Pepped Up and Ready (Pepper Jones #3) (3 page)

“To senior year!” Zoe raises her glass.

Senior year. Why do I not share Zoe’s excitement?

Zoe continues, “I mean, I know Dana and Tina think they’re better than everyone, but I figure it
is
our senior year after all, and we should try to have fun, right? So we are totally going to this party. If it’s lame, we can leave.”

Dana Foster and Tina Anderson have been the popular girls in our grade since middle school. They tried to befriend me when I was in eighth grade and essentially friendless since Jace and Wes left for high school. It wasn’t hard to ascertain that they were using me to get to Jace and Wes. That they thought I was only worthy of being their friend because of my friendship with two of the most popular guys in Brockton. Some things never change, apparently.

I don’t doubt that Zoe sees through Tina and Dana too; she’s not stupid. But she doesn’t care. Zoe doesn’t let much bother her.

We hadn’t been part of the parties or associated with the popular people for most of high school, and we were comfortable on the sidelines. Our running teammates were our friends, and that was all we needed. But then Ryan Harding came to town our junior year, and his instant popularity offered a bridge between the running crowd and the partying scene. And then Jace Wilder became my boyfriend, and, well, going to parties became a regular part of our lives.

“Fine, just let me shower and get something to eat,” I appease her.

“Excellent!” she says with a little clap. “Rollie and Omar are picking us up in twenty, so be quick.”

I raise my eyebrows at her presumptive planning before heading to the bathroom. With Charlie Owens and Claire Padilla graduated, Roland Fowler and Omar Hernandez are the only teammates left we are close friends with. I’ve become closer with Jenny Mendoza, another teammate, since she started working at the same restaurant as me this summer, but she’s only a sophomore.

Rollie’s a nerd at heart, but he’s transformed into sort of a cool nerd since joining the partying scene with us last year. Omar has always been the most socially accepted amongst our running friends because he plays varsity baseball in the spring. I’m not surprised he got an invite to Tina’s party, and with Rollie as his best friend, they sort of come as a package. Like Zoe and me. You don’t invite one without the other.

In some ways, with Jace off at college, things have returned to the status quo. Zoe and I will spend more time together with our boyfriends gone, and the main focus in my life will return to running. I let the warm water run over my sticky skin and shake my head at this foolish thought. Ever since Jace became more than a friend, I knew my life would never be the same.

The party at Tina’s
is
lame, but apparently my friends don’t share my opinion. There are about two dozen people at her house, all congregated in the open kitchen and living room area. It’s classier than any party I’ve been to, and I’m glad I’m wearing a sundress instead of my usual cutoff shorts and plain cotton tee shirt. People are drinking wine in actual wine glasses, and there are little cheese cubes with toothpicks and an assortment of healthy cracker options laid out on the counter.

Not that I’ve ever been a big drinker, but I stopped drinking any alcohol at the beginning of the summer when I ramped up my training. I need to eliminate any potential weaknesses this cross season and drinking and National Champion don’t seem to go together. I’m probably the only one in the room drinking water, and my annoyance that I promised to be the DD tonight isn’t because I feel like drinking. It’s because I’d rather go home and get a good night’s sleep before weight lifting tomorrow morning. School starts in a couple days, and I need to maintain a decent sleep routine if I expect to lift weights at the gym before classes three times a week.

Zoe is basking in a newfound popularity, which I find amusing given her past criticisms of the very girls she now chats with happily. It doesn’t bother me though. Not really. Maybe she needs a distraction from Charlie leaving, and I can’t blame her for that.

Rollie actually seems to have the attention of not one, but two girls, who I recognize as juniors on the soccer team. But what shocks me the most is Omar, who is practically groping Tina on the couch. Tina Anderson. The classic social-climber. I thought Omar had better taste than that. But I’m here too, at her house, so who am I to judge?

I didn’t think I’d miss the Barbies – Zoe’s label for the three most popular girls at Brockton Public last year, who have since graduated. They could be petty and social-climbing but they were a lot more down to earth than the girls I’ve talked to tonight.

I’ve texted Jace already, who is at a team meeting, and has an early morning workout tomorrow. I make my way outside to the porch, and I discover it wraps around the entire house. Finding a comfortable porch chair by the front door, I settle in and, without thinking, I find Wes’s number on my contacts and tap his name.

“Pep, what’s going on?” he answers on the first ring.

I tell him where I am, and he immediately senses that I’m not exactly having the time of my life.

“Want me to pick you up?” he asks.

“Nah, I’m the DD so I need to stick around,” I explain. “I just felt like talking, and Jace is at a team meeting.”

“Oh yeah, right.” The tinge of hurt in his voice makes me realize I’ve just told him he’s my second choice, and I cringe. But what’s the big deal, obviously my boyfriend is my first choice, right?

