Playing to Win (28 page)

Colin shifted uncomfortably. He already knew these facts and didn’t fancy having them recited at him. “I don’t need your pity.”

“No, what you need is—” Andrew cut himself off, then drew the heel of one hand over his forehead, as if pressing the right words into his brain. “You need me to try to understand, even though I can never truly know what it’s like.”

Colin could barely nod as hope hatched within him. This could be a start, or at least the start of a start.

“What’s most amazing,” Andrew continued, “is that despite all obstacles, you’re making something of yourself. You’re at university, and you’re campaigning for independence—oh, and in your spare time, you’re a star footballer for a history-making side.” He finally released his death grip on the worktop and stepped forward, halving the distance between them. “I’m in awe of you, Colin MacDuff.”

Colin blinked hard. This was definitely not a breakup—or if it was, it had the most flattering prelude he’d ever heard.

Andrew came closer, almost near enough to touch. “Do you remember that night in Edinburgh, the first time you were inside me?”

“Of course I remember.” Colin’s voice felt and sounded like gravel.

“You said we’d never be equals. But you were wrong.” Andrew stepped up to him, then drew his fingertips along the collar of Colin’s T-shirt. “You’ve always been more than equal to me, in every way that matters. And if I ever, for one moment, acted as though that wasn’t true, then I am more sorry than you can possibly imagine.”

Andrew kissed him softly. For a moment, Colin was too paralyzed to kiss him back or even close his eyes. This wasn’t a rejection. This was…

He didn’t know what this was. He only knew he wanted it, and that until this moment, he hadn’t known how badly he needed it. Needed Andrew.
 

Colin bent his knees and lifted Andrew off his feet. Andrew wrapped his thighs around Colin’s hips as he carried him to the sofa, where they crashed down together onto the firm leather surface.

As they ground together, kissing deeper and deeper, Colin marveled at the familiar way they fit. In just six weeks, he’d learned exactly how far his fingers could curl around Andrew’s arse, depending whether it was clothed in jeans or chinos or nothing at all. He’d learned how the brush of a tongue against the roof of his mouth would make Andrew convulse with desire. He’d learned how hard and fast Andrew needed to be fucked in order to come.

But there was much Colin hadn’t learned yet. How to hear the hitch in Andrew’s breath that told him to slow his pace. How to make a proper mojito. How to say goodbye and really mean it.

Beneath him, Andrew pushed against his shoulders.

“Am I crushing you?” Colin asked.

“No.” Andrew gazed up at him, his lips swollen and ruddy from the rough kisses. “Last night you said that when you got me alone, you’d give me twice as much of yourself as usual. That’s what I need.”

“Need for what?”

Andrew swallowed. “To know if this is real.”

Colin stared down, panic rising within him. But when he tried to pull away, Andrew’s arms and legs held him fast.

“I don’t want it to be real.” Andrew’s voice trembled, almost sounding threatening. “It would make things dreadfully complicated.”

Complicated.
“I don’t know what you mean. We’re just having a laugh.” He slid a hand between them, down over Andrew’s cock. “We’re just fucking.”

“No, we’re not.” Andrew grabbed his hand. “And right now I don’t want you to fuck me. I want you to make love to me.”

Colin froze for one long moment, immobilized by that lustrous blue gaze. Then fear gave him the strength to pull away. “No, I don’t—” He lurched to his feet, stumbling against the coffee table. “Make love? I don’t even know—”

“Yes, you do.” Andrew reached for him. “Please.”

Colin turned away, rubbing the scars on both his arms. If this was a test, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to pass or fail. To let down all his barriers and just…be with Andrew, what would he have to give up? Something he might never get back?

“I don’t know if I can,” Colin said finally.

Behind him, Andrew didn’t speak. He seemed to be holding his breath. Colin took a step toward the door, then another, then stopped.

Then he closed his eyes and whispered, “But I’ll try.”

A
NDREW
WONDERED
IF
he’d made a huge mistake.

It hit him toward the end of his pre-sex shower (alone, of course, whilst Colin was using the one in the second bathroom). Throughout their relationship, he’d been so careful not to spook Colin with intimidating expectations. Now, on the day when Colin was undoubtedly feeling most vulnerable, Andrew had put forward a massive, impossibly vague demand. And nearly lost Colin as a result.

