Perfectly Hopeless (8 page)

“
You don’t have to. We can just sit here.” She pulled him close, securing his body with her arms, nearly squeezing the life out of him. “Look at the sun, the water. It’s all beautiful. Let’s just enjoy it.” She tugged on his arm, trying to get him to at least raise his head to witness the beauty she was referring to.

“
I’m dying.” He spit it out finally.

Dying. The nastiest utterance in the English language escaped his lips and slammed into her conscious. Maven’s heart stopped. Her skin tingling and tears stung her eyes. She carefully wiped at them.

“
How could that be?” She rested her head against him, confused, trying to appear strong even though she felt weak. Something so wonderful was crumbling before her very eyes—something that made her happy.

“
I have asked the same question over and over.” He finally lifted his head. “I never knew there was anything wrong with me until I started playing baseball. Then one night during a big game I didn’t feel right. And before I knew it I passed out. When I woke up I was surrounded by the Ems and they were rushing me to the hospital.”

Maven listened.

“
My whole life I thought I was fine. And then I do something I love and find out just like that, that I’m not okay and I’m not a normal healthy guy.”

“
What was wrong with you?”

“
They told me I had a heart condition, and that was the reason I collapsed on the field that day. And I was okay with that. My parents knew enough to know I could be put on a donor list. But then nothing is ever that simple and by my next appointment they are tossing all these foreign words at us. My name was no longer Henri Levitt, I was just some statistic, this kid that missed school and was pumped full of drugs and told not to do anything anymore.”

Maven touched his arm. He pulled away like always when anyone wanted to comfort him.

“
So what do you do?”

“
I wait. I wait for the next step in my life to happen.” Death, he was waiting for death. He wasn’t about to tell her that though.

“
So you’re on a donor’s list?” Maven was the daughter of two doctors. She knew there was a lot of hope for people like Henri. People received hearts all the time.

“
No. I refused to go on that list because doctors said the probability of an improvement were too bleak. If it was just my heart I could come back from a surgery like that. But I’m not lucky enough to just need a heart. My parents gave me a horrible set of genes that makes it pretty much impossible.”

“
But you could try.” She believed in hope. She was a girl with more hope than anyone.

“
No. And I’ll tell you why. When I was in the hospital I met a lot of people. Young kids that barely got to live their lives yet. There was this little boy up there on the donor list. All I can remember is wanting so badly for him to find a heart so he could play baseball like me when he was older. And I knew there were more people out there just like him that could make it through a surgery, people able to accept a new heart. Why would I be greedy? Why would I take that from someone else for a measly chance? I wouldn’t. And I didn’t.”

Like everyone else in his life he saw the look of frustration on her face. To them they were being normal, but to Henri they were being selfish. Henri lived long enough to know what it was like to be happy. He had been pretty happy all the way up until he found out he was dying. He wanted to allow someone else that same right.

Maven couldn’t put herself in his shoes. She had never been in his place before. She didn’t know what it felt like to live knowing you were dying. She couldn’t imagine it was fun. A lot about Henri made sense to her suddenly. And now all she wanted to do was help him make it through, to somehow transform into his answer, his savior.

“
You’re upset. And I’m sorry about that,” Henri replied, he sighed. Maven rested her head against his shoulder.

“
How could I not be upset?” She touched his face. “But don’t apologize, Henri.”

“
I wouldn’t be angry with you if you left here right now, Maven. In fact I would totally understand it.” He stroked her hair, watching the willow trees blow in the breeze, afraid to hear her answer, but willing to accept it.

“
I’m not angry at you. I’m angry at life.” She squeezed his arm, closing her eyes. “And I don’t want to be anywhere, but here with you.”

Henri couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He smiled, wrapping his arm around her.

“
That’s the most amazing thing I have ever heard someone say.” Suddenly things didn’t feel so bad.

Time

She might not have been walking on cloud nine, but she was still in her own kind of good mood. Mrs. Wilder noticed this about her as soon as she came into the kitchen for breakfast.

“
Mom made pancakes.” Nick pointed out, hoping she would stick around long enough to catch the third degree from their parents so they would lay off of him for awhile. Maven hardly showed her face anymore for breakfast—lunch or even dinner. She was completely wrapped up in
Henri Levitt
. Her every waking moment revolved around Henri.

Their dad took a seat at the head of the table lifting the piping hot plate of pancakes and taking two of his own. He passed them to Maggie. Maggie tugged her ear buds from her ears joining in on the family moment. Even she was surprised to see Maven this morning.

“
So, what’s on the agenda for today, Maves?” Her mother asked. She knew the answer, but it was nice to have any form of conversation with her daughter.

“
Henri and I were going to help paint decorations for the Portwood Summer hop.” The Portwood summer hop was the annual shindig that everybody staying in Portwood attended. The young and the old were out for the festivities. And it was natural to hear that Maven was helping set up decorations. Only this year nobody thought Maven would be up to it. It was also the thing Jake Summit took part in.

“
I was talking to Henri about the hop and he said he had never been. It didn’t take much twisting of his arm to persuade him to help out. He loves to paint.” Maven smiled at the thought of Henri. She was only home because he had an appointment that morning. Otherwise she would have gotten up, showered, and found something for the two of them to eat and been on her way.

