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Authors: Georgette Heyer

Tags: #Fiction, #Romance, #Historical, #Regency, #Short Stories (Single Author)

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BOOK: Pistols for Two
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‘Bide, and watch him!’ commanded Waggleswick, out of breath, much abraded, but still surprisingly active. ‘Take my barker and don’t stand no gammon!’ With that, he thrust a pistol into Mr Cranbrook’s hand, and dived into the cupboard, adding over his shoulder: ‘Hit him over the head with the butt, if he don’t stay still! I don’t want him shot: he’s one for the Nubbing Cheat, he is!’

John found that his knees were shaking. He sat down, and curtly bade the landlord, who seemed to be trying to get up, to stay where he was. He had only just recovered his breath when a glimmer of light shone through the cupboard door, growing brighter as footsteps approached. Mr Waggleswick came back into the room with a lamp.

‘All’s bowman!’ he announced, taking his gun away from John. ‘Caught both the bites red-handed.
She’s
as bad as he is, and worse! Get up, hang-gallows!’

He endorsed this command with a kick, and the landlord heaved himself to his feet. A settled, dogged expression had descended on to his face; he did not speak, but when John met his eyes he saw that there was so malevolent a look in them that it was almost impossible to believe he could be the same man as the comfortable, smiling host of a few hours earlier.

John shuddered, and turned away to pick up his breeches. When he had pulled these on over his nightshirt, and had thrust his feet into a pair of shoes, Waggleswick invited him to come down and see what had awaited him in the wash-house below his room.

‘Jem and me’ll lock the cull and his moll in the cellar till morning,’ he said. ‘Taken me a rare time to snabble you, my buck, ain’t it? You’ll pay for it! Get down them dancers, and don’t you go for to forget that this little pop o’ mine is mighty liable to go off!
Mighty
liable it is!’

He motioned the landlord to go before him into the cupboard, grinning at John’s face of horror. ‘Didn’t suspicion what there was behind these here doors, did you?’ he said.

‘I never tried to open them. Good God,
a
stairway
?’

‘Down to the wash-house. Took me three visits to get a sight of them, too! Ah, and you’d have gone down ’em feet first if I hadn’t have been here, master, like a good few other young chubs! To think I been here four times, and never a blow come worth the biting until you walked in tonight, with your pocketbook full o’ flimseys, and your talk of no one suspicioning you was in England! Axing your pardon, you was a regular noddy, wasn’t you, sir?’

Mr Cranbrook agreed to it humbly, and brought up the rear of the little procession that wound its way down a steep, twisting stair to a stone-flagged wash-house, where a huge copper was steaming in one corner, and the tapster was standing over Mrs Fyton, loudly protesting her innocence of evil intent in a chair in the middle of the room.

‘My assistant – junior, o’ course, but a fly cove!’ said Waggleswick, jerking a thumb at the tapster. ‘All right, Jem: we’ll stow ’em away under hatches now!’

John, whose revolted gaze had alighted on a chopper, lying on a stout, scrubbed table, was looking a little pale. He was left to his own reflections while the prisoners were driven down to the cellar; and his half-incredulous and wholly nauseated inspection of the wash-house made it unnecessary for Waggleswick to inform him, as he did upon his return with Jem, that it had been the Fytons’ practice to chop up the bodies of their victims, and to boil down the remains in the copper. ‘Though I don’t rightly know what they done with the heads,’ added Mr Waggleswick thoughtfully.

John had heard tales reminiscent of this gruesome disclosure, but he had imagined that they belonged to an age long past.

‘Lor’ no, sir!’ said Waggleswick indulgently. ‘There’s plenty of willains alive today! We’ve had this ken in our eye I dunno how long, but that Fyton he was a cunning one!’

‘Ah!’ nodded Jem, signifying portentous assent.

‘You might have told me!’ John said hotly.

