Authors: Heppermann,Christine
S
he used to be a house of bricks,
point guard on the JV team, walling out
defenders who could only huff and puff
and watch the layups roll in.
She traded for a house of sticks,
kindling in Converse high-tops and a red Adidas tent.
At lunch she swirled a teeny spoon in yogurt
that never touched her lips and said
she'd decided to quit chasing a stupid ball.
Now she's building herself out of straw
as light as the needle swimming in her bathroom scale.
The smaller the number, the closer to gold,
the tighter her face, afire with the zeal of a wolf
who has one house left to destroy.
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S
o how do you think you make
us
feel?
Winter white shifts to spring floral to the bleak chill
of swimwear, and all the while we stand rigid
as you stride through the doors,
scanning the racks for answers, a little grace
that doesn't pinch.
You say you want to be created in our image.
Sorry, it's the other way around.
We look hard, but underneath we are
a mess. And if we did have the power to
flex our hands, don't you think we would
shake you like sick-and-tired mothers?
You should know how lucky you are
to have someone ask
you
the questions:
Can I help you find anything?
Can I help you?
Can I help?
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Â
O
f course there are no pink wrappers,
only camo.
Forget Gentle Glide and pictures of pearlsâ
the box reads Smooth Ride across
the hood of a bitchin' red Porsche.
For pads with Wings, Kotex shows jet fighters.
For Heavy Flow, ninjas surf a tsunami.
For Scented, smiling blondes in bikinis
enjoy sniffing a crotch.
Panty Shields are now just Shields
or maybe Boxer Armor.
On the commercial, tanks roll through the bathroom,
manned by scowling marines in white pants.
Then it's back to
Monday Night Football
,
where both starting quarterbacks are on the DL.
“Dysmenorrhea,” mutter the trainers.
In other words, cramps.
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I
t's bad enough
that the other girls shopped at Teeny Town,
and I'm decked out in
Tarp City,
but even through the perfume
of my pumpkin-size corsage,
Papa will smell Jack on me when I get home,
those greedy little hands.
He'll stagger around the castle
hunting for bones to grind
until I tuck him in. Then I'll toss
the bottles down through the clouds
where Mama won't find them,
and wait out by the beanstalk.
Someday I'll meet a guy
I can look up to.
One who's not a drunken oaf
or a shrimp whose jeering buddies
dared him to make the climb.
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M
ountains rise, fall, rise again.
Stars complete their slow trek into oblivion.
A snail tours the length of China's Great Wall
twice.
All those pesky cancersâcured.
Somewhere in Lower Manhattan,
a barista finally
smiles.
Roundworms evolve into ovals.
Flatworms get chesty.
Molasses, a tortoise, and sedimentation
run the fifty-yard dash.
Results pending.
Temps plunge in hell. The devil
waxes his skis.
She has almost made it through
her first bite.
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L
ove charms never were my thing.
Such spells call for ingredients
missing from my cupboard.
Instead of eye of newt,
plump lips.
Instead of tongue of toad,
smooth skin.
Instead of finely ground unicorn horn
from the emerald decanter,
big tits.
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M
y only no-fail potion:
boredom mixed with
lack of options.
A lonely traveler
winds his unmagical arm
around my waist as I stare
into the cauldron, afraid
to look up and confront
my pitiful power.
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