Nick pushed his plate away. “I’m full. And I promised April I’d meet her to shop for dresses.” Nick said his goodbyes and took off out the door.

Maggie shoved her ear buds back in, turning the volume up so she wasn’t part of any conversation that was about to begin. She knew her parents had been waiting to chat with Maven about Henri.

“
How are things going between you and Henri?” Her father asked. He pulled his glasses off, setting them down on the table. He rubbed his eyes, looking exhausted already.

Maven lifted her glass of orange juice. “Wonderful.”

“
Is everything alright with him?” Her mother asked, trying to hide her unease, but it was written all over her face.

“
You’re his doctor you’re not allowed to talk about this stuff outside of the office.” Maven pursed her lips. “Henri is fine.”

“
I’m not discussing Henri’s medical issues. I was simply asking about Henri as a person.” She pushed her hair behind her ear, staring at Maven. “If you wanted to discuss anything with me about Henri the boy you enjoy being around that is totally different. In this house Henri is just a boy my daughter likes a lot.”

Maven stared at her glass of juice, realizing the juice was trembling in her clutch. She put the glass of juice back down. “There’s not a lot to say. Henri is sick. And if he is okay with that then I am willing to stick by him and be okay with it too.”

Her dad dropped his paper down on the table. He studied Maven’s expression. She looked like she was ready to burst into tears any second. “Maven, sweetheart. If there is anything you want to talk to us about we are here to listen.”

Maven closed her eyes. “What’s there to talk about?”

Maggie tugged her ear buds free. She sighed, “How about the fact that your boyfriend is going to die.”

“
Maggie!”

Maggie jumped up from the table knowing she was wrong for saying it. But nobody else was willing to. “I’m sorry. But I think it’s the stupidest thing you guys have ever let her do. She’s going to fall for this guy and then he’s going to die and she is going to be even worse than when Jake dumped her for Tatiana.”

Nobody had to tell Maggie to go to her room, she was halfway there.

Maven stared at her parents, blown away by her sister’s explosion. “Is that what you think too?”

“
No, Maven.” Her mother sighed, looking away from her, hiding the truth. “I just worry about you.”

“
Henri’s health is something you have to come to terms with. And I’m sure something you are very aware of by now.” Her dad touched her hand. “Henri seems like an amazing young man. We all hate to see you fall for…for someone that has to go away.”

Maven closed her eyes in defeat, tears spilling down her cheeks dropping on the tabletop.

“
He’s going to die,” she said out loud for the first time. “And I’ll miss him. I already know that I will. But I can’t help wanting to be a part of his life. Even if he
is
going to die he is still affecting me in a really wonderful way. He deserves to be happy. And if I make him happy how can I run away from that just because he’s sick?”

Neither of her parents spoke.

“
Would you guys choose to walk away from possibly the most incredible encounter of your lifetime just because you had to let it go sooner then you wanted? Just because you knew that it would never be?”

Her mother dropped her jaw searching for an answer.

But her dad squeezed her hand. “Your mother means the world to me. And when I met her at eighteen I would have done anything to be near her. That wouldn’t have changed if she was sick.”

Nick headed down the porch steps, a little pep in his step at the idea he was about to see April again. He thought she was a fun girl. And he liked having fun. Just as he was about to hurry down the walker’s path to April’s house he saw Henri approaching. He could tell by the way he was adjusting his shirt collar he was edgy about seeing his sister. This was a good thing. It meant he genuinely liked her. Nick was a guy he knew these things. He too had made sure to throw on a fresh shirt that morning for April, because guys went that extra length when the girl meant something.

He threw up a hand in the form of a hello. Henri dropped his hands looking embarrassed to be caught primping on the sidewalk. “Hey there.”

Henri nodded his head. “Hey, Nick.”

Nick wasn’t sure what to say next. He never took the time to get to know Jake what made Henri any different?

“
Yeah, hey. Maven is inside waiting on you. Have a good time.” He twisted on his heels and started down the sidewalk. Henri turned, watching him head toward his house.

“
April’s excited. It’s not often she gets her way when it comes to shopping.” He called out, over his shoulder. He knew Nick wasn’t looking to know him, but he was still willing to give it a shot.

Nick stopped. “Well, I figured seeing I asked her to the dance it’s the least I can do.”

Henri smiled. “She’s pretty much exploding with glee all day long now because of you.” He raked his fingers through his hair smiling at the thought of April and her
glee
. Ever since Nick asked her to hang out she was the happiest girl he had ever seen.

Nick narrowed his eyes on Henri. Was he trying to make conversation?

“
What about you, Henri?” Nick shoved his hands in the pockets of his khaki shorts, he rocked on his heels. “Do you plan on asking my sister to the hop?”

Henri’s expression widened. He swallowed down the anxiety that was bubbling to the surface. He hadn’t even considered going. “I hear the hop is a big deal. I’ve never been too good at dancing or dressing for them.”

Nick noticed the instant gloominess that took over the situation. Hadn’t this guy had a father that taught him all about tying ties and what jackets to wear like he did?