‘Well,’ said Waggleswick, scratching his chin, ‘I might, o’ course, but you was in the nature of a honey-fall, sir, and I wasn’t so werry sure as you’d be agreeable to laying in your bed awaiting for Fyton to come an’ murder you unbeknownst if I was to tell you what my lay was.’

A horrible thought crossed John’s mind. ‘Miss Gateshead!’


She’s
all right and tight! She was knowed to be putting up here, and Fyton never ran no silly risks.’

‘’Adn’t got no ’addock stuffed with beans neither,’ interpolated Jem, somewhat incomprehensibly.

Waggleswick said severely: ‘Don’t talk that cant to flash coves as don’t understand it, sap-head! What he means, sir, is she hadn’t no full purse, like you told us all
you
had!’

‘Not but what Fyton might ha’ done a bit in the body-snatching line,’ suggested Jem.

Mr Cranbrook shuddered.

‘Well, he ain’t snatched
her
body,’ pointed out Mr Waggleswick.

John looked at him. ‘She must not know of this! It is ghastly!’

Waggleswick scratched his chin again. ‘I dunno as she need. She won’t be wanted as a witness – like you will, sir!’

‘Yes, of course: I know that! I am very willing. Has that monster disposed of many travellers in this frightful way?’

‘There’s no saying,’ replied Waggleswick. ‘Not above two or three since we got wind of it in Bow Street.’

‘And before? It is horrible to think of!’

‘Ah!’ agreed Jem. ‘Dear knows
’ow
many went into that there copper afore us Runners come down ’ere!’

On this macabre thought, Mr Cranbrook retired again to his interrupted repose, if not to enjoy much slumber, at least to employ his time profitably in thinking out what plausible tale he would concoct for Miss Gateshead’s benefit in the morning.

4

They met in the coffee-room, still shuttered and unaired. Miss Gateshead was unbarring the shutters when John came into the room, and her comments on the lack of orderly management in the inn were pungent and to the point.

‘I tugged and tugged at the bell, and who do you think brought me a can of hot water at last?’ she said. ‘The tapster!’

‘It is too bad! But the thing is that they were cast into a pucker by the landlady’s being taken ill in the night,’ explained John glibly. ‘Should you mind putting on your bonnet, and stepping out with me to partake of breakfast at one of the other inns?’

‘Not at all!’ replied Miss Gateshead promptly. ‘I am very sorry for the landlady, but she almost deserves to be taken ill for keeping her house in such a shocking state! I will fetch my bonnet and pelisse directly.’ She paused, coloured slightly, and said in a shamefaced voice: ‘I am afraid you must have thought me very foolish last night! Indeed, I cannot imagine what can have possessed me to be so nonsensical! I never slept better in my life! Is it not odd what absurd fancies one can take into one’s head when one is a little tired?’

‘Most odd!’ agreed Mr Cranbrook, barely repressing a shiver.

The Duel
1

It amused him, entering his house so unexpectedly early in the evening, to know that he had disconcerted Criddon, his porter. He suspected Criddon of having slipped out to dally with a serving-maid at the top of some area steps. The rogue was out of breath, as though, having perceived his master sauntering up the flag-way in the light of the oil street lamps, he had scurried back into the house more swiftly than befitted a man of his bulk. As he took the silk-lined cloak, the curly-brimmer beaver, and the tall cane, he wore a faint air of injury. No doubt he felt ill-used because his master, leaving the ball hours before his carriage had been ordered to call for him, had chosen to walk home, instead of looking in at Watier’s, according to his more usual custom.

