Played (9 page)

Drew wouldn't hear of just dropping me off
at the curb, so he found a spot in guest parking and walked with me to the
front lawn of the dorm. There, to my surprise, he drew me under a bare tree
that provided no cover, wrapped his arms around me and bent to kiss me properly
this time. The December night was crisp and redolent of evergreens, but my
senses were overwhelmed by his warmth, by the comfort of being in his arms, and
by his spicy masculine scent, unique and intoxicating.

I wasn't really thinking, but looking back,
I must have had a moment of thinking that here was a sweet, attractive boy very
close to my own age, who could help me forget Justin. Justin wasn't interested,
Drew was. What could be so wrong about trying to want Drew?

I swayed toward him to show him I would
give him more, but he took me by the arms and pushed away a little, gazing into
my upturned face with heavy-lidded desire. "Janey, I want you to know that
I want you as much as I've ever wanted any woman, but we need to take it
slow." Maybe he saw the hurt in my eyes, because he went on. "I can't
afford a distraction right now. There are NBA scouts at every game now, and if
I'm thinking about you naked in my arms, I'm gonna screw up. I need this shot,
Sugar. Do you understand?"

I nodded. I didn't like it, but I
understood. After all, didn't I know what it was like to be distracted by
someone you wanted? Didn't I experience that every Monday, Wednesday and Friday
in English class? I was hoping to wipe out the memory of sex with Justin with
the sweet and sexy Drew, but it wasn't fair to him. What he could give me would
have to be enough until the basketball season was over, three months away.

The end of the semester was approaching
rapidly, to be followed by Christmas break. I was satisfied with my performance
in every class except math, where I was hopelessly lost. One night after a
game, I mentioned that I was worried about passing my math final.

"I can do the homework okay, as long
as I have time to work it out. But, I'm afraid that a final test with a time
limit is going to screw me royally." I said.

"Why haven't you said something?"
Drew asked.

"I just did."

"I mean earlier, when I could have
helped you understand what you were studying," he said.

"What are you saying? You're some kind
of math whiz?"

"I wouldn't say whiz," he said,
"but I get good marks and people tell me I have a knack for explaining
it."

"Hey, could you give me some tutoring
between now and the final?" I knew he had a lot on his plate between
keeping up his grades and practice for the games, not to mention the travel for
the away games. Still, if he had even a few minutes to help me, I might be able
to pull a respectable grade in math after all.

"I think I could manage that," he
said, smiling at me.

Drew managed to squeeze in a couple of
hours in the evenings over the next couple of weeks before finals. Thanks to
his tutelage, I was feeling more and more comfortable that I would pass the
final, even if I didn't receive top marks. It was during those times that,
little by little, I revealed more of my background to Drew. To his credit, he
never made me feel like an object of pity or some exotic but dangerous
creature, as I had feared. Watching his face as he looked at the pictures of
Gracie on my iPhone, I knew he loved children before he even told me.

In turn, I learned that he was the oldest
of six siblings, grew up in a bad neighborhood in Ogden, was at school on a
basketball scholarship and hardship grants and was determined to get his family
out of Ogden if he could make pro. I could relate to a lot of it. Being with
Drew was comfortable in the same way as being with Rihanna, my sisters or the
older cowboys who befriended me. We were friends, pure and simple, except after
the games, when we became frustrated lovers, unable to act on our desires
except for passionate kisses.

The last week before Christmas break was
hectic with term papers being due and finals. The last game before the break
was on Thursday against Texas State. With only one loss so far this season, we
were becoming used to the wins, but were no less exuberant when celebrating
them. When Drew walked me home that night, he seemed subdued, which I noticed
even though I was very excited to travel home to the ranch and see my little
girl for Christmas.

"What's wrong, hon?" I asked.

Smiling a little at the endearment, Drew
shook his head.

"No, I can tell something's bothering
you. What is it? Friends don't let friends go away sad," I said with a
teasing smile to draw him out.

"I'll miss you," he said.
"Next Saturday's game won't be the same without you there."

We had arrived on the front lawn of the
dorm, so I moved into his arms and initiated the first kiss. "Hon, I'm
sorry that I'll miss your game, but you understand don't you? I miss my daughter
so much, and I really need this time with her between semesters."

"Of course I understand, but it won't
stop me from missing you."

