sleep. After another moment of silence I made a move to get up, but she stopped me.

“You stay here.” She rose from the couch and grabbed a blanket that had been thrown over the back and laid it over me, tucking the edges. She then walked over to the other couch and let herself fall into it, exhaling as her back met the cushion, dust flying everywhere.

We laid there for a moment before I heard her breathing change, and when I looked, I saw she was asleep. There were dark circles under her eyes and I could swear she looked dead, but I could understand. This woman beside me had given me all her heart, her last ounce of understanding; just as I was sure she had to everyone she’d met.

I pressed my head against the pillow, feeling lost. Why was I here? Why was I living this dream? I pinched my arm, but nothing happened. What if this was real? What if I had somehow traveled into my future, as I had longed to do for so long? I always wanted to know that there was life beyond what I knew at home, beyond the hell that was my childhood. Perhaps I had manifested it hard enough that now here I was, living it.

I shut my eyes, concentrating now on the past and the life I had known. The room began to feel cold and things around me to shook like an earthquake. I opened my eyes and looked at the woman, but she did not wake. It was then that the same feeling overcame me and my blood began to boil in my veins. I opened my mouth to scream, but before I could utter a word, I was back on the park bench with nothing but a popsicle stick in my hand and an orange stain on my khakis where it had melted.

Formulated from the journals

of Patient #32185

July 6th, 1988

3:47 p.m.

I dropped the popsicle stick to the ground, my legs dangling from the bench. I put my hands to my forehead that was now ripping open with pain, much as it had on the bus. My stomach lurched then, my body doubling over as I rolled off the bench and to the ground. A cold sweat coated my body, and I begged for my life to end, to stop the pain. I lay frozen for a moment, concentrating on my breathing, until the aching began to subside and I was able to take a deep breath and open my eyes.

To my relief, no one had noticed that I was here and it was hard to know what had happened in the time since I left. I looked at my pants and I could feel my cheeks flush as the orange syrup became sticky between my fingers. I propped myself up off the ground with one shaky arm, dirt clinging to the stain on my pants as I rested for a moment.

It was then that the pain was replaced by fear, fear of what my father would do when he saw me. I wiped the sweat from my brow and got to my feet where I ran to the nearest drinking fountain. I clasped my hands together and gathered a handful of water, splashing it on my pants and praying the stain would leave. After scrubbing as well as I could, I let my pants dry in the sun, looking at my pale young skin and remembering the way it had looked just moments ago.

I thought about the woman, searching my brain and finding her existence felt real, not like a dream that would quickly fade. My fingers still tingled with the memory of the way her hand had felt, her soft skin. It was real.

My head was still pounding but I found that all the knowledge I had gained on the bus had stayed with me. I looked toward a nearby sign, finding that reading it became easy, each word a recognizable symbol rather than the complicated mess it had been at kindergarten. I crunched my brows together, realizing the power of the talent that was now within my grasp. I was confused as to why or how this had happened to me, scared that it wouldn’t go away, but then again, did I want it to?

I kept breathing, not knowing what else to do. Everything felt like it was happening so fast that my mind raced with the possibilities, finding that perhaps at a time like this, finding reason was a waste of energy. If I were dreaming, as I hoped I was, then why could I see and feel everything with such vivid detail? I looked at the scar on my hand, seeing that it was now fresher than it had been on the bus, youthful and new like before.

An idea came to mind then and a childish smile spread across my face, my large ears flexing toward my hair. I needed to test this, to see what it was I could do, to see if it was something I could control. My body still ached from before, but I didn’t care, the feeling of adrenaline was too strong to ignore. I lay back in the grass and closed my eyes, allowing the world around me to dissipate as I began to think.

I concentrated on the day I got the scar and the neighbor dog that had bit me. They had put the dog down because of it, claiming he had never done anything like it before, but my father didn’t care. He had threatened to kill it himself if they didn’t, and they believed him. I had felt horrible about his death everyday since because it hadn’t been the dog’s fault. If I hadn’t poked it in the eye, it would have never cared and it would have never died. I had loved that dog because I could relate to it, trapped inside a fence all of its life, never able to reach the world beyond.

A deep pain welled in my heart, and I felt a tear form in my eye as the feeling of guilt overcame me. I opened my mouth and took a deep breath, pressing down the feeling and concentrating on it. It was then that the ground began to shake like an earthquake and I felt my heart begin to beat faster, as though beating in reverse. The blood in my veins began to rush toward my head and the ground left me, as though God had grabbed my sides and thrown me like a baseball, thrown me back to that day.

Formulated from the journals

of Patient #32185

August 18, 1986

10:53 a.m.

I winced as loose gravel dug into the palms of my hands, landing on the hot pavement of my driveway. Forcing my eyes open as they watered with pain, I looked at my palms, now burning from the gravel wedged deep inside. I bit my lip, forcing back tears as I saw and felt more like a child, younger and less able to handle the pain. The urge to have my mommy overwhelmed me.

I focused on the blood dripping toward my elbows, my arms now tiny. The world around me was spinning as it had in the park, but it took less time to calm as my body grew used to the changes. The blood in my veins felt hot and furious, alive in a way that reminded me I was still human. I looked around and saw my tricycle had been pushed onto its side just to my left, the wheels still spinning, telling me I had been riding it.

I wanted to smile but found I couldn’t, the excitement of the whole situation too overwhelming. It felt like déjà vu, only in reverse, my memories and intelligence from the future remaining with me. It was as though I was hovering above myself, watching my life as a four year old run in my head like a movie I’d seen a hundred times. I was fascinated by what was happening, fascinated that I had defied science in a way that had changed my whole life.

