Power Play: A Novel (25 page)

She made hamburgers, a big bowl of pasta, and a salad. She poured the wine he had brought, and they had dinner on the deck. He had looked at the work in her studio while she was cooking, and the girls showed him their room and their favorite toys, and after dinner, they scampered off to play before bedtime, while he and Ashley talked.

“They’re an amazing pair,” he said with a look of admiration. “And you’re a great mom.”

“They’re great kids. I was barely more than a kid myself when I had them. I was a temporary receptionist in his office for a month, to make money for art school, and then I got involved with Marshall, and life happened. He was going to leave Liz then, before I had them, but he didn’t. And everything got complicated after that, and still is. We used to fight about it all the time, and lately I have been
putting pressure on him. It just screws everything up when I do. He asked me to wait another year.” She sounded sad as she said it.

“And you agreed?” Geoff asked with a look of regret. He was sorry for her.

“More or less. I started seeing a therapist recently, and I’m trying to take it day by day. Otherwise I just get worked up about it and upset myself. And there’s no point screwing up the little time we have together. It feels like real life when he’s here, and then I just kind of float the other five days.” And as she said it, it occurred to him that she was missing out on five-sevenths of her life while she waited for Marshall to return. It was a lot to miss. Seventy-five percent of her life was spent waiting for him, and a real life. He wondered what she’d think if he said it to her, or if she’d ever thought about it like that.

They talked about other things then, the writing he’d done, and the show he was going to be working on. And after a while, she went to put the girls to bed and let them skip their bath. She read them a story and turned out the light. Ashley and Geoff could hear giggles coming from the room for a while, and then they stopped, as he and Ashley continued to sit on the deck, and opened another bottle of wine. It was a warm night, and they never went inside. And they were both startled to realize that it was after midnight when they got up, and he said he had to leave. He had a meeting in the morning, and she had to get the girls to camp.

“I had a wonderful evening, Ash,” he said as she walked him to his car. He said he was staying at a hotel that was full of rock stars who partied all night and he couldn’t wait to get his own place. He turned to look at her in the moonlight, and he had never seen anyone as
beautiful in his life. She looked like a vision in the soft light, with her halo of hair around her face. And suddenly she didn’t look like a child to him anymore, just an exquisite woman, and he took her face in his hands and bent down to kiss her on the mouth, and before he knew what had hit him, he had put more passion in it than he meant to, and they were kissing, he was holding her close to him, and she was kissing him back. All the longing and tenderness that had sprung from their childhood found its way into their kiss now, and it was a long time before they stopped, and when they did, they both looked stunned. Neither of them had expected to do that, it had just happened spontaneously.

“Oh,” Ashley said to him in surprise. “What was that?”

“I’m not sure. But I think I just saw a white horse go by,” he said, trying to lighten the moment, and she laughed. But they weren’t twelve and thirteen anymore, and the kiss hadn’t been as innocent as he’d intended. It had been a real one, for them both. And she suddenly realized that she hadn’t kissed any man except for Marshall in eight years. And he could see that she felt guilty as she looked at Geoff. “I’m sorry, Ash … I don’t know what happened.” But he wasn’t sorry, and she didn’t look it either.

“I think I’m a little drunk,” she said softly as an excuse. They had finished two bottles of wine, but over many hours.

“I think I may be too,” he admitted, and then put his car keys in his pocket. “I think I’ll call a cab.”

They stood together, waiting for it to come, and he kissed her again, and neither of them used being drunk as an excuse. When the cab came, he hugged her and looked into her eyes.

“I’ll call you tomorrow,” he said, and kissed her again, lightly this time, and she waved as he drove away. And then she walked
quietly into the house wondering if he was a gift from destiny, or a temptation that had been put in her path, or just a strange coincidence of fate. She had no idea, and before she could figure it out, she was in bed and fell asleep instantly.

