Playing with Fire (21 page)

He left the station with a new job. Captain Mendoza hadn’t questioned his sanity, after all. Had just nodded when Derek explained the walls had been closing in on him and he’d had to get out of the bar.

Unfortunately, he hadn’t left the station on his own two feet. Captain Mendoza had insisted on giving him a lift in the station’s SUV. Derek had told him to drop him off at The Shell Shack. He was glad to see Andie had closed up and gone home. The rain had slowed down but there was still no one out and about. Staying open would be a waste of time.

Derek made his way to his condo from the bar. He stuck to the street, walking along the curb. He’d had enough of sand and the beach for the day. Besides, he was in a hurry. His head pounded when he tried to run, so he settled for a brisk walk. He’d refused any hard-core painkillers and planned to take a few Advil before he left.

He stuffed his hands in his pockets and felt for his keys. A smile broke out over his face when he grasped the goofy dolphin key chain he’d never had the heart to remove. He pulled it out and studied it, remembering Macey’s determination to change his life with a cheap plastic souvenir. As he stared at it, he realized that bit by bit, she’d helped him see through the grief. She’d reminded him how to laugh. How to appreciate the beauty of the island. How to face up to the pain and make an effort to work through it.

He’d never been so damn glad to walk through the unlocked door into his condo. He might not need keys to get into his place, but he planned to keep the key chain as a reminder, no matter what happened with Macey.

He let Burnaby out of his kennel and scratched the dog’s ears. Then he made his way back down the hall. He flipped the bedroom light on and whipped his damp shirt over his head as he entered the room; he’d refused dry clothes at the station. The shirt landed on the floor near the bathroom door.

Derek went straight to the photo of Julie and picked it up. He stared at it for several minutes and allowed himself to think about some of the best memories of her—the night they’d met at an off-campus party, the first time she’d taken him to Coneheads for ice cream, the first time she’d told him she loved him.

“I loved you, too,” he said to the photograph. “Always will. But I also love Macey. I think you’d be okay with that.” He ran his finger over her hair, as if he could push it back from her face. “I won’t forget you, Jules.” He stared at her for several more moments, then went to his closet. He picked up the shoe box that had held his new tennis shoes. Wrapping the stiff tissue paper around the frame, he touched her lips one last time, then closed the lid. He put the box on the top shelf of the closet and closed his eyes for a few seconds, saying a silent goodbye to her.

He took in a deep breath and pushed it out hard, knowing, for the first time in a long time, he was doing the right thing.

Derek peeled off the rest of his clothes—his body was more tender than he’d thought—and climbed into a lukewarm shower. That and a truckload of caffeine were going to keep him awake until he was with Macey.

He came out of the bedroom and she nearly walked right into him.

“—right?” She looked him up and down. “You don’t have a shirt on.”

“Uh, no. I don’t.”

“You’re okay?”

“What are you doing here?” he finally asked, unable to process it—that she was here in his condo, that she looked exhausted but somehow still beautiful, that she was commenting on something as mundane as his lack of a shirt.

She met his gaze. “I have some things to say and you’re going to listen to me.”

“Okay.” He backed into his room and she followed him in. “Make yourself at home,” he said drily.

Macey set her purse on his dresser, then crossed her arms as she looked at him. Stared at his chest, really, and he decided that not yet putting on his shirt was the best move he’d made all day.

“What is it, Mace? You’re acting crazed.”

“I
am
crazed. I’ve been on the road for eight and a half hours, because of you, even though you may not appreciate it. You may not even want to see me, for all I know, but that’s just tough. Like I said, I have things to say to you.”

Derek lowered himself to the bed and leaned against the wall, waiting. The less he said, the better the chances of her getting to the point.

“I told you I loved you, Dare, and I meant it. I know it sent you running, and I think I understand why. But at first, I was mad and hurt.”

“I’m sorry, Mace—”

“Nope,” she said, cutting him off. “My turn to talk. You get your turn after.”

He’d never seen her quite like this, but she was sexy when she meant business.

She sat on the bed a distance from him. “I get that you’re still grieving for Julie. I never meant to belittle that. When I said I love you, it just sort of popped out, maybe not at a good time.” She pulled her knee up under her and faced him. “All week long I regretted saying that.”

“You shouldn’t regret it,” he said.

“I finally figured out something today.”

“What’s that?”

“That I’m not willing to give up just because you ran away one time.”

He sat up straight. “Can I talk yet, Mace?”

She shook her head. “Let me get this out before I forget what I want to say.”

He gestured for her to continue.

“I’m not trying to force you to forget about Julie. I know it’s going to take you some time to get over what happened. But the thing is that…”

He saw her swallow, could tell she was running out of steam.

“What is it, Macey?” He held out his hand and she moved closer and took it.

“I’ve loved you for years, Dare.” It took her a couple of seconds but she met his gaze. The love he saw in her eyes took his breath away.

“I didn’t know….”

“So I’m not going to be pushed away just because I screwed up once and told you I love you when you’re still trying to handle what happened last January. What I’m trying to say is that I’ll wait for you to get through this. But only if there’s any reason for me to wait. If you have any feelings for me at all…”

Derek leaned back against the wall in sheer, ecstatic relief. Macey watched him with uncertainty written all over her beautiful face. He pulled her close and held on to her, hoping to convey that he would never let her go. All the emotion of the day crammed into his throat, making it damn near impossible to say anything. “Dare?”