He shut off the taps and hurried to dry himself. Tying the towel about his waist, Andrew entered his empty bedroom. Through the open door he heard footsteps approach, along with a soft clinking noise.

Colin entered, also wearing nothing but a towel, carrying the bottle of red wine and a pair of glasses, which he set on the bedside table. “Hope it’s all right I brought this in. What with your white sheets and all.”

“It’s fine.” The moment Colin had filled one glass halfway, Andrew grabbed it and took a large sip. “Forgive me. I threw this lovemaking thing at you with no warning. I never meant to pressure you.”

To his relief, Colin laughed. “It’s all right.” He took a brief sip of wine. “I was a bit freaked out at first. I even considered Googling ‘the difference between fucking and making love.’”

Andrew felt himself melt inside. “That’s adorable.”

Colin gave a one-shouldered shrug. “I was afraid of doing it wrong, that afterward you’d be like, ‘No, sorry, that’s not it. But thank you for playing.’”

“I would never—”

“I know that.” Colin set his glass on the bedside table. “No, that’s a lie. I don’t know it for certain.” Then dropped to his knees on the floor, between Andrew’s thighs. “But I believe it.” He reached both arms around Andrew’s waist and pressed his cheek to his stomach.

Andrew stroked Colin’s hair, letting the emotion stream out through his fingertips, willing this man to feel how accepted he was. How loved he was.

Acknowledging this love made Andrew feel utterly unmoored. It felt like the time he was water skiing and hit an obstacle beneath the waves. He’d tumbled arse over tit through the air for what seemed forever, then hit the water face first.

But now Colin was here, holding him steady. After a few eternal moments, he shifted to the side and slipped an arm beneath Andrew’s knees. Then in one swift motion he stood up, holding Andrew in his arms.

“Oh!” Andrew’s swoon had nothing to do with the sudden change in altitude. He linked his hands behind Colin’s neck. “What about your knee?”

“It’s fine. The pain was probably just in my head, what with all the stress of our contest.” He climbed onto the bed. “Which I won, by the way.”

“This is quite the romantic posture,” Andrew said, wanting to change the subject from their adventures in politicking. “Though a bit odd, since we are the same size.”

“We’re not.” Colin laid him down gently, then stretched out beside him. “I’m at least a centimeter taller and a stone heavier,” he added as he undid Andrew’s towel, letting his fingertips trickle against bare skin.

Andrew shivered at the sensation, then shifted his head on the thick pillow to see all of Colin, whose own towel had become dislodged on the way across the bed. “We’re the same size in some departments,” Andrew said as he aligned their semi-erect cocks and started stroking them together.

“Don’t, not yet,” Colin whispered. He gently removed Andrew’s hand, then laced their fingers. “Just let me kiss you.”

Andrew let him, closing his eyes to better memorize every brush of lips, sweep of tongue, tug of teeth. He felt each kiss down to the soles of his feet, and at the depths of his belly, and at the ends of every hair on his arms and legs and head.

Still kissing him, Colin unjoined their hands and began to stroke Andrew’s cheek with just the pads of his fingertips, stealing his last coherent thoughts. The caresses drifted downward, over Andrew’s throat, skating the line of his collarbone, then circling ever closer to his nipple, which burned to be touched.

Colin’s five fingertips surrounded the erect nub, inches away, then slowly drew together, like dancers in a reel. When they met in a light, firm clasp, an electric surge zipped through Andrew’s body. He moaned against Colin’s mouth.

Colin proceeded to make good on his
Just let me kiss you
command. Every inch of Andrew’s body received Colin’s lips and tongue, until it felt he’d been born with this mouth already inhabiting his cells.

So by the time Colin reached for a condom, Andrew was a quivering mass of desire, ready to explode.

Lying on his back, he lifted and spread his thighs. Colin edged close and began to tease Andrew’s hole with the lube-slick head of his cock, making him squirm and whimper with need.

Then Colin stopped and whispered, “Tell me what you want.”

Andrew was tempted, in the heat of lust, to urge him on with a
Fuck me
. No words drove Colin madder. And he always obeyed, giving Andrew some of the wildest, most mind-shattering sex of his life.

