Possession: Steel Brothers Saga: Book Three (18 page)

“
R
elax for a moment
. Clear your mind. You just went through a lot. Do some deep breathing, Talon.”

I took Dr. Carmichael’s advice, breathing in, out. In, out. In, out.

“Now,” she said. “Tell me. What do you remember?”

“The one with the low voice. He has a birthmark. Not the red kind, but the kind where your skin is just a little darker.”

She nodded. “And where did you see it?”

“On his upper arm. It was the weirdest thing. When I started the flashback, he was wearing a black T-shirt. I couldn’t see anything. But then all of a sudden he was no longer wearing a black T-shirt. He was wearing a black tank top. You know, a wife-beater. How could that have happened?”

“I was guiding you. You told me what he was wearing, and I asked if they ever wore anything else. You told me yes, sometimes he wore a black wife-beater. So we manipulated the vision.”

“Amazing.”

“Hypnosis is a pretty powerful tool, especially when the person really wants to be helped. It’s a good sign, Talon.”

“The birthmark had a shape. I can’t really describe it. Some jagged edges. But it looked like something familiar.”

“Would you recognize it if you saw it again?”

“I think so.” I looked around her office, thinking, until my gaze settled on the globe atop her desk. I shot upright. I grabbed the globe and brought it over to her, pointing to North America. “Texas. It looked like the state of Texas.”

“Exactly like the state of Texas?”

“Of course not. But it reminded me of that. All I could think of when I was in the flashback was that I had seen the shape before or something like it before.” I pointed again. “And this is it.”

“All right. Where was this birthmark?”

“His upper arm, on the inside, almost to his armpit.” I put the globe on the coffee table in front of us. “Why didn’t I ever remember that?”

“Talon, you blocked a lot of this out. It was only recently that you remembered one of them was missing a toe. That’s completely normal.”

“But if I blocked that out, why couldn’t I block out the worst? Why do I remember every single time they came to me, every single time they hurt me? Wouldn’t it have made more sense to block that out?”

“The mind is a unique thing, Talon. I can’t tell you why you remembered some things and not others. What I can tell you is that during the time you were in captivity, you were hurt. You were hurt a lot by three deranged masked men. You were a ten-year-old boy. All you thought about was that you were hurting. There was no reason for you to notice anything else.”

Perhaps she made sense. I didn’t know at this point. And besides, how was I going to find a guy with a birthmark that looked like Texas? Of course, I had found a guy with a phoenix tattoo and a guy missing a toe. And even though chances were good that they weren’t the right guys, I had a strong feeling they were.

Especially now that both of them had disappeared.

“How will I find that third one?”

“I wish I could tell you. I wish I could guarantee you that every criminal who ever did something heinous to a child would be brought to justice. But unfortunately, we don’t live in a perfect world. Many of them go free, and many of them are never caught.”

I knew the truth of her words all too well. “I can at least look for the other two.”

“Yes, if that will give you peace, by all means, try to find them. But don’t let that control your healing. Your healing has nothing to do with them being caught. Remember that.”

We had been through that before. “I’d like to believe that, Doc, but if I could beat those two into the next century, I think it would feel pretty damned good.”

“And then you’d spend the rest of your life in prison. Is that what you want?”

I shook my head. My whole life up until now had been a prison. And to be locked up? After what I’d been through? Oh, hell, no. “No. I want to live. I want a life. I want a life with Jade.”

“Then I think it’s time we discussed one other thing.”

“What’s that?”

“Have you thought about telling Jade? About what happened to you?”

I raked my fingers through my hair. Hell, yes, I’d thought of telling Jade. But it had been hard enough to tell Marjorie. And to see how it affected her. “I don’t know. My brothers and I just told our sister, and it didn’t go so well.”

“What you mean by that?”

“The way she reacted.”

“You mean she wasn’t supportive?”

“No, nothing like that. She just feels terrible about it. That’s the point. She’s been sad for days. Tiptoeing around me, like she doesn’t know what to say to me or how to act. Which is exactly what I was afraid of.”

“That’s a normal reaction. She’ll be fine. Just give her time.”

“But I can’t have Jade acting like that around me. Have her feeling sorry for me… God, Doc, I wouldn’t be able to take it.”

“Who’s to say she’ll react the same way?”

“You just said it’s a very normal reaction.”

“It is. But Jade isn’t your little sister. She didn’t grow up looking up to you, having you as a protector. For Marjorie, her strong older brother has suddenly become—”

“Just stop right there. Don’t say ‘an object of pity.’”