“What are you up to?” I wonder, surprised to realize there’s no background noise or indication he’s out with others.

“Just home, watching TV.”

It’s silent for a moment as I process Wes’s tone. He sounds down, and I can’t even remember the last time Wesley Jamison sounded bummed out.

“Hmmm…” I drawl out, hoping to get Wes talking.

“I’m not going to Princeton next week,” Wes finally says on a long breath.

“What?” I couldn’t have heard that right.

“Princeton. I’m not going. I’m deferring a year.”

“What?” I ask again. “Why? When did you decide this?” I’ve always had this feeling Wes was going to mess up his life somehow with all the partying he does. It’s been on the verge of out-of-control pretty much since we rekindled our friendship about a year ago. And I’m afraid my fear is now true.

“I guess I’ve been thinking about it for a while but I just told my dad like, a couple hours ago. David, that is. I haven’t told Jim yet.” David is the one everyone else thinks is Wes’s father. The one he’s called Dad his whole life. Jim is Wes’s real biological father. And Jace’s too. “I haven’t told anyone else yet, actually. I wanted to make this decision on my own. And David was the hardest one to tell. Jim, Jace, my mom, they won’t flip their shit like he did.”

“Yeah? What’d he do?”

And that question is all it takes. The floodgates open and Wes tells me just how screwed up his relationship with his non-biological father is. David had always known that Wes was the product of his wife’s affair. In some ways, David acted like it didn’t bother him. That was most likely because David himself has had countless affairs. “He probably has other kids out there somewhere. It wouldn’t surprise me if I had more half-siblings I don’t even know about,” Wes says bitterly.

“What’s fucked up is that I’m like a toy or something to him. He’s hardly ever around, but he’s always controlling me with his demands, his money, and my mom. He knows we depend on him and we need him. My mom should’ve just divorced him years ago but she’s afraid she won’t get much. Apparently there was a prenup, but I don’t know much about it.”

I’ve always known things weren’t exactly all warm and fuzzy in the Jamison household, but I’d never witnessed the anger Wes held toward David. “He uses me to brag to his friends about, to give himself credibility as a good guy who can raise a good kid, but David didn’t do a damn thing to raise me besides write a few checks. Big ones, but they sure as hell didn’t come with a fatherly hug. I only get those if his business buddies are around.”

David’s a hot shot movie producer and he’s usually out of town, traveling to LA or exotic settings. I don’t know much about it and I don’t really care. He’s just this intimidating unseen presence at the Jamison mansion. I’ve known Wesley most of my life and can count on one hand the number of times I’ve met David.

“Anyway, he’s always made it clear I’m going to Princeton. And it’s not like it’s a shitty college,” Wes says with a dark chuckle, “so who am I to complain? But I can’t do it, Pep, not now. I don’t know what I want to study or do with my life. I don’t know if I want to throw myself into football or not. If I’m on the team, that’s it. That’s my college life. Football. And that’s cool for Jace but I don’t know if I want that. I’ve lived a pretty fucking sheltered life.” Wes’s voice is bitter, and I sense a lot of it is directed at himself. “I’m a spoiled brat, Pep, and I don’t want to spend college wasting it all away.”

The self-hatred underlying that statement stabs at my gut, and I hunch over in pain for Wes. I want to tell myself he’s just in a bad mood, a “funk”. He’s worried about going off to some prestigious college, worried he’s not worthy of it. But I know it runs deeper than that.

“Wes, most college freshmen have no idea what they want to do with their lives. And a lot of people who graduate college, too. Plenty of people waste their college years. That doesn’t make you a spoiled brat, or a loser, or whatever you are telling yourself.” My words feel empty, but I have to say them anyway. “What are you planning on doing now?” I ask, when I realize he’s not going to respond to my comments.

“I’m gonna work. I’ve never actually earned any money before, can you believe that?” His dark laugh is haunting. “David made me do internships and shit, but I’ve never had a real job. And maybe I just want a simple life. Maybe I don’t want to accomplish something amazing or be someone my dad can brag about. Is that so bad?” Wes wants me to answer, but his thoughts are all over the place and I’m having trouble keeping up.

“No, that’s not bad,” I say slowly, wondering what exactly we’re talking about.

“Jim and Bunny are happier than any adults I’ve met in my parents’ world and they live simply. Why does everything have to be on a grand scale? Big house, fancy cars, you know?” Wes’s voice is speeding up and I’m starting to wonder if he’s on something. Unfortunately, I’ve witnessed enough to know the signs of drug use, and I know Wes sometimes uses them recreationally at parties. Nothing serious, and not often, as far as I know. But he’s home alone and he’s not himself. I’m worried.

