Perfectly Reflected (6 page)

No one took any notice of me at all as I made my way down the stairs and joined the group of people pleading with the bus driver to open the doors. He kept protesting that we weren’t at a stop, but eventually gave in and we all piled out.

As I approached the building I looked at the two long queues of people waiting to get inside the cathedral. “This could take a while,” I murmured as I headed towards the back of one of the lines, digging my season ticket out of my bag. “Which of these will go faster, can you see?”

“Oh, you don’t have to wait there, not if you have your ticket. Nip down to the café and go into the entrance in the crypt.”

“Really? OK, let me know if I’m heading in the wrong direction.”

The café was noisy and packed, and a strong smell of toast wafted across the long, low space. It seemed odd that such a busy café should be nestled right underneath the main part of the cathedral, and not at all in keeping with the hushed silence just above. I worked my way round the tables and chairs towards the far end of the vast room where there was a fancy iron grille. At the far side was a bored-looking attendant. I quickly flashed my ticket at him and was soon through to the rest of the crypt.

Callum and I walked towards Nelson’s monument on our way to the stairs. As we passed I stole a quick glance at him. Ever since he’d restored my memories, I could always see him inside the building – properly see him, not just a reflection in a mirror – and he got more solid the higher up we went. I wondered what he would be like down here. The glimpse I got stopped me in my tracks.

“Callum!” I called after him, remembering just in time to talk into my phone mouthpiece. We were right by the big black casket that sat under the middle of the dome, as close as we could possibly get to being directly underneath the centre of it.

“Hey, what’s up?” He wheeled around and stepped back towards me, smiling. His beautiful face was worn and tired, looking as if a million cares and worries were heaped on him.

“Are … are you OK?” I asked hesitantly. He had looked just fine in the mirror earlier. I couldn’t imagine what it was that had affected him so drastically.

“I’m fine.” He smiled at me but the lines etched in his face didn’t match his words. He saw my frown and instantly looked even worse. “What’s the matter? Has something else happened?” He stood in front of me, his amulet within mine, the shimmer of his translucent figure strangely clear in the dim lighting of the crypt.

“It’s not me. You look … so tired. I’ve never seen you look anything other than perfect before. Has something terrible happened since this morning?”

He blushed briefly at the compliment, but the worry was still evident on his face. “No, nothing. In fact I’m really excited about getting up to the top of the dome with you.”

“I don’t understand then. Why do you look so awful?”

His puzzled frown was suddenly replaced by one of comprehension. “Of course, you can see it too!”

“See what?”

“We don’t tend to come down here too much because this far down under the dome it shows our general state of mind. I guess I look pretty miserable to you?”

I nodded mutely as a couple of tourists stopped to peer at the tomb, then moved on.

“I … I thought you were excited. You just said you were, but you look, well, devastated.”

“Huh, believe me, this isn’t close to devastated. As you know I’m about the happiest Dirge there is, and I still look suicidal down here. It’s why we hide in our hoods. Catherine only came the once. I never want to see anything like that again.” He shuddered at the memory.

“So this is how miserable you
ought
to look? Is that right?”

“That’s what I reckon. Some people, especially those that have been here for a long time, they don’t look much different at all when they come down here, but I guess that’s because they’ve long since given up on trying to keep a balanced view. I’m a bit luckier than that.”

I looked at him with open curiosity. He was solid enough for me to see the lines in his face, the shadows under the eyes, the gaunt cheeks. “Honestly, Callum, you look middle-aged down here. Let’s get up to the top where you are your usual gorgeous self.”

“Suits me,” he smiled, momentarily lighting up his gloomy face. “Next time we take this short-cut I’ll keep my hood up so I don’t frighten you.”

I smiled back, but a small shiver ran down my spine. The
amulet and St Paul’s were doing their best to make my life truly weird as usual.

As we walked across the big mosaic star in the main part of the cathedral I stole another glance at him, and was relieved to see that at ground level he was looking more his usual self. Before we got to the bottom of the main staircase he stopped me.

“Can I ask a favour?”

“Of course.”

“Do you mind making a short stop at the Whispering Gallery? There’s someone there who would really like to talk to you.”

