Perfekt Control (The Ære Saga Book 2) (28 page)

Ready?
Henrik mouthed. Then he stepped
right next to the beam of light.

I nodded, my ponytail bouncing up and down in
my enthusiasm.
Get me out of here.

Henrik counted down.
One. Two.
On
three, he pulled me tightly against him and pressed the button on
the sound box. At the same time as the dragons burst into motion,
he leapt into the beam. I wrapped my arms around his neck, giddy
with excitement, and he grinned back at me. Our audio restored, I
could hear his beautiful voice as he said, “Let’s go home.”

We flew, shooting out of the cavern and back
to the edge of the ravine that bordered the icy forest of Niflheim.
Our landing was abrupt, but I didn’t mind the jarring sensation
that radiated from the soles of my boots all the way up my legs.
Henrik’s arm was still wrapped around my waist, and I clung to his
neck like a heroine in one of Elsa’s cheesy romance novels. If the
ache in my cheeks was any indication, I was still grinning like a
kid in a candy shop. And if the look on Freya’s face as we
approached was any indication, my glee hadn’t escaped her
notice.

“I didn’t kiss him,” I blurted as I leapt
from Henrik’s embrace. “I know the rules.” Then I buried my face in
Henrik’s chest. Gods, why couldn’t I act cool for once?

“I know you didn’t.” Freya didn’t sound mad.
When I worked up my courage to peek, she was still cradled in Tyr’s
arms, and she was smiling. Actually smiling. “Come on, we need to
talk. Heimdall? Would you please open the Bifrost?”

The rainbow bridge shot down and the four of
us moved inside.

“Wait.” Henrik stepped out of the light,
scooped a sample of ice into a baggie, and tucked it into his
pocket before returning to the Bifrost with a nod.

“To the safe house,” Tyr ordered. And, after
an endless moment of bone suckage and stomach lurching, we were
back in Midgard, combat boots steady on the soft sand of the
northwest compound.

Finally.

“Is it really over?” Freya asked as Tyr set
her on her feet. She looked pale and drawn, and not at all the
radiant love goddess we knew her to be.

“It’s really over.” Tyr offered his arm and
she took it, walking unsteadily up the steps to the lawn.

“They’re back!” Mia’s voice rang from inside
the beach house as Fang swooped joyfully overhead. My pegasus
landed on the sand and pounded across the beach, stopping to nuzzle
my cheek as I performed my standard post-Bifrost heave.

“Sorry, Fang,” I murmured. “I promise I’ll
get the hang of it one of these days.”

Henrik kept a steady hand on my lower back
until I could stand. When I did, Fang let out a joyful whinny.
“Told you I’d bring her back.” Henrik grinned.

“Hey. I brought
you
,” I challenged.
“And you still owe me a pie for beating your kill count in
Muspelheim.”

“That I do, Brynnie. That I do.”

While we spoke, the French doors flung open,
and Mia, Elsa, and Forse spilled out onto the porch. They raced
down to the lawn, skidding to a stop when they caught sight of
Freya’s gaunt cheeks. They each offered a ginger hug, being careful
not to jostle our frail friend.

“Oh, Freya,” Mia tutted. “You must be
exhausted. And starving. Can I make you something to eat?”

Freya clasped Mia’s hands in hers. “I would
love something. Hel didn’t have much by way of food. Did you know
she really does eat with a utensil she calls Famine? Our teachers
didn’t make that up.”

“She’s really strange,” I replied. Freya’s
eyes fell on my hand, once again entwined with Henrik’s. I quickly
pulled it away and avoided her gaze.

“Would you guys give me a moment alone with
Brynn and Henrik, please?” Freya asked softly. My insides froze.
What was she going to say? Was I in trouble for what I did in
Alfheim? Had Brynhild somehow gotten to her? Was I about to get
fired? Or worse, reassigned and ordered to stay away from Henrik? I
didn’t think I could handle being away from him now that I knew I
had a fighting chance of actually having him in my life in the way
I’d always wanted him.

“Of course,” Elsa murmured. She touched my
shoulder as she walked by, her warm hand offering reassurance that
promptly dissipated when I found myself alone on the grass with
Henrik and the goddess who held the keys to my happiness in her
extremely slender hands.

We had to get Freya a sandwich.

I sucked in a breath, preparing to receive my
sentence, but Henrik spoke first.

“Before you say anything, I need you to know
something, Freya. Brynn hasn’t broken her oath. Yes, she tried to
kiss me in Alfheim, but it was one-sided. I stood down, just like
you asked me to, and didn’t engage.”

