Passing It On: Growing Your Future Leaders (29 page)

The following affirmations should become every mentor’s commitment and goal for entering a mentoring relationship.

I agree to mentor
. As a mentor, you must be willing to consider and accept the commitment, cost, and dedication required to mentor. You must
be faithful to your decision to mentor.

I understand that leadership is “caught” more than taught
. As a mentor, you must acknowledge that successful mentoring demands an interactive relationship with your mentee, providing
opportunities to observe, listen, ask questions, understudy, and learn in your environment.

I will see potential in each person I mentor
. As a mentor, you must see the hidden treasure within the mentee and be motivated by what he could become and not judge him
on what he is now.

I will tolerate mistakes
. As a mentor, you must be willing to make room for the learning process of the mentee, being ever mindful that you are also
a product of many failures and mistakes, which were all a part of the development process.

I will demonstrate patience
. As a mentor, you must cultivate a high tolerance level for the developmental process of the mentee and enlarge your capacity
to handle the missteps of your student.

I will make time to spend with the mentee
. As a mentor, you must be willing to invest your time in and share physical space with the mentee, as well as to accept that
mentoring will demand time and effort from you.

I will provide opportunities to learn
. As a mentor, you must be willing to create or invite the mentee to share your platform and exposure in different environments
and situations for the purpose of personal development and training.

I will be honest with correction and generous with praise
. As a mentor, you must be willing to confront the mentee on issues when necessary and not miss any opportunity to convert
negative situations into teaching moments. You must also encourage and motivate the mentee with affirmations and also praise
your protégé when appropriate.

I will provide recognition
. As a mentor, you must be willing to recognize the value of the mentee and share that value with others in your sphere of
influence.

I will focus on managing things and developing people
. As a mentor, you must be willing always to place the human factor above material or mechanical things. Human development
will be your principle motivation.

I understand that transformation comes only through association
. As a mentor, you must accept responsibility for transferring your knowledge, wisdom, resources, relationships, and opportunities
to your mentee through a close relationship with you.

I will view people as opportunities, not interruptions
. As a mentor, you must be willing to allow the mentee to enter your personal space when appropriate and always make yourself
accessible. The mentee should never feel that he or she is a burden or interference in your life.

I will have a long-term perspective
. As a mentor, you must always be aware that the purpose and goal of mentoring is the future. Maintaining a comprehensive
view of the bigger picture is mandatory.

A mentee entering a mentoring agreement should be prepared to make the
following affirmations:

I will initiate pursuit of the mentor
. As a mentee, you must be willing to activate your own personal interest in finding a mentor and not wait for the mentor
to pursue you.

I will submit to the mentor
. As a mentee, you must be willing to submit to the mentee and cooperate with the mentee’s instructions, advice, corrections,
and training processes.

I will accept that the mentor is acting in my best interest
. As a mentee, you must be willing to accept that the mentor intends—through actions, instructions, rebuke, or corrections—to
benefit your developmental process and not to restrict or harm your progress.

I am willing to accept the mentor’s counsel
. As a mentee, you must be willing to receive the advice of the mentor because you trust his or her wisdom and commitment
to your success.

I will never abuse the privileges offered by a mentor
. As a mentee, you must be cautious never to forget that having a mentor is a privilege and not a right and that any advantage,
opportunity, access, or privileges the mentor gives must be protected and respected. At no time should you use any relationship
with someone introduced to you by your mentor for your personal gain or interest, being mindful that the relationship is the
property of the mentor and may have taken years to cultivate. Mentoring is a privilege for which you must always be grateful.

I will harness the power of questions
. As a mentee, you must understand that the mentor is like a buried treasure chest and that the surest way to get to the treasure
is to dig it up. Questions are the shovels of life used to unearth hidden wisdom and knowledge. At every opportunity, ask
questions of your mentor. Remember that questions automatically create a classroom and the teaching moments that will always
benefit the one who asks the questions.

I will invest personal resources in pursuit of the mentor
. As a mentee, you must be willing to invest your time, finances, and resources in your own development—understanding that
mentoring is costly and will only have value to the degree that you are willing to invest in it.

I will never compete with the mentor
. As a mentee, you must understand that the mentor already has accomplished much of the success in life you are pursuing and
had to do this during many years of struggle, personal
sacrifice, and failures. You can never achieve in your time with the mentor what it took him or her a lifetime to achieve.
Remember, the purpose of being mentored is to equip you to live your life, not trying to adopt or compete with the life of
the mentor.

I will never take the mentor’s advice or criticism personally
. As a mentee, you must be willing to receive correction or counsel as teaching tools and never consider the mentor’s correction
as a personal attack on your character, but rather embrace it as an expression of care and concern. Remember, the mentor has
nothing to gain from mentoring you, except the satisfaction that you will be the success for which he or she can share credit.

I will never be jealous of the mentor’s success
. As a mentee, you must always be aware that what drew you to the mentor was that leader’s success, achievement of major goals,
or overcoming of great challenges with character and resilience. Your purpose in pursuing that mentor was to learn from those
accomplishments. What they have achieved was the result of a lifetime of work, sacrifice, and faithfulness. You must never
be jealous of history already lived. You must focus on making your own history.