“No, of course not. What I was going to say is that you’ve become someone even stronger to her now. And she can’t bear the thought of you ever being in pain.”

“Why would Jade react any differently?”

“Oh, she’ll have the same kind of issues. She won’t want to think of you being in any kind of pain, because she loves you. But you’re an equal to her. You’re not her big brother. It’s a different relationship.”

“I just don’t want her to pity me.”

“Then tell her that. She loves you. She doesn’t want to hurt you, and if her pity would hurt you, she won’t do it.”

“Doc. Do you…pity me?”

“That’s a loaded question.” She sighed. “I feel very bad that you had to go through what you did. But this is my line of work, Talon. You’re not the first patient I’ve seen who suffered a trauma during childhood. And if it helps you, you’re not the worst case I’ve seen, either.”

Oddly, that didn’t help. Knowing innocent children had lived through worse than I had made me ill. “The person or persons who had a worse time than I did, did they heal? Did they come out of it?”

“Two of them did. And they’re leading very successful lives now. But there was one other.”

I didn’t like where this was going, but I had opened the door. “What happened?”

Dr. Carmichael’s eyes glistened. “She wasn’t strong enough. She took her own life.”

“God. I’m sorry, Doc.”

“It’s an eye-opening day for a therapist, when you realize that there are some people you just can’t help, no matter how hard you try. If I were perfect at my job, perhaps I could’ve helped her. Or perhaps no therapist on earth could have helped her. I’ll never know.”

“I’m so sorry.”

She sniffed. “It’s part of what I do. Not everything can be a success. Doctors lose patients. Businessmen don’t always get the deals they want. Lawyers lose cases. It’s no different for me. Therapists can’t help everyone.”

“Still…”

“It’s okay, Talon. I’ve made my peace with it. Or at least as well as I can. I have more successes than I do failures.”

“What do you think my outcome will be?”

“I think you’re going to be fine. I really do. You’ve come so far already.”

I rubbed my temple. “So now we’ve come full circle. It’s time to tell Jade.”

“Yes, I think it is.”

“What if she can’t deal with it? What if she leaves me?”

“I don’t think she will. But if you want to play the ‘what if’ game, what if she does? All that tells you is that she wasn’t the person you thought she was. And you’re better off knowing before you get in any deeper.”

“She’s told me that whatever it is it won’t matter to her. That nothing will ever make her stop loving me.”

“Then trust in that. Because if you want a relationship with her, you’re going to have to bare your soul.”

T
alon invited
me over Friday night for dinner. Although I had planned to drive up to the city to see my mom, my dad assured me that everything was fine and told me to have a good time with Talon. Plus, Marj would be in the city for cooking class, and she had promised to stop by to see my mother and give me a detailed report.

So I had relented. I hadn’t spent any solid alone time with Talon this week, and I was craving some.

As I was pulling into the ranch, I hoped I had made the right decision. I was determined not to pressure him for information, but if he would just talk to me, I could go back to Wendy Madigan and find out what was truly going on.

Talon and Roger greeted me at the door. I gave Talon a kiss on the lips and Roger a scratch behind the ears.

“It smells great.” I inhaled thyme and garlic. “Kind of like a French bistro.”

“Felicia made us chateaubriand for two, with green beans and potato gratin.”

“Sounds great.”

He smiled. “And don’t tell Ryan, but we’re having real French wine. Château Lascombes, from a very good year.”

I let out a small giggle. “My lips are sealed.”

He raised an eyebrow. “I hope not. I plan to make good use of those lips later.”

My skin tightened around me, and my core throbbed. It had been so long since we’d spent more than just a few minutes together.

“Come on.” He led me into the kitchen. “I’ll pour you a glass of wine.”

I followed. “Are we eating in your room again?”

He shook his head. “No, that didn’t go so well the last time, and I didn’t want to jinx tonight. We’re going to eat out on the deck.”

The evening was beautiful. A soft breeze was blowing as we stepped out onto the deck. Talon—or Felicia, probably—had set a lovely little table for two, complete with cloth napkins and sterling silverware. Fine bone china graced the place settings.

“Wow, beautiful,” I said.

“This is my mother’s wedding china. It’s supposed to be worth a fortune, but I don’t know. We hardly ever use it, but I wanted tonight to be special.”

“Every night we’ve spent together is special.” I lifted my glass and took a sip.