"That's so sweet, and hey, we can talk
on the phone while I'm gone." We hadn't spent much time texting or talking
on the phone during the week since we'd started dating, for the same reason he
had given me for keeping our relationship unconsummated. I didn't even know if
his phone was an iPhone or not. "Could we Facetime, maybe?" I asked.

"Nah, I have an Android," he
said.

"I'll miss your face," I said,
planting quick kisses all over it.

"I'll miss yours too," he said,
before retaliating by licking my cheek and laughing as I squealed and rubbed it
to dry it.

The next day I left at noon, hugging Rihanna
goodbye and promising to call over the break.

The weather turned nasty just as soon as I
entered Parley's Canyon, and it almost made me turn around and wait for a
better day. We had all heard repeatedly the story of Charity's flight from our
home in Bethel City, Arizona, when she hit a patch of black ice during a
Wyoming blizzard and almost died. If it hadn't been for Russ seeing her car fly
into an arroyo, she might have frozen to death before anyone found her. However,
I was so anxious to see my baby that I just kept going, albeit at a very
conservative speed.

The drive that normally took five hours
stretched to seven before I came out from under the storm clouds and traveled
the last fifty or so miles on dry pavement. When I pulled into the parking
area, Amber, Charity and Janet all tumbled out the door and ran to the car,
exclaiming over my late arrival.

"Yeah, it was kind of scary, but I
just drove slow and here I am," I smiled.

"It was a fight to get Gracie down for
her nap," Amber said. "She kept saying, 'mommy will be here soon' and
refusing to go to sleep until she saw you."

"Aw, I'm sorry I disappointed
her."

"Better to disappoint her a little bit
and get here in one piece," Charity offered. That was when Janet realized
they had all rushed out without coats into the freezing Wyoming winter.

"You girls all get into the house,
before you catch your death," she said.

Distributing piles of Christmas gifts and
my luggage among the four of us, I obeyed Janet as quickly as possible. After
stowing the Christmas gifts under the tree, which was already nearly buried in
gifts, we rejoined Janet in the kitchen for hot chocolate and cookies. I was
starving, since I hadn't stopped for a meal in the treacherous weather.

"You never let us know what's going on
with you," complained Amber. "What's new?"

"Well, I seem to have a
boyfriend," I said. If I had revealed that I was carrying a ticking time
bomb, it would have made less of an impact. Amber squealed, Charity clapped her
hands together and Janet declared, "I swan!" It was her most fearsome
oath, a country version of 'I swear'.

I was spared the immediate need to tell
them all about it by Russ's arrival in the kitchen, looking for coffee.

"Hi, Janey," he said grinning.
"You've had these gals in quite a tizzy. What took you so long?"

"Oh, a little whiteout blizzard is
all," I said, winking at him. He turned white, which made me sorry for
teasing him.

"Don't ever joke about that," he
said. He reached for Charity, and pulled her to his side. She was within a
couple of months of delivering their second child, and he looked at her as if
she were the most precious jewel on earth. I realized then what both of my
relationships on campus were missing. I had way more lust than I needed, and
not enough love.

As soon as I had warmed up, I went quietly
into our room to check on Gracie. She was sleeping in a tangle of blankets, her
face flushed, and her blonde curls framing her face like a little angel.
Against my better judgment, I touched her and of course, it woke her up. I braced
myself for a meltdown, but my little sweetheart lit up at the sight of me and
held out her arms to for me to pick her up.

Reveling in the sensation of her sweet,
warm body resting heavily in my arms, I carried her over to the rocking chair
where I'd rocked her for hours when she was a little baby. I knew there
wouldn't be many more chances, as a big girl of three knew when she was being
treated like a baby.

Amber found me there when she came in,
carrying her little boy who had just awakened from his nap as well. It was so
cute to watch them interact. Enoch was only a couple of months younger than Gracie
was, but because of the tendency for girls to become more vocal earlier, Gracie
was quite the little mama when she fussed over Enoch. Now, though, she wanted
to tell him all about my arrival.

"Enoch, my mommy's here," she
said in her lisping voice.

"Mommy?" He replied looking at
his own.

"
My
mommy, she insisted,
causing him to burst into tears. Amber picked him up and squeezed him as I
explained to Gracie that she should share, laughing at the irony. After a
minute, Amber got the joke, and started laughing too. That soothed Gracie's
pout over my slight scolding, and dried Enoch's tears. Within seconds, Gracie
scrambled off my lap, hugged Enoch and pulled him down the hall toward the playroom.
Amber and I followed. It was as if I had never left the ranch, the old,
familiar patterns falling into place already.

