Pretending Hearts (12 page)

Autumn looked past me to the doors where Levi had disappeared through. “Do you know him?”

“Just met him tonight,” I replied shortly. “I think he took pity on me after assuming I was homeless and trying to squat in the library.”

Autumn’s smile didn’t reach her eyes. “Rough day?”

“That’s an understatement,” I said with a sigh. “Have you talked to my brother?”

She nodded and picked up one of my bags set at my feet. I grabbed the rest of my bags before we both walked away from the library to Autumn’s car. I matched her stride and we arrived in seconds to her car. As I shoved the last bag into her back seat, Autumn finally spoke. “Your brother is…” she hesitated and seemed to search for an appropriate adjective. “Impenetrable. He doesn’t get bothered what people say about him.”

I nodded. I had always been jealous of my brother’s ability to not let rumors affect him. He would only care if the words brought harm to the people he loved. Namely, Autumn and myself.

“And you? How are you holding up?” I asked.

Autumn looked tired as she regarded me. Our bloated history was there in her eyes. She didn’t trust my concern and I didn’t blame her. The last time we’d spoken, I basically called her a liar and told her she had no future with Blake. But when I phoned from the library, she hadn’t hung up. She hadn’t even expressed shock over hearing from me. She had only asked what was wrong.

“I hate the feeling I’m being judged again," said Autumn. "People read these magazines and they twist my relationship with Blake into a hateful thing.” She groaned and shook her head. “My family has been through enough and I know how much my parents are bothered when they see the stories and pictures printed about me.”

Leave it to Autumn to think about her parents before herself. My brother had offered her a nice cushy life with him in Baltimore and she had turned him down. Instead, she was staying at Cook to finish out her degree to become a social worker. I didn’t know if I should admire her or shake my head at her stupidity.

She started the car and put it in reverse. She gave me a sidelong glance as she asked, “What happened tonight? All you said on the phone was you had a fight with your roommate. Was the fight about the article?”

I leaned back into the cushioned seats of the car. “Georgie thought I should’ve been upfront about my dad’s ex-con status. Her theory is the daughters of felons should be only allowed single rooms. She figures I’d be accustomed to the notion of solitary confinement.” Autumn’s spine straightened as she listened. When she didn’t respond, I added, “Wyatt read the article and dumped me.”

“Are you upset?”

I snorted. “Yes, I’m bummed because I spent over a hundred bucks on the new line of husband-hunting lingerie at Victoria’s Secret.”

Autumn cracked a small smile and I was relieved to find she had a sense of humor. She bit back the smile and said, “Honestly, I can’t say I’m sad things ended between you and Wyatt. You can do so much better than some over-privileged asshole with a big bank account and a small mind.”

“Well, thanks… I guess.” I gave her a shy look. “Look, about the way I acted when you came to my dorm room—”

She didn’t let me finish. “Delia, we don’t have to talk about it. I was pissed off about the things you said, but my mom always told me to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes before getting mad.” She let out a long breath before saying, “Your brother lied to me. For months, he pretended to be a random super-hot guy I happened to meet at a party.” I held back a laugh because of the seriousness of her voice. My brother was far from some super-hot guy. He was the one who tried to cheer me up the summer I had mono by coming to my room and playacting a parody he called “Fart Wars.”

Autumn continued on. “I was hurt by the way he lied, but I found a way to empathize. I found a way to see that to him I was always the enemy. I was the girl who broke apart his family. He lied to me because he thought I was the liar. And while trying to get to the truth, he fell in love with me.

“But I never expected you to accept what I have with your brother. From an outside perspective, Blake and I don’t make sense. But regardless of whether or not we should be together—we are. And I love him. And when you love someone the way I love your brother, you fight for your relationship. No matter how many times people try to tear apart what we have, I will keep fighting.”

