Playboy Doctor (16 page)

"I couldn't save them," she uttered.

"You did everything you could for all those trauma victims."

"No, I mean, the babies. I couldn't save any one of them."

"You tried. I saw you try to save that mother's babies."

"No, not hers. Mine." She choked on the words.

Surprise broke through Shayne's fatigued expression.

"Talk to me."

"I lost my babies, Shayne. All three of them. I've never carried to term. And today I lost those twins. I wish I could change things, but I can't."

She willed herself not to burst into all-out tears, because if she did...

No. She'd have none of it.

Willow raised a brave chin to him. "My husband walked out on me the day I'd lost our last child. He wanted no part of it. Not marriage, not family, and certainly not me."

Shayne didn't move. He didn't lean in to comfort her or ask about a medical diagnosis. And most surprisingly, he didn't turn tail and run. He did exactly what she needed him to do; he stood there listening.

"Remember when you asked me about my OR experience? In Boston, I was in the middle of surgery when I had my last miscarriage. I just kept right on working—in complete denial. I couldn't believe, nor accept, it was happening again—until I collapsed on the floor. Yep, I just dropped right there. What the hell is wrong with me?"

She spun away, unable to face Shayne's reaction. She wanted to leave the sanctuary of the garden. Couldn't be near Shayne after confessing something so intimate to him. If she stayed in his presence a moment longer, she feared she might crumble into his arms and beg him to hold her forever.

She marched off through the garden's wandering path.

"Willow," Shayne said before she got too far. But she continued to abandon him there amid the profusion of roses and azaleas.

"Come on, Willow. You can't always run away from me," Shayne called out.

Before she could increase her distance, a strong hand curled itself around her arm. Shayne drew her back to him. "And you certainly can't just march off after saying something like that to me."

She searched his eyes, their intensity overwhelming.

"I didn't realize this was about you," she said.

"Of course it's not, but after what you've just been through back there—after what you've been through in your life—I have to know if you'll be okay."

That very same question had been haunting her for a year. Would she ever be okay with constant reminders surrounding her of what she could never have on her own, or the deadly consequences if she ever had the audacity to try again? She attempted to nod, feign a bravado to convince him she would be fine, but simply couldn't.

"Is anyone ever the same after living through losing a child?" she asked.

The question had Shayne gripping both of her arms, setting a grim look on her. "No, I don't believe so. You and I are kindred spirits in that regard."

Feeling his hands on her body sent a crashing wave of release through her. A release of built-up tension she'd been carrying for far too long. She sank into him, needing to be held. He captured her in his embrace, hugging her in silence.

"Come on, I want you stay with me tonight."

"No, I can't. I have to..." she began to say from sheer habit of denying her feelings for this man.

"I insist. You shouldn't be alone. You're exhausted. Overwhelmed. You always take care of everyone else. A car service will be here for me any minute. Come. Let me take care of you just this once."

With his strong arms around her, she found herself surrendering to the idea. For the first time in a long time, she wanted to relinquish her courageous front and allow her vulnerable side to break through.

Yes, she would let Shayne take care of her, even if just for tonight.

Chapter 13

Willow sat with Shayne in the backseat of the town car as the driver headed toward Shayne's place. Silence fell between them, a much needed respite from the afternoon spent in the main ER. The quiet left her to her own thoughts. Thoughts about Shayne and what he'd come to mean to her.

Things had certainly changed between them. They'd been changing all along, ever since he first walked into her life as her boss. Their relationship had gone beyond the previous kisses she'd never meant to share. She'd opened up her heart to him, an act more intimate than any kiss. When she'd told him about losing her babies, she'd revealed a tragic weakness, an irreparable hole in her soul.

And now armed with the knowledge, Shayne could destroy her with it.

What had gotten into her?

She'd had a weak moment when the reality of losing those twins and consoling the distraught mother had struck her hard. Oh, that poor mother. Willow swallowed back the regret over leaving the hospital on Emmy' orders. No final check-ins with patients—not even the young mother who'll never know those children. How could she leave behind that woman, aching and childless, back there? Life's cruel hand had determined the woman's fate, no matter what Willow did. Why hadn't she refused Emmy and insisted on staying with her?

The car pulled up to the townhouse. With Shayne by her side, Willow stepped out of the vehicle and forced her weary muscles to walk up to his front door. She sucked in a shuddering breath and tried to pull herself together. But her anguish rested with the inconsolable mother. What had started as a twist of the heart turned into a full-blown throb.

The guilt behind today's tragedy came at her full force. The quick emotional bond between the despairing mother and her had opened up a long held-down loneliness that she could no longer endure. She needed to stop the lonely edge before its darkness completely consumed her. She needed connection. To hold onto something good. To cling to something right. She needed intimacy, emotional and physical, to grasp something real. Someone real.

All it took was Shayne's touch to the small of her back to have her spiraling down to one simple fact. She needed him. The gentle pressure of Shayne's hand against her body erupted the tamped down desire only he could satisfy. He'd been there for her, stayed by her side during her meltdown in the Serenity Garden.

Slowly, Willow turned to him. He brought his other hand to her hip, holding her captive. She felt safe in his arms.

"Shayne, thank you, for being there for me today back in the garden and listening to me talk of babies and rant about my ex-husband."

"I only did what I thought you needed," he offered.

"Which is more than I was ever given in my whole marriage."

"The guy was a self-centered cad."

"Yes. But you... being there meant a lot to me. I don't know what I would have done if..." Shayne rested his lips on top of her head. She sank into his hold, reaching for the intimacy she so desperately craved.