I will be honest in the relationship with the mentor
. As a mentee, you realize that the mentor’s time and effort are precious commodities that must never be abused, devalued,
or misused. The greatest act of respect and appreciation for a mentor is demonstrated through an honest and open relationship.
Mentors cannot mentor a dishonest mentee.

The following chapter will speak more to those who seek mentors and expand the roles and responsibilities of the mentee, but
these points should give you an idea of what is expected.

The mentor and mentee might not recite these affirmations verbatim or put them in writing, but they offer guidelines to keep
in mind when contemplating a mentoring relationship. Mentoring agreements can be officially stated or unstated. That is why
I have written this book. The leaders and parents of the twenty-first century must move away from haphazard, confusing, and
“guess work” training, understanding their obligation and responsibility to provide effective leadership for the next generation
to carry on their vision. They must establish official mentoring relationships and do it intentionally.

Mentorship requires an explicit understanding between two parties.

Mentoring demands commitment, dedication, submission, responsibility, and accountability.

Being mentored is a privilege.

M
ENTORING IS ALWAYS
the prerogative of the mentor. The mentor determines if mentoring will take place. If you are reading this book because you
are in need of mentoring, understand that there are two sides to the mentoring coin.

The first side is mentorship initiated by a leader who is in search of a potential candidate for succession. Intrinsically,
all true leaders know they are transitional and therefore must focus not only on managing the present, but also on securing
the future of their organization. It is imperative that they mentor future leaders, and thus they must initiate the process
by
choosing to mentor
. Many people might seek out a specific leader to be their mentor, but as a priority and responsibility the leader must choose
a mentee and initiate the relationship. He might mentor many individuals in an organization before narrowing the selection
to choose a successor.

In this case, the mentor selects an individual or individuals by his prerogative and invites them to submit to his tutelage,
training, and discipline. This is what the great leader Jesus Christ did when He initiated the selection of His twelve disciples.
Many people were following Jesus before He intentionally made His choice of the twelve.

Luke 6:12–16
One of those days Jesus went out to a mountainside
to pray, and spent the night praying to God. When morning came,
he called his disciples to him and chose twelve of them
, whom he also designated apostles: Simon (whom he named Peter), his brother Andrew, James, John, Philip, Bartholomew, Matthew,
Thomas, James son of Alphaeus, Simon who was called the Zealot, Judas son of James, and Judas Iscariot, who became a traitor.

John 15:16
“
You did not choose me, but I chose you
and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last.”

Mark 3:13–15
(
NKJV
) And He went up on the mountain and called to Him
those He Himself wanted
. And they came to Him. Then He appointed twelve, that they might be with Him and that He might send them out to preach, and
to have power to heal sicknesses and to cast out demons.

It is important to note that out of all those who joined His group, Jesus intentionally and deliberately chose individuals
“He himself wanted”
to be with Him. These statements are pregnant with the spirit of the mentor and indicate a desire for training and development
by the mentor for future succession.

In this context, the mentor selects the mentee. The mentor invests time, energy, and often money in the mentee. However, as
the relationship proceeds, the mentee must experience a transfer of responsibility and begin to pursue the mentor, realizing
that the relationship is for the mentee’s benefit. This dynamic is evidenced by Jesus, who after calling some men to follow
Him challenges them to sacrifice everything for the relationship with Him in order to benefit from the training. For example:

Matthew 16:24–25
Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.
For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.”

The leader may choose an individual or individuals to establish the relationship
for mentoring, but the chosen one must also choose or pursue the mentor to whom he or she will submit in order for the process
to be successful.

The second side of mentoring is that the mentee pursues the mentor
. Those who desire to be mentored must seek out individuals to whom they will submit for this purpose. If you genuinely want
and are willing to submit to a mentor for the process, first you will have to find a prospective mentor and persuade that
person to mentor you. Then you will have to continue to pursue the mentor if you wish to benefit from the relationship.

“First you will have to find a prospective mentor and persuade that person to mentor you.”

The very nature of leadership, which ultimately is the fulfillment of a vision of the future that exceeds the life span of
the leader, makes mentoring a successor a priority and an imperative. A true leader knows he or she is obligated to mentor
and must prepare a successor, but the selection of a specific person is his or her prerogative, and it may not be you. Mentors
by definition are successful people whose time may be limited. Many people may be pursuing the same mentor, and all or most
of them may be worthy of the mentor’s attention. Only a few will stand out enough to get it. The key is to make yourself genuinely
available to serve the mentor, whether he chooses you or not. Your goal is to learn and benefit from the mentor’s knowledge,
wisdom, and experience.

As a leader, I am willing to mentor individuals who seriously pursue me seeking help and who willingly submit to me for training.
Mentees pursue. Mentors choose or accept mentees. However, mentors are usually more inclined to take on mentees who display
an earnest desire to be mentored and who demonstrate sincere effort.

Sometimes the prospective mentee’s motivation for pursuit of a mentor is negative or questionable. The approach could be motivated
by selfish ambition, a desire to associate with power and position, or to use the relationship to advance a mentee’s personal
goals. The discerning mentor will reject this attitude and the spirit of manipulation.