Pieces of My Sister's Life (19 page)

20

I
T WAS PAST MIDNIGHT
when I returned to the house. For almost an hour I’d been running up and down the same streets trying to pound away the image of Eve with Mr. Maclean, but of course it followed me everywhere.

I walked up to our room and lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling. I didn’t know what was the right thing to feel. Should I be angry? Alarmed? Ashamed? I was all of these, but most of all and worst of all I realized I was jealous. Some insane, irrational part of me was jealous of Mr. Maclean, because in those nights he spent with her, he was closer than I’d ever be.

On impulse I slid to the floor and crawled under Eve’s bed skirt. I lay there in the dust and bed-skirt shadows, staring up at springs and imagining the way he must look at her, the things she must say to make him forget the wife he’d left at home.
You’re so hot,
she said.
You make me all wet
. I grimaced and slid out from under the bed.

My foot brushed against a crinkle of plastic. I pulled at it, a heavy shopping bag, and looked inside. On top were two photographs: one of Daddy piggybacking Eve, the other a picture I hardly remembered, Eve and I at the shore, hand in hand in matching pink bathing suits. I fingered this picture, trying not to see inside the bag, the stacks of green. Maybe it was tens, maybe hundreds, maybe thousands, I didn’t want to know.

I set the picture back and pushed the bag under the bed, then crawled onto my own bed, closed my eyes and waited.

Eve got home at two
A.M.
, her eyes red, face shadowed. She slipped into the room and raised her eyebrows at me. “You’re still up?”

“Couldn’t sleep.” I hugged my arms over my chest. After a minute I spoke, my voice nonchalant. “So, you have a good night?”

“Real good. It was pretty amazing.” She sat on the bed beside me, lifted her foot. “Like my anklet? He gave it to me tonight. That’s real amethyst.”

I tried to smile. “Nice,” I said.

“You can borrow it if you want. Guys love anklets for some reason, I guess they help define your leg.”

She unclasped the chain and started to fasten it around my ankle, but the feel of it made me shiver as if it were alive, a snake. I pulled my leg away. “Hey, I’m starving. Wanna check out the fridge?” My voice had a shrill edge to it, kind of like a parrot.

Eve watched me for a minute, finally smiled. “Okay, sure.” She stood and rooted through her underwear drawer, pulled out a brown bottle. “Let’s make it fun. You’ll like this, it’s Kahlua. Mix it with milk and it’s just like a shake.”

“Sounds good,” I said. “Let’s bring it down.”

Downstairs we found Doritos and salsa, cold chicken and a bag of Oreos. We ate with our fingers, whispering like we once used to, hiding our midnight snacks from Daddy. Together in the dark and whispers and milk laced sweet with liquor, I knew I should feel all close and connected, joined by secrets. Instead I felt like I was tiptoeing, trying to ignore a truth so huge it pressed against both of us, constricting the space between it and us like an expanding hot-air balloon.

“You’re staring at me,” Eve said.

I shrugged. “You’re so gorgeous I can’t help it.”

“And you’re so full of crap your eyes just turned brown.”

This exchange filled me with a wash of loss. I reached for the Kahlua bottle, poured myself another splash.

Eve leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes, and something about the way she looked, her slightly protruding belly, her faint milk mustache, reassured me enough that I could ask. I made my voice relaxed, almost slurred as if I was drunk. “So tell me about the new boyfriend.”

“C’mon, Kerry, I promise I’ll tell you when I’m ready.”

Is he married? In his forties?
“Do you think you could marry him someday? I mean hypothetically speaking.”

“I’ve thought about it.” She took a swig of Kahlua, straight from the bottle, grimaced as it went down.

“You think he could marry you?”

Eve sat straighter. “Just get off this, will you?”

“Seems like you’ve been with him every night this week. I was just wondering if you think there’s a future in it, or if you’re gonna just keep letting him screw you in exchange for jewelry.”

Eve stood to put the salsa in the refrigerator, then turned to me, her eyes cold. “Listen to your voice, Kerry. Just because you think you’re dating Mr. Wonderful gives you the right to be sarcastic? Can’t you just be happy for me?”

“I’m just trying to understand what’s going on with you.” My eyes began to fill. “You’ve been out every night, and now you don’t work at the shop I hardly see you anymore. You’ve never kept any secrets from me before, not anything important like this. So I’m just trying to get back to normal, how it used to be.”

