Promised to the Crusader (12 page)

Zander was in trouble and he needed her help. She’d waited another ten days and it was more than five weeks since her husband had slipped away at dawn without waking her. In all that time she’d heard nothing from him. He must be in trouble. Either he was dead or his enemy had defeated him and held him captive.

Elaine must help him. She could wait no longer. A part of her shrank from asking help from Lord Stornway, but the sensible part of her mind told her that she had no choice.

She rose from her bed and went to her coffer. It was a handsome chest on a stand and heavily carved, which had been her mother’s. Opening it, she took out a quill, parchment and ink in a closed pot. The ink was still moist, for it had been prepared just the previous day for making a list of linens. Dipping her sharpened quill into the pot, she began to write very carefully.

Elaine rang a bell to summon her ladies. Marion was the first to respond. She looked at her anxiously.

‘Are you ill, my lady?’

‘I could not sleep,’ Elaine told her. ‘My lord has been gone more than five weeks with no word. I am certain that if he could he would have sent a message—either to tell me that he had beaten his enemy in fair fight or that he was in hiding…or taken prisoner.’

Marion nodded. ‘You wish to send for help to Lord Stornway?’

‘Yes, I think I must,’ Elaine said. ‘I have waited too long already, but I would not ask for help too soon, because…’ She shook her head, for it was impossible to explain her fears; they were too vague, too foolish to mention even to the faithful Marion.

‘Give me your letter, my lady. I shall give instructions that it is to be sent at once.’

Elaine looked at the parchment she’d sealed. Even now she was reluctant to pass it over, but she did not know what else to do. Zander had not disclosed his plans to her. She had no idea where he’d gone or what he planned. He might have told his friend Philip Stornway more and her only hope lay in him. If Zander was languishing in some awful prison—as her dream had told her—then his friend might be the only one to help him.

‘Yes, take it, before I change my mind,’ she said, thrusting it at Marion. ‘I have no choice.’

‘Lord Stornway may know something—and he can find out things that you could not, my lady.’

‘Yes, I know.’ Elaine turned away. She was shivering and cold all over though the day was mild.

Where was Zander and why had he not returned to her?

Elaine’s letter brought Lord Stornway that same day. He came late in the afternoon, bowing over her hand to kiss it and apologising for visiting so late in the day.

‘Forgive me, lady,’ he said when she greeted him in the hall. ‘I was out visiting a sick tenant
when your letter came, but as soon as I had it, I rode straight here.’

‘You are very kind. I did not wish to trouble you, sir, but I have heard nothing from Zander.’

Philip looked concerned. ‘Nothing in all these weeks?’

‘Not one word.’ Elaine’s throat tightened with fear. ‘I had thought he would send word to tell me what was happening.’

‘I am certain that he would if he were able…’ Philip frowned and reached out to touch her hand. ‘Why did you not send to me sooner? Something must have happened.’

‘Do you know where he went? He said nothing of his plans to me—only that he had received some message from the Earl of Newark…’

‘I believe the Earl had summoned him to Howarth to settle their quarrel. I understood it was to be by single combat.’

Elaine closed her eyes as the pain swept over her. If Zander was lost to her, she would be a widow before ever she had been a wife.

‘Could you discover what happened?’ she asked. ‘It is but three or four days’ ride from here. Surely Zander would have sent word if…’ The horror of what might have happened made her throat close and she could not go on. She sat
down and bent her head, the tears so close that she could hardly bear to look at him.

‘Sweet lady,’ Philip said and reached out to touch her shaking shoulders. ‘Fear not, I shall protect you. Whatever has happened…but we shall not assume the worst yet. I will send couriers to Howarth and demand to know what happened there.’

Elaine looked up at him. ‘I want to know the truth—whether he lives or…’ She shook her head. ‘No, he cannot be dead or I should know in here.’ Her hand went to her breast. She stood up, lifting her head bravely to meet his pitying glance. ‘You think the worst. I can see it in your face.’

‘I know he loves you dearly,’ Philip said. He took a step towards her, but then stopped. ‘If he has not sent word somehow…he would not distress you so…and yet he may still live. He may be a prisoner.’

Elaine gasped, her chest feeling as if a giant hand squeezed it. ‘You will discover the truth—and if he should be a prisoner…’

‘I shall do all in my power to release him,’ Philip promised. ‘He is my friend, but even if he were not…I would do anything for you, Elaine. You must know how much I admire you…but of course you do not wish to hear this now.’

Elaine forced herself to smile. ‘I thank you, sir. Find my lord for me and I shall be eternally grateful.’

‘Leave it to me, my lady. No stone shall remain unturned in my efforts to discover Zander’s whereabouts. I shall come to you as soon as I know anything at all.’ He turned to leave the hall.

‘You are leaving at once?’

Philip hesitated, glancing back at her. ‘The hour is late, lady, and I have some leagues to travel.’

Elaine hardly knew how to answer and yet Zander would never have let his friend go without refreshments—or a bed for the night.

‘If…you wished, you could stay the night and journey home tomorrow.’

Philip smiled. ‘How gracious of you to offer, but I think the tongues might wag if I took advantage of your hospitality at such a time. My men and I will return to the castle and tomorrow I shall begin the search for Zander.’

