Perfectly Obsessed (12 page)

It is not my intention to upset you writing about this, I want you to know there isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t dream about sharing myself with you in that way. I want everything with you Cammie. Most importantly I want a family of our own with you. One day we will have it all, I promise you that on my life.

Till that day arrives please believe that you are the only one getting me through this the way I have. The countdown to my release is in my head constantly but it is the countdowns to your visits when I see just how beautiful you are and the precious time when we speak on the phone, hearing your voice that keeps me going.

This is the hardest sentence I’ve endured. All the other times they have locked me up I didn’t have anyone waiting for me on the outside.

Sure I had Marg and she has always tried to be there, but with you it is so much different. I too have been struggling without you, this place fucks with your head and lets the demons run wild with your thoughts. Many times I convince myself you have gone, not being able to cope being apart any longer. I convince myself you are better off without me but that selfish streak tells it to piss off and you’re mine and you’re not going anywhere. I know you’ll be waiting for me when I get out and I cling to that every day. I do not and never will for one second think you are selfish. You may be able to walk wherever you need to when you want and lock your own door without being regulated by a screw but you don’t have freedom. Your freedom was taken from you the same day it was taken from me because you love me. We will get through this babe and when I get out I will make everything right and these days will become nothing but a nasty memory that will never be repeated.

I miss you more each day and I love you so damn much.

All my love, Drake.

I fold the paper into the envelope and make my escape as a fight breaks out over the channel choice on the shitty television. The sooner I’m out of here, the fucking better.

Chapter Eleven

Cammie

The train station is heaving as I walk against the throng of people in a rush to get to their destinations. The excitement that has been building all this week in anticipation of Lorna’s visit has been double edged with a nervousness I never thought I would expect with her. I went from seeing her nearly every day to nothing in two years. Our calls over the last month have been like old times, but it is easy to hide the true hurtful emotions when you are not face to face. This visit we will not be able to hide how we truly feel with each other. I know my disappearance with Drake hurt her and I have a lot of making up to do. But not returning my calls all this time has hurt me too. If she had spoken to me I would have told her that what I have with Drake isn’t a temporary whim and that my taking off wasn’t for nothing.

I can’t get through the barriers unless I have a ticket so I wait for her by the escalators. Looking at my watch, her train should be in by now. I look around for her but all I see are many men and women dressed in suits milling around.

“Cammie.”

I turn around to find a woman my age standing behind me. This isn’t my best friend of nearly twenty years. She is much slimmer and her hair is way too short in a sharp cut bob with red streaks running through it to be my friend, the Lorna I knew would never chop her gorgeous locks off like this. Yet, it is my friend. It is Lorna. It takes a minute to see her but she is there, here, standing right before me.

She smiles weakly and I throw my arms around her. She drops her bag and hugs me back. We stand like this in everyone’s way longer than we should be and only pull apart because we can’t stand here all day.

“I’m so happy you’re here, I have missed you like crazy,” I tell her.

A look of guilt and sadness sweeps over her but I choose to ignore it.

“Come on, let’s get out of here.”

An awkwardness passes between us and again, I ignore it. She is here, somewhere we still have our friendship and I intend to fight to have it again.

An hour later I am unlocking the door to my flat and I hold it open for Lorna to enter.

The journey here was pretty quiet, only a few words exchanged between us.

“You can put your bag anywhere,” I tell her, gesturing towards the small living room.

“Jesus Cam, you’re living in a bleeding shoebox,” she cries, turning full circle looking everywhere. 

“It’s not much but it’s home now,” I shrug.

“Christ,” she sighs.

She stops circling and stares at me.

“You look different,” she observes.

“You’re one to talk, look at you,” I laugh, still amazed at her transformation.

“Oh this,” she says tugging at the bottom of her hair, “It’s been like this for a while now. You though, you look no different but you do.”

I break the stare and look away first, unable to bear her scrutiny any longer. It doesn’t matter that we haven’t seen each other for two years, she knows me. She has always been able to see through me when I hide what I am feeling.

Tears burn my eyes and I distract myself pouring us two shots of vodka I got in especially for her arrival.

“Never mind a drink, talk to me,” she says, coming up behind me, “I know you Cam and I want to know what’s going on in your head.”

