Playing With Fire (Glasgow Lads Book 3) (13 page)

Robert turned to him. “They’ll say I’m what?”

Liam focused on his shoe and sock. “A liar, for starters. Or a coward.”

There were several silent moments, then, “Is that what you think I am?”

“Of course not. I said I’ll support you no matter what. I’m your—”

A door shut behind him. He turned to see Robert gone from the bed. A few seconds later, the shower ran.

Liam stayed put for a moment, letting his gaze travel over Robert’s walls. He’d been here a hundred times, but now he was seeing his best mate’s home through new eyes. In addition to the Warriors and Celtic Football Club merchandise—and the
YOU SHALL NOT PASS
Gandalf poster—Robert also had several pictures of lasses, including indie-pop singer Lykke Li and the entire Scotland women’s national football team. Liam remembered Robert being enamored of one of the central defenders, and not just for her playing ability.

It was unnerving, seeing all this again, after what they’d become. Strangely, the hardest part to swallow was that Robert was the same person as ever.

Liam went to the window shelf and picked up one of the two rubber duckies he’d bought for Robert to cheer him up after the breakup with Dani. When he put his thumb over the wee metal nodes on the duck’s underside, the LED within began to flash, first red, then blue, then purple, faster and faster. He did the same to the second duck, a pink one, then set them side by side and watched until they stopped flashing and went dark again.

Finally he went to the bathroom door and knocked.

“What?” Robert called out.

Liam grasped the handle to enter, but it was locked.
Seriously?

“What?” Robert shouted again, louder.

“Nothing.” Liam wandered to stand at the center of the flat, feeling foolish in his nakedness. Perhaps he should just leave. But they needed to talk more, and besides, the thought of putting clean clothes on his sweaty body was disgusting.

Instead Liam went to the kitchen and found a deep, wide green plastic bowl, the sort made for serving party snacks. He filled it halfway with water, then brought it to the window shelf. There he set the ducks to float in the bowl so they’d flash continuously. Finally he lowered the blinds to block the last rays of Glasgow sunlight.

“Look,” he said when Robert entered the room again, wearing a towel around his waist. “Disco ducklings!”

Robert’s stern expression melted at the sight of the flashing toys. “Liam. That’s…”

“Cute as fuck, I know.” Liam moved forward, hands behind his back. “Gonnae no worry. I’ll not touch you and get my filth all over your clean self.” He gave Robert a quick, soft kiss. “Mind if I shower?”

“Go on.”

“Thanks.” As he moved past, he grabbed Robert’s arse through the towel.

“Oi, ya wee liar!” Robert said. “You said you’d not touch me.”

“I never lied.” Liam turned and grinned as he backed into the bathroom. “I just changed my mind.”

= = =

Robert took off his towel and used it to dry the rubber ducks before setting them back on their shelf. It was sweet of Liam to put them in the water to make them flash, but Robert needed to think. He couldn’t let his judgment be clouded by cuteness.

As Liam began to sing in the shower, Robert went to his wardrobe for clean clothes, wanting to be fully dressed when his mate returned. He felt vulnerable enough as it was. It seemed Liam was giving him a choice—stay in the closet and continue their clandestine hookups, or come out to the world and go back to being platonic friends.

Robert had to choose the latter. He already felt guilty for pretending to be someone he wasn’t all these years. How many interviews had he given for the Warriors, answering the eternal question, “What’s it like being the team’s only straight player?” He had to make Liam understand that this Big Lie couldn’t be slowly dismantled. It needed to be blown to bits.

As he went to step into a fresh pair of boxer shorts, he noticed with dismay that the cut near his knee was bleeding again. He set the shorts back in the wardrobe and crossed to the bathroom door.

“It’s open,” Liam said in response to his knock.

Robert went inside. “I just need a bandage and some iodine.” He reached up to the highest shelf above the sink.

Liam switched off the water. “Sorry, what?”

“I just need—” His voice left him as the shower door opened. “Erm…” Robert held up the first aid kit, his gaze roaming over Liam’s long, muscular legs, where the water had turned the red hair sleek and black.

Liam leaned forward to grab a towel from the rail but didn’t step out of the shower. “That’s a nasty cut.” He scrubbed his head with the towel. “Does it hurt?”

“No.” Robert’s voice was so hoarse with longing, he wasn’t sure the word could be heard outside his mind.

