Promise Me Always (24 page)

When I got to the front door, I turned around. She was still rocking back and forth, but her hands were now covering her face as she cried into them. I nearly collapsed at the sight of my girl, a complete mess because of me. I forced the tears back that were threatening to escape, as I quietly said, “Please, Tess, just give me some time. I need to clear my head. This isn’t goodbye… I promise.”

In that moment, I felt vile and disgusting. I promised her that I would never lie to her and it tore me apart, knowing that I just had.

I knew this was goodbye.

I turned to walk into the house and, before the door closed, I heard her whisper through her sobs, “I love you, Blake. Always.”

My heart stopped beating at her confession and, as soon as the door closed, I fell to my knees. I tried to wipe away the tears that were now streaming down my face, but I couldn’t keep up with them—I couldn’t get them to stop. She loved me by the grace of God and I had just destroyed everything.

My whole body went numb. I already felt lost without her, but I would rather live my life adrift and lonely than put her through anymore pain. She would eventually get over me and move on to find someone that would care for her the way she deserved, but no one in this world would ever love her more than me.

I don’t know how long I sat there on my knees, hating myself. It felt like hours, but I am sure it was only a few minutes. Before I knew it, Matt was next to me, pulling me to my feet. I heard Lex and Avery yelling at me, cursing my name, as they made their way out to the porch. Matt led me down the hall to the guest bedroom that Tess and I were supposed to be occupying. Just as we got there, I heard the front door slam shut and someone stomping down the hall. I looked up, hoping it was Tess coming to yell at me, but I was wrong. It was Lexi and she was fucking pissed.

She tried to get right in my face, but Matt held her back. She was clawing at his arm and trying to break free as she yelled, “You fucking bastard! What the fuck did you do to her?!” She shook with fury, her eyes wild. “She can’t even speak! I swear to God, you better hire a fucking bodyguard, Blake, because I am going to
kill you
for hurting her!”

I laughed a little at the absurdity her statement. She had no idea how hard this was—no fucking clue how lifeless I already felt. “Pretty sure you can’t kill something that’s already dead.” I heard Matt chuckle as Lex stopped fighting him. It really wasn’t funny, but I couldn’t help it.

“What the fuck are you laughing about, dickass?” With her hands on her hips, she looked at Matt and eyed him up and down, apparently still pissed that he hadn’t called her. Matt looked over at me and shrugged his shoulders and we both started laughing again. But it didn’t last long; we immediately stopped when Lex started yelling again.

“You are just as bad as he is, Matt! You don’t know how good something is, even if it’s standing right in fucking front of you.” She spun on her heel, her blonde hair hitting him in face, and stomped back down the hall and out the front door.

“Well, this night has definitely been eventful,” Matt sighed, making the understatement of the year. “What happened out there?” Matt asked me.

“I just fucked everything up, Matt. I left her. I told her it wasn’t goodbye and that I just needed a break, but I am pretty sure she knew I was lying,” I paced in a circle. “She was devastated. I left her out there, sitting on the porch, crying. And the worst part of all is, right before I walked out, she fucking told me she loved me. I am such a piece of shit!” I sat down on the bed and pushed my hands through my hair. “I know I can’t make her happy. There’s no way. Just look at what I did to her tonight. How could she even say she loves me after what I did to her?”

Matt sat down next to me and put his hand on my back. “You don’t give yourself enough credit, Blake. You are a great person. Hell, you’ve been there for me more times than I can count. You would do anything to protect her and you didn’t mean to do what you did tonight. I know I’m the last person to be giving advice on the subject, but seriously, dude, if she says she loves you and you love her, don’t you think you owe it to yourself to try?”

“I love her so fucking much. I just want her to be happy and she sure as hell was not happy tonight. I need to let her go so she at least stands a chance to have a happy, stable relationship. I am not good for her.”

“Whatever you say, man, but you deserve to be happy, too. Don’t forget that.” Matt stood up and made his way for the door. “You’ve had a lot to drink tonight. Tomorrow is a new day. Get some sleep and think about it in the morning when your head is clear.” He shut the door as he left me alone.

Lying down on the bed, closing my eyes, I replayed the night’s events over and over again, reliving the nightmare. I knew in my mind I had no intention of ever getting back together with Tess, but my heart was screaming at me to go find her and make things right.

Lying in the darkness, I shut out my heart as my mind took control—what I had done was best for Tess. I knew that no woman would ever be able to fulfill the void that I was feeling in my chest. I left my heart with her out on that porch and I never wanted it back.

He left me.

“Tess, doll, come on. Get up. Seriously, can you please say something? Tess?” I heard Lexi speaking, but I couldn’t form words. I was frozen—fear and panic taking over my body.

He left me again, forever. It’s over.

I was breathing heavy, tears spilling out of my eyes. My chest was on fire and it was hard to breathe.
Am I having a panic attack?
The air was being forced out of my lungs like a giant boa constrictor was wrapped around my chest, cutting off all of my oxygen. I closed my eyes and tried to relax, but as soon as they closed, visions of Blake walking away filled my head. His words echoing in my ears,
“This isn’t goodbye. I promise.”
But he was lying, I could hear it in his voice. It
was
goodbye.

My eyes flew open not, wanting to relive the moment. I would rather feel all the physical pain in the world than have to see that vision over again. I forced myself to regain control.

I stared down at my foot, focusing on the small flower that was painted on my toe nail. It was pink and white with a small diamond in the center. It took all my strength to focus on that stupid flower, but I slowly started to snap out of my petrified state. I could still hear Lexi and Avery speaking to me, pleading with me to answer them, but I didn’t have the strength to respond.

