Playing Dirty: Windy City Kink, Book 3 (15 page)

He dropped down over her again, this time driving hard into her body, face in her neck. His breathing rough, ears buzzing, he fucked up into her—fierce, greedy, taking what he needed in that moment. Pleasure streaked through him, sensation sizzling over his flesh. His balls drew up tight, the base of his spine aching, vibration zipping up his spine.

Sensation climbed, and he went over the edge, right into paradise. Bolts of hot ecstasy shot from his balls to his dick as he shuddered through a climax so intense the world went black around him.

Fuck, that was good—coming inside her, her arms and legs wrapped so tight around him. He held himself still, letting it all wash over him—the smell of her, the smell of sex, the feel of her body as a small contraction tightened around him again.

“Paige.” He nuzzled her neck and licked again.

She slid her fingers into his hair and kissed his shoulder.

When he could breathe and see again, he did a slow slide out and back in, lifting his head to look down at her. “I think there might’ve been an earthquake,” he said. “I’ve heard that happens in California.”

Her lips quirked and her fingers moving in his hair was delicious. “So that’s what that was.”

He studied her face, fascinated with her—with the curve of her mouth, the submission in her eyes, the color in her cheeks—completely infatuated and utterly captivated. But he was the one who was supposed to do the capturing. He was the one who was claiming her, taking ownership of her, in the most primitive and intimate way possible.

So why did he feel like he’d been caught? And dammit…why did he like it?

Chapter Fifteen

Yes, she’d been weak. Yes, she’d given in to her attraction. She’d succumbed to temptation.

He’d demanded submission. But, yes, it had been a relief to surrender, to turn herself over to his care.

Now they were lying naked on top of the covers of his bed, his big body heavy on hers, his still-hard cock inside her. He did another slow glide in and out. Beautiful.

“Gotta get rid of the condom,” he whispered, looking down at her, his gazed utterly focused on her.

She gave a tiny nod, although she found she did not want him to remove himself from her body. When he pulled out again, this time all the way, she felt empty. When he rolled off her and the bed, she felt bereft.

“Here, baby,” he murmured, reaching for the covers. “Climb under.”

She rolled and twisted, then he helped her pull the duvet up over her before he headed into the bathroom. She watched him walk away, his long, muscled back tapering from broad shoulders down to narrow hips, his ass tight, legs strong and long. Yep, pretty irresistible stuff.

She’d had sex with him and the world hadn’t ended. But she couldn’t ignore that her plan for the weekend had been to resist him, and she’d failed in that endeavor.

That didn’t change the fact that this was just one weekend, that tomorrow they’d go home and their one date would be done. She’d have an amazing story to tell her girlfriends their next night out. And that would be that.

So when Raff returned from the bathroom, after making a quick exit to the living room, and slid back into bed beside her, she didn’t even try to resist when he turned to her and pulled her into his arms.

“Turned off the fireplace,” he murmured. “And turned out the lights.”

Now in complete darkness, she let her senses absorb the feel of him against her, his big body radiating heat, his legs rough with hair, his cock softened but still thick and large. His arms around her, his warmth and strength, made her feel safe and secure. She breathed in the scent of his skin, almost aphrodisiacal in its effect on her.

“Wanna sleep, beautiful?”

She did feel lovely, languorous and maybe a little sleepy. She rubbed one foot up his calf and back down. “I guess so.”

She felt his smile against her hair. “Don’t have to.”

“Don’t guys always want to sleep after?”

“I could sleep,” he agreed. “On the other hand, hate to waste what time we have sleeping.”

Now she smiled. His hand caressed her back, spreading heat and tingles over her skin. “You’re going to need some recovery time.”

He gave her ass a little tap and even more tingles spread. God. How had he known how much she’d like that? From the time she was a teenager and had started having sex, she’d craved that sensation on her ass, the way it intensified everything. She couldn’t explain it any more than she could explain the Bermuda Triangle. It just made her really, really hot. She’d been too embarrassed to tell most boyfriends, though she’d dropped hints. Sometimes they got it. Sometimes, disappointingly, they didn’t. And when they did get it, sometimes they were weirded out. Some guys refused to hit her. She understood why, but it made her feel like she was the weirdo.

She hadn’t understood then why it felt so good. She hadn’t understood the pleasurable endorphin rush that pain caused. The rush of blood to the pelvic region that felt like sexual arousal. But she did understand that she was looking for someone who could give that to her, someone who would love her even when it was difficult or uncomfortable.

“I’m not
that
old,” he muttered. His hand rubbed a warm circle on her butt cheek. She couldn’t help it, she moved against him involuntarily. He squeezed and she sighed with pleasure at even that sensation.