Wait. What? I whirled on Freya. “You knew I
was going to kiss Henrik?”

“Of course I did.” She rolled her eyes. “I’m
the Goddess of Love. I know everything. But before we talk, Brynn,
you need to go see Elsa. It’s time you underwent that
full
healing.” She raised her eyebrows at me, and I gulped. Was I ready?
Could I handle revisiting Anja’s death?

I knew without hesitating the answer to both
questions was
yes
. If I wanted to be with Henrik now or in
two centuries from now, or whenever Freya finally lifted my endless
chastity, I knew I needed to fully release my fear. And as High
Healer, Elsa was the only goddess in the realm who could facilitate
a full embracing of love.
Here we go
.

I squeezed Henrik’s hand and followed Elsa
back to the house. As I walked away, I heard Freya’s soft voice
behind me. “Henrik, I need you to take a walk with me.”

Oh. Gods.

“
YOU’RE SURE YOU’RE READY?”
Elsa
scooted her chair so our knees were a few feet apart.

“I’m ready. I still feel guilty about Anja’s
death—I probably always will. If I’d just told my parents she was
still on Midgard, they could have forced her to evacuate like the
rest of the Norns, and she’d still be with us. But I know that was
her choice to make. And I know she wouldn’t want me to carry the
guilt with me forever.”

“And you know you can’t move forward with
love unless you release your fear.” Elsa beamed. “I can see that in
your energy. Brynn, you
are
ready!”

“I know.” I inhaled slowly. “And I’m ready to
accept whatever fate Freya’s going to dole out because of my
decision to kiss Henrik. Because even if it takes another six
centuries, I know we’ll find a way back to each other. We always
do.”

Elsa’s eyes twinkled. “You sure you need a
healing? It sounds like you’ve got this figured out.”

“I want the healing,” I confirmed. “I’ve put
this off too long.”

“Fair enough. Let’s get started.” Elsa
scooted back in her chair and closed her eyes. “Is there anything
you want to ask before we start? You know I won’t probe where you
don’t want me to.”

“Same rules as always, right?” I asked.

“Correct. Everything you share with me is
confidential. Everything I do is to help you understand your
relation to your world in the clearest possible light. I won’t push
in an area you want to remain closed, so don’t worry about letting
me too far in; I’ll only see what you want me to. I won’t tell you
which choices you should make, though the best option is probably
going to be pretty obvious to you. And at the end of the session,
if there’s anything we haven’t addressed, just tell me and we’ll
make sure we cover it. You ready?”

“Let’s do this.” I leaned back in my chair
and waited.

“Okay.” Elsa took a slow breath, and I did
the same. I knew from experience we were tying our energies to the
earth—grounding ourselves so our individual charges had an anchor
to this realm. “First, let’s get you back in control of your own
energy. You know you can’t control anyone’s choices. But you can
control how presently you walk your path. Remember, when you are
truly present, there can be no fear.”

The clairvoyant might have sung a different
tune if she’d been truly present with the guardians of Hel.

“That’s not what I mean and you know it,”
Elsa corrected.
Oops.
Sometimes I forgot she could hear me
in these little sessions. “I know I say it all the time, but I want
you to really understand. Fear is the absence of presence. It
exists in the past, or the future. But in this moment, this
reality, there is only presence. There is only being. There can be
no fear. Lock that into your memory, Brynn. It’s important.”

I nodded.

“Now let’s get all of that beautiful golden
energy back inside you. Do you feel grounded?” Elsa asked.

“
Ja
.”

“Good. Now hold your arms out and draw a
circle around your body. It’s
your
space—nobody else’s.
We’re going to bring all of that gorgeous golden energy within this
space. Now hold up your arms, like you’re holding a big ball, and
place your palms to the sky. Call back your energy from all the
places you’ve left it over the past few days. You’ve got so much,
it’s very easy for you to leave pieces of yourself behind.”

I closed my eyes and held up my arms. Then I
pictured my room in Arcata, and the kitchen in our little cabin. I
pictured Redwood State University’s engineering lab where I’d been
working on Barney with Mia and Henrik. I pulled my energy back from
the nightmare in the man cave, from watching our friends under
attack, from the nausea-inducing trips on the Bifrost, and the
mortifying moment in Alfheim. I recalled my energy from our romp in
the forest of Muspelheim, and I pulled back the sadness I left
behind with Hyro in her cave of solitude. I pulled every last ounce
of my energy out of Helheim, including the pity I felt for the
goddess trapped within. With each retraction, I felt a prick in my
palms, weighing my hands down one memory at a time until it
actually felt like I carried the weight of the world in my
hands.