"I need you." She'd never been so forward with a man, but she could no longer deny her desire for Shayne.

Shayne nuzzled her in a tight embrace. "I need you, too, if you'll have me."

Joy edged out the shadow of loneliness.

They'd barely made it into the front foyer when Shayne embraced her once again. She allowed it. She needed to feel him, to be held and consoled and loved. Even if only for tonight.

Shayne crushed his lips against hers in a heart-melting kiss. A hotness shot down through her belly and pooled low within her. She indulged in the rare treat. When he drew his lips to her neck and planted searing kisses across her skin, she moaned in pleasure. Shayne's mouth on her made her senses skyrocket. She'd already grown addicted to the heat he sparked within her.

"I know I should stop," he uttered between hot kisses.

"No, don't, please," she said.

"I want you, but I don't want to take advantage of you. You're vulnerable."

"I don't see it that way."

Shayne drew his lips to hers in another long kiss, offering a promise of pleasures to come. And she'd take it. She still needed to come to terms with her internal chaos. And come to terms with the circumstances of her life. But right now, she only needed Shayne.

"I want to forget today. How I let that mother down. How I crumbled in the Serenity Garden, right in front of you of all people."

"That's your humanness coming out, remember? Isn't that how you put it to me? It's part of our coping process if we're to keep doing what we do."

His words sank into the depths of her heart. Perhaps being given permission to be human just this once allowed her to seek solace in his arms. She'd been alone too long. She didn't want to be alone now.

"You help me cope." Her words rolled off her tongue in a whisper.

He responded with a squeeze of his arms around her. His body pressed into hers. She drew her gaze to his, searching his eyes for some answer to what was happening between them. Were they just two wrecked souls responding to a desperate situation? They'd grown closer, yes, but right now they were two people alone who needed each other.

She wanted this. She knew he wanted it, too. They were both reaching for an intimacy, a bond to remind them that life still thrived. And it thrived inside of them. She needed to share this desire for intimacy with Shayne, the only man who'd seen her for who she really was. A woman hurt but longed to heal. Shayne had come to her looking to heal as well. But the hunger in his eyes told her so much more. She saw the desire, the want. She'd seen it all along. Like a man longing for something he could never have. He could have her now.

"I'm glad I'm with you tonight," she murmured.

"I'm glad, too. I'm here for you. But I wouldn't trust me. You don't know what I'm capable of."

"I know exactly what you're capable of. You're there for people when they need you, Shayne. I need you now."

"And you know what I need right now?" He gave her a sultry grin.

"What's that?"

"A long, hot shower. I don't want to take it alone."

He took her face in his hands and crushed his lips against hers. He broke from the kiss. "You don't know how long I've been wanting this."

"Probably not as long as I have," she replied in a sudden release of delight.

"Still, no promises of tomorrow."

"I'm learning real fast to live in the here and now," she rasped. She'd grown accustomed to uncertainty, tonight was no different. She'd already come to terms with the fragile building blocks of life and knew to grab hold of what fate presented her... with whatever Shayne offered her, great or small.

In a bold gesture, she drew her hands down the length of his torso. His ensuing groan prodded her to stroke him where he'd already become hard. His hips leaned forward, his ever-hardening length responded the way she liked. Unexpectedly, she relished wielding this sexual influence over him. And he hadn't even taken off his clothes yet.

"You're going to bring me to my knees if you..." A masculine moan overtook him. "Willow, you're already too dangerous for me."

His response made her smile but she took his cue and eased her grip. She wanted to savor their time together. She wanted to savor him for as long as possible. And she wanted to be savored right back. To be wanted. To be desired.

Shayne reached under her scrub top and cupped the curve her breast. Over the lace of her bra, he palmed her, his fingertips massaging her. His sensual kneading only made her want him more.

"I have to touch you again... can't keep my hands off you. I guess that makes me selfish." With deft fingers, this time she fully gripped the length of his hardness, hating the barrier of his pants, keeping her from what she had to have. She wanted her hands on his body. Feel just how much he desired her. Shayne groaned, throaty and feral. The hardness pressing into her hand heightened her own sexual awareness.

"Your selfishness will be the end of me," he growled. "There's only one thing we can do."

"What's that?" she asked.

"Get you into that hot shower and soap you down once and for all."

His hand still under her scrub top, he reached under her bra and grazed a thumb over her nipple, making it tighten to a nub. Willow moaned. He responded by twisting the tip between his finger and thumb. The sensation zapped a sharp heat to the crux of her thighs. Startled by the overwhelming sensation, she drew in a raspy breath of surprise. She needed more. She arched into him. Apparently, Shayne was just as selfish when it came to exploring her body to see how she'd react. And her body reacted freely. Never had she responded this way—or so hotly—to a man before.

Within minutes, Willow stood with Shayne under a good soaking stream of water in the shower. Steam heat billowed around her as Shayne slowly stroked every soapy, sudsy inch of her body. Finally, the man she'd longed to hold was now holding onto her. Shayne had transformed from a demanding boss with a playboy reputation to an unselfish lover, lavishing his undivided attention on her. She never imagined the moment she first laid eyes on him that she'd be with him behind steam-filled glass, flesh against flesh. And she couldn't be happier.

Shayne took his time to learn the curves of her body as he caressed and cleansed her. She followed his lead, learning with her hands, his muscled physique. She explored the planes of his chest, down to his abdomen, then following the hairline trail leading to the hardness at his hips.