He told Criddon he might go to bed, and strolled to the side table, where a letter, delivered during the evening, awaited him. As he broke the wafer and spread open the sheet, his butler came up from the nether regions, but he waved him away, as irritated by his presence as he would have been angered by his absence. He threw the letter aside and opened the door into the dining-room. The room was in darkness, a circumstance which almost caused him to summon back the butler. It was his pleasure that lights should burn in every room which he might conceivably wish to enter in his great house, and well did his servants know it. But he did not call to Radstock, for his nostrils had caught the acrid smell of candles newly blown out, and he was indefinably aware that he was not alone in the room. Some of the boredom left his face: a turn-up with a housebreaker might relieve the monotony of his existence, and would certainly surprise the housebreaker, who would no doubt consider a seeming dandy in satin knee-breeches and a long-tailed coat easy game. He stepped back into the hall, and picked up the heavy chandelier from the side table there. Carrying this into the dining-room, he stood for a moment on the threshold, looking keenly round. The flames of half a dozen candles flickered, and showed him only the furniture, and the wavering shadows it threw. He glanced towards the windows and it seemed to him that one of the brocade curtains bulged slightly. He set the chandelier down, trod silently to the window, and flung the curtains back.

As he did so, he sprang out of range, and brought his hands up in two purposeful fists. They dropped to his sides. No housebreaker met his astonished gaze, but a girl, shrinking back against the window, the hood of her cloak fallen away from a tangle of silken curls, her frightened face, in which two dark eyes dilated, upturned to his.

For a moment he wondered if Criddon had hidden his doxy in the dining-room; then his critical glance informed him that the girl’s cloak was of velvet, and her gown of sprigged muslin the demure but expensive raiment of the débutante. His astonishment grew. He was so eligible a bachelor that he was accustomed to being pursued, and could recognize and evade every snare set in his path. But this seemed to go beyond all bounds. Anger came into his eyes; he thought he must have been mistaken in his assessment of the girl’s quality, and that a fair Cyprian had invaded his house.

Then she spoke, and her words confirmed him in his first impression. ‘Oh, I
beg
your pardon! P-pray forgive me, sir!’ she said, in a pretty, conscience-stricken voice.

Anger gave way to amusement. ‘What, ma’am, may I ask, are you doing in my house?’ he demanded.

She hung her head. ‘Indeed, you must think it most odd in me!’

‘I do.’

‘The door was open, so – so I ran in,’ she explained. ‘You see, there – there was a man following me!’

‘If you must walk through the streets of London at this hour, I should hope your footman was following you!’

‘Oh no! No one knows I am not in my bed! My mission is most secret! And I never meant to walk, but the hackney carried me to the wrong house – at least, I fear I gave the coachman the wrong direction, and he had driven away before I was made aware of my mistake. The servant told me that it was only a step, so I thought I might walk, only there was an
odious
man – ! I ran as fast as I could into this street, and – and your door stood open. Indeed, I meant only to hide in the hall until that creature was gone, but then your porter came in, and I was obliged to run into this room, because how could I explain? When I told that other servant where I wished to go, he – he –’ She broke off, lifting her hand to a burning cheek. ‘And then you came in, so I slipped behind the curtain.’

It occurred to him, while she offered this explanation of her presence in his house, that although she was agitated she was not at all shy, and seemed not to be much afraid of him. He said: ‘You intrigue me greatly. Where, in fact,
do
you wish to go?’

‘I wish – I have a particular desire – to go to Lord Rotherfield’s house,’ she replied.

The amusement left his face. He looked frowningly at her, a hint of contempt in his rather hard eyes. He said in a dry tone: ‘No doubt to call upon his lordship?’

She put up her chin. ‘If you will be so obliging as to direct me to Lord Rotherfield’s house, which I believe to be in this street, sir, I need no longer trespass upon your hospitality!’

‘It is the last house in London to which I would direct you. I will rather escort you back to your own house, wherever that may be.’

‘No, no, I must see Lord Rotherfield!’ she cried.

‘He is not a proper person for you to visit, my good girl. Moreover, it is unlikely that you would find him at home at this hour.’

‘Then I must wait for him,’ she declared. ‘I am persuaded he will not be so very late tonight, for he is going to fight a duel in the morning!’

He stared at her, his eyes narrowed. ‘Indeed?’

‘Yes! – with my brother!’ she said, a catch in her voice. ‘I must – I
must
prevent him!’