“How’s the wine?”

I let the liquid flow over my tongue and down my throat, so soft. “Don’t tell Ryan, but it’s amazing.”

“That’s probably because this bottle is nearly as old as Ryan himself.” Talon laughed.

“A vintage Bordeaux. I’m not sure I’ve ever had anything like this.”

“Stick with me, blue eyes, and you’ll have the best of everything.” He pulled me toward him and held me.

He didn’t try to kiss me. We just stood in each other’s arms for a few timeless moments.

His warmth surrounded me. This was where I was meant to be. With this man. Beside him. His partner going through life. I knew that in the depths of my soul, and though I knew Talon loved me, I still wasn’t sure whether he felt exactly the same way. He had so much to work through before we could truly be together.

But tonight was tonight. I wasn’t going to spoil it by worrying about where our relationship might be going or what it might not become. Tonight I wanted to enjoy a beautiful dinner with the man I loved. And then I wanted him to take me to his room and fuck me senseless.

Talon urged me to sit down, and then he took my plate and his back into the kitchen. A few moments later, he came back out with two steaming plates full of glorious French food. He bade me to wait another minute, and he came out with two plates of salad and a gorgeous baguette with some European butter.

Talon poured himself a glass of wine, rather than the bourbon I knew he usually preferred. He held up his glass. “To us, blue eyes.”

I followed suit and clinked his glass. “To us.”

I took another sip of the soft and luxurious wine. Yes, I could get used to living like this.

“Dig in, baby. There’s plenty.”

After a day of court appearances and no time to stop for lunch, I was famished. I cut a piece of the chateaubriand and dipped it in the sauce.

Oh my God, so good.

“I hope you know that’s Steel beef,” Talon said, winking.

“Of course. It’s the best, right?” I took another bite. So tender. So flavorful.

“This is the grass-fed beef too, blue eyes.”

“I didn’t know you raised grass-fed beef.”

“It’s a specialty line of ours. Joe knows more about it. For an operation as big as ours, it’s impossible to raise solely grass-fed beef, but it is better for you, and I think better-tasting. Although all of our beef is awesome.”

“It’s been awesome every time I’ve tasted it.”

“Tonight, I wanted the best. Grass fed and perfect for my baby.”

“So tell me,” I said. “When will those amazing Western slope apples and peaches be ready?”

“I am so glad you asked that, blue eyes. Everything’s looking good. And Felicia made you a surprise for dessert.”

“Oh my God. What?”

He smiled. “You just have to wait and see.”

The surprise turned out to be peach pie with Talon’s perfect Western slope peaches. I had never tasted anything better. He served me a light dessert wine with it that perfectly complemented the sweet peaches.

“How did I ever think I had tasted peaches before this?” I said, savoring my last bite of pie.

“There’s only one thing I can think of that tastes better than my peaches, blue eyes.”

“Yeah? What’s that?”

“You.”

My body heated. The way he was looking at me, I was sure my clothes were melting off from the heat in his gaze. His dark eyes, so full of promise, so full of passion. No one had ever looked at me the way Talon did.

He stood. “Come with me, blue eyes.”

“But you haven’t finished your pie.”

“I’ve got a taste for something better than pie.” He came to me, pulled me out of my chair, and picked me up in his strong arms. Then he walked down the stairs of the deck.

“Aren’t we going to your room?” I asked.

“I thought we’d start out here. Such a beautiful night.” When we walked below the deck, I spied something the railing had been hiding. An air mattress covered with a soft comforter had been spread out on the lawn. He had made a bed for us. It was the sweetest and sexiest thing I’d ever seen. I let out a sigh, my body melting.

“Talon, that’s just lovely.”

“Nothing’s too good for you, blue eyes.

Another bottle of wine and two glasses sat next to the little bed, along with a picnic basket. I couldn’t begin to guess what was inside of it. I was completely sated from dinner, couldn’t eat another bite. Unless it was a bite of Talon’s succulent flesh.

He took my hand and led me over. “I want to undress you, blue eyes. I want to peel every layer of clothing off of you until you’re naked, standing before me, offering yourself to me.

“But we’re out in the open, in plain view.”

“This is my ranch. No one can see us.”

“What about Ryan? In the guest house?”

“First of all, he’s half a mile away. And second, I’ve told him that if he dares come anywhere near this house tonight, I will kick his ass.”

I couldn’t help but smile.

