Perfectly Shattered (23 page)

Bradan looked more delectable than anything on the menu. He wore a light sweater that did justice to his hunky body. His hair had been lightly gelled, but gave the impression someone had run their hands through it.

If only he weren’t so handsome, it would be easier to resist him. When he looked at her with his clear blue eyes, Cami wanted to melt into him. But that wasn’t wise, and it hadn’t changed her mind.

“They have crab gnocchi,” he said. “Wasn’t that one of the dishes you considered for your contest entry?”

She nodded. “Yep. It flopped. The crab had to be just right, not to mention that fresh pasta is best. And I don’t own a pasta machine.”

They studied the menu a bit and settled on their orders. The service was prompt, and while waiting for their meals, they chatted. She recapped for him the last day she’d spent with her mother. Since she’d been back, they’d talked, but only on the phone, and hadn’t really caught up with each other. Bradan even covered some highlights about work without managing to bore her.

Though everything seemed normal, Cami felt off. She couldn’t articulate what had changed. Was it that he’d gotten too close? Or was it that she’d been so recently reminded of another man she’d once loved?

Cami didn’t know.

Holding his fork in midair, Bradan voiced what was on his mind instead of taking his next bite. “I thought I had it covered, you know.”

She raised a brow.

“My life. I had it all.”

Cami laughed. “What? The women, the booze, the money?”

“I’ve never had much money. Though I hope to one day.” He put down his fork and continued to look at her. “You have to admit, it wasn’t bad, though.”

She took a bite, trying to stay with his lighthearted mood. “Was?”

He hesitated. “I had my head so far up my ass that I nearly missed the most important thing that ever happened to me.”

Goosebumps formed on Cami’s arms, and a funny sensation stirred in her gut. There was no way she could know what he was going to say. But his tone shifted, and the way he looked at her made her nervous. “Which was?”

It had probably been a mistake to ask, but she knew he was going to tell her anyway. Bradan took her hand and looked into her eyes, making her dizzy.

She looked back, waiting. Fearing.

“The most important thing that has ever happened to me…is falling in love with you.”

His words hung in the air. Cami’s heart fell. She should react. Reply. Show emotion. Do something.

But she couldn’t move. Couldn’t even swallow.

“You don’t mean it.” The wrong thing to say, but it just spilled out.

Bradan frowned. “Why would you say that?”

“You’re not a one-woman guy.”

He squeezed her hand. “Wasn’t.”

Cami pulled her hand back and wrapped her arms around her waist.

“Wasn’t,” Bradan repeated, still staring at her. “I
wasn’t
a one-woman guy.”

She knew he witnessed the pain in her expression, and was sure when he looked into her eyes he’d seen more than she wanted him to. Why did it have to go this way? But then she had known it would, sooner or later. Friendship and hot sex just didn’t mix. It was only a matter of time before someone got ideas of taking it further.

“I can’t,” she said.

The look in Bradan’s eyes stabbed her heart. She didn’t intend to crush him. That was the last thing she wanted to do. But it couldn’t be helped. Things had gone too far. It was out of control, more than Cami could handle.

“Cami?” His puzzled look made it worse.

Neither said anything. Cami could barely breathe.

“What is it, baby? You don’t have to say anything. I’m not demanding that you say you feel the same way. But you look like I just told you I hated you, instead of the opposite.”

Cami shook her head; sadness gripped her, but she was too overwhelmed to even cry. “I can’t do it. I can’t.”

“You’re overreacting. I’m not asking for anything from you.”

“You don’t think you are.” Cami covered her eyes. “But you are.” When her pulse slowed and she could catch her breath, Cami looked up. “It won’t work.”

It was too painful. She had to get away.

“I’m leaving.”

“Right now?”

“I mean…I don’t think Seattle is working out for me. It might be best for me to go home, finish school there. You know, do my second year. It would be better for my career.” She knew she was babbling but couldn’t stop.

“You’re talking crazy.”

Having voiced her intent to go back to Walla Walla, to run as far as she could from what was happening, it seemed like her only out. “No. I’m really going.”

Bradan didn’t say anything for a couple of minutes. Then he leaned forward on his elbows. “Are you coming back?”

