Playing My Love (7 page)

  But her voice?  If I'd thought she could sing in the park, I hadn't heard her even
trying!  She was enchanting, haunting, beautiful.  She raised goose bumps all over my body and I sat transfixed, even when our food turned up.

  Her set was just one spine tingling tune after another.  I recognised a lot of the songs, some surprising me that she
even knew them.  I made a mental note to ask for her set list later, because the songs I didn't recognise I really liked.

  But it all came to an end far too
soon and I found myself irrationally disappointed.  I could have carried on listening for at least another hour.

  "Okay, I think I've got time for one last quick one.  I hope you like it
."

  She started playing and I knew the song instantly.  It was an old Guns 'n' Roses track, Sweet Child Of Mine
from one of my favourite albums, and I just had a feeling I was going to love her version more.  She'd slowed it down so that it was almost a lullaby, and as she took a deep breath to sing the first line, her eyes flickered briefly over, catching mine.  It was so fleeting, and probably no one else in the pub would have noticed it, but to me it spoke volumes.  My breath caught as she began to sing.

 
"She's got eyes of the bluest skies, as if they thought of rain, I hate to look into those eyes and see an ounce of pain." 

  She sang softly and I felt inexplicably like crying.  In fact, halfway through my eyes welled up and I had to close them to prevent the excess moisture from escaping.

  She's done it again!

  For the third time, Darcy had elicited a buried emotion from
deep within me!  Just dug on in and gently pulled it out of me.  First hope, then laughter, now tears.  I took deep breaths as I listened and felt transported away by the melody until with a gentle flourish across the strings, she finished.  There was a moments silence and I opened my eyes just in time to hear everyone go wild, clapping and cheering.  Gray and I joined in enthusiastically.

  "That girl has got some talent alright"  he said, leaning over. 
I still had a lump in my throat and didn't trust myself to speak so I just nodded in agreement.

  "Thank you"  Darcy said into the microphone before removing the guitar from her neck and going over to her group of friends.

  "Do you want another drink?"  Gray asked and I returned my attention to him.

  "Um, maybe we should go?  It's quite late, I don't want you to get tired."

  "It's eight o clock, Ali, hardly the witching hour!  And I had a long sleep earlier, so I'll be fine for another drink."

  I ignored him, putting my jacket on quickly.  For some reason I wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible.

  "Seriously?  You want to go?  Don't you want to say goodbye to Darcy first?"

  "She's with all her friends.  I'll catch up with her another time."

  "No, she's not.  She's heading over."

  Sure enough, a quick glance confirmed that she was threading her way across the room toward us, trying to politely ignore people desperate to talk to her.

  "Hey! You're not leaving are you?"  she asked, her eyes shining more than usual and her cheeks flushed from singing.  Gray looked pointedly at me.

  "No, of course not.  I was just, er, going out for a cigarette"  I fished the lie from thin air.  She sm
iled, looking relieved while Gray raised his eyebrows at me, clearly amused.

  "So what did you think?"

  "It was an amazing set, Darcy.  I really enjoyed it"  he replied, and she thanked him then looked hopefully at me.

  "It was…beautiful"  I said, wanting to say
so much more, but not wanting to gush.  She studied me intently, almost as if reading my thoughts.

  "Thank you.  What was your favourite?"

  "I think I liked the one you finished on best"  I said, holding her eye.  She nodded, understanding that I knew it had been directed toward me.

  "That was my favourite too"  she said softly.

  "Darcy, I was just about to get us a drink.  Can I get you one?"

  "Yes please, a whiskey and coke
, thank you."

  "Same again
, Ali?"  He winked at me and went to the bar, leaving us alone.

  "I'm really glad you enjoyed it."

  "I really did.  I'd love to see you again."

  "I'd like that too."

  For a crazy second, I wondered if we were talking about her playing a gig or something else.  I swallowed thickly.

  "So what are you going to do about Jim?"  I asked and she frowned.

  "Jim?  Who's…oh!  You mean Tim?  I don't know.  I guess I'll give the insurance company a call tomorrow and see what they say."

  "I feel awful.  I wish there was something I could do to help."

  "Hey, you got me here!  And you gave me these awesome clothes!  They probably cost more than Tim did anyway!"

  "Darcy!  I can't believe how rude you're being!  Aren't you going to introduce us to your
friend
?"  A girl with curly blonde ringlets suddenly joined us.  She was dressed to impress the guys with a very low cut top and mini skirt.

  "Sorry Nic.  This is Alison.  Alison, this is my best friend
, Nicki"  Darcy said, introducing us.

  "Oh,
you're
Alison!"  she said excitedly, looking very interested.  "We've heard so much about you…ow!"  She glared at Darcy who glared back at her.

  "
Nic and I are on the same course together and we also share a flat.  Oh, and here's Alison's husband, Gray"  she said, seeming to make a point of mentioning that Gray was my husband.  A look passed between the two girls that I couldn't work out as he passed us our drinks.

  As it was too late to
make a graceful exit we ended up staying and chatting, and bit by bit Darcy's friends filtered their way over until there was about twelve of us sat around three tables.  She stayed next to me the whole time though, occasionally glancing my way to check I was okay and not too overwhelmed.

  Eventually we said our goodbyes and made our way to the door.  I turned in time to see Darcy watching me leave, her eyes sad before she smiled quickly and raised her hand to wave.  I waved back.  I felt sad too.

                       5

                                       Past And Present, Old And New

  "So
"  Gray said, in a tone that instantly got me suspicious.  "You're getting on well with Darcy."