‘Is it possible,’ he demanded, ‘that you imagine you can persuade Rotherfield to draw back from an engagement? You do not know him! Who sent you on this fantastic errand? Who can have exposed you to such a risk?’

‘Oh, no one, no one! I discovered what Charlie meant to do by the luckiest accident, and surely Lord Rotherfield cannot be so
very
bad? I know he is said to be heartless and excessively dangerous, but he cannot be such a monster as to shoot poor Charlie when I have explained to him how young Charlie is, and how it would utterly prostrate Mama, who is an invalid, and suffers from the most shocking palpitations!’

He moved away from the window, and pulled a chair out from the table. ‘Come and sit down!’ he said curtly.

‘But, sir –’

‘Do as I bid you!’

She came reluctantly to the chair and sat down on the edge of it, looking up at him in a little trepidation.

He drew his snuff-box from his pocket and flicked it open. ‘You, I apprehend, are Miss Saltwood,’ he stated.

‘Well, I am Dorothea Saltwood,’ she amended. ‘My sister Augusta is Miss Saltwood, because no one has offered for her yet. And that is why I am not yet out, though I am turned nineteen! But how did you know my name is Saltwood?’

He raised a pinch of snuff to one nostril. ‘I was present, ma’am, when your brother insulted Rotherfield.’

She seemed grieved. ‘At that horrid gaming-hell?’

‘On the contrary! At an exclusive club, to which few of us, I fancy, know how Lord Saltwood gained admission.’

She flushed. ‘He prevailed upon that stupid creature, Torryburn, to take him there. I dare say he should not have done so, but Lord Rotherfield need not have give him
such
a set-down! You will own it was the unkindest thing!’

‘Certainly,’ he said. ‘Pray do not think that I have the smallest desire to defend Rotherfield! But in justice to his lordship I must tell you that your brother offered him an insupportable insult. His lordship has many faults – indeed, I sometimes think I dislike him more than anyone of my acquaintance! – but I assure you that in all matters of play he is scrupulous. Forgive me if I venture to suggest, ma’am, that your brother will be the better for a sharp lesson, to teach him, in future, not to accuse a gentleman of using loaded dice!’

‘Indeed, I know it was very bad, but if he meets Lord Rotherfield he won’t have a future!’

‘This is high Cheltenham tragedy with a vengeance!’ he replied, amused. ‘Rotherfield will scarcely proceed to such extremes as you dread, my dear child!’

‘They say he never misses!’ she uttered, her cheeks blanched.

‘Then he will hit Saltwood precisely where he means to.’

‘They must not, and they
shall
not meet!’ she said earnestly. ‘I am persuaded that if I can only tell Lord Rotherfield how it is with Charlie, he cannot be so cruel as to persist in this affair!’

‘You would be better advised to prevail upon your brother to apologize for his conduct.’

‘Yes,’ she agreed mournfully. ‘That is what Bernard said, but the thing is that Lord Rotherfield is so deadly a shot that Charlie would never, never do that, because everyone would think he was afraid to meet him!’

‘And who, may I ask, is Bernard?’

‘Mr Wadworth. We have known him for ever, and he is one of Charlie’s seconds. It was he who told me about it. I made him do so. I promised I would not disclose to Charlie that he had breathed a word to me, so what can I do but throw myself upon Lord Rotherfield’s mercy?’

‘Lord Rotherfield, as you are aware, has no mercy. You would, moreover, be doing Mr Wadworth a vast disservice if you were to betray to anyone the impropriety of his conduct in speaking one word to you on this subject.’

‘Oh, dear, I would not injure him for the world, poor Bernard! But I have told
you
already, sir!’

‘Your confidence is quite safe in my keeping.’

She smiled engagingly up at him. ‘Indeed, I know it must be! You are so very kind! But I am determined to see Lord Rotherfield.’

