Pin (15 page)

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw myself in the mirror. I was sitting stiffly in the chair, my back pressed hard against the back of it, my shoulders pulled up and my head held stiffly erect. I would have sat that way for quite a while, but I heard Ursula come into her room. “Got to act completely natural,” I told myself. “Don't let her get a bit suspicious.” So I got up and opened the door. She was sitting on her bed with a towel around her hair. Other than that, she was completely naked. Her skin was pinkish from the hot water.

“How do you feel now?”

“A lot better. It really was terrible, Leon. It made me feel creepy all over.”

“I know what you mean. I once came into the office right after an old man died. The doctor didn't have him covered or anything.”

“Ugh. I'm glad I wasn't with you.”

“He was just sitting there talking to Pin about the case. He was very calm and matter-of-fact about it. The man had a heart attack in the office, actually out in the lobby. They were waiting for someone to come and get the body. I remember how the man's hand was just hanging stiffly off the table. His fingers were cupped like he expected someone to come over and put something in them.”

“The doctor was so crude sometimes, wasn't he?”

“He was just scientific, unattached, uninvolved.”

“I think that's crude.”

“I'm sure your boyfriend saw a lot of dead people and got to the point where he just looked at them matter-of-factly.”

“Never. Stan's too sensitive to be matter-of-fact about death.”

“Maybe. You want to talk about him?”

“No,” she said. I thought she said it rather quickly and emphatically.

“Why not?”

“I'm just not in the mood. Visiting his mother and all,” she added, more to placate me than anything else.

“Suit yourself.” I turned to leave, but she called me back.

“Leon, Stan asked me how come you don't have any girl friends over. He thought that if you did,
maybe we could do some double dates. It might be fun.”

“My love life is none of his damn business.”

“He didn't ask to be nosy. He only thought…”

“I know what he thought,” I said, forgetting my self-control. “He thought it unnatural for me to stay here and not have the outside interests you have, isn't that it?”

“He never said you were unnatural. Really, Leon, we were just thinking of ways to have some fun.”

“I'll bet.”

“What's wrong? You look so tense, so twisted up and ugly inside.”

“Nothing. I just don't like people talking about me, that's all. When I want someone, I'll go out and get her. I never lacked the ability to do so, did I?”

“Never. You were always a big lover.” She smiled.

“So? Why concern yourself then?”

“Come over here and sit next to me. Why won't you come?” she added when I hesitated.

“What do you want?”

“Just come over. How about giving me a massage? My kidneys ache again,” she said and turned to sprawl out on her stomach. I looked at her for a moment. I knew what she was trying to do—she was trying to soften me up. I walked over and sat on the bed. “Come on,” she said. I began rubbing her back in small circles and then larger ones. “Oh, that's good.”

“Can't you get Stan to do this?”

“He's not here now. Anyway, you know just how to do it and you have such strong hands.”

“Thanks.”

“You do,” she said, propping herself up on her right elbow.

“OK, OK, I do.” She sprawled out again. I watched her ass move under the rhythm of my hands. It had such a nice shape to it and such fullness. I moved over and over it and then down to her thighs, inside them and around the legs. She moaned and groaned, lying there with her eyes closed, her lips pursed. It did have a relaxing effect on me too. I felt less tense and annoyed for the moment.

“Remember when you came in here and did this to Miriam Cohen?”

“Yeah, I remember. It seems like a hundred years ago already.”

“It does.”

“A lot of things have changed since then,” I said, playing around with double meanings again. She didn't say anything. I worked down her legs to the calves and then stopped by slapping her on the ass.

“Ouch,” she said, turning over on her back. I got up and started for my bedroom again. “Where are you going?”

“To sleep. I'm tired.”

“Will you think about it at least?”

“About what?”

“Stan's suggestion.”

“Yeah, I'll think about it. Sure, why not?”

“Sherry Chester is always asking about you. Whenever I see her, she asks how you are and what you're doing.”

“That slut.”

“She's a nice girl now. Works as a secretary for Jack Bernstein.”

“Probably putting out for him. She put out for everybody in high school.”

“Think about it, will you, Leon?”

“I said I would, didn't I? Listen, what the hell is this supposed to be anyway, Rehabilitate Leon Week?” I said, and I slammed the door closed between us. I stood there smiling on my side. I had been worrying about how I was going to close that door.

I
WATTED ONE HOUR AFTER
I
HEARD
U
RSULA GET INTO BED
to go to sleep. Then I took the tape recorder, just as we had planned, and I turned on my intercom. Over and over Pin's voice began to play through the speakers. I watched the door between Ursula's room and mine. I waited for her light to go on. I felt some pangs of regret doing it. I readily admit that, but taunting her with Pin's voice was part of both her punishment and her treatment. We had to win her back completely. There was no other way. I just used father's old standby expression—“The pain is the price we pay for recovery.” His voice went on.

“Ursula, Ursula, come down, I need you. I want to talk to you. Ursula, Ursula, come down. Please,
Ursula, come down. Ursula, Ursula, come down, I need you. Please.”