A sharp bark came from my left, and I craned my head to look as I wiped the blood from my arms on my overalls. Rover continued to bark at me through the fence, his tongue wagging between each howl in the same way I remembered. I pushed myself off the ground and brushed off my pants, assessing the new scars one last time, and realizing they would be with me for the rest of my life.

I walked toward the fence, noting that my legs weren’t as long as I had been used to, and making sure to take the right number of steps. Rover’s tail began to wag, excited that I was coming to say hello. Placing one hand on the fence to steady myself, I pushed my other through the gate and patted him on the head.

“Its okay bud. I won’t hurt you.” My voice sounded like an infant, though my words were now well articulated, absent of the lisp I once had.

Rover licked my hand and began to whine, almost as if happy that I hadn’t poked him in the eye like before. I laughed, allowing his cool tongue to ease the stinging that still remained on the palms of my hands, his nose sniffing the blood and his eyes watching me as though sorry. I smiled, finding that I had done all I needed, I had forced change and the future would surely reflect that. It was then that I heard the voice of an angel behind me, and I jumped, feeling as though I’d heard a ghost.

“Jordan honey, are you all right?”

It was the same line she had said in the past, except this time it was because of the bike accident and not the dog. A cold chill rolled over me as I turned and swallowed, my mother rushing toward me, plucking me from the ground like a sack of potatoes. I wrapped my arms around her neck and began to cry, finding that I missed her more than I ever thought I would.

“Mom…” I cried, “Mommy.”

“Shhhh….”

She rubbed the back of my head, flattening my soft hair behind my giant ears. I reveled in the feeling, breathing deep and taking in her familiar scent. She rocked me from side to side and I shut my eyes as hard as I could, drinking in the moment but finding it too hard to handle much longer.

“Mommy.” I paused as I snuggled closer to her ear. “You deserve better,” I whispered.

She pulled me away from her, shock coating her face as her grasp cut into my arms with desperation. “What did you say?” Her brows were pressed together, her brown eyes storming under her thick lashes.

“You deserve better. Mommy. I want to leave.” I was terrified to say it but this was my chance.

She pressed her lips together as she fought to blink back tears. “Okay.” She began to nod as she looked toward the sky, then back at me. She opened her mouth to speak again, her lip shaking. “Okay honey, we’ll leave.”

I leaned against her chest one last time, squeezing her as hard as I could. It was then that I realized I had done more than save Rover. I had saved her. I shut my eyes and clenched my teeth, trying to get back to age six and wondering what I would find.

I felt my blood begin to cook, my stomach now sour and my head sweating. The ground began to shake as I felt the familiar pull on my sides, taking me back to where I came from, back to six.

Formulated from the journals

of Patient #32185

July 6th, 1988

3:56 p.m.

I crashed onto the grass from what felt like twenty feet, the malleable ground around me molding into the shape of my body. The breath was knocked from my lungs and I gasped for air, my skin tight as though stretching from a youthful age four to now. As I lay there lifeless on a bed of grass, I was at least relieved that it wasn’t gravel and pavement this time, counting my blessings. I kept my eyes squeezed shut, not willing to open them to the fact that she was now gone.

I let a painful breath escape my lips, my whole body covered in a cold sweat as I shuddered. I could feel the afternoon sun fill the air with warmth, and I waited for my heart to slow. At this point, breathing was my only goal, nothing else mattered.

“What are you doing?” A shadow fell over me as a young voice rang in my ears.

I jumped, lifting my head from the cool grass and shielding my eyes from the sun. A young girl of about four loomed over me, her blue shirt catching the wind and rippling around her waist.

“Hi,” she spoke again, smiling.

“Er…hi,” I replied. I lifted myself from the ground with a wince, brushing the grass from my pants and seeing that they had now dried from the popsicle incident of before, a moment that now felt had happened hours ago.

“What are you doing?” she asked again, eyeing the dented grass where I had laid. Her auburn hair blew in the wind, and she brushed it from her face, revealing her bright green eyes. I swallowed hard, finding those eyes easy to remember, my mind racing in disbelief.

“If we’re meant to meet…” I whispered under my breath, repeating the words the woman from the bus had told me. She was right; if we were meant to know each other, then surely we would meet again. I just didn’t figure it would happen so soon. “I uh…” I stuttered, my eyes becoming wide as I realized who she was. “Hi.”

She giggled and clasped her hands behind her back, twisting in her spot as her skirt fanned out around her. “You’re funny.” She crinkled her nose and tilted her head, “You remind me of someone.” She was missing a front tooth, and I found it cute.

I laughed. “Really?”

I looked at the palms of my hands as I squeezed them into fists, finding they felt strange and seeing that I now had two large scars on the palms of each. I flipped my palm over, the scar from the dog now gone without a single trace, as though it had never happened, though the memory of both incidents still remained. My eyes lit up then.

“So what’s your name?” I was so eager to know that I spit the words all over her. Thankfully, she didn’t seem to care, reacting with a giggle as she wiped it from her face.

“I’m Kenzie,” She announced, lifting her nose in the air.

Her face was perfect, like an angel, and I couldn’t help but smile. This girl did not yet know the sorrowful future that was ahead of her, and her eyes were still full of life.

“I’m Jordan,” I replied, stretching my hand toward her for a shake.

She wrinkled her nose and shook her head. “How do I know you don’t have cooties?”

I let a half smile cross my face, thinking that cooties hardly mattered considering that fact I had already spit words all over her. “As far as I know I’ve never had friends, so I’m pretty sure I never caught any.”

I looked across the park toward my lane, noticing the moving truck at the house down the street from where I lived. I had never seen Kenzie before today, and I figured the moving truck involved her somehow. Was that a coincidence? I shook my head and refocused.