“Good, cos this does.” Liam angled his arm to display a gash above his right elbow, near his old skateboarding scar. “Gie’s a hand with it?”

Robert nodded. “C’mere.”

“Thanks.” Liam stepped out of the shower, bringing himself close beside Robert in the cramped bathroom. “I’ll do yours first.” He took the first-aid kit and knelt beside Robert. Liam used gauze to dab the wound with iodine, then unrolled a bandage.

For once, Robert was the first to break the silence. “You’ve got even more bruises than I do. Seems we really earned that clean sheet.”

“Aye. I’m not a fan of pain, but it’s kinda nice to have these badges of honor.” Liam taped the bandage in place. “Guardians of the goal, you and me.”

Then he looked up, past Robert’s rapidly stiffening cock, straight into his eyes. Liam’s own eyes were full of questions, a fact that disconcerted Robert, as he’d thought his mate surely had all the answers.

Liam stood, and for a split second they were face-to-face. It would’ve been so easy for Robert to catch his mate’s mouth with his own.

But Liam turned aside to examine his elbow wound in the mirror. “Ooft, it looks even worse than it feels.”

“It’s mostly just bruised. We’ll put some ice on it.” Robert kept his touch gentle as he began to cleanse the gash.

He and Liam had always looked after each other, both on and off the pitch. While every player paid lip service to the idea of teamwork, center-backs embodied it. There was no glory in their roles, no room for selfishness. Neither could afford for one second to think only of himself.

So this, tending to Liam’s wound, and
this
, toweling off the rest of Liam’s body so he’d need not move his sore arm, and
this
, cupping Liam’s face between his hands and kissing him—it all seemed the same to Robert. Natural. Logical. Inevitable.

How was it possible, he wondered, that they’d never been here before?

This time their journey to the bed was leisurely, Robert leading Liam by the hand, feeling almost shy. He peeled back the muddy duvet and tossed it to the floor, then switched on the bedside table lamp, necessary now that evening had swallowed the afternoon.

Then Robert stretched out atop the pale blue sheet and rested his head on the right-side pillow—his usual spot. When Liam hesitated, Robert remembered the wound on his mate’s arm. “Sorry. Here.” He shifted onto the other pillow so Liam could lie on his good side. “Better?”

Liam gave a crooked smile as he lay beside Robert, but despite his expression—and despite the rigid stauner he was sporting—there was caution in his eyes. Robert wanted to obliterate that caution, drown Liam’s every doubt.

He moved forward, savoring the soft, clean skin against his palms. He kissed Liam’s neck and shoulders, experimenting with tongue and teeth until he found the combination that made Liam melt in his arms.

I’ll make you want me. I’ll make you beg. I’ll make you make me an exception to your rule, until the rule no longer matters. Until I’m important enough to fuck.

His thumb and forefinger found Liam’s right nipple. After a single tweak, Liam moaned, curving into him, drawing his foot up Robert’s leg, over his calf and then the bandage below his knee. He pinched the nipple harder, and Liam’s fingers formed talons against his back.

Robert shifted down, replacing his thumb and finger with his lips and tongue. Soon Liam’s nipple was as hard and red as his cock, which Robert now reached for, craving that warm, heavy thickness he’d been dreaming of all week.

When Liam rolled onto his back in what seemed like surrender, Robert moved his mouth to his other nipple, continuing the slow, steady strokes on Liam’s shaft. He shifted his palm a little each time, altering the pressure, searching for the technique that would drive Liam mad.

Liam suddenly groaned and arched his back. “Och! God, that’s it. Don’t stop.”

“Like this?” Robert secured his grip, fingertips aligned on the underside of Liam’s cock.

“Aye.” Liam grasped Robert’s biceps. “I cannae do it myself like that. Whenever I try to wank overhanded, my wrist cramps.”

Robert moved atop Liam, planting his other hand on his friend’s chest. “Is this all right?”

“Oh yeah.” Liam panted. “Hold me down, hard as you want.”

As Robert shifted his weight forward, pressing Liam into the mattress, he felt a surge of power shoot through him. With this man, he didn’t have to hold back. He could use all his strength.

“Mmm.” Liam’s eyes rolled back, and his hands found Robert’s waist, clutching at him with each stroke. “Keep doing that and you’ll make me come.”

Robert slowed, loosening his hold. “Thanks for the warning.”

“It’s not a warning, mate. It’s encouragement.”