I turn around and face her. Inhaling deeply doesn’t stop the tears that burst free and she envelopes me in her arms. The warm contact makes me cry harder. It has been so long since I have been held and I grip to her for dear life.

“I’m so sorry I ignored you, I should never have done that. You’ve needed me all this time and I’ve been a selfish bitch because I was jealous that you followed happiness and left me behind.”

Her admission rocks me. I laugh bitterly and pull away from her. I lead her to the sofa and we both kick our shoes off and curl up at each end.

“What is there to be jealous of Lor? My boyfriend has been in prison since last Christmas, I live here on my own counting down days till I can have him back. For months, all I’ve done is work at the café then watch crap on television during the evening.”

“You’ve never told me why he got sent down? I figured you didn’t want to talk about it over the phone, now I’m here I’m hoping you will tell me.”

I barely talk to Drake about it and I have never told Marg, I figured Drake would and that she knew not to bring it up with me. Now Lorna is here, I can open up and get everything out in the open. This is what I missed with her, the ability to talk to her about parts of my life I couldn’t with Marg or Drake while he is in prison.

I take a deep breath and go back to the Christmas that should have been the happiest of our new beginning.

“Drake and I were in the pub on Christmas Eve just after I left, everything was perfect. His friend came over to talk and everything was just right. A fight broke out after I came out of the bathroom and I got caught in the middle. One guy fell on me and I hit my stomach pretty hard on a chair.”

I watch her expression change from intrigued to angry as she listens so I carry on before she can say anything.

“Drake started hitting the guy but then my stomach hurt badly, I remember the pain, it was so intense. Drake took me to the hospital and we found out I was pregnant. The pain was me losing the baby. That’s how we spent our first Christmas, grieving together. Anyway, a few days later Drake demanded I leave the flat because I hadn’t been out of bed and he was worried about me. We ended up at the pub where it happened and I was okay about it. Then the guy who landed on me was there, he was drinking and laughing like nothing had happened. I have never been so angry as I was right then, I asked Drake to hurt him so when the guy left, Drake followed him out and attacked him.”

I shudder as I recall the scene down the alley and the blood dripping from Drake’s hand that he held the knife in.

“There was a witness and evidence it was Drake, the police came the next day and took him away and he pleaded guilty for a lighter sentence,” I finish.

The rest she knows. She sits there silently processing everything I told her and then she smiles. I narrow my eyes waiting for her to explain why the hell she finds this amusing.

“You know, I always expected you to turn up on my doorstep because things with him didn’t work out. I know you would never go back to your parents but I thought maybe you would come to mine. It shocked me shitless that you stayed after you told me he has been in prison all this time. Now I know why you stayed, I understand.”

She moves closer to me and holds my hands.

“What he did for you is what guys are supposed to do in honour of their woman, or whatever. That sounds really caveman like but in a weird way I feel better knowing he looked out for you like that,” she smiles and it is a smile I used to see from her.

“This isn’t just love, I can’t explain it right Lor, but Drake is nothing like I’ve met before and I owe it to him to stay even though it scares me senseless being here on my own.”

“I’m here now and there will be no more ignoring you. Whatever you need, I’m here, well until I have to go home but even then I am only a phone call away,” she laughs.

“So, what’s the plan while I’m here?” she asks, lightening the mood.

“I thought we could take in the sights and go shopping.”

Yesterday, Marg had thrust a grand into my hand and gave me specific instructions from Drake to enjoy myself and waste as much money having a good time as I could otherwise he wouldn’t send me a visiting order next month and ban me from seeing him. I knew he wouldn’t be able to stick to it but I got the message and took the money graciously.

“What is the plan for tonight?” she asks.

“Um?”

She rolls her eyes and jumps off the sofa.

“Where’s your local pub? We can go for a drink like old times then come back and order some Chinese food. How does that sound?”

The mention of going to the pub fills me with apprehension. Drake won’t be happy to hear that I’ve gone there with Lorna. His concern that I’ll be left on my own when Lorna goes off with a guy is rightly so but I don’t think she will be going off with anyone while she is here.

“Sounds good, let me get my purse.”