Eve leaned against the refrigerator, staring at the dark kitchen window. Finally she shook her head. “There’s things I can’t tell you, Kerry. You wouldn’t get it. Too much has happened.”

I steeled my shoulders. The words came before I could stop them. “You’re sleeping with Mr. Maclean.”

Eve stared at me. I watched the flush spread into her face and felt an obscure kind of triumph. “Who the hell told you that?”

“It’s true, isn’t it? He’s the one gave you that anklet, you go to him every night, behind everyone’s back. God, Eve, he has a family, two kids!”

“Shut up. You don’t know anything.”

“How could you?”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about!” Eve strode to the door. She stood a minute, her back straight and stiff, then slowly turned to face me. “You want to know what’s going on? You really want to know? I got an idea how we can both find out.”

She gave me a crooked smile and reached for the phone. Shell-shocked, I poured myself a glass of straight Kahlua, swigged it down.

“Justin? Listen, there was an accident.”

I widened my eyes and jumped up, grabbing at the phone. “
Stop
it!”

Eve wrestled me away. “We need you here, it’s an emergency. Pretty serious.” She winked at me. “God, thanks, Jussy, you’re awesome.”

She hung up the phone and smiled. “Let’s see how long it takes the hero to rescue us.”

“What the hell are you doing?”

“Like I said, I got an idea. Because there’s things you want to know about me and things I want to know about him. So we’ll swap questions, give something and get something, it’s only fair.”

“Questions for Justin?”

She raised her eyebrows in reply. I hunched forward, feeling the liquor burning in my stomach. “Like what?”

“Oh, you’ll see. Things I’m sure you’d want to know yourself.”

The front door slammed open. “Eve? Kerry? What’s going on? Where are you?”

“In here!” Eve called.

Justin ran to the kitchen, wearing only a jacket over pajama bottoms. “What is it? What happened?”

“Glad you could come.”

Justin stared at her. “What’re you doing, Eve? You said an emergency.”

“Well, in a way it is. Kerry was about to drive me crazy with her questions, and I think none of us wants me going insane.” She sat across from me. “So I thought instead we could play a little game, I’ll tell you if you tell me. Truth or dare. I’ll answer anything you want.”

“It’s the middle of the night,” Justin said. “What’s wrong with you?”

“C’mon Jussy, it’ll be fun.”

“Fine,” I said, “but I go first.”

Justin stared at me pointedly. “Kerry—”

“We’ll do what she wants. Truth or dare?”

“Dammit, Kerry, you’re acting like two-year-olds.”

Eve rolled her eyes to the ceiling. “I’ll take truth. That’s the point of this all, isn’t it?”

“Okay.” I watched her face carefully. “Okay, Eve, are you having an affair with Ryan Maclean?”

“Jesus,” Justin said. “What?”

Eve smiled. “The answer is yes. Now you, Justin, truth or dare.”

I shook my head. “Wait a minute.”

“Yes, I’m sleeping with him, okay? That’s it, now it’s my turn. Truth or dare?”

“Mr. Maclean? Congressman Maclean?” Justin stared at her. “Holy Christ, Eve.”

“Here, have a drink.” Eve poured a shot of liquor into my glass and pushed it at him.

“I’m going home.”

“No, don’t,” I said.

“You better keep playing or we’ll go on a drinking spree, me and Kerry, and I’ll start making up stories that are maybe or maybe not true. Bet I’m as good at thinking up stories as you.”

Justin narrowed his eyes, gave her a long and steady gaze and then sat and swirled the glass agitatedly against the table. “This is ridiculous. What the hell do you want?”

Eve glanced from Justin to me and back. “Okay, Justin, what I want to know is why Kerry? Why did you go for Kerry?”

I sucked in my breath. Held it, watching Justin.

He blinked twice, rapidly. “You’re sleeping with Congressman Maclean and you act like you have the right to question me? Because I love her, what do you think?”

“Who would you say is sexier?”

Something squeezed at my stomach.

Justin shook his head. “What?”

I pressed my toes against the floor. “You can’t ask another question.”

“But don’t you want to hear the answer? I’m just wondering who you think is sexier, Kerry or me.”

“This is ridiculous. You’re both sexy, okay? God, Eve, what do you want to hear?”

“I just want to know why.” Eve was looking at him, her face tight. “How come you chose her?”

Justin started to speak, then stood. “I’m going to bed.”