I nodded my head in acceptance although the truth was a bitter pill. I had nurtured my dislike of Autumn for years. My hatred was exquisite and by calling her, I was letting go of a bit of the hatred. I was voicing my uneasy acceptance of her in my life.

“I’ve always had Blake,” I started. “No matter how fucked up things got at home, I knew I could call my brother and he’d come to fix whatever mess my parents created.” I turned away from Autumn’s sad brown eyes. “When Georgie kicked me out today, I felt so alone. Blake’s not here to pick up the pieces and I have no one else to turn to. The sad thing is you’re the closest thing I have to a friend.”

“Well, I’m glad I can help.” She lightened her tone and added, “Maybe I can win some brownie points with your brother. And hopefully my good deed will keep him away from all those blondes on the road.”

I grimaced. “Okay, I was a little shit for saying those things. And I appreciate that you didn’t rat me out.”

“I try not to worry Blake.” She squirmed a bit in her seat as she turned the wheel of the car. “To be honest, I didn’t tell him I was upset about the story printed today. Football is draining him—mentally and physically—and I don’t want him to rush back here and…”

“Fix things,” I supplied. “I get it. So please don’t tell him about Wyatt and Georgie. I’ll say I wanted to live off-campus and decided to take him up on his offer to stay in his apartment.” As she pulled into Blake’s apartment complex, I asked, “Are you sure this is okay? Have you been sleeping here?”

Autumn shook her head. “No. I’m on campus with Casey. Blake left me the keys to the apartment and his old car as well.”

“He didn’t get rid of that POS when he got the Land Rover?”

“He’s sentimental about the car. He says he keeps it as a reminder of what he came from.” The reminder came in the form of a ten-year-old Chevy with the body of a seventy-year-old.

I rolled my eyes. “Oh brother. I think all of those inspirational sports movies he watched growing up messed with his brain.”

“Well his romanticizing of his car has worked out for you. You’ll be able to get back and forth to campus without any problems.” Autumn turned off the car and hopped out. We opened the rear doors and began to collect my things.

I yawned as she led me up the pathway to the apartment door. She unlocked the apartment and turned on the hall light. She gestured me forward. She looked a little lost as she examined the space. I imagined how sad she must’ve felt being in Blake’s apartment without him. I wasn’t surprised she had chosen to stay on campus with friends.

Luckily, my brother had left most of his furniture behind when he moved out. The apartment was a two-bedroom unit with an adjoining kitchen, dining room and living room. He had shared the apartment with his roommate Darrien until Darrien graduated and moved to New York for his job. Blake had left a few months later to head to his Baltimore apartment. I assumed Blake kept the apartment to have a love nest with Autumn once football season ended. The apartment wasn’t a permanent solution, but it would solve my immediate problem of refusing to live with the hateful Georgie.

Autumn lingered at the doorway as I did a quick walkthrough of the apartment. Blake and Darrien’s respective bedrooms were fully furnished and I decided to place my belongings in Darrien’s old room. Blake had left a lot of his crap behind and I didn’t want to hijack his room in case he came home for a visit. The mattress in the spare bedroom had been stripped bare, but I was sure I could locate a clean set of sheets to use until I picked up more of my essentials from the dorm.

Returning to the foyer, I gave Autumn an expectant look. I was at a loss for how to make the awkwardness between us disappear. I was thankful for her help, but we both likely realized my limited options had led me to seek her out. “You’re probably exhausted. I know I am.” I rubbed my eyes before checking the clock on the wall. It was after two in the morning.

“Okay.” Autumn hesitated and seemed to take a minute to study me. She added, “I don’t know if you have plans on Sunday, but Blake is playing Cleveland. If you’d like to watch the game with me…” Autumn’s voice trailed off. She was extending an olive branch and I had the choice to either reach for it or smack it away.

I shifted from side to side before I answered. “Sure. Do you want to come over here?”

Autumn smiled. “That sounds great. Do you mind if Casey comes too? She never misses a game. She scouts the players for potential guys for Blake to hook her up with.”