“Look Wes, why don’t I come over and hang out for a bit with you? We can talk about all this.” I try to sound cool, like it’s no big deal, but my mind is racing. My primary thought is that he shouldn’t be alone. Even if he’s totally sober, I’ve never heard him so worked up, and it’s making me uneasy. I can’t ask Jace to go. He just started preseason and he can’t afford to lose sleep his first night. Wes’s friends from Lincoln Academy – the private high school he graduated from – have already left for college. I don’t have Pierce’s or Forbes’s phone numbers anyway. So I’m the one who needs to be there. That’s that.

Wes, Jace and I were inseparable until they started high school. Jace and Wes had a falling out, which I’ve since learned was tied to their discovering they were brothers. It never made perfect sense to me, as learning my best friend was my sibling would only make me closer to that person, but I’ve accepted it. Over the past year, the three of us have become friends again, and we’ve spent a lot of time together the past few months. Things changed but they didn’t. He might be my boyfriend’s secret half-brother, but he’s still like family to me.

I head inside to find my friends. Zoe appears deep in conversation with Dana, who is swaying back and forth clutching a glass of red wine and nodding her head solemnly.

“Zoe, I need to head out now,” I interrupt her, recognizing that waiting patiently will get me nowhere. “I can give you a ride home now or pick you up later tonight.”

“Oh, you aren’t staying here?” Dana asks.

“No, I have to head out,” I tell her.

“The Andersons are in Barbados and Tina’s aunt is supposed to be watching her, but she’s at her boyfriend’s place tonight so everyone can totally crash here,” Dana explains.

“I’ll just stay here,” Zoe says with a shrug. “My parents think I’m at your house tonight anyway.” Zoe has really improved her lying abilities over the past year. Mr. Burton is notoriously strict and would ground her for life if he knew what she was up to. He’s a cop and seems to know all the goings-on, so I’m surprised she can get away with being out all night. I suppose having four younger siblings provides a decent distraction.

Rollie and Omar are similarly uninterested in leaving and Rollie sends me off with his car keys, not even asking what time I’ll pick him up tomorrow morning. I’ll probably be awake well before they are, so as long as I can drop the car and jog to the gym for my lifting routine, I’m not worried. Rollie’s recently traded out his glasses for contacts and given that the two soccer girls are still staring at him in rapt attention, I’d say the new look is working for him.

When I pull up to the Jamison’s mansion a few minutes later, the house is dark and it looks like no one is awake. I’m about to text Wes to confirm he’s still home and that I won’t be waking his parents, when the front door swings open.

Wes looks happy to see me, but an absence of the usual brightness and energy behind his smile is evident.

He leads me to his downstairs den, where we’ve spent many hours over the years watching movies. Come to think of it, Jace and his brother are both a bit subterranean, given how much time they spend in basements. A baseball game is on, and a bowl of popcorn sits on the coffee table. I glance around suspiciously, looking for signs of drinking or anything else odd. I find none.

I peer at Wes, who is watching me expectantly, and though his eyes look both exhausted and frenzied, they are clear. “You okay?” I ask, genuinely curious how he will answer.

“Not really. It’s like everything I’ve been ignoring that’s shitty about my life has hit me, and I knew I couldn’t go to Princeton next week. And now that I told my dad I’m relieved but, like, kind of fucked in the head too.”

We sit on the couch facing each other, and I just listen. Wes talks for hours about his screwed-up family, his unknown future, his desire for something sure and real in his life. Jace, Jim, me, that’s all he really has. He loves his mom but she’s “a hot mess”. It really begins to dawn on me how alone he is. His parents are never here and this giant house feels empty.

Wes is so different from his brother. Jace never opens up like this. Jace will talk to me more than anyone but usually it takes prodding, and it’s rarely more than a short statement. Jace doesn’t get into the layers behind his emotions, the complexities of what makes him who he is. And it’s not like Jace doesn’t have complicated emotional layers to sort out. His mother leaving him at a young age definitely messed with his head, but he won’t say so. Now that she’s back and is recovering from addiction, Jace still doesn’t open up much about his feelings on the situation.

Eventually Wes tires of talking. He seems to feel better after letting it all out, and I try to listen to everything he has to say, knowing it’s special he’s chosen me to say it to. Sometimes girls are just easier to talk to about emotional stuff, and he may never have a discussion like this with Jace or Jim. Wes pulls an old worn box down from a shelf, and I recognize the Noah’s Ark jigsaw puzzle. It’s been years since I’ve done a puzzle with Wes. The three of us used to stay up late as kids trying to finish puzzles together, and I remember this one took us nearly an entire summer to complete. Jace and I still do puzzles together sometimes, but Wes usually can’t sit still long enough to do one anymore.

Wes keeps asking if it’s okay I’m still at his house, and I reassure him I texted Gran that I was here. I think he’s asking more about Jace, but honestly I bet Jace will be happy I was here for Wes. I didn’t text Jace where I was going because I didn’t want him worrying about Wes all night.