It ran through twice and still there was no reaction from her. It worried me, but I kept it up. I can't fail now, I thought. Pin's waiting downstairs. He's been waiting all night. Again, we'll play it again and again. I began to sweat a little in anticipation. Finally, I grew impatient with the machine. It was as if no voice were coming over it. Maybe something went wrong when I played the tape recorder into the intercom, I thought. Then, in the best disguised voice I could manage, I spoke through the intercom, saying the exact things Pin had recorded. I did that for only a little while when the light went on in Ursula's room.

I waited, lying back in my bed, closing my eyes, and pretending to be fast asleep. The door opened slowly. I opened my eyes slightly. She stood there peering in at me. She was dressed in her nightgown and holding her hands to her chest. She stood waiting for the longest time. I think she wanted to be sure I was asleep. Then she closed the door and went back to bed, satisfied, probably, that she had dreamt the whole thing. I smiled to myself and reached for the intercom again.

“Ursula, Ursula, come down, I need you. I want to talk to you. Ursula, Ursula, come down. Please, Ursula, come down. Ursula, Ursula, come down, I need you. Please.”

Her light went on again. I shut off the intercom and took the same position. She opened the door abruptly, as if she had hoped to catch me at something. But there I was, lying back in bed, my eyes closed, my breathing regular. She stood there
so long this time that I had to act as if she woke me up. I turned with feigned surprise.

“What? What is it? What's the matter? What the hell's the matter?” She continued to just stand there looking in at me. “Jesus, you scared the shit out of me, Ursula. What's the matter, damnit?”

“Didn't you hear anything?”

“What?”

“A … a voice, someone's voice?”

“I was in a deep sleep. Shit, I was having a nice dream and I was in a deep sleep. What's this all about?”

“I'm frightened, Leon. I heard a voice.”

“Aw, come on, will you … a voice … wait, a voice?”

“Yes, did you hear it then?”

“No, but maybe it was Pin,” I said. “It's probably only Pin.” I said it very matter-of-factly. She stood there looking at me. “Don't you suppose so?”

“I—I don't know.”

“What did the voice say? Did you hear any words?”

“Yes. It kept calling my name.”

“So? It's probably Pin and he probably wants to see you, that's all,” I said lying back again. “Just go downstairs and see what he wants.”

“Leon,” she called sharply, “it wasn't Pin.” I sat up and looked at her.

“What?”

“It wasn't Pin. It couldn't have been Pin.”

“Why not? Who else could it have been?”

“I don't know.”

“Look, Ursula, just go downstairs and see what he wants.”

“I'm not going. You go, if you're so sure it was
Pin,” she said, and she turned around and went back to bed, but this time she left the door opened between our two rooms. That was bad because if I turned the intercom on and spoke, she'd hear it coming from my room as well as from right outside her bedroom door. I'd have to either get up and close the door, or else forget about it for the night.

I got up, pretending to be concerned. Then I put the light on in my room and walked into her bedroom. She looked at me from under her covers. I stood listening impatiently.

“I don't hear a thing. How come I don't hear the voice too?”

“It stopped when I got up. Just wait awhile and listen.”

“OK,” I said, and I sat by the foot of her bed and waited for ten full minutes. Both of us were completely silent. There were some creaks in the building and the sounds made by the wind outside. Then I got up and walked to the window. The night sky was overcast. It was pitch black out there.

“You see anyone out there?”

“Can't. It's so damn dark I can't even see the road.”

“All right,” she said. “Forget about it. It's probably only my imagination.”

“Just a dream, you think?” I walked over to her and touched her face. She held my hand to her. Poor Ursula, I thought, poor little Ursula. It's too bad, but we have to do these things to you. I remembered her when she was small and sweet, fully dependent upon me. We were so good to each other then. Things were right; things were as they should be. “Don't worry, I'm here,” I said. She kissed my hand and then she turned over and closed her eyes.

I stood looking down at her for a few more moments and then I walked out, taking care to close the door between us. I waited, afraid that she would call out and ask me to open it again. But she didn't. I smiled to myself and put out my lights. Then I went back to bed and I lay there for a good half an hour, waiting. It was important to be patient, to do the right thing at the right time. Pin had made that perfectly clear when we planned the whole thing out. I wanted her to fall asleep again, to be awakened from a deep sleep. She'd lie there in the dark, listening, waiting to be sure that what she heard was real and not imagined. Then fear would grow.

I was ready again. I leaned over and turned on the intercom. In a voice that made me think of my father, I repeated the words. I did it slowly and clearly, keeping an eye on the door for the first sign of a light in her room.

“Ursula, Ursula, come down, I need you. I want to talk to you. Ursula, Ursula, come down. Please, Ursula, come down. Ursula, Ursula, come down, I need you. Please.”

She didn't get up and put on her lights. I suppose she was probably too frightened to move. She just lay there in the dark listening and wondering. The darkness oppressed her. She was probably sweating. I could imagine her all crouched up, in the fetal position, pressed against the wall. I kept calling through the intercom. I don't know how long I called, but finally, tired myself, I turned it off and went to sleep. She was still sleeping in the morning when I got up, so I went downstairs quietly and helped Pin get settled in his seat in the living room. I had to wash off the luminous paint. We didn't get to
see it used, but we felt the first stage of our plan had still been effective. I then went upstairs to wake her for work. She was oversleeping because she was probably up most of the night.