“I…I don’t know.”

It wasn’t enough. She knew Bradan didn’t understand. Did
she
even understand? At that moment she felt like she was losing her mind. She craved the man across from her more than anything in the world, but she was leaving him. Insanity loomed.

“Just let me go, Bradan. Please.” Cami looked at him through tears. “I don’t want to destroy what we have. I don’t want to destroy
you
.”

Shock was reflected in his features. “You can’t mean that. You’re telling me it’s over? You’re ending it between us?”

She nodded, disbelieving that she was doing it. “There are things you don’t know,” she choked out. “Trust me. You don’t
want
to know.”

Chapter 26

Bradan was stunned. He walked Cami home in silence. Though he wanted to touch her, he didn’t. He couldn’t. None of it made sense. When he’d left her in Walla Walla, they’d been on good terms.

He couldn’t imagine what had happened. And couldn’t fathom that confessing how he felt about her had caused such a violent reaction. Alone, in her hometown, there was so much he had wanted to ask her.

But he’d held off. Having just survived a crucial point in their relationship, Bradan was thankful they were back together. And the time they’d spent together had been amazing.

Cami had been so passionate, and they’d enjoyed each other’s company. He had to admit that she was his favorite person to be around. There was something about her that was special.

He loved her, and nothing would change that. But it did no good, as clearly that was the last thing Cami wanted. Or at least claimed she wanted. Somehow he didn’t believe her.

When they were together, and he held her in his arms, Bradan knew how she felt. At those times, she couldn’t hide it. And he wasn’t convinced her feeling for him had changed so abruptly.

Sure, they had never made a commitment. All they’d agreed to was friendship, and sex, when they felt like it. But Cami couldn’t hold that against him. Feelings change, and Bradan’s certainly had.

He felt a deep bond with her. Bradan hadn’t felt that with a woman before, and now that he did, there was no chance he would walk away. There had to be a way to get through to her.

Once at her apartment, Cami had gone inside and shut the door. She hadn’t even said goodbye, just sobbed quietly. It was a nightmare, and one that Bradan had to do something about.

But Cami seemed resolute and unapproachable. Clueless on how to continue, Bradan went home, every inch of his body aching. It was over, she’d said. But his mind couldn’t reconcile that.

After a sleepless night, Bradan showered and went out for coffee. He needed something to jolt him, snap him out of it. Either his life was over or he needed to fix things with Cami.

He didn’t know how to do that, and was out of his depth. One thing he did know was that it couldn’t end this way. Cami needed to talk to him, make him understand, if she could.

Knowing she’d ignore his calls, Bradan went to her apartment and pounded on the door later that morning. Too bad if she was asleep. This was important. She didn’t answer at first, so he kept pounding.

Cami came to the door at last, dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt, her hair a mess. “Are you trying to wake the neighborhood?”

Bradan stepped past her and stood inside her apartment. “No, just you. We have to talk.”

Cami brushed her hair out of her eyes and sighed. “I haven’t even had my coffee yet.”

“Well, you better get it. We’re going for a drive.”

“Drive?”

Bradan couldn’t read what he saw in her eyes, but he wasn’t about to be dissuaded. “Yeah, I rented a car to go apartment hunting, and I still have it. I figure we need a change of scene.”

Surprisingly, Cami didn’t argue. She lifelessly walked to the kitchen and fired up the espresso machine. He waited while she got ready, relieved to be with her and not completely shut out.

Once they were in the car, Bradan headed away from Belltown with no destination in mind. He didn’t want to drive; he wanted to be with Cami. Being alone was the only way. Instinctively, he headed toward Ravenna Park, a forested area in the city.

He’d been there before and knew there were bridges, grassy areas, and picnic tables. There should be a quiet place they could talk. Maybe it would help chill Cami out. He recalled the trails were very nice, with little brooks and streams running through them.

It was a wooded ravine, and from the bridge, arched forty-one feet above it, the trails weren’t visible. The access roads led to two main areas, and the park was popular for hiking, jogging, and picnicking. Bradan risked a glance at Cami.

She sat very still, looking sightlessly out the windows. He’d noticed her eyes were red, and had no doubt she’d been crying recently. A blade twisted inside him. Bradan hated seeing her in such a bad way.