He scooted back against the pillows and patted the spot next to him. She joined him, still waiting as he tried to figure out where to start.

“I’m so damn glad you came back,” he finally said.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. You saved me a long, lonely drive to Dallas tonight.”

“What?” She craned her head to see his face better. “Why were you planning to go to Dallas?”

“I had a big day today. Ran down the beach like a lunatic, dared the storm to sweep me off the jetty, got rescued by the fire department, figured out how much I love you and need you in my life—”

“You fell off the jetty?” She rose up on her elbow, alarmed.

Derek ran his fingers through her hair, pushing it behind her shoulder, and shook his head. “No. Fell
on
the jetty, but that’s not the point.”

Her heart felt as if it had exploded and spread warmth throughout her body. She stared hard into his eyes, took in the details of every last inch of his face. The planes and angles. The coarse hair beginning to shade his chin. His perfect lashes and the eyes that watched her intently.

Macey moved closer and kissed him full on the lips, not caring if she ever came up for air. He wrapped his arms around her and rolled to his back, pulling her on top of him.

For the first time, she kissed him with the knowledge that this wasn’t stolen time, that she wouldn’t live to regret it later. He hadn’t explained exactly what had gone on in his head, traipsing around jetties and being rescued by firefighters, but all the explanation she needed, all the reassurance, was in the way he kissed her.

“I’m sorry I ran away,” Derek finally said between kisses. “I felt so guilty making love to you when I was still trying to get over Julie’s death.”

“Shh. I understand.”

He shook his head. “No,
I
understand. Finally. I was afraid to let myself live, since Julie couldn’t anymore. I thought it was wrong to feel so good when I was with you….”

“Because Julie couldn’t experience anything good anymore?”

He nodded. “I promise I won’t bring her into our relationship all the time, but tonight I have to explain.”

Macey nodded, running her finger along his jaw, wishing she could take away all his doubt and pain.

“It hit me that Julie wouldn’t want me to give up my happiness because she died.”

“You’re right. She wouldn’t. I didn’t know her well, but I’m sure of that. She cared about you.”

“I said my goodbyes less than an hour before you so calmly burst through my door. I packed her picture away. I don’t want to get rid of it, Mace, but I don’t need to see it every day. Don’t want it between you and me.”

“You and me,” she repeated. “I like the sound of that.”

“You better,” he said, grinning.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. I’ve been through a lot today to get to this point, right here, with you. You may not know this about me, but when I go after something, I tend to go all out.”

Macey laughed. “I’ve known that since you were seven and decided you were going to build the world’s tallest LEGO tower in the office at the restaurant.”

“It would’ve set records,” Derek said. “Wasn’t my fault the ceilings were only nine feet high.”

They laughed and kissed, until a thought finally burst through the cloud fogging up Macey’s brain. She broke contact. “You’re telling me that you figured all this out before I got here tonight?”

Derek nodded, his grin widening. “Yes, ma’am.”

“So my whole speech that I was so determined to get out… I didn’t even need to go there?”

He shook his head. “Not really. Though it definitely added to the moment. It was cute.”

“Cute?”

“Endearing.”

“Endearing?” Her voice rose.

“Sexy?” he ventured.

“I’ll settle for sexy, I guess.”

He pressed a kiss to her nose, then turned serious. “There’s three more things we need to discuss,” he said.

“Okay.” She tried to sound confident, but his tone worried her.

“What do you think of living with a firefighter? I know it’s not the easiest thing to ask—”

“You’re going back?”

“I talked to Captain Mendoza tonight. I have to go through an interview and some other red tape, but then I can start as soon as I get some help at the bar.”

“I’m so glad to hear that, Dare. It’s who you are.”

“It doesn’t worry you?”

“It scares the crap out of me, but you’re good. You’ll do whatever it takes to come home to me every night.”

“Got that right, woman. But…I need a manager for the bar. I don’t suppose you know anyone with a background in running a small business?”

“I might know someone like that. As long as I can keep working on my foundation. I could start it up here instead of in Dallas. I don’t think my donors would have a problem with that.”

“You can do whatever you want as long as you’re in my bed every night.”

She shivered and closed her eyes. She’d waited so long to hear something just like that from this man. It was almost surreal, but when she opened her eyes, he was still right there, inches from her face, his body melding into hers.

“You said three things,” she whispered. “What’s the last?”

He looked into her eyes. “This isn’t a temporary thing for me. I don’t know how long I’ve loved you, but I know no one has ever made me feel the way you do. Will you marry me, Macey?”

Giddiness and love made her feel lighter than air. “I, for one, have loved you just about forever,” she said, grinning like crazy. “It’s about time you saw the light.”

Derek laughed. “I propose to a woman and all she can do is mention how dense I am.” He pulled her close again and breathed in the scent of her hair. “Can you handle such an unenlightened man? Forever?”

“Absolutely. I’m looking forward to the challenge. Every single wonderful day of it.”