“Love your ass, Paige.” He curved his fingers around her butt again. “Fuckin’ love it. Love how you respond.”

For some reason she felt a sense of gratitude. “Thank you.”

He went very still. “Thank you for what?”

“For…for knowing I liked it. And for doing it…right. You know. Not…hurting me.”

His chest expanded hard against her. Suddenly she found herself on her back. Raff reached across her to the lamp on the table beside the bed and flicked it on. The light made her blink and squint. She stared up at him as he loomed over her.

“Fucking hell,” he muttered.
“Thank you for not hurting you?”
His tone conveyed his incredulity.

She gazed back at him, her insides going tight.

“Explain that shit to me,” he demanded, his eyes narrowed, his mouth a straight line. “What did he do to you?”

She tried to breathe, but her heart had started knocking against her breastbone. “Who?”

“You know who. I know this is about your fucking ex-hole.”

Despite the tension suddenly snapping in the air, she felt her lips twitch at his terminology.

“I’m not stupid,” he bit out. “That asswipe hurt you, didn’t he?”

“Um…what makes you say that?”

“I could tell right from the minute we met that you were careful. Wary. It was clear you didn’t trust me. Didn’t know why, but I suspected. You’ve said other things. I put two and two together and got asshole.”

She almost wanted to laugh, but he was on top of her, pinning her to the bed, his hands holding her head so she couldn’t turn away. She was trapped by him. Blood rushed through her veins and flutters began in her belly. It was different, so different than with Del. It was scary—but scary exciting, not scary terrifying.

“You reminded me of him,” she whispered.

He flinched, his jaw going even tighter. “What the fuck?”

“When we first met, you reminded me of him. He’s big and strong and likes to be in charge.”

Raff’s eyes narrowed.

“You both have the same air of authority,” she continued, the words scraping over her vocal cords. “Dominance.”

A vein throbbed in Raff’s temple.

“That’s why I was nervous around you. I…” She closed her eyes. Oh fuck it, there was no point in denying it now. That bus had left the depot. “I was attracted to you. Because for some reason, that’s the kind of man who attracts me. But I didn’t want to go there, ever again.”

“What did he do to you?” he snarled. “No, wait. Not sure I want to know. I might have to kill someone.”

“Raff.” Alarm heated her veins and widened her eyes.

“Not exactly kidding, babe.” He took a deep breath. “Tell me.”

It was hard to get the words out. “He hurt me.”

“Yeah…” he blew out a rough exhalation, “…I got that.”

“I thought I’d finally found someone who understood,” she whispered, watching his face. “Someone who knew what I wanted and wasn’t afraid to give it to me.”

Raff’s eyes flickered.

“And at first it seemed like I had found the right man. But…after we got married, he got even more intense. Things were stressful at work. He’s a hedge-fund manager,” she explained. “It can be super stressful, making deals worth millions of dollars to his clients. Or losing millions of dollars for his clients. He started getting rougher. Taking his stress out on me. I tried to tell him I didn’t like some of the things he was doing, but he didn’t listen. He got into…toys.”

“Toys? What do you mean by toys?”

“Things to hit me with. Paddles, canes, floggers.”

Raff nodded. “Those things can be good, if used right.”

She moved her head a little from side to side, trying to convey without words. Finally she said, “It wasn’t good.”

“Fuck.” His body went so tense he vibrated. “Fuck me. Did he draw blood?”

She closed her eyes, feeling the weight of his gaze on her. “Yes.”

“Gonna kill him.”

He didn’t mean that. She knew that. He was just angry on her behalf. “Then he started hitting me when we weren’t having sex,” she continued quietly. “Sometimes he hit me with the cane.”

Raff made a choked sound.

“Then he started using his fists on me. When he punched me in the face, that was it. I was done.”

To her shock, Raff rolled off her to sit on the side of the bed, his back to her. “Abuser,” he muttered. “Fucking,
fucking
asshole.” He pressed his hands into the mattress for a moment, then shot up, paced across the room and back. His hands curled into fists and he looked around the room as if searching for something to punch. He took a couple of deep breaths, rolled his shoulders and dropped his head back briefly. “Fuck,” he said again. Then he dropped to sit on the bed. He shifted nearer to her and touched her face with gentle fingers.

She understood the control it took for him to touch her like that when seconds ago he’d been ready to put a fist through the wall. It made something soft and warm unfurl inside her. “He was an abuser,” she said softly. “He didn’t turn out to be who I thought he was. Our marriage was done. He didn’t want it to be. It was ugly. That was why I ended up leaving New York and moving to Chicago.”