“How does it feel?” Elsa asked.

“Heavy,” I admitted.

“I know it does.” Her voice sounded soft.
“Now I want you to bring your hands together over your head so
they’re almost touching. And I want you to turn them around so your
palms are face down, and I want you to push all of that energy
straight down into the ground. Right into your circle.” Elsa waited
until I’d finished and took another slow breath. I did the same.
“Good. How do you feel?”

“Anchored.”

“That’s my girl. Now bring your hands to your
right foot and draw up the energy of the earth like this.” Elsa
waved her hands around her feet. I waved at my right foot, then my
left, and mimicked Elsa as I drew my hands up my legs and to my
waist. I really did feel more present. We rested with our hands in
our laps, breathing slowly together.

“You ready?” Elsa asked.

“Absolutely.”

“Draw on energy,” Elsa ordered.

“I just did.”

“No, that was calling back your excess
energy. Now I want you to draw on all the good energy available to
you in our worlds. Your parents, your experiments, your physical
training. Draw on what Mia’s brought to our lives, her unifying
energy and that beautiful gift that is mentoring her. Draw on the
love we share as friends—the peace we take from this beach house.
Draw on your love for Henrik. Take it all in.”

I nodded. And then I opened my palms and
pictured everything Elsa had described shooting into my open hands.
I lapped the positive energy greedily, devouring every bit until my
chest puffed and my heart felt like it might burst. It was
humbling; I hadn’t realized the
absolut
excess of positive
energy available to me. How did I ever feel like I was alone?

“Okay. I want you to think your name, and
picture a circle that is uniquely yours on one side of a gorge, or
a river, or a tree—whatever image feels right to you. Are you doing
it?”

“Yes.” I frowned. This was the part I liked
least of all—the part where I had to
feel
.

“Good. Now I want you to think of Anja, and
picture a circle that’s uniquely hers on the other side of that
obstacle. Are you doing it?”

“Yes,” I whispered. My mind sifted through
memories of the beautiful childhood we shared playing together in
our backyard, picking flowers for our mom in the summer, and having
snowball fights with our dad in the winter. I recalled holding
Anja’s hand on my first day of school, pulling strength from my
brave big sister. I remembered hours spent sitting on our beds,
talking about boys and friends and dreams. Warm tears pooled
quickly and rolled down my cheeks. I didn’t bother to wipe them
away; I knew what came next.

“Good girl, Brynnie. You’re doing great,”
Elsa encouraged. “Now I want you to say to yourself, ‘I forgive
myself for any hurts my actions or inactions may have caused
her.’”

“But I don’t,” I whispered, as the tears fell
harder.

“But you can,” Elsa said softly.
“Forgiveness, even self-forgiveness, is yours to give. It’s a
choice. One you deserve more than anyone.”

I choked back a sob. “I for-for-forgive
myself,” I stammered, “f-f-f-or any hurts my ac-ac-ac-actions or
inactions may have caused her.”

The enormity of my words settled on my chest,
nearly crushing me under their weight.

“Good. We’re almost through the hard part,”
Elsa said. “Now I want you to say to yourself, ‘I forgive her for
any hurts her actions or inactions may have caused me.’”

I repeated the words, my voice cracking as I
spoke. The heaviness in my chest pressed against me, making it
nearly impossibly to breathe.

Since my eyes were squeezed firmly shut, I
couldn’t see what Elsa was doing, but I heard the flicking of her
nails, and I knew the minute she’d unleashed her energy on me. The
weight flew off my chest like someone drew a curtain, and my
shoulders pulled back in gratitude. Breath filled my lungs in deep
gasps, and my chest heaved up and down as I sucked in air. The
whole effect was instant, and dizzying, and more than a little
overwhelming. It was the buzzing that surprised me the most. Elsa
had done minor healings before, but we’d never tackled an issue of
this magnitude; I’d never been ready. But now, as she sat there
doing whatever it was she was doing with her magical energy powers,
my cells begin to vibrate. The tingling started in my face and
hands, leaving my skin feeling as if it were on pins and needles in
the most pleasant possible way. Then the muscles underneath my skin
picked up the vibrations, buzzing with the fervor of a Golden
Retriever on Red Bull. And finally, my organs picked up the
sensation so that my entire being, from head to toe, was filled
with a radiant energy. My breath came in deep gasps, my stomach
pushing out with each inhale as a new wave of tears poured down my
face. In that moment there was no guilt, no remorse, and not a hint
of fear. There was just me. My energy, called fully into my being
in the present.