  "Yes.  She's a nice girl."

  "Yes, she's lovely."  He paused, sipping from his tea while watching me.  "Not like you to make friends so easily.  I mean, you've even said yourself that Jazz is, and would probably always be, your only friend."

  I didn't answer.  Something told me this wasn't just a casual comment, despite his pleasant tone.  Sure enough, he continued
.

  "It's good to see you with her.  She makes you smile"  he said and I blushed, more confused than ever about his point.

  "
You
make me smile"  I replied, and he nodded as if I'd confirmed something.

  "I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's good that you've found someone you like and can talk to here.  So if you want to hang out with her or whatever, that's fine with me.  I don't mind.  I don't want you to think you have to spend all your time with me, okay?"

  "For god's sake Gray, I'm thirty six!  She's got plenty of kids her own age to hang out with, I'm sure she's just being polite or something"  I said, but even I was unconvinced of my own words.

  "Hmm.  Okay."  He shrugged and stood to wash up his cup.

  "What?"

  "Well, she just didn't seem like a kid to me, that's all.  I thought she seemed very mature.  Right, are you ready to go and collect your car?"

  He was right.  She was very much a mature young adult who seemed kind, compassionate, funny and very interesting.  I truly enjoyed every second of her company, but I didn't want to say any of this to him for some reason.  Instead, on impulse I went over to him and put my arms around his waist, resting my head on his chest.  I stayed there for a while, inhaling his aftershave and listening to his heartbeat.  When the tears came I didn't hide them, or run off and pretend they weren't there.  I just let them fall onto his shirt.  He was losing weight more rapidly now, and I couldn't bear how his once lean, muscular frame was deteriorating.  He held me close, stroking my hair.

  "Oh Gra
y, I don't want this!  I don't want to be alone without you"  I sobbed in an extremely rare moment of spontaneously sharing my feelings.

  "Ali, sweetheart"  he soothed, burying his head in my hair.  I was glad he didn't try and tell me everything was going to be okay, or that I was going to be fine.  He just held me and let me cry.

  My tears fell for a long time, but I stayed in his arms longer.  God, I used to feel so safe here, back when he was Doc and we had the rest of our lives ahead of us.  Yes, I'd felt like I was in the arms of Superman!  But now his embrace was only a stark reminder that I wasn't safe.  That soon it was all going to be torn away from me and I'd be left alone, and there'd be no arms to wrap around me and make me feel safe then, because once Gray was gone there wouldn't be any safe place left for me to go to.

  Eventually I felt his arms loosen and he moved back to look at me.  I sighed, keeping my eyes down.

  "Suppose I'd better go get cleaned up before we go"  I mumbled, sniffing remnant snot up my nose.

  "Okay."

  In the bathroom, I splashed warm water on my face and looked at my reflection in the mirror.  My dark blue eyes were puffy and red and my face was blotchy from all the tears.  I splashed some more water, hoping to find some semblance to normal, but the blotches refused to subside.  I couldn't be bothered to try and do a repair with make-up, so I just left the bathroom feeling more dejected than ever.

  I found Gra
y sitting of the edge of the sofa and staring into space.  He looked so lost and scared that I felt the tears return in full force, but this time I choked them back down.

  "Right!  Let's go shall we?"  I said brightly, and he snapped alert, his handsome face transforming as he smiled.

  The drive into town was polite but strained.  Even after all these years, Gray still didn't know how to react to my silences following tears, and rather than leave me to think it through, he seemed to feel a strong need to try and talk to me.  I let him, because it made him feel better thinking he was helping.

TWENTY NINE YEARS EARLIER

  I hated school and I hated all my friends.  Especially Cathy Merryson, who at this very moment in time was sat opposite me with Holly Roper, laughing at me.  Up until last week, Cathy had been my best friend.  We'd done everything together, gone everywhere together.  But then last week everything had changed.  Last week my dad had left my mum to run off with Cathy's mum and now no one knew where they were or how to get hold of them, and Cathy hated me.  Apparently, Cathy's dad had told her that it was all my dad's fault because he was a home wrecker and now she hated me and had told everyone not to talk to me anymore. 

 
Holly whispered something in Cathy's ear and they both looked over at me, giggling into their hands.  My face burned just as the bell rang signalling it was the end of the lesson and I stood up quickly, anxious to get away from the pointing and staring.

  "Hey Alison, make sure your mum doesn't come near my dad.  I don't want him running off with her" 
Holly said behind me.  I spun round, furious.

  "Your dad smells and is too fat for my mum to even think
about running off with"  I spat at her, holding my chin up high.  There were gasps from several people who'd overheard and before I knew it there was a crowd around us.  Holly's face twisted.

  "Do you want to know the real reason why your dad left your mum? 
Cath's dad told her it was because she's got some dirty disease and he didn't want to catch it off her"  she said in a loud spiteful voice.  I stared at her for a second and a hush fell over our spectators as everyone waited for my reaction.

  I didn't disappoint.

  Swinging my satchel as hard as I could, I brought it round in a smooth arc which connected with her head perfectly.  She went down to the floor and started crying hysterically.

  "Alison
Humphreys!  What on earth do you think you're doing?"  came a shocked voice behind me.  Aware of the important audience, Holly screamed louder.  I scowled defiantly.

  "She deserved it
, Miss.  She said my mum was diseased."

  "Then you come and tell a teacher and you let us sort it out. You do not try and settle it yourself, especially by using violent or aggressive behaviour.  Go to the headmaster's office now."