Precious Embrace (Embrace Series) (24 page)

Chapter Thirty-Six

Johnny arched against her, forcing out a cry of relief. “Johnny…I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He gripped her hands above her head and she tried to free herself. She wanted to touch him. “I love you…just…let me.”

He bit her jaw and pushed against her. Ali’s mind went blank and she felt nothing but his body pressed hard on hers. Nothing else mattered, the cool grass, the darkness, his painful moans as he moved against her, the strong grip on her hands, it all felt like relief to her.

When she cried his name again, he abruptly let her go. “I’m sorry!” He lifted up and moved to her side. “Fucking—shit! I’m sorry!” he said holding his hands out. 

“No!” She grabbed him and pulled him back down on top of her. Now her hands were all over him, his face, his hair, neck, arms, chest, and then buttons. “I missed you so much,” she cried, trying not to sob at how incredible he felt. Ali finally got tired of tugging at his buttons so she grabbed his shirt and ripped it open then tugged it down passed his shoulders.

Johnny yanked his shirt off and came at her full force again. Before Ali realized what was happening, she was free of her shirt and bra. “I need you,” he breathed taking her mouth again as he unbuttoned her jeans. “I need you
right now
…” His mouth locked on her nipple and she arched up, loving the feel of his hot tongue on her skin. She tried to squirm out of her pants, but her hands were shaking so bad she couldn’t do it. Johnny gripped them and tugged them off in one swipe then kicked his jeans off before pushing his fingers inside her.

She writhed on the grass, her very soul screaming in relief at his touch, but wanting so much more of him. The days without him had been miserable. She never wanted to go through that again.

“How’s that for fighting—are you convinced I love you now,” Johnny grunted.

Ali nodded unable to find her voice.

“You know who you belong to?” He bit down on her shoulder, then her lobe.

“Johnny…” She cried gripping his shoulders with her eyes squeezed shut.

“That’s right, my sweet Alison.” When he pushed inside her, she wasn’t expecting it. She tightened instantly and lifted up against his force.

He pounded her, grinding madly. Ali couldn’t get close enough to him. She wanted to crawl inside him, and become a part of him. “John… Johnny,” she cried. “I missed you so much.”

“Prove it,” he said. “Open your eyes. I want you to see me when you come and know who’s inside you.”

She did as he said and opened her eyes. Johnny pushed harder and she lost it in a long wave of fire that left her shuddering, almost sobbing. His intense eyes never faltered and she fought to keep their gazes locked—to prove her love and show him how much he meant to her. Another wave washed over her in a surge of pleasure so intense she thought she’d come undone. He pounded again and kept pounding her until the tension built in his hips. He jutted forward one last time hard enough to force another cry from her. Then he lost it, grunting and pulsing until he collapsed on top of her.

The release of tension and the realization of how close she came to losing him nearly broke Ali. She curled into his chest and let her tears fall. After several minutes and when Johnny had caught his breath, he said, “Sweetheart…did I hurt you?”

She shook her head and gripped him tight, afraid to let go.

“It is okay, darlin’, relax a little or I’m going to have to make love to you again in the grass.”

“I love you,” she sobbed. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too, sweetheart. I guess we both have a lot to learn.” He cupped her face in his hands. “I missed you so much…I’ve been miserable without you.”

“Me too,” she sniffled then shuddered against him as goose bumps broke out on her skin.

“Come on, we need to get inside before the neighbors see us naked.” Johnny helped her get dressed, but even then, she couldn’t stop her tears from flowing.

Johnny sent Ali inside while he put the fire out. When he got back inside, he found her standing over the couch looking at the blankets piled there. “Who’s been here?” she asked.

“No one.”

“You’re sleeping on the couch again?” When he didn’t respond, she turned to look at him. Tears had dried on her cheeks.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

She nodded. “Why are you sleeping on the couch?”

Johnny looked down at his feet and plucked at his ripped shirt. “I think you ruined my shirt.”

“Johnny?”

He waited another moment, feeling a little foolish. “It smells like you…I couldn’t stand to sleep in there without you.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“Stop saying that.” His eyes met hers. “I had some fault in this too, but we need to decide if this is what we want. I can’t keep doing this. Are we for real, is this it—or are we straddling the fence?”

Ali gave a watery chuckle. “Johnny, I’ve been married twice—“

“Not this again—I don’t care about tha—“

Ali smacked his face, not hard, but enough to get his attention. And it worked. “—Hey.”

“Don’t interrupt me.” She placed a finger over his lips. “As I was saying, I’ve been married twice and I’ve never been more in love than I am with you.” She removed her finger. “…without you, I can’t function.”

Johnny pulled her closer and held her for a long time. Ali laid her head on his chest and her breathing synchronized with his.

