Pride and the Anguish (30 page)

“In his cabin. He's been ashore for a while with Adair.” Hammond licked his lips. “Dancy went with him.”

“I see.” Trewin felt his shoulder throbbing in time with his heart. “How is he?”

Hammond shrugged. “Hard to say. He looks like a man in a trance.”

Trewin nodded. “I'll go up.”

Tweedie said harshly, “Tell 'im about the admiral!”

“What about the admiral?” Trewin knew his voice was hard. “Tell me!”

“He's going with
Prawn
.” Hammond spread his hands. “He's leaving us.”

Trewin looked at the red glow above the city. “Well, that just about makes everything perfect, doesn't it?”

He climbed the ladder slowly, conscious of the seamen standing by the guardrails. Nobody spoke. No one turned to watch him.

He tapped on the cabin door. It swung inwards and he saw Corbett sitting behind his desk. As if he had not moved from the last time. Trewin said, “I'm back, sir. I tried to carry out your orders. I'm sorry, sir. I think you know that.”

Corbett was staring at the desk. “Thank you.”

Trewin tried to shut out the pictures of the child staring at the dead nurse and Corbett's wife naked in the mirror. He said, “I've just heard about the admiral, sir. It seems he's running with the rest.”

Corbett sounded distant. “I'm in charge of the group, Trewin.” He stood up and walked slowly to his bookcase. “I've decided to drop the matter of the enquiry. I don't imagine you'll act so foolishly again.”

Trewin watched Corbett's hands moving aimlessly along
the leather-bound books. He was not deceived by his remarks. He could see the stiffness in his back, the fixed intensity of those pale, useless eyes. You poor, helpless bastard! Don't keep fighting it! Just let go, just once!

Corbett said, “
Prawn
will be sailing after midnight. I want you to take the motor boat and guide her clear of the harbour. I don't want her to hit any of the wrecks, she's enough ahead of her as it is.”

“Yes, sir.”

Corbett lifted his gaze and stared at Trewin for the first time. “You look a mess. You'd better go and freshen up. God knows when you'll get another chance.” As Trewin moved towards the door Corbett said, “Thank you for what you tried to do.”

Trewin paused. “Is there anything I can do now, sir?”

Corbett's hands bunched into tight fists. “Just go.” He turned away. “Just leave me
alone
!”

In his cabin Trewin leaned against the bulkhead and closed his eyes. Ching opened the door and peered at him. “You like a shower, Number One, sir?”

Trewin said tightly, “Yes, I would.”

The old Chinese hovered by the door. “Drink, maybe?”

Trewin pushed himself away from the cool steel. “No drink. Later perhaps I'll need it very badly, but not yet.”

He did not resist as Ching helped him off with his clothes, but as the man moved away to arrange the shower he sank on the edge of the bunk and rested his head on his hands. Around him the ship was so quiet that she seemed to be listening.

T
REWIN PUSHED
his way along the
Prawn
's unfamiliar deck and began to climb the bridge ladder. He could feel the metal vibrating in his hands as the little gunboat's engines settled down to an impatient rumble, and as he reached the bridge wing he could see the smoke pouring steadily from her thin funnel. It should have been pitch dark, but there had been another air raid, and the glow of burning buildings painted the ship's upperworks like
burnished copper.

When he looked down he saw the deck crammed with people. Here and there amongst the black, anonymous mass he saw the pale shape of a sailor as he patiently guided or placated one of the frightened passengers who were being led below without a pause. Most of them were women and children, but there were also some wounded soldiers and a few civilian males, whom Trewin guessed had been attached to some military establishment or other.

He found Adair leaning against the screen, a cigarette glowing at the side of his mouth.

“I've got our motor boat alongside ready to guide you clear.” Trewin heard a child whimpering and the deeper voice of a sailor. “Are there many more to come?”

Adair sighed. “A few.” He gestured to the sagging pier alongside, where the distant fires reflected on the fixed bayonets of the sentries. “About two hundred aboard all told, I believe.”

Trewin shuddered. Two hundred in a ship this size. They would be jammed below like sardines in a tin.