I hesitated a fraction too long. I didn’t really want to talk to Matthew again. It was a strangely intimate thing to do, letting someone else into your head with the amulet. It didn’t feel right with anyone but Callum, but I realised I probably shouldn’t let him know that. “Sure, whatever. Do you know what he wants to talk about?”

“It’s not Matthew, it’s Olivia.”

“Oh. What does she want to talk to me for?”

“She feels really bad about what happened with Catherine, and she’s worried that you think some of it was her fault.”

I felt a brief twinge of guilt. I
had
taken an automatic dislike to Olivia, never having even seen her, just because Catherine had told me that Callum preferred her to me. I knew that it was mean and petty, and I absolutely believed it when Callum told me that it was all nonsense, but I still didn’t really want to chat with her. But if Callum wanted me to talk with her, then I would.

“That’s fine. Will you take me to her?”

“Great. I’ll go and let her know while you make your way
up. Go round to your left when you get up there and I’ll tell you when to stop.”

“OK. See you there.” I felt the waft of air as he stooped to kiss my cheek, then waved my ticket at the woman sitting behind the desk. Joining the long queue of people edging up the long spiral staircase I tried not to think about my natural dislike for Olivia. I visualised her as tall, dark and hauntingly beautiful, someone who was able to be comforted by Callum in his own dimension. My fists clenched automatically and I forced myself to relax. She couldn’t be that bad, I reasoned, not if she wanted to talk to me. And Callum seemed to really like her. I tried unsuccessfully to put her out of my mind as I trailed up the endless stairs. When I reached the top I stopped for a moment to catch my breath before I worked my way through the little maze of tiny corridors that led to the gallery itself. I couldn’t resist the temptation to have a quick peek in the mirror. If I was going to meet my rival, I wanted to make sure I didn’t have something stuck in my teeth. But the image that peered back at me was red-faced and breathless. Sighing in resignation, I made for the corridor.

I was walking up the last few narrow steps when I saw the translucent figure coming towards me. I smiled at Callum and felt the familiar tingle in my wrist as he put his amulet in the same space as mine. “Hi,” he said. “Are you OK? I saw you hesitating at the top of the main stairs.”

“Just a bit nervous, that’s all,” I admitted.

“You – nervous? That doesn’t seem likely!”

“Much you know about women then,” I muttered under my breath, forgetting for a moment that he could hear every word.

“You’re serious? You really are nervous of meeting Olivia?” He hooted with laughter. “That’s brilliant. She’s been beside herself
with worry all morning, ever since I said you were coming. Both of you are scared of the other!”

“I’m not scared,” I huffed. “Just, well,
nervous
, like I said.” I didn’t want to use the word jealous, even though I knew that’s what it was.

“Come on then, better get the introductions done. She’s waiting in the gallery.” I could hear the smile in his voice; for some reason he was really amused by my discomfort. I pulled open the door and as always was taken aback by the sheer volume of space in front of me. The Whispering Gallery gave a spectacular view of the floor of the cathedral as well as revealing the full scale of the dome itself. As usual there were a large number of tourists sitting on the long seat that hugged the wall of the gallery, whispering with their mouths up against the wall in the hope that someone further along was going to hear them. Most didn’t seem to realise that just sitting normally and talking quietly would have the same effect, and no one but me knew just exactly who was responsible for the strange acoustic phenomenon. The Dirges were sitting and standing around the gallery, unseen by everyone else, and it was their presence that somehow reflected the sound.

I took a deep breath. “To the left, did you say?”

Callum smiled at me, and I was momentarily distracted by seeing him next to me. “Yes, left. She’s right along here. I promise it’ll be OK.”

“If you say so,” I muttered, fiddling unnecessarily with my phone mouthpiece.

“Ah, there you are. Come and meet Alex.”

His tone was annoyingly affectionate so I watched the approaching figure closely. She was more transparent than Callum, and I couldn’t see her as clearly as I could him, but I could tell that
she was completely swathed in her cloak, with her hood hanging low over her face. I sat down on a part of the seat unoccupied by human or Dirge, and got out my mirror. Olivia came into full focus in the little piece of glass. As I watched, small, delicate hands appeared from the heavy folds of cloth and moved hesitantly to the hood. “It’s OK, really,” Callum encouraged.