But that wasn’t what Andrew wanted this time. So he held Colin’s gaze and said, “Make love to me.”

Colin’s lips parted in either wonder or disbelief. Then he pressed forward, carefully, until Andrew’s body drew him inside. Releasing a soft
och
, he looked as helpless as Andrew felt.

With each inhale, Andrew filled with the energy between them. With each exhale, he took Colin deeper, expanding around that warm, thick length that made him feel complete.

When they were fully joined, Colin settled forward onto Andrew’s chest. Andrew held him in a soft embrace, resting his fingertips on the tattoo beside his spine. He couldn’t feel an impression of the ink, but by now he knew exactly which ribs and vertebrae the lyric stretched between. He’d learned every curve of this man’s back in moments like this, when they adhered to each other in near stillness, with Colin’s pelvis the only moving part in this single divine body.

“You feel so good,” Colin whispered against Andrew’s cheek. “I want to make this last.”

Make it last forever.
Andrew folded one hand over the ridge of Colin’s hipbone. “Not sure how long I can endure. After all that delicious preamble, I’m near to bursting.”

Colin lifted his head. “Are you, aye?” He slipped his arms beneath Andrew’s back, then, without withdrawing, rolled them over in a graceful maneuver so that Andrew was on top. “Gonnae let’s make you burst.”

Oh yes. Please.
Andrew clutched the top of the padded headboard as Colin held his hips steady and began to thrust upward. It wasn’t the usual hard, quick pounding, but rather a slow, steady roll that seemed to reach every inch within. Andrew’s cock jerked and twitched with the growing tension inside him.

Colin slowed to a stop. “Now you.”

Andrew took over, pumping his own hips, finding the exact speed and angle he needed. His nails dug into the headboard, and he felt every muscle go taut, then tauter still as his orgasm drew near.

At precisely the right moment, Colin began to stroke Andrew’s cock.

“Yes!” Andrew cried, and every word after that was unintelligible, even to his own ears. Arching his back like a bow, he bent over and kissed Colin as he came.

You know just what I need
, he thought.
And what I need is you.

= = =

Things were complicated now.

This is real
, Colin thought as he laid a limp, quivering Andrew on the bed beside him. There was no going back, only forward. Each kiss Colin had given Andrew’s body before he’d entered it was a promise to never run away again.

“That was pure close.” Colin settled behind Andrew on their sides, spooning him. “For a second I thought I might come too.”

“Mmm.” Andrew shifted his arse to position himself, then took Colin back inside without the aid of hands. “Come if you want.”

Colin was tempted, feeling that hot, slick hole envelop him again. With a deep groan, he held Andrew’s hips still. “Not yet. I meant what I said about making it last.” His hand drifted forward, gently cradling Andrew’s balls. “Especially if you might come again.”

Andrew placed his hand over Colin’s. “I might,” he said with an ache in his voice. “God, this is so intense. Despite the lack of role-playing and acrobatics.”

“Despite or because of?”

Andrew turned his head on the pillow to look at Colin. Though his eyes were still hazy with pleasure, they seemed to be asking his own question rather than answering Colin’s.

Colin’s response was the softest kiss, one that lingered until Andrew closed his eyes and sighed. Then Colin laid his head on the pillow behind Andrew’s and began to move within him again, slowly now. Their legs formed a loose, lazy tangle, pressing skin to skin, knees to thighs, feet to calves.

This was what Colin needed too, what he could never have asked for.

He reached down farther, between Andrew’s thighs, to the place where they joined. Andrew gasped as Colin squeezed one fingertip inside next to his cock, then added another.

“God…” Andrew grabbed Colin’s wrist, pushing his fingers deeper. “Oh!” He arched his neck, curling his entire spine against Colin’s chest.

Colin moved faster now, with short, shallow thrusts that wouldn’t dislodge his fingers. Between Andrew’s noises and full-body shudders, Colin knew neither of them would last much longer. He needed to make the most of this.

So he carefully pulled his hand free, then wrapped his arm tight around Andrew’s chest. Burying his face in Andrew’s soft, sweet-smelling hair, he lengthened his strokes, hoping every undulation of his hips conveyed the depths of his feelings.
I’m not fucking you
, he thought.
I’m making love to you.