Adair remarked, “I've sent all my Chinese lads ashore. It's only fair to them. They can ditch their uniforms and try to get to their homes.” He threw his cigarette into the water. “I've made up my crew with some spare hands from the base. It wasn't too difficult, as you can imagine!”

A telegraph rang noisily and someone spoke over a voice-pipe. Adair peered at his watch. “About fifteen minutes and I'm away.”

Trewin asked, “Is the admiral aboard?”

“Too right he is.” Adair sounded indifferent. “Snug in my cabin, not that I'll have much use for it this trip.”

“You should be safe enough.
Beaver
will be waiting for you.”

Adair coughed. “You've not seen the signal then?
Beaver
was sunk by Jap bombers in the Durian Strait. She only got about fifty miles from here!”

Trewin said, “My God!”

“Keep it to yourself, old boy. We don't want a panic.”

Trewin saw Hammond on the pier at the top of the brow, his arms around a girl as they spoke to each other, oblivious of the desperate, struggling figures about them. So he got her to leave, he thought dully. That was something.

Adair said, “Fairfax-Loring is not the only one to go. The Rear-Admiral, Malaya and his staff are going, too. About the last mobile M.L. is taking them. That'll be no picnic either!” He grinned. “The
Prawn
is old, but at least she's iron and steel, not bloody wood!”

Trewin held out his hand. “I'll be going. This is to wish you luck.”

Adair's grip was firm. “Thanks. The one you're going to say goodbye to is in the wardroom. I thought it might be quieter there for you.” He chuckled. “I'll look after her.”

As Trewin stepped on to the ladder Adair added quietly, “You
could
stay aboard, too. There's not much you can do here. I'd be glad to take you with me.”

Trewin replied, “I can't. I'm not being heroic or anything, and I won't say I'm not tempted.” He shrugged wearily. “But it's no go.”

Adair grinned. “I knew you'd say that, I suppose.” He flipped his cap in a casual salute. “Then I'll be seeing you somewhere.” A phone rang at his side and he answered it curtly. He was the captain again.

Trewin found the girl in the wardroom. She was watching the door, her hands resting in her lap. As he wrapped his arms around her she pillowed her head against his chest and said, “I thought we would sail and I wouldn't see you.”

He tilted her chin and studied her face, as if to memorise every single feature. “I have to go now. You'll be safe with Adair. He's a good skipper.” He thought suddenly of Fairfax-Loring and added tightly, “You should be
very
safe with the admiral aboard, too.” He saw the anxiety in her eyes and said, “You'll soon catch up with some bigger ships. Then I expect you'll be taken to Australia.” He smiled. “You see, it'll be all right.”

A pipe shrilled and he heard the cry, “Hands to stations for leaving harbour!”

He said, “Take this letter, Clare. I've written down my parents' address. You must go and stay with them when you get to England. You'll like Dorset.” The words were choking him.

“I'm not worried about myself, Ralph.” She reached up to touch his face. “When will you follow? How long will you be?”

He swallowed. “Soon. I'm not sure yet.”

She held herself away at arm's length and said, “I shall be waiting for you. No matter how long it takes.” Then she kissed him hard with a desperate urgency.

He stepped back. “I shall be guiding you out of the harbour. You won't see me, but I shall be there.”

She reached out for him again but he said, “I
must
go.” He felt the resistance draining from his body. “Take good care of yourself.”

Then he was outside in the smoke-tinged air and hurrying for the pier.

He paused beside Hammond and said, “Get her aboard now.
Prawn
's shoving off!” He saw the girl prise Hammond's hands from her shoulders. She was the strong one, he thought dully. Aloud he added, “Go to the wardroom. Adair will fix you up later.” He looked from one to the other. “I'm glad you decided to make a match of it.”

He was suddenly aware of a crowd of watching figures behind the wire barrier. They were all men, silently watching the ship which would soon separate them from their wives and families. One of the figures suddenly leapt over the barrier and ran towards the brow, just as Hammond was guiding the girl into the hands of two sailors. “I want to go, too!” He was dressed in a white dinner jacket, and in the reflected glow from the fires his heavy face was wet with sweat.