She didn’t tell him that Delmer had followed her to Chicago. That he’d stalked her. It had been over a month since she’d seen him or heard from him, and she was starting to believe he’d finally given up. So Raff didn’t need to know that part, since it was done. She wasn’t sure why he needed to know
any
of this, but when he’d ordered her to tell him, she found herself wanting to tell him, wanting to share some of her secrets…as he had.

“Good,” Raff bit out. “Good for you. Jesus Christ, Paige.” He rolled into her and buried his face in her neck. Her arms went around his shoulders, as if she was the one comforting him. And in a way, she was—he was so disturbed by this.

“I’m okay,” she whispered, petting his shoulders. His body still shook with fine tremors. “I’m okay, Raff. I’ve moved on. I didn’t want…that again, and I was afraid you were like that.”

“You know I’m not, don’t you?”

She caressed his shoulder. “I think so.”

His head whipped up and he fixed her with an incising stare. “You
think
so?”

“I-I don’t know you very well. I mean, I thought Del was a good guy at first…maybe I’m not the best judge…”

“Fuck, Paige. You’re in a hotel room, in my bed with me, naked. Could you
be
any more vulnerable?”

She blinked at him. “I…”

“You make yourself this vulnerable with a guy you don’t even trust? Fuck me.”

She stared up at him, at the fierce lines of his face. “I do trust you.”

“You
think
you trust me.”

“You said I just have to say no. And you’ll stop. I believe you.”

“Fucking right.” He searched her face with his eyes. “You
have
to trust me, Paige. Completely. The things you want…I can give them to you. But not if you don’t trust me.”

Her forehead tightened as she gazed back at him. “I trust you as much as I can, Raff.”

For a long moment he held her gaze, then he rolled off her and onto his back. He stared up at the ceiling. She turned her head on the pillow to look at him. She didn’t know what to say to him. So she said nothing.

Moments piled one on another, weighty and throbbing. Raff lifted his hands to his face and pressed the heels of his palms against his eyes. What was he thinking? She bit her lip, wishing for the elastic band on her wrist.

“Okay,” he finally said. He still didn’t move. “Okay.” He rolled onto his side and their eyes met. “Did you like the paddle on your ass?”

“Y-yes.”

“The cane?”

“No.” It was hard to describe. “It was too…stingy.”

“Flogger?”

She swallowed. “At first I liked it. I liked how it could vary…deep and thuddy, or a little stingy. But not when it got too hard.”

He nodded, mouth grim. “He use a whip on you? A crop?”

Whoa. This was clearly a man who knew his spanking instruments. “Yes, a crop. Not a whip.” Thank God! Holy hell, the damage that man could have done with a whip!

“Bondage?”

She pressed her lips together. “Yes.”

“You like that too?”

“Again, at first. I thought I wanted that. But when he started getting more violent, I was seriously terrified. He was hurting me.” She said it with her chin lifted, trying not to sound pathetic.

“Safe word?” he snapped.

“Yes. But he didn’t always listen.”

Raff closed his eyes. “Jesus fuck. That is the worst thing anyone can possibly do. Anyone who would agree on a safe word and not honor it is…a sick, sick fuck. You have to know Paige…that is
not
me.”

She stared into his burning eyes. “Yes, I know,” she whispered. “But I’m afraid I might freak out. You think I’m vulnerable now…tied up is the ultimate vulnerability.”

“Yes. It is.” His face remained in taut lines. “Which means you have to have ultimate trust.” He gave her a long look and she didn’t know how to respond to that. Then he closed his eyes. “You’re so fucking perfect. But, damn…”

“What?”

“Honest to fuck, Paige, I want to do some serious damage to that asshole.”

“Relax, Raff. It’s done. It’s in the past.”

“It’s
not
in the fucking past. It’s right here with us.”

She frowned at him.

“Okay.” He took a deep breath. “Okay. We’ll figure this out.”

“Figure what out?”

He shook his head. “Let me worry about that.”

Confusion swirled inside her. “We should’ve just gone to sleep.”

His lips twitched and his face softened. “Yeah, maybe. Oh, babe.” He smoothed a hand over her forehead, brushing her hair aside, the gesture tender and comforting. “I’ve never been so twisted up over a woman. What are you doing to me?”

She blinked. “I’m not doing anything.”

“Yeah. And that’s the thing.” He shook his head. “It’s fucking me up.”

He was confusing her more. “I’m sorry,” she offered.

His face hardened again. “Don’t fucking apologize,” he snapped. “Did he make you feel like you were doing something wrong?”

The inside of her chest went icy cold. Her breathing became shallow. She knew who Raff meant by “he”. And he was right. Yes, Delmer had made her feel in the wrong. She’d asked for what he was giving her and she was being a baby, a cock tease, a bitch for not liking it. Nothing was ever right for him near the end. And she’d said “sorry” a lot.