The few days remaining before Christmas
were consumed in preparing an even more magnificent feast than we'd enjoyed at
Thanksgiving, not to mention cookies, candy and all the other culinary delights
that meant Christmas to Janet and consequently to the rest of us. I found time
in the evenings, after putting Gracie to bed, to go out to the barn and visit comfortably
with Tyler.

He was still fascinated by college life,
even more so by my confession that I had learned to enjoy basketball as a fan.
One thing led to another, and Tyler was the first to learn everything about
Drew, since I had put the others off, saying I wanted to tell everyone at once.
We expected the other girls and Cody along with all the children for Christmas
day, and I figured it would be most efficient to talk to Charity and my sisters
as a group, rather than telling one of them this and another of them that.

Tyler took my news with grace, giving me a
brotherly hug and telling me he wished things were different, but he
understood. That confirmed my suspicion that he wanted more from me than I
could give, which in a way was sad. I liked Ty, a lot actually, but not in that
way. To change the subject, I asked him if he had talk to Russ yet about his
desire to go to college himself.

"Naw, I just cain't see myself asking
that," he said, looking down at his boots and flicking off a stray piece
of hay. If he wouldn't, I thought maybe I would. Russ was generous to a fault,
and had the means to be. I was sure that, if nothing else, he'd loan Ty the
money.

Christmas morning dawned bright and sunny,
though bitterly cold. The huge tree in the ballroom had literally dozens of
gifts, as the ranch hands were considered extended family, as well as my
sisters and I along with our kids. All together, there were thirty-seven people
seated around it, laughing as the youngest ranch hand and Annalee's five-year-old,
Al, handed out gifts. The kids who were old enough to understand this ritual
were beyond excited, and even the youngest, Annalee's new baby, had fun amid
ripped and wadded up wrapping paper.

The rest of the day was devoted to eating
and more football, watching the kids play with their new toys, and gossip. That
meant it was time for me to talk about Drew to my four sisters, Charity and
even Janet. Six rapt faces intimidated me, but I managed to start by describing
how I'd met him, and before long, the whole story came out. When Charity heard
that Drew was aspiring to the NBA, she went and got a grumbling Russ to hear
about Drew's basketball prowess and my surprising love of the game. When it
came to the dating part, though, Russ escaped and I was free to talk. Celeste
was the one to ask if I'd slept with him yet. The question shocked Amber and
surprised me, but the answer shocked everyone else.

"No. He doesn't want to get distracted
during the season," I said. "And I'm not sure I'm ready." That
ended that subject, though Charity sent me an appraising look that meant I'd be
having more discussion with her later.

Amber changed the subject by asking if I
had pictures, so we spent the next little while passing around my iPhone with
pictures not only of Drew, but also of Rihanna and the rest of her posse as
well. Talking about how much fun I was having with this group of people made me
miss them in spite of myself. If I could only have my family with me in Salt
Lake City or my friends here on the ranch, life would be perfect.

The next day, Charity asked me to sit with
her, by which I knew she meant talk more about my love life. She wanted to
know, I was sure, about my early crush on Justin. Was Drew was the real deal,
or a rebound? However, I didn't know myself. It was time to confess that I'd
slept with Justin after all, and talk out my feelings about how he'd treated me
and that I still had a physical reaction to seeing him. When I wound down, all Charity
could say was, "Wow."

"I know, it's fu…messed up, huh?"
I said, only at the last minute switching the word. Rihanna’s influence. Charity
didn't notice.

"I'd say you need to stay away from
him, honey," she said. "He sounds like a terrible person."

"He had a reputation when I first met
him," I confessed. "I ignored it. Charity, he's just so beautiful!
When I look at him, my body reacts against my will. If he crooked his little
finger at me, I'd be in his bed again in a heartbeat. But, he's made it clear
that won't happen, so I'm trying to forget him."

"Are you being fair to Drew?" she
asked gently.

"I think so. We have a good time, he's
a great guy and we have a lot in common, so we always have something to talk
about. But, he's not my lover. I don't owe him anything."

"I got the impression that the only
thing holding him back was his sport. When the season's over, what then?"

"I don't know," I mused. "I
guess I'll have to cross that bridge when I come to it." Charity's
question had raised a doubt that my mind just wouldn't let go of, though, even
when break was over and I was back at school.