Ashley woke up the next morning with a terrible headache, and she groaned as she got up. The sun was too bright, the girls were too loud at breakfast, and her stomach was upset. And she remembered Geoff kissing her the night before with an acute pang of guilt. She was worried about Marshall cheating on her, and what she had done was almost as bad, or so it seemed to her. She had gotten carried away on their reminiscences and talking in the moonlight, and it was so easy being with Geoff. It had seemed so natural to kiss him, and she told herself it was the wine, but she wasn’t sure that was true.

After she dropped the girls off, she called Geoff from the car. He had picked up his car and was on his way to a meeting, and he sounded happy to hear from her.

“Are you mad at me?” he asked her immediately, and she sighed.

“No, I’m mad at myself. I shouldn’t have done that … but it was nice,” she said, and giggled, and he laughed. She felt like a kid and so did he. Twelve and thirteen, on a beach.

“Yeah, it was. I’d be lying if I told you I was sorry we did it. Actually, I’m glad,” he said honestly.

“Me too,” she admitted. It seemed so simple and carefree, until she thought about Marshall, and then it seemed wrong. But when she had been kissing Geoff, she only thought of him. “I haven’t kissed another man in eight years.”

“Maybe you should have.” He had to go into his meeting then. “Can I see you tonight?”

“No,” she said sadly. “Marshall is coming home. It’s Wednesday.”

“When will he leave?” Geoff sounded hopeful. He wanted to see her again. Soon.

“Friday morning. But Geoff, I’m not going to do that again. I’m not going to see someone behind his back. That’s no better than what he does, going back and forth between me and his wife, and lying to her.”

“We can be friends, then,” he conceded. “I promise I’ll behave. We’ll go easy on the wine.” She laughed at what he said. “I’ll call you Friday. Maybe we can do something with the kids this weekend. The beach, the zoo, whatever you do with kids that age.”

“We can go to my beach club. They love to swim.” It was fun having someone to do things with over the weekend. She never had anyone to spend weekends with, except Bonnie when she was free. Over the years, she had stopped seeing her friends, because her situation was so awkward and she didn’t want to explain it. “Good luck at your meeting.” Her head was still throbbing from the night before.

“Are you kidding? I had three Tylenol for breakfast and I feel like my head is going to fall off.”

“Yeah, me too,” she laughed. “Talk to you soon.” She drove home then, thinking about him, and when she got home, Marshall texted her. He had just gotten on the plane, and said he’d see her that night. He didn’t add “I love you,” which was unusual for him, and it made her feel guilty again. And worse when she thought of Geoff all day and the kiss the night before. She was wondering if she shouldn’t
see him on the weekend. It had been so wonderful to find him again, but now she was confused.

She felt as though she were on the spin cycle of a washing machine all day. Nothing felt right. She was impatient with the girls when she picked them up, and she had a headache until five o’clock, when she dropped them off at a babysitter. And at six, as she got out of the shower, Marshall walked through the door. He came upstairs to find her, and she was standing in her bathroom naked as he looked at her as though for the first time. And the moment she saw him, she knew how wrong she had been the night before. Marshall was staring at her, and he was seized by a tidal wave of passion. Knowing the girls weren’t there, he strode across the bedroom, and a moment later she was in his arms, and they were taken by such a powerful force that they both lay breathless afterward, wondering what had happened. It had been like the very first time, only better. It was as though he had poured his heart and soul into her, and he couldn’t pull away. He didn’t want to let go of her ever again, and when she looked at him, there were tears in his eyes and rolling down his cheeks.

“Darling, what’s wrong?” she asked him, and he just shook his head. He had come to end it with her, and the moment he saw her he knew he couldn’t. He had to have her in his life. There was no way he could give her up. She owned him, he was addicted to her, and they couldn’t stay as they were or he’d lose his job. If he wanted to keep his career intact, he had to give Liz up, but not Ash. Not now. He needed Liz for his career, but he needed Ashley for everything else. He sat up in bed then, and told her about the anxiety attack he had had on Monday, when he thought he was dying, and then she
saw the bruise in his groin. She hadn’t seen it before. They had started making love so quickly that she didn’t have time to look.

“Why didn’t you call me?” she said, sad that he hadn’t.