A petty officer said, “No more, sir.” He signalled to the men at the barrier. “We're full to the scuppers now!”

The man yelled, “What about
her
?” He pointed wildly at the
girl. “You're letting her go!”

Trewin said harshly, “Stand aside, for God's sake!”

The man peered at Trewin's shoulder-straps and shouted, “She's a bloody wog! You'll not take her instead of me, you bastard!”

Trewin hit him hard in the face and said, “I'm not leaving either, you gutless pig!” He pulled Hammond's arm. “Come to the boat with me.”

They found it below the piles with Dancy at the tiller. A blue guiding light threw a strange glow on the frothing water below the stern, and Trewin imagined Adair watching from his tiny bridge.

“Shove off and wait in the channel, Buffer.” He heard the
Prawn
's telegraphs and the squeak of fenders as she idled clear of the pier. From the figures still behind the barrier he caught a snatch of voices blended together in a hymn.

He said harshly, “Take it slowly, Buffer. Nice and easy!”

Following the bobbing blue light, like a shark after a pilot fish, the gunboat slipped away from the land, her small wash rippling back over the silent wrecks and deserted buoys as she turned and headed for the open sea.

As the channel widened out across her blunt bows the
Prawn
gathered speed, her upperworks shrouded in smoke as the stokers threw more coal into her demanding boilers. The motor boat swung aside to let her pass, and Trewin stood swaying in the cockpit, his eyes fixed on the gunboat's outline, hardly blinking in case he should miss some small part of her departure.

Hammond was waving his cap, his face pale in the dull glare. Perhaps she was watching too, somewhere on that small, smoke-blackened ship which represented the last chance of safety and life. Trewin lifted his cap and held it above his head, ignoring the pitching boat beneath him as
Prawn
's wash rolled out of the darkness and faded to blend with the night.

Then the motor boat had the sea to herself.

He said, “Back to the ship, Buffer.”

Dancy swung the tiller hard over. “Aye, aye, sir.” He sounded tired.

Hammond crouched in the cockpit, his cap still in his hands. He said, “She has promised to marry me if I get back.”

Trewin did not look at him.
If
I get back. He replied, “I'm pleased for you. I really am.”

He thought of Mallory and said, “Did the captain go and see his wife before she sailed?”

Hammond shook his head. “She wouldn't see him. I expect she was too upset.”

Mallory's face in the doorway, the dance music and the gin moved through Trewin's thoughts once more. He said coldly, “I expect she was!”

Out of the darkness he heard the challenge. “Boat ahoy?”

Dancy cupped his hands. “Aye, aye!”

As they bumped alongside Trewin saw that the seamen were still at the rails watching the town and the angry glow of fires. He made himself run up the ladder where Tweedie stood like a pale rock beside the gangway, a telescope beneath his arm.

He said quickly, “The captain wants you on the bridge, Number One.” He jerked his hand towards the ladder. “'E's bin waitin' for you.”

Corbett was standing on the upper bridge leaning against his chair, his face turned towards the shore. Without turning he said quietly, “She got safe away then?”

“Yes, sir.” Trewin stepped forward and saw that Corbett was holding a glass in his hand and there was a bottle standing on the chart table.

“I have had some new orders, Trewin. The admiral was gracious enough to send them across before he left.” His tone was flat, with neither bitterness nor anger. He continued, “The G.O.C. has started to negotiate a surrender with the enemy. His emissaries have already been in contact with them.”

Trewin remembered the girl's face against his own and the soft warmth of her mouth. He said thickly, “When is it to be, sir?”

“About forty-eight hours. At the most.” Corbett gestured with his glass. “Help yourself. I brought a glass for you.”

Trewin made himself pour a full measure and downed it in one swallow. The neat spirit helped to steady his reeling thoughts, but his mind did not register what he was drinking.

Corbett said, “All resistance will cease and the armed forces will stand down and await detention.” He ran one hand across his face. “Any ships unable to leave will be sunk forthwith and their crews sent ashore to await capture.” He sounded as if the words were choking him.

Trewin asked, “The
Porcupine,
sir?” He knew it was coming, but the shock felt all the greater.