He signaled and began to turn in. Before he’d cleared the intersection, a small compact whizzed toward them from the other direction, showing no sign of avoiding collision. Bradan’s reaction time was good. He swerved and missed plowing into the other car, but skidded when he hit the brakes. The tires against the pavement made a high-pitched squeal.

The front of the oncoming vehicle would have hit the left front of the rental, or possibly smacked into the driver’s-side door. Neither of which would have been good for Bradan, since the other driver had been speeding. And the heavy impact would likely have injured Cami despite airbags deploying.

Adrenaline had pumped into his bloodstream as he had swerved and braked just in time. Simultaneously, Cami’s scream had pierced his ears, and the instant he realized the other car was gone he reached out for her. The other driver, oblivious to anyone else on the road, had disappeared.

Bradan had one hand on the wheel and one hand on Cami’s thigh, catching his breath. Cami was hysterical. She rocked in her seat with her hands over her eyes, wailing as if she’d gone crazy, and seemed unaware of him sitting next to her. He wavered on whether he should move the car or reach for her.

Opting for safety, Bradan edged the car forward into a parking lot and found a place to stop. Cami continued to cry uncontrollably, and when he went around to her side to help her out of the car, she was shaking hard. He undid her seatbelt and nudged her out of her seat.

With his arms around her, Bradan guided her to a grassy area where there was a picnic table. He sat Cami on the long bench and knelt before her, letting her sob it out. The near miss had been alarming, but her reaction exceeded what would be expected.

When her crying subsided, Bradan grasped her wrists and gently pulled her hands away from her face. He sat on the bench beside her and took her into his arms. Leaning against his chest, she trembled, and he stroked her hair to reassure her.

“You could have been killed,” she whispered.

“I’m fine. Nothing happened. It was only a scare, that’s all.”

Cami didn’t say anything else. She fell silent. Too silent.

“You’re scaring me,” he whispered, kissing the top of her head. “Talk to me, baby. What happened back there?”

Cami didn’t answer, and he feared she was slipping away from him. “You can tell me. Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

She covered her face with one hand. “I can’t.”

At that point, it was more than just their relationship. Something was seriously wrong, and Bradan needed to pry it out of her.

“Why not, baby? Why can’t you talk about it?”

“I’ll never…I won’t. I just. I’ll fall apart. I will.”

Bradan held her in his embrace, letting her know he had her. “I’m here. Nothing is going to happen to you. I’ll hold you. Forever, if that’s what it takes. Just tell me.”

“I…never…talk about it.”

“I know.” Bradan tilted her chin up so he could look in her eyes. “This isn’t about me. It’s about you. And whatever this is, it’s killing you. You have to tell someone, Cami. You have to talk.” She looked past him, and it seemed like she was going to withdraw.

But then her words started, slowly at first. It was as though she was in a dream, recounting the unreality of what she saw. No, more like the horror of it. But once she started talking, Cami kept talking. It gushed out of her, the whole painful experience, and Bradan began to understand.

“I loved Nat. We grew up together. It was all wonderful. It was just after Christmas and New Year’s. We’d had so much fun. We were so in love. I missed him. And he wasn’t with me.”

Cami paused before going on. “It was winter. There had been some snow. It was dark. And cold. It was so cold, Bradan. But I was at home. I was snug and warm. And waiting. I was on the phone with him. He was coming to see me.

“He said…” Her words drifted off, and Bradan waited. “Nat said he loved me. And…” Cami suppressed a sob and wiped tears streaming from her eyes. “That was…the last thing he said.”

She sobbed and buried her face in Bradan’s shirt. He was patient, feeling her torment but helpless to save her from it.

“You’re doing great, baby. Go on. Tell me the rest.”

Cami lifted her head and looked off into the distance as if seeing what had happened so long ago. “It was horrifying. We were talking. He sounded normal. And then…his voice changed. I could hear the horror, the shock. He said, ‘Oh, God,’ and then nothing else.

“I
heard
it, Bradan. The crash. It was the most horrible sound you can imagine. I
knew
. I just knew. I was still holding the phone in my hand hours later, staring out at the snow, when my mother came into my room.