“In a million years I could never explain how hard it is for me to completely open up to you.” She took a shuddering breath and said, “With so many failures…I feel sure another is guaranteed, but I want to get past my fears and embrace this relationship.”

He couldn’t respond without completely losing his grip so he held her and waited for this head to clear so he could talk without whimpering like an idiot.

“Aren’t you going to say anything?” she asked into the silence.

“Thank God,” he breathed. “I am just as useless without you.” He kissed the top of her head then leaned back, keeping his hands on her shoulders. “We need to come to an agreement on this Carl thing. He’s not worth all this fighting.”

“I know, I tried to tell you that, but you wouldn’t listen.”

He slid his hands down her arms and withdrew to give her some distance. “I know you don’t think he’s dangerous, but I need to follow my gut and my gut tells me not to trust him with you or Micah—”

“And so does mine.” She wrung her hands and said, “He scared me when he came over…not himself. I don’t know what’s gotten into him.”

Johnny grabbed her wringing hands and said, “He’s desperate. Losing you is a difficult thing to face. I can relate to that a little bit now.” His heart grew heavy at the confirmation that the situation with Carl had gotten more volatile. “Did he do something, did he try to hurt you, Ali.”

“No…well, he just grabbed my arm, but I shook him off and kicked him out.” Ali closed her eyes for a moment and said, “I sent him away, told him he couldn’t have visitation. But you didn’t trust me enough to believe I could do that.”

“Babe, don’t you see—that’s all the more reason you should have told me.” Johnny lifted her chin, forcing her eyes to open and meet his. “I can’t protect you and the boys when I don’t know what’s going on.”

She nodded and said, “I know I should have told you, but I just wanted to forget about it. Get him out of my mind and move on.”

“I’m sorry…I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you when we were fighting. I shouldn’t have thrown all my demands at you without considering what you were going through.” He tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and pulled out a few pieces of grass. “I’ll start listening if you stop hiding things.”

“Okay.” Ali’s chin quivered when she said it.

“You want me to respect you, but that’s a two way street, darlin’.”

“I know—I won’t do anything like that again.”

“Ali, I want to be a family with you. I want us to be a family.” He repeated it to make sure she understood. “If you don’t want me to have that equally with you then this isn’t going to work. We have to make these decisions together.”

Ali nodded as a tear ran down her cheek.

“You can’t expect me to idly sit back while you ‘
make decisions for your kids
’,” he said, quoting her words. Johnny felt the jab again when he remembered the dismissal.

She nodded again and said, “And you can’t just walk out when I say something you don’t like. If you’re with me then be with me and fight alongside me—or against me if you have to, but don’t just give up and walk away.”

Johnny lifted his chin and nodded. “I know, you’re right, that was chicken shit of me to do that.”

“I’m afraid to tell you what I think because you might leave again.”

“Don’t be afraid—I promise I won’t do that again.”

She squeezed his hand. “I promise too.”

Johnny embraced her again for a few moments then pulled another piece of grass out of her hair. “Sweetheart, I think we need to take a shower, you’re covered in grass and I smell like beer.”

“And smoke…” she said wrinkling her nose. Johnny chuckled and pulled her to the bathroom.

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Ali stood in her bathroom, applying makeup to the dark circles around her eyes. After a few more swipes with the brush, she pulled back and examined her work. Better…not gone completely, but better. She ran her fingers through her hair, and lifted for some volume. At least she felt better than she looked.

A flutter rose in her stomach, fear lingered, and she hadn’t slept well the last few weeks, but she was ready to get out of the house and get some fresh air. She wouldn’t allow fear to cripple her. She needed to get herself together and face the world. She was tired of being afraid. She was so tired of staring at these same four walls and hiding behind her locked door and alarm system. Yesterday she ventured out to the grocery store and the bank alone with Micah, and today she was trying again to get out and relax.

Johnny hadn’t gone home since they’d worked things out. After she’d told him what Carl did, he was freaked out enough to insist on staying with her and the boys. She didn’t think it was a good idea to have a man over when Jamie was home, but she had to concede. Johnny wasn’t just any man. He had become a part of their family and she knew it was just a matter of time before they made it official. She’d found her love…her one love…and she wasn’t about to let him go. She smiled at herself in the mirror, so happy even after everything she’d been through, and she wouldn’t change her life right now for anything.

Ali drove downtown with a sense of hyperawareness. Uneasiness coiled in her stomach, but she tried with all her might to ignore it. Nothing could erase the fact that the people who had taken her son were still out there. If she didn’t get a handle on this fear soon, they’d have her committed. She grinned at that and shook her head.
It’s okay, just lunch with a friend
.

She parked in the lot adjacent to the restaurant, and slid out of the car, her eyes scanning the lot. Then she clicked the car seat from the back and snapped it into the stroller.

She rushed around the corner and saw Julie waiting for her at the front entrance of Ramona’s Café.