“There’s got to be a reason.” Eve’s voice was trembling slightly. “You made her fall in love with you, Justin; were you lying to her just a little? Did you really want her or was it because you thought you couldn’t have me?”

“Stop!” I couldn’t listen to this, even though part of me had examined the same question so many times. I was scared Justin wouldn’t have an answer. And if he didn’t have an answer, nothing would ever be the same again. “Just stop. It’s a stupid question.”

But Justin shook his head. “I love you both.” His voice was even and slow. “But I’m in love with Kerry, I was probably always in love with her, even before I realized it. How can you be so conceited to think it has anything whatsoever to do with you?”

Eve gazed at the wall above Justin’s head, her shoulders stiff. When she turned back to me, her eyes were red. “Okay,” she said. “Sit down, Justin. It’s Kerry’s turn.”

I felt like burrowing against him, covering myself with him and never coming out. I couldn’t look at Eve, but it was my turn to ask a question and there were so many things I needed to know. “Truth or dare?” I said.

“Truth,” Eve said. “Let’s get this over with.”

“How—” I started, then shook my head. “How could you?”

Eve kicked her foot rhythmically against a table leg. “What kind of dumb-ass question is that?”

“He’s married! God, Eve, what are you thinking?”

Kick, kick, kick.
“He’s the one that started it. Not everyone’s virtuous as they seem. Look at Justin, for example.”

“You’re not funny, Eve,” Justin said.

I took the glass from him, sucked at the Kahlua and felt it burn down my throat.

“I’m not trying to be funny.”

“No, you’re just trying to justify adultery.”

Eve smiled at Justin, her eyes fierce. “What are you, jealous?”

“Jealous of what!” My voice choked and I looked to Justin for help. “He buys you jewelry and you sleep with him? You’d sleep with anybody, wouldn’t you. Like a hooker.”

“Oh, stop it, Ker. You have no idea how fun it is. Men are like boys inside, you hold up a Snickers bar and they start to salivate. I’m like a grownup version of a Snickers, maybe just chocolate and caramel and a few nuts, maybe that’s all you see in me, Justin, but that’s what I’m trying to find out.” She squinted at Justin, then shrugged. “Just trying to learn about your sweet tooth. Okay, Jussy, you guys wasted that question. Now, truth or dare?”

Justin glared at her. “I can’t believe you, Eve. What the hell are you trying to pull?”

“It’s only fair. You can’t cheat now, this is just starting to get fun.”

Justin poured more Kahlua. His hand was shaking. “Dare.”

Eve smiled slowly, stretched out her legs. “Matter of fact, I was hoping you’d choose a dare, because I know already what I want you to do. You’ll like this. See, I’ve heard so much about your technique.” She raised her eyebrows at me. “Your kissing technique. So I was thinking just for fun, I dare you to kiss me.”

Justin choked on his drink. Apprehension sunk into my stomach like cold mud.

Eve leaned forward. “Not just a peck, either. I want you to use your tongue.”

“No way.” I grabbed Justin’s hand. I felt like slapping her. I felt like crying.

“Or you can pick truth, but then you have to answer two questions, not just one. That’s the rule. Your choice.”

Justin swallowed his Kahlua in three quick gulps, then coughed and wiped at his watering eyes.

“Well?” Eve said.

“I can’t believe this. I can’t believe I’m doing this. Go ahead then, truth.”

Eve traced her finger down her neck to the collar of her V-cut blouse. She smiled wryly. “Okay, truth. I can see why you maybe wouldn’t want to kiss me in front of your girlfriend, but I bet you’re curious who might be a better kisser. So tell me, Justin, you ever have fantasies about it? About kissing me?”

“What?”
Justin said.

I squeezed his hand so hard he winced and pulled away.

“Why so upset, Ker, you scared of the truth? Look how his face is flushed. I think that’s your answer.”

“This is ridiculous.” He started to rise but I pressed him back down. I felt strange suddenly, drifty with sleep or with alcohol, as if none of this was quite real. “Ask something else,” I said.

“Okay.” Eve looked into my eyes while she poured Justin another glass of Kahlua, kept watching me as she spoke. “And you better tell the truth, or we’ll both know you’re not. We can read your face like a book, can’t we, Ker.” She grinned sideways. “I’m gonna give you something, Jussy, and you tell me the truth, tell me what it does for you. No holding back, right? Just first impressions.” At this she bent to Justin and pressed her lips against the side of his mouth, her hand scrabbling in his lap.