The head dipped as the hands grasped the hood and threw it back. I couldn’t help but gasp at the figure in front of me: she was delicate and pretty, with chin-length chestnut hair and brown eyes that sparkled gently in the dull light. She was also very, very young, no more than about twelve or thirteen, I guessed. I felt myself choke up at the thought that this child was stuck in the unrelenting world of misery of the Dirges. She looked terrified, but was clearly trying to be brave.

“Hi, you must be Olivia.”

I felt Callum whisper in my ear. “She feels awful that you thought she was my girlfriend after what Catherine said. She’s worried that you will hate her.”

I looked up into the troubled eyes of the child standing by me, and I realised just how wrong I had been. “I’ll get out of the way so that you two can talk,” he continued, and yet again the tingle went from my wrist. I watched in the mirror as Callum gave Olivia a brief hug, then propelled her towards me. She sat gingerly on the seat next to me and held out her arm, blushing furiously. Her amulet looked big and heavy on such a tiny frame. I moved my arm so that the two amulets were together. The tingle I got from Olivia was different, lighter somehow, than from Callum.

“Hello,” I said again. “It’s good to meet you.”

Olivia looked almost paralysed with fear, and I could see in the very bottom of the mirror that her hands were in constant
motion: she had made two interlocking circles with her thumbs and forefingers, like a chain, and was pulling one against the other. It reminded me of the sad, repetitive movements of caged animals.

“You don’t have to say that if you don’t mean it,” she mumbled, so low I almost didn’t catch it.

“Look, none of that stuff with Catherine was your fault, you do know that, don’t you? She lied about everything. You’re not to blame for anything. In fact, I should be thanking you.”

Her head shot up in surprise and her hands stopped still for a moment. “Why?”

“Helping you every day has clearly given Callum a sense of purpose, has kept back some of the grief. He’s really very fond of you.” I leaned in towards her and lowered my voice. “He would much rather have had you as a sister than Catherine, I think.” I smiled towards him as I said it.

Olivia turned an even prettier shade of pink. “Really? You don’t hate me?”

“Of course not. I couldn’t possibly hate you.” I resisted the urge to try and give her a hug. It wouldn’t have worked and might well have frightened her. “I’d really like the chance to get to know you a bit better. How about we try and organise some girl time, have a proper chat?”

The smile that appeared was hesitant at first, but became stronger as I smiled back at her. “Are you sure? I don’t want to be a pain…”

“Absolutely sure! It’d be great to hang out a bit.”

Olivia turned quickly to look at Callum as if to check whether I was joking or not. Callum’s smile widened and I could see him say something. Olivia practically bounced with excitement. “He says,” she started breathlessly, “he says that when you go home
I can go with you! I don’t think I’ve ever been that far before. I can’t wait! Do you have a little sister I could meet too? Is it a big house? Do you have any pets?” I could barely keep up with her, she had started talking so quickly. It was as if a dam had burst, releasing her from the constraints that had bound her for however long she had been there.

“We’ll have plenty of time for all of that, I promise. I’ll give you a full tour and show you my family. No little sister, I’m afraid, but I do have a big brother. He’s not too bad as big brothers go, just a bit of a pain sometimes.” Olivia was still beaming as I talked, and she would clearly have been happy to sit and listen all day, but I had other plans. When her questions slowed down a little I grabbed my chance. “So, you think of what gossip you can tell me while Callum and I run up to the top of the dome. I don’t think we’ll be that long, and then you can come back to my house. Deal?”

Olivia nodded, a beautiful smile lighting up her young face. “OK, it’s a deal. You won’t be too long, will you?”

“I’m sure we won’t be – I don’t think the Golden Gallery is shut today.” I tried to squeeze her hand but I couldn’t feel her at all. “Wait here, and we’ll be back soon.”

I got up from the seat and glanced across the void towards the door up to the next gallery. As I scanned along the various figures I was going to have to manoeuvre past, my eye was caught by woman in a cassock. She was staring at me intently, and I wondered if I was about to get told off for appearing to use my mobile inside the cathedral. But suddenly, as soon as she saw that I had seen her, she looked away. Even from that distance she seemed pretty old, and in the cassock she looked weirdly like one of the Dirges.