He cupped my cheek, caressing it with his thumb. “You’re so beautiful, Jade. I’m going to undress you slowly. I’m going to savor every inch of you as you bare yourself to me.”

I sighed into his palm.

I had come straight from work, and I was wearing a form-fitting stretch dress. But he was not to be deterred. He slid the sleeves over my shoulders and down my arms, slithering the dress over my ample breasts, down my belly, and over my hips. Soon it was a puddle of forest green at my feet. I stood before him now, only in a pink bra and panties and my brown wedge sandals. I silently wished I had worn some black patent-leather stilettos. They would be so much sexier. Of course, I wouldn’t have been able to walk all day.

He raked his gaze over me, his eyes blazing with fire. “So beautiful,” he said again.

He unclasped my bra and removed it from me, tossing it onto the grass. My breasts fell against my chest, my nipples already hard for him.

Talon licked his lips.

And my body heated.

He skimmed my pink panties over my hips and down around my ankles. I stepped out of them.

“Lie down, blue eyes.”

I complied, and he unbuckled my sandals and removed them. My toes were painted a neutral reddish-brown.

“I’ve never told you how beautiful your feet are, baby.”

My feet were just feet. Certainly not my best feature, but not my worst, either. But here was this gorgeous man, worshiping them with his hands. He massaged them gently and then more firmly. I let out a sigh. It felt so good. He kissed each toe as he continued his massage. Then he began moving his hands up my calves, massaging my tired muscles and my thighs.

“Turn over, baby.”

I obeyed, and he continued his massage up my calves, up my thighs, kneading my hamstring and then up to my glutes.

Did he realize what he was doing? He had been in this position, getting a massage from me, when he’d flown off the handle that first time. When I’d…

When I had massaged his anus.

Oh, God.

He said something horrible had happened to him.

Had Talon been…raped? Twenty-five years ago? Dear God, he would’ve been only ten years old.

My eyes began to flood with tears, but still he was massaging me, groaning endearments to me, telling me how beautiful my body was.

I had to give him this. I had to let him make love to me as he wanted to, here, outside. I couldn’t let my fears of what might have happened to him in the past color this night.

He would tell me when he was ready.

He continued massaging up my back, and when he got to my shoulders, I couldn’t help but groan. Sitting at a desk all week, whether in my office or at the courthouse, took its toll on my shoulders. I needed to get out and exercise more.

As much as my body heated and throbbed, having him near me, this was more about comfort and love than it was about passion and desire. He was taking care of me, soothing me. And God, I loved him for it.

I was facedown, so he couldn’t do anything to my nipples, and he had avoided my pussy on the way up my body. Did he intend to make love to me tonight? It had sounded like that was his intention. He said he wanted to taste something better than the peach pie.

When he was done massaging my shoulders, he worked my neck and then brought his face down so his thick, wavy hair caressed my neck and my cheek.

“I don’t think I can explain to you how much you mean to me, blue eyes,” he said softly into my hair. “Sometimes I wake up, and I can’t believe there’s someone like you in the world. It gives me hope, you know?”

I had no idea how to respond to that. I was an ordinary girl—an ordinary girl that was a dime a dozen. There was nothing special about me.

As if reading my mind, he continued, “You
are
special, blue eyes. You’ve changed me. You’ve made me see things differently. You’ve made me want to be a better man. You’ve made me want to live.”

Live? Had he not wanted to live? Iraq… He had wanted to get killed in Iraq…

All these thoughts were jumbled in my head, a mass of cogitation that I couldn’t make sense of, especially not while he had calmed my body into a state of blissful relaxation.

“I’m going to be the man you deserve, Jade. I promise you.” He brushed his lips softly against my neck. “I promise you that.”

I turned over then and met his gaze. “I’ve never asked you to be anything other than who you are, Talon. You are everything to me.” And I spoke the truth.

“I want to make love to you, baby. I want to make love to you out here, in the beautiful outdoors. I want us to make love under the sunset, against the Rocky Mountains. And then, when the sky darkens, and we can see the stars, I need to talk to you.”

“I—” I clamped my lips shut.

“What?”

I shook my head. “Nothing.” I had been about to say he could talk to me now. But this had to go at his pace. He needed to be comfortable. Perhaps he needed to be with me, perhaps he needed to release, perhaps he just needed to feel the love the two of us shared. Whatever it was that he needed, I wasn’t going to stand in his way. I looked into his blazing brown eyes. “Please. Please, Talon. Make love to me.”