Walking into The Old Dagger feels like travelling back in a time machine. I have been in here several times since Drake’s arrest with Marg and then with Marg and William and each time I am taken back to the times I came here with Drake.

For once, Lorna stammers at my side when walk in and are greeted with the locals staring at us. Some of them greet me curtly and the rest smile and offer to buy me drinks. When they see Lorna beside me their eyes rove up and down her body and from the sly smiles I can tell they like what they see.

I take hold of Lorna’s hand and pull her towards the bar.

“What can I get you, Cammie?” Denny, the barman and landlord of the pub asks.

He isn’t much to look at and with his short height and slim build you would assume he isn’t capable of running a pub when it kicks off, but he is like a Rottweiler in a terrier’s body when he needs to be.

“Two Vodka and cokes please, make them large too,” I smile, digging in my purse to pay.

“Wow, this place is something else,” she murmurs, taking in the dirty wooden floors and battered table and chairs.

“It does have a certain charm about it, doesn’t it?”

She looks at me like I have lost my mind and we both burst out laughing. 

“Come on, let’s find a table,” I say, grabbing our drinks from Denny.

Luckily, there is a free table in the corner away from most of the drinkers and we settle in with our drinks.

“Do you come in here often? Oh God, please tell me you don’t come in here on your own?” Lorna rambles on.

“No,” I assure her, “I rarely come here since Drake went away and when I do, I come with Marg. You’ll meet her before you leave.”

“What’s she like?”

“She’s alright really, a hard woman and she hated me when I first came here. Now she looks out for me because she tries to look out for Drake. She was his mother’s best friend.”

“His mother is dead, right? I think I remember you saying she was.”

I nod in agreement and take a sip from my drink. I quickly look around the pub to see who is in tonight and wonder which of these men will tell Drake I’ve been out drinking. I like to think I am the only one he contacts while he is locked up but from little things he mentions in our visits of what I do sometimes, I know he keeps tabs on me and they all can’t be from Stan.

Speaking of whom, he has just walked through the door and I’m the first person he sees.

He smiles brightly before heading to the bar.

“Who was that?” Lorna asks, following him as he stops to talk to someone at a table.

“That’s Stan, he is a friend of Drakes,”

She rips her eyes away from him and turns back to me.

“He’s gorgeous,” she whistles in admiration.

I never saw anything in Stan but a kind and quiet man. Then again, I only have eyes for Drake, no one can compare.

“I’m sure you’ll meet him, he’s asking if we want a drink,” I say, seeing Stan waving a glass at us.

“Say yes, Cam,” Lorna grates out, managing to smile at the same time.

I mouth we are drinking vodka and coke and Lorna throws me an appreciative smile.

“Be nice to him, he makes sure I’m okay and I’m positive he reports everything back to Drake,” I tell her when Stan makes his way over to our table.

“You must be Cammie’s friend, Drake said you were coming to visit, I’m Stan,” he introduces himself saving me the trouble.

“I’m Lorna, it’s nice to meet you,” she smiles flirtatiously.

They don’t break eye contact as he hands her a drink and then sits next to her and passes my drink over.

Oh God, this can’t be happening, not tonight and not with my friend.

“Cammie hasn’t told me a lot about you, Drake has told me some stuff but I think you should tell me,” he purrs, keeping his eyes trained on her.

“Drake doesn’t know anything about me, I only met him the once before he whisked my best friend away from town,” she tells him.

“His mistake then, so come on, tell me about yourself,” he pushes her.

“Well, I’m here to catch up with my friend who I haven’t seen in a long time so thank you for the drink but we should get back to catching up.”

Stan’s eyes are ready to pop out of their sockets, I don’t think he has ever been turned away before but then again, I doubt he has met anyone quite like Lorna before. I am secretly pleased she done that, I thought for a brief second she would have wanted to get to know him better the only way Lorna knows how to but she didn’t.

“How long are you here for?” he asks, still his eyes are trained on her casually falling down to her cleavage every now and then and then back to her eyes.    

“A few days,” she tells him, not giving him specifics.

“Then I’m sure we’ll meet again,” he smiles, tipping his chin.

He turns to me and says, “If you need anything, give me a call.” Then he leaves us in peace.