“Don’t worry.” He leaned over and brushed his lips against Liam’s. “I’ll make you come when I fuck you.”

Liam froze, his mouth growing hard against Robert’s. He turned his head aside. “Wait. Stop.”

I knew it.
It was just like Colin had said:
“When it comes to fucking-fucking, it’s got to mean nothing or everything.”

He let go and moved off of Liam. “What’s wrong? Do you not want to?”

“It’s not that I—” Liam swallowed, avoiding Robert’s eyes. “I just don’t—I don’t—”

“Oh, you don’t bottom,” Robert said, hoping that’s all that Liam was trying to tell him. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed. But you could fuck me instead. There’s condoms in the drawer there. Lube, too.” He lay on his back and met Liam’s alarmed gaze. “I want to try. Please?”

Liam shut his eyes hard. “Hang on.” Slowly he moved to sit on the edge of the bed. With his body pointed toward the door, he looked ready to bolt.

Instead he opened the drawer and stared inside for a long moment, his posture stiff and shoulders hunched. Then he shut the drawer again. “I do bottom sometimes. Just not with—I don’t do this at all with…” Liam made a frustrated noise and turned back to Robert. “It’s hard to expl—”

“I get it.” Robert felt his face twist as he bit out the words. “I get that I’m not worth it.”

Liam shook his head. “What are you talking about? Not worth what?”

Robert sat up, wrapping his arms around his knees to hide his erection—hide his
need
. “Colin told me about your policy on hooking up with friends and fellow Warriors. Your no-anal-between-mates policy.”

Liam let out a soft breath. “Jesus.”

“Which means that’s all I am to you. A teammate and a
friend
.”

“Not just any friend.” Liam shifted close, then rested his head on Robert’s shoulder, nuzzling against him like a penitent puppy. “You’re my favorite person in the world, remember?”

“And you’re mine.” He stroked Liam’s jaw, his thumb scratching against the stubble. “So why can’t we be…you know.”

“What, boyfriends? Lovers?”

“Whatever.” Robert’s throat ached. “Why can’t we be more?” He nudged Liam’s head up with his own, then kissed him softly. “Can’t we just try?”

Liam moved back, close enough to hold Robert’s hand but nothing else. “I cannae commit to being your boyfriend. Not—” He shook his head, as if he were about to say, “Not yet,” but didn’t want to make even that much of a promise. “We’ve been together less than a week.”

“More like fifteen years.”

“Not like this. I know you think you know me, but being friends and being more are two different—” Liam stopped again, then looked at the pillow. “Wait. If Colin had already told you this, then why did you ask me to fuck you?”

A wave of shame washed over Robert. “Erm—I don’t know, I—”

“Was it a test?” Liam let go of his hand. “Or were you trying to change my mind by—what, seducing me?”

“No! I thought maybe I was something more to you.” Robert rubbed his eyes. “But you’re right. It was a prick move. I’m sorry.”

“I forgive you. Obviously.” Liam released a heavy sigh, and Robert marveled at how easy it was for his friend to let things go. “You could’ve just asked me where I thought we stood. I’d never lead you on. I’d never promise you more than I could give. And I hope to fuck I’d never, ever hurt you.”

“Me too. Both ways.” He pressed his chin atop his knees, arms still wrapped around his legs. “If you’re worried I’d leave you like Tom Hannigan did, just because I’m bi—”

“It’s not because you’re bi. Well, not only that. Mostly it’s because you’ve got a future that’s clearly not here with—” Liam’s breath hitched. He paused to chew his lower lip, making it swell and redden. “Rabbie, I could fall for you so easily.”

Robert felt a shudder of joy within. “That’s okay.”

“But if I did, and you left, then I don’t know…” Liam lifted his hands, then let them drop to the bed with a thump. “Right. That’s me calling it, here and now, like in those TV hospital shows. Time of death, fifteenth of November, seventeen hundred hours.”

“What are you talking about?”

“This.” Liam pointed between them. “Us. Naked. Touching, kissing, sucking, all that. We need to stop. Now.” The last word came out as a whisper.

Robert jammed his upper lip between his teeth. He’d ruined things by pushing too hard, too soon. But Liam was right about the reality of their situation, and the fact that he wouldn’t make Robert false promises was all the more reason to trust him.

Running his hand over the bandage below his knee, Robert said, “Thanks for being honest.”

“I’d never lie to you. Mostly because I’m pure crap at it, but also because I love you.”