“Okay, should be fun.”

I didn’t know whether hanging out with Autumn would constitute as fun, but since I had zero friends at the moment, my options for social interaction were limited. Why not watch her and her bestie pant over my brother and his teammates in their uniforms?

I caught bits and pieces of Blake’s games, which probably made me one of the worst sisters in the world. But in my defense, Blake was a rookie and didn’t start for the Warriors. I could catch his highlights online without having to spend three plus hours glued to the TV.

“Are you sure you’re going to be fine here?” Autumn asked leveling me with a concerned stare.

“Yes. I’m good.”

She accepted my answer, but I could see the doubt creeping into her expression. The last thing I wanted to be was Autumn’s pet project. “I’m going to just crash and then I have a full day of classes tomorrow. You don’t need to worry.”

Reluctantly, Autumn left a few minutes later. The apartment seemed much emptier without her, but I couldn’t ask her to stay. Maybe bridges could be rebuilt eventually, but I was a realist. If anything, Wyatt had reminded me of an important lesson I had learned over time: the minute my guard slips, I open myself up to a world of hurt.

The maintenance room at the library wasn’t normally somewhere I’d loiter for over twenty minutes. But perhaps foolishly, I had talked myself into hanging outside the door waiting for Levi’s shift to start. A day earlier, I had sweet-talked one of Levi’s coworkers into telling me when he was scheduled to work. Levi worked the graveyard shift Monday through Thursday with his shift starting an hour before the library closed.

Two days had passed since I moved out from the dorms into my brother’s pad. At times, the quiet of the apartment was unbearable. In the month since school began, I’d gotten used to the noise of the dorms. The constant buzz was able to distract me from my darker thoughts. Blake’s apartment complex had a few college students, but the majority of residents must’ve mistaken the building as a senior community. I was more likely to get run over by a walker than a car while outdoors.

The tension in the air was palpable when I ventured onto campus. I caught a few lingering stares aimed in my direction. I tried not to care about the rumors surrounding my family, but deep down the words cut. A few ugly comments on my Facebook page convinced me to take the page down. I couldn’t stomach to read things about how my “rapist” dad should be castrated and forever imprisoned.

My father had called the next morning after I moved into Blake’s apartment. I’d twirled the phone in my hands, delaying the inevitable. How had Blake handled all the problems our family had thrown at him? How had he managed to always find the right words to glue things back together when they seemed forever broken?

“Hi Dad.”

“Hi sweetheart.” He hadn’t tried to sound upbeat. There were only so many times he could pretend.

“I saw the story…” I started with hesitation.

“Yes, that’s the reason I’m calling. I wanted to check in and see how you’re holding up.”

“I’m fine.” My mantra and what I would say to anyone who asked. I was perfectly fucking fantastic. Would my dad appreciate an honest answer? Likely not.

“Good, that’s good,” he muttered.

“How are you, Dad?” I closed my eyes as I awaited his reply. He wanted someone to lament to and I was probably the only person he had. My mom wouldn’t show him any kindness in the wake of another scandal. And Blake was done with my dad. The last time the two of them had been together, Blake’s hands had been around my father’s throat.

“Not wonderful, sweetie," he sighed. "My new job hasn’t been as understanding as I hoped about my past. I’m afraid they may let me go. They feel the story is bad publicity for the company.” Teaching and coaching was out of the question with my father’s background. With a felony charge on his record, he had limited options.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled.

“I’m not completely surprised. After your brother’s draft, I understood our lives would be put under a microscope.” My father paused. “I had thought he would reconsider his relationship with Autumn before relocating to Baltimore. Maybe break things off. I certainly didn’t expect him to propose to her.”

“He loves her,” I said softly.

The silence was tense and I perceived the secrets and lies wanting to bubble over and spill out between us. He replied, “I don’t believe love is Blake’s motivation.”