President's Girlfriend 06 - The Sins of the Fathers (20 page)

LaLa knew
Gina spoke the truth.
 
She was tested
throughout the course of her pregnancy and the baby was tested after birth, but
Gina was telling the truth.
 
She
understood every word she was saying.
 
And not long ago, if it was somebody else’s man, she would have agreed
with what Gina was saying.
 
But it was no
longer just some random man they were complaining about.
 
This was her husband.
 
The father of her child.
 
It wasn’t easy like that anymore.

Gina knew
her friend was hurt.
 
Beyond hurt.
 
Devastated, even.
 
But the worse thing she could do, Gina felt,
was to pretend this wasn’t as bad as it was.
 
Because this was bad.
 
Crader didn’t just want that woman, he wanted
her raw.
  
He wanted her raw when he knew
he was having unprotected sex with LaLa and was about to marry LaLa.
 
That was disturbing on every level.
 
He didn’t think enough of her to cover
up?
  
This was messed up.
 
Gina wasn’t going to allow her best friend, a
woman she loved like family, to minimize this.

She pulled
LaLa into her arms.
 
And LaLa cried in
those arms.

Dutch leaned
back, crossed his legs, and allowed the two friends to comfort each other.
 
He knew that his wife didn’t fully appreciate
how tough it was for a man to remain faithful, and how it was a daily
struggle.
 
But every word she spoke to
her friend was nothing but the truth.
 
Crader’s behavior was not only morally bankrupt, but he could have
endangered the lives of his family.
 
And
that, in Dutch’s view, was inexcusable.

LaLa
eventually sat erect again, and wiped her nose again.
 
She was getting a headache from crying so
much.

“But you
know what’s even worse about this whole thing?” she asked after blowing her
nose, her eyes still puffy and red.

“What could
possibly be even worse?” Gina asked her.
 

“It’s this
feeling of inadequacy that I can’t shake.
 
It’s this feeling of inevitability.
 
Like, why wouldn’t he cheat on me?
 
Every man I’ve ever known has cheated on me.
 
Each and every one of them.
 
Why wouldn’t Crader do it, too?
 
That’s how I honestly feel right now.
 
I’ve never been that one special lady in any
man’s eyes, not really.
 
I mean, I look at
you, Dutch, and the way you look at Gina, and I’ve never had that.”

Dutch’s
heart broke for LaLa.
 
“What Crader did
was deplorable, Loretta,” he said to her.
 
“But I know he loves you.”

LaLa began
shaking her head.
 
“No,” she said
pointblank, refusing to ever again play those games.
 
“Not the way you love Gina he doesn’t.
 
Because you can’t love somebody the way they
deserve to be loved and sleep with somebody else.
 
I just refuse to believe that can
happen.
 
The idea that I would be in love
with my husband but go and let some other man put his thang up in me?
 
No way.
 
I could never do that.
 
Not ever!”

Tears began
to reappear.
 
“But Crader did it to me
twice, Dutch.
 
He cheated on me at least
twice that I know of.
 
Just like Dempsey
cheated more than once and Jason and Michael and Patrick and every man I’ve
ever been with.
 
Every relationship I’ve
ever had ended because the man cheated.
 
Every one.
 
That has
to be some kind of record.”

She
attempted to smile, they all did, but not one of them could pull it off.

“But it
makes me wonder too,” LaLa continued, her face puzzled, confused.
 
“It makes me wonder how many more times do I
have to be dumped on before I realize these men see me as
trash?
”

“Don’t say
that,” Gina said painfully.

“But it’s
the truth, G!
 
It’s the truth! For once
in my life I’m facing the truth!
 
I’m not
pretty enough.
 
I’m not smart
enough.
 
I’m not sophisticated
enough.
 
There’s something that’s not
enough about me!”

Dutch
quickly leaned forward, his elbows on his knees, his heart about to pound out
of his chest.
 
“Loretta, look at me,” he
said to her.

“Please
don’t tell me I’m over-exaggerating because I’m not.
 
Please don’t tell me that I’m this exotic
beauty that any man would want because that’s not true either.
 
There’s something about me that’s lacking and
these men see it in me and exploit it in me and then dump me!”

“Look at
me,” Dutch said again, his voice calm, measured.

LaLa, who
respected Dutch above all others, looked at him.
 
It was obvious that she was ready to dismiss
anything even he had to say, but she looked at him.

“There is an
inadequacy,” he admitted, which caused Gina to look at him, too.
 
“But it’s Crader’s inadequacy,” he
added.
 
“Not yours.
 
You didn’t do anything but be an excellent
fiancé, and then an excellent wife and mother to that man.
 
You have nothing to hang your head down
about.
 
And you’re right: men can be
superficial pricks.
 
I hear you.
 
But don’t you dare think it’s because of
you.
 
Look at all of those beauty queen
movie stars.
 
Their men cheated on them
too.
  
Had babies by
other women, too.
 
The whole nine.
 
I’m
talking beauty queens like Halle Berry here.
 
And these men didn’t always cheat on them with other beauty queens,
either.
 
Some of those women they cheated
with looked like pure hags!
 
I mean they
looked horrid.
 
Because
it’s not about the woman, Loretta.
 