“Hi,” Julie said, waving and then reaching in for a tight hug. “I’m so happy to see you two out and about.”

Ali breathed a sigh of relief, relaxing in Julie’s company. She chuckled at her paranoia and said, “It’s so good to see you. It’s such a nice day, let’s sit on the patio.”

They took their table and both ordered. When the waitress delivered their ice teas, Julie bent down to coo at Micah in his stroller. “I can’t believe what a happy baby he is after everything he’s been through,” Julie said, sitting back up. “Brian doesn’t say much about it. Have they made any progress in the investigation?”

Ali set her glass down and nodded. “They’ve gotten some good leads on the new enhanced digital images of the two kidnappers. Nothing solid yet. I imagine they’re hiding, but the FBI has gotten some calls and they’re watching a few different areas.”

“Wow…Ali, do you worry about it happening again?” Julie waved a hand and said, “I don’t want to freak you out, but aren’t you scared?”

Ali felt her face heat, she lowered her eyes and said, “Scared to death…but I’m trying to move on. Nobody thinks Micah is in any serious danger since they returned him unharmed. Agent Peters said they must have gotten too nervous with the high reward and media attention.”

Julie leaned forward and whispered, “Do they still suspect Carl?”

Ali pursed her lips with a nod and said, “I think so. They don’t talk to me about him much.” She shrugged. “I’m tired of trying to figure Carl out. I have absolute faith in the investigation team and if Carl’s involved, they’ll find out soon enough.”

“I’m so sorry this happened to you and Micah, Ali.”

Ali tried to smile. “We’re okay, Julie. I’m blessed in so many ways…I can’t let this shadow all the great things in my life.”

They stopped talking when the waitress brought out their lunches. Ali inhaled, the luscious little veggie quiche smelled so good. She loved this café but had to stop coming here when she started working in the city. It was a relief to know she’d be back in town when she returned to work.

Ali ate her lunch in complete bliss. The fresh air, the delicious food and strong ice tea were exactly what she needed to reboot. It irritated her that she was spending her last few days off from work hiding. She needed to enjoy it. Take Micah and Jamie to the park, get outside. Rejoin her yoga group. Stop hiding and stop dwelling on all the things that might happen and start living her life again.

“I’m getting Erin from school this afternoon and going to the mall for some shopping. Are you up for shopping yet?” Julie said.

“Actually, I have a big dinner planned for Johnny.” She grinned in spite of herself. “He’s been taking such good care of me and the house with everything that’s happened. I wanted to cook something special for him.”

Julie’s eyes widened. “Oh that sounds nice.” Julie closed her eyes for a moment and said, “It must be nice that he comes home for dinner. Brian and I haven’t had a meal together in weeks.”

“Oh, Julie…that must be my fault. He’s working overtime on Micah’s case. I’m sorry.”

“Ha!” Julie laughed without any trace of humor. “No.” She lowered her eyes. “He always works overtime, even before.” She waved a dismissive hand and said, “It’s not a big deal. He’s dedicated. I can’t fault him for that. I’m thinking about dragging him on vacation. I’ve been looking into this little Mexican resort.”

“That sounds like a great idea.”

“Yeah…I think he’ll go for it,” Julie said. “How about shopping next week?”

“Yeah, maybe I’ll try the mall next week. I’ll call you and we can make a date.”

“Call Melissa, maybe she’ll make the drive up from Berkeley too?”

“I’ll ask. I’m so glad you two are friends again,” Ali said signing the charge slip for lunch.”

“Me too, I missed her.” Julie stood and leaned over to coo her goodbye to Micah.

“I’m parked this way,” Julie said poking her thumb over her shoulder.

“Okay,” Ali said hugging her. “Thanks for having lunch with me, Jules. I’ll call you about shopping next week. Give Brian my love.”

“I will, call me if you need anything, Ali.”

Ali nodded then turned to walk into the parking lot toward her car. She couldn’t help but move her head back and forth as she pushed Micah’s stroller.

At the car, she took Micah out of the stroller then strapped him into the car seat before stowing the stroller in the trunk. As she slid into the driver’s seat someone came up beside her. He grabbed her arm and pushed her sideways.

“Move over.” It was a hushed whisper but Ali recognized the voice instantly.

“Carl, what—no!” Ali grunted yanking her arm back. “Get awa—”

“Move over,” he said through his teeth as he jammed something into her ribs under her arm. “Now.”

Ali looked up into his face and a chill brushed over her skin at the look in his eyes. She slowly lifted her body and slid over the console between the seats as Carl lowered himself into the driver’s seat waving a gun at her.

She glanced around the parking lot, hoping someone had noticed their struggle, but it was deserted. “What are you doing?”

“Taking you on a trip,” Carl said as he angled the car out of the parking lot.