I looked up at them slowly, but only saw blurred outlines of my two best friends. They must have taken that as a sign that I was okay because I felt them pull me to my feet. It took me a second to feel my legs as they put my arms over their shoulders and started leading me towards the driveway. After practically dragging me half way, my legs started to move on their own and my tears started to subside.

Avery’s car came into view and, as we approached it, Avery slid out from under my arm and ran over to the rear passenger door and opened it. Lexi helped me slip into back seat and once I was in, she ran over to the other side and climbed in next to me. I heard her tell Avery to go find Palmer as they both shut the doors. I laid down on the seat and put my head in her lap as I started to weep again. Stroking my hair, she tried to calm me down. “It’s okay, Tess, I know he didn’t mean it. Everything will be alright—you’ll see.”

“No, he left me Lex. He walked away. For good this time.” I tried to wipe the tears from my eyes but it was no use—they were replaced by new ones faster than I could dry them.

“Tess, I see the way he looks at you. And I see the way you look at him,” she said soothingly. “There is no way this is over, doll. He was a wreck just now. I have never seen him so upset. Please, just trust me, I know he loves you.”

I almost wanted to scream at her and tell her she was fucking insane for saying that he loved me. If he really did, he never would have just left me sitting there on the porch! I knew she meant well, so I kept my anger at bay. She was just trying to help.

I laid there in Lex’s lap for what seemed like hours, trying to settle my tears. But time was moving so slowly—all I wanted to do was go home and sleep. Between my bruised head and broken heart, I felt like I could sleep for days. I had just calmed down, the tears finally stopping, when I saw Palmer and Avery as they walked up to the car.

Palmer opened the door by Lexi, bent down and kissed my head. “Shit, I’m so sorry, Sis. Avery told me what happened. Are you okay?” she asked, her voice heavy with concern.

“No…I’m not okay. I love him, Palm,” I said, the tears spilling over again.
Fuck, I’m a wreck!
“I was with Jared for almost two years and the pain he caused me doesn’t even hold a candle to how I am feeling right now.” I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. The tears had just stopped and now they were back in full force.

“Wait, you love him?” she said, shocked. “Did you tell him?”

“I was about to and then he… he cut me off and told me he needed time to think,” I said, losing myself to the emotions wracking my body. I covered my face with my hands, only to pull them back when it caused my face to burn. “It took all my courage to work up the nerve to tell him and he didn’t even let me. He left instead. Just as he was almost gone, I tried so hard to make myself get up and scream it to him, but I couldn’t move and it only came out as a whisper. I don’t even know if he heard me.” I sat up and stared at the three girls.

“We finally decided tonight that we were exclusive and then all of this shit happens. I never thought that one of the best days of my life would also be one of the worst.” I ran both of my hands through my hair and grabbed on for dear life. I was so baffled, wounded and emotionally drained that I actually felt like ripping it out.

“Would it make you feel better if I went in there and chopped off his balls and shoved them down his throat? Because I’ll do it if it will help. Seriously, Tess, say the word,” Palmer said with complete seriousness. We all looked at her and busted out laughing. Leave it up to Palm to say something like that at a time like this.

“What’s so funny?” she asked as she tilted her head at us. “I’m not kidding! I may love him like a brother, but any prick that pulls a stunt like this, especially with my sister, deserves it. Fucking asshat!”

I was so grateful for my sister. I didn’t know what I would do without her in these situations. She was my lifeline and always made me laugh at just the right moments. Clutching my stomach from all of the laughter, I finally calmed down enough to reply, “No, Palm, it’s okay. I just want to go home and get some sleep. Thanks, though. You’re the best.”

“Alright, Sis, go home and get some sleep and I will call you in the morning, okay? I love you and everything will work out for the best.”

“I love you, too, Palm. Thanks again,” I said. She closed the door and walked back inside. Avery jumped into the driver seat and started up the car, then started to back down the long, winding drive way.

“Tonight was just one big fucking disaster, huh?” Lexi said as we pulled out onto the dark dirt road that would lead us back into town.

“You can say that again. Men are so stupid!” Avery said, adjusting her rear view mirror.

“Wait, what did I miss? What else happened tonight?” I asked, perplexed. I was so caught up in my own drama that I didn’t even notice my friend’s predicaments. I sat up and looked over at Lex. Her makeup was smeared under her eyes like she had been crying as well. Then I glanced at the rearview mirror and noticed the depressed look on Avery’s face.

“Where do you want us to begin?” Avery chuckled sarcastically. Then I remembered I had seen Avery crying when she came in the front door when I was looking for Blake. I had no clue what was up with Lex, though. Suddenly, I felt like a bad friend. They had been at my side the whole night while I cried on their shoulders and I didn’t even know what the fuck had happened to them.

“Devin is so stupid and don’t even get me started on Matt,” Lexi huffed as she crossed her arms over her chest.

“Shit, guys, I’m so sorry. I was so preoccupied with Blake that I didn’t even notice. I feel horrible.”

“Seriously, Tess, you have nothing to feel bad about. You had a way worse night then either of us,” Avery said.

“So what happened?” I coaxed them. They were silent, apparently neither of them wanted to relive the nightmares they had lived through tonight either. “Lexi, what happened?” I pressed.

She sighed before beginning. “It’s a long story that I will tell you all about later, but let’s just put it this way—Matt has absolutely no fucking clue as to what he wants. I let him kiss me tonight and it was the most amazing kiss of my life. Then he pulled away and told me it was a mistake. I cannot take his fucking mixed signals anymore.” Lexi turned and stared out the window as she wiped a tear away from her eye.

I felt terrible for her. I knew how much she liked Matt and it killed me to see her in pain like this. Lexi never let any guy ever get to her the way Matt did.

“Oh, Lex, I’m so sorry.”

“Well, at least you didn’t walk in on Devin and Christina. That is one image I will never be able to get out of my head!” Avery exclaimed.