It’s never about the woman.
 
It’s
about the man, and his own self-esteem.”

LaLa,
however, still wasn’t convinced.
 
“But
you know Crader.
 
He’s full of
confidence.
 
He
 
doesn’t
have self-esteem issues.”

“Yes, he
does,” Dutch made clear.
 
“Every man
does.
 
I do.”

LaLa stared
at Dutch.
 
Was he saying this just to
make her feel better?
 
Or was he speaking
the truth?
 
“You?”

“Yes, me.
 
I used to spread it around too.
 
Crader has nothing on me.”

“But then
you met Gina and stopped thinking about doing anything like that.”

“That’s not
true, either,” Dutch admitted.

Gina looked
at her husband.

“So what
you’re saying,” LaLa asked, “is that you’ve cheated on Gina since y’all been
together?”

“What I’m saying,”
Dutch said, “is that the fault doesn’t lie with you.
 
There are no easy answers here.
 
It’s complicated.
 
It’s almost mind-boggling how complicated
this man/woman thing can be.
 
It’s not
even about sex half the time.
 
It’s all
about feeling of value to more than one person so that you can value
yourself.
 
Men are supposed to be the
stronger sex, but when it comes to love and emotions and dealing with both, we
couldn’t be any weaker.”

“You’re
Crader’s best friend.
 
You love him.”

“I love him
dearly,” Dutch said.
 
“That’s why I’m so
upset with him.”

LaLa
continued to stare at Dutch.
 
“Should I
divorce him, Dutch?” she asked with a plea in her voice.
 
“Will he ever change?”

Dutch shook
his head, a distressed look piercing his stark green eyes.
 
“I can’t answer that for you, my
darling.
 
You know I can’t answer
that.
 
But I’ll say this:
 
Crader is a grown-ass man.
 
He’s my age for crying out loud.
 
The idea that he still has to change, at his
age, should answer that question for you, Loretta.
 
Because you said it best.
 
You have got to face the truth.”

Dutch’s
words hit LaLa like a sledgehammer.
 
And
they just sat there, the three of them, realizing, by different degrees, the
implications of those words.

Until knocks were heard on the door, and the usher stepped inside.

“Excuse me,
Mr. President, but the vice president is downstairs and asks permission to come
up to the Residence to see his wife.”

LaLa looked
crestfallen.
 
She was already shaking her
head.
 
“No,” she said to Dutch.
 
“I can’t.”

Dutch
nodded.
 
Looked at his
usher.
 
“I’ll handle it,
thank-you,” he said, and the usher left.

Crader stood
impatiently in the empty waiting room.
 
Although he had carte blanche throughout the White House, nobody was
allowed to go up to the Residence without First Family permission.
 
And apparently, he realized after he was left
waiting, Dutch wasn’t giving his permission.

He knew it
for a fact when Dutch entered the lobby looking oddly casual in his jeans and
sweat shirt.
 
Crader hurried to his best
friend.
 
He looked horrible, Dutch
thought.

“Are they
okay?”

“No, they’re
not okay, Crader.
 
Of course they’re not
okay!
 
But they’re with me.”

“I’ve got to
see her, Dutch.”

“No.”

“I’m going
to go mad if I can’t see her!”

“Not
tonight, Crader.
 
You aren’t seeing her
tonight.”

Crader took
umbrage.
 
“You can’t stop me from seeing
my wife!” he shouted.
 
“She’s my wife!”

Dutch just
stood there, looking at him.
 
Crader then
moved away, raking his fingers through his hair, moving like a wounded animal
caged in a wide open space.
 
Then he
looked at Dutch.
 

“What am I
going to do?” he asked his friend, pain in his voice. “I can’t lose LaLa!”

Dutch wanted
to tell him he should have thought about that before he went to bed with
Elvelyn, but he didn’t go there.
 
Crader
already knew the stakes.
 
“Go home,
Cray,” he said instead.
 
“This is going
to take time.”

“You should
have seen her face when I told her.”
 
Crader himself was staring into space, lost in his own disbelief.
 
“At first it was as if she thought I was
pulling her leg.
 
It was as if she
couldn’t accept it, she just couldn’t.
 
As if she was . . . stunned witless.
 
Then, when it dawned on her that I was actually telling her what an
asshole she had married, she went into a kind of lost horizon.
 
Like she couldn’t figure out how I could ever
do something like that to her.
 
It was as
if . . .” Crader looked at Dutch, his eyes troubled and distressed.
 
“She believed in me, Dutch.
 
And I blew it.”

Dutch’s
heart dropped for his friend.

“What am I
going to do?” Crader asked again.
 
“I
can’t lose LaLa.”

Dutch
realized they would get no-where with this.
 
It was a terrible situation and there was no other way around that
fact.
 
“Go home, Cray.
 
Go back to Blair House.
 
Work from there.
 
There’s nothing you can do here tonight.”

“But will
you at least talk to her?
 
Will you tell
her I didn’t mean . . . That I . . .
”
 
Crader
didn’t know what to say.

Dutch
exhaled.
 
“Go home, Cray.
 
You’ve got to give Loretta time to think,
there’s no two ways about this.
 
You’ve
got to give her time to decide what she wants to do.”