“I didn’t have time, it hit me so fast.”

“You could have called me the day after. You didn’t even text me. I just thought you were busy.”

“I was. I figured I’d tell you when I was here,” he said, but in truth he had already decided to end it with her, and didn’t want any contact with her until he got to L.A. And then everything had changed again when he saw her naked and had to have her. And he wanted her desperately again. He felt as though he had lost her for the past two days, and it was already more than he could bear.

“Do you know what brought it on?” She looked worried about his panic attack.

He did, but he didn’t want to tell her. “A combination of things. I had a meeting with the chairman of the board on Monday. Just the usual stress. I guess it got to me. I thought I was going to die,” he said, and she shuddered. And then what would have happened? she wondered. Who would have called her, since no one knew about her? She would have seen it on the morning news or read it in the paper. It was a horrifying thought that brought her situation into instant focus. She had never thought of his dying before. She didn’t say anything, but she looked upset when they went downstairs, and he was particularly sweet with the girls that night when the sitter dropped them off, and he read them bedtime stories and played with them for a while. The girls loved it when he came home. And afterward he and Ashley went upstairs and made love again. After what he had told her about Monday night, they were both desperate for
each other, as though clinging to life. They were both exhausted when they slept in each other’s arms that night, and emotionally drained.

And he lingered the next morning and waited until she got back from taking the girls to camp. She was surprised to see him still there.

“Are you feeling okay?” she asked him, concerned. Maybe he had overexerted himself, and would have another attack, but he shook his head.

“I have to talk to you,” he said quietly, and they went out on the deck.

“Is something wrong?” She had never seen him look like that before.

“It was. Not now. For us. I had a visit from the chairman of the board on Monday. They know about us, Ash. And after the business of the sexual harassment accusation, they don’t want another scandal. We got out of that one by the skin of our teeth, and they were very nice about it. But they don’t want a CEO who is at the epicenter of a scandal every five minutes. My job is on the line,” he said simply. This was serious business to him. As serious as it could get.

“They’re going to fire you because of me?” She didn’t understand and she looked shocked, but he shook his head.

“Not exactly. The chairman told me that they want me to clean up my act. They don’t care who I stay with, you or Liz, but they know about my double life. Apparently people in the office here figured it out, and some secretary who knew you. I guess people have seen us over the years. No one said anything to me, but it got back to the board. They either want me to leave Liz, or you. I came down here
to end it with you, Ash. That’s why I didn’t call you after the anxiety attack. I was going to tell you this morning that it was over for us. But now I can’t.”

“
After
you spent the night with me?” She looked horrified by what he’d just said, and the timing of it hadn’t escaped her.

“I thought we could have one last night, and then say goodbye.” He was being brutally honest with her, as he never had been before. He had wanted that last night before he told her, which was so unfair and so selfish.

“And what about our girls?” Ashley looked panicked at the reality of what he was saying. He’d been planning to leave her.

“I have a provision for the girls in my will, and for you,” he explained. “I took care of that seven years ago.”

“Would you see them if you left me?” Her eyes looked sad that she even had to ask him. She felt as though she didn’t know him anymore.

“Of course. Eventually. I hadn’t figured that out. I just knew that I had to end it with you, or my career at UPI is over. They made that clear. But when I saw you yesterday, I knew I couldn’t do that. I can’t live without you. So I’m going to tell Liz that I’m divorcing her. It’s either that, or my job,” he said miserably. He felt sorry for Liz, but there was nothing else he could do. He had to end it with one or the other. He couldn’t with Ashley, he had discovered, so it had to be Liz.

“And you’re divorcing her?” He nodded. “Then why couldn’t you do that for me? What about Lindsay’s senior year, and your other kids, and all the reasons you gave me?”

“Lindsay’s senior year is going to be a lot more unpleasant if her father is out of a job.” Ashley knew he didn’t need the money, but he
needed the food for his ego, and the power, and everything that went with it. That was what this was all about, not his love for her, or Liz.

“And what if she changes your mind when you tell her? If she begs you, or threatens to kill herself?”