‘And I am determined that you shall return to your home. Rotherfield’s is no house for you to visit in this style. Good God, if it should become known that you had done so – !’

She got up, clasping her hands. ‘Yes, but it is
desperate
! If anything were to happen to Charlie, it would kill Mama! I assure you, it is of no consequence what becomes of me! Augusta says I am bound to ruin myself, because I have no notion how I should go on, so I might as well ruin myself now as later, don’t you think?’

‘I do not!’ he replied, laughing. ‘Oh, don’t look so much distressed, you absurd child! Will you trust me to see that no harm comes to your tiresome brother?’

She stared at him, sudden hope in her eyes. ‘You, sir? Oh, will
you
see Lord Rotherfield, and explain to him that it was only that poor Charlie has been so sadly indulged, because my father died when he was a little boy, and Mama would not let him go to school, or permit anyone to cross him, and he has only just come to town, and he does not know how to guard his temper, or –’

He interrupted this tumbled speech, possessing himself of one agitated little hand, and kissing it lightly. ‘Rest assured I will not allow Lord Rotherfield to hurt poor Charlie at all!’

‘Will he listen to you?’ she asked doubtfully. ‘Augusta’s particular friend, Miss Stanstead, says he is a very proud, disagreeable man, and cares nothing for anyone’s opinion.’

‘Very true, but I have it in my power to compel him to do what I wish. You may safely trust in me.’

She heaved a relieved sigh, and again the enchanting smile trembled on her lips. ‘Oh yes! I do, sir! It is the oddest thing, for, to own the truth, I was a little afraid when you pulled back the curtain. You looked at me in
such
a way! But that was quite my own fault, and I saw in a trice that there was not the smallest need for me to be afraid. You are so very kind! I don’t know how I may thank you.’

‘Forget that I looked at you in
such
a way, and I shall be satisfied. I am going to take you home now. I think you said that no one knew you had left the house. Have you the means to enter it again without being seen by the servants?’ She nodded, a gleam of mischief in her big eyes. The amusement in his deepened. ‘Abominable girl! Lady Saltwood has my sincere sympathy!’

‘I know I have behaved shockingly,’ she said contritely. ‘But what was I to do? And you must own that it has come about for the best, sir! For I
have
saved Charlie, and I know you will never tell anyone what a scrape I have been in. I hope – I hope you don’t truthfully think me abominable?’

‘If I were to tell you what I truthfully think,
I
should be abominable. Come! I must convey you home, my little one.’

2

Never did a young gentleman embarking on his first affair of honour receive less encouragement from his seconds than Lord Saltwood received from Sir Francis Upchurch and Mr Wadworth. Sir Francis, being inarticulate, did little more than shake his head, but Mr Wadworth, presuming upon an acquaintance with his principal which dated from the cradle, did not hesitate to speak his mind. ‘Made a dashed cake of yourself!’ he said.

‘Worse!’ said Sir Francis, contributing his mite.

‘Much worse!’ corroborated Mr Wadworth. ‘Devilish bad
ton
, Charlie! You were foxed, of course.’

‘I wasn’t. At least, not very much.’

‘Drunk as a wheelbarrow. I don’t say you showed it, but you must have been!’

‘Stands to reason!’ said Sir Francis.

‘No right to bully Torryburn into taking you to the Corinthian Club in the first place. Above your touch, my boy! Told you so, when you asked me to take you. No right to have stayed there after Rotherfield gave you that set-down.’

Lord Saltwood ground his teeth. ‘He need not have said
that
!’

‘No, I dare say he need not. Got a nasty tongue. But that don’t signify. You’d no right to accuse him of using Fulhams!’

Sir Francis shuddered, and closed his eyes for an anguished moment.

‘Ought to have begged his pardon then and there,’ pursued Mr Wadworth relentlessly. ‘Instead of that, dashed well forced a quarrel on him!’

‘If he hadn’t told a waiter – a
waiter
! – to show me out – !’

BOOK: Pistols for Two
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