Elaine inclined her head, but said no more. Did he think she wanted his company? She had offered from politeness, but would have found it hard to entertain him without Zander at her side. There was something about him that made
her uncomfortable, even though she needed his help.

‘Where are you, Zander?’ she asked in a whisper none could hear. ‘Why do you not return to me?’

Holding her head high and fighting her tears, she mounted the stairs to her solar. Lord Stornway believed that Zander was either dead or a prisoner. He had looked at her with sympathy and assured her of his protection.

What would she care what became of her if Zander were lost to her?

Entering her room and finding herself alone, Elaine let the tears fall. Why had Zander left her like that…without even saying goodbye?

She loved him so much and her heart was breaking.

Lord Stornway had sent a message the next day to say that he was riding to Howarth Castle himself to enquire what had happened between the two men. He had assured Elaine of his regard and vowed to let her know as soon as he knew anything.

She had spent the next few days pacing about the house and gardens, her heart aching as she tried to maintain hope of Zander’s eventual return, but with each day that passed her
fear that he must be dead or a prisoner grew inside her.

It was almost a week before Lord Stornway came and requested an interview with her. Her heart was in her mouth as she hurried down to the hall and went to meet him. He was still covered with the dust of the journey, and, as she looked into his face, she saw the news was not good.

‘You saw the Earl of Newark?’

‘He denies all knowledge of Zander,’ Philip said. ‘He denies sending a challenge to him.’

‘But the letter came!’ Elaine’s heart stood still. ‘He must be lying.’

‘I accused him of it and I demanded that he return your property to you, but he refused. I told him that I should complain of his behaviour to Prince John—and to King Richard, when he returns from his imprisonment…and he said he would consider his situation.’

‘I care little for the castle,’ Elaine cried. ‘Where is Zander? What has happened to him?’

‘I do not know, Elaine,’ Philip said and hesitated. She sensed at once that he was hiding something.

‘What do you know?’ she asked, her hand going to her mouth. ‘There is something you
are not telling me…I know it. Please, you must not hide anything from me.’

‘I do not know if Newark lies…but someone attacked Zander and his men as they rode towards Howarth. They were outnumbered and, although they fought hard, were overwhelmed.’

Elaine gave a little scream. ‘He is dead…’

‘We do not know what happened to Zander—but one of his men has been found. He was badly wounded and lay close to death for some weeks. When we found him he was still ill, but attempting to return here and tell you the terrible news.’

‘Where is he?’ Elaine asked. ‘Is he here? I must speak with him…I must know the truth.’

‘He is lying in bed at my home,’ Philip said. ‘Anne is tending the poor fellow, for he is still weak. I could not bring him, for he might not have stood the journey.’

‘Then I shall come to him,’ Elaine said. ‘I will summon Marion and she may accompany me. I must speak to this man and hear his story for myself.’

‘I thought it was what you would want,’ Philip said and smiled; he turned his head aside and she missed the sudden gleam in his eyes. ‘Tell your women to pack enough things for the
night, because you must stay with us until the morning. Anne will be there to chaperon you.’

‘Yes, yes, I shall come,’ Elaine said. ‘My women can send whatever I need on after me. I shall call for Marion. We must go at once. I shall not rest until I hear what has happened to my lord.’

E
laine hardly knew what she did as she followed in Lord Stornway’s train. Her face was pale, but she lifted her head proudly and tried not to show that her heart was breaking. Zander had been attacked without warning and was either dead or a prisoner. Newark denied having sent him a letter to ask for a meeting—and would deny all knowledge of Zander if asked. He might languish in the dungeons at Newark or Howarth for years until he died and she would never know.

Her throat ached with the effort to hold back her tears. She did not wish to break down and let everyone see her grief, but she found it difficult to breathe. Everything was unreal, as if she were moving in a dream—as if a wall of
mist imprisoned her. How could Zander be dead and she not know it? She ached as if she had been beaten all over and yet within her some spark of hope clung to the belief that her husband still lived.

‘I love you so,’ the words echoed over and over in her head. ‘Zander, do not leave me. What is life to me without you?’

Tears burned behind her lids, but she would not shed them. If she wept, it would mean that she had given up all hope and she could not give up hope. Zander must still be alive, even if he were imprisoned and unable to write to her.

When they arrived in the inner bailey at the castle, Philip dismounted and came to help her down. His hands lingered on her waist too long, but she was too numb to push them away. She gave him a brave, pitiful smile and his hands fell away.

‘I pray that the fellow still lives,’ he said. ‘Come, Elaine, I shall show you the way.’

She followed him into the castle. they turned towards the north tower and Philip led the way up to a small room at the top of the turret. He knocked and Anne’s voice called out that they might enter. Philip stood aside and allowed Elaine to go in. Anne turned, smiled, put a
finger to her lips and beckoned her to the sick man’s bedside.

‘He is very ill, but he wishes to speak with you.’

As Elaine reached the bed, the soldier opened his eyes. She knew him as one of Zander’s men and her heart lurched.

‘My lady, forgive me,’ he cried out and his face twisted with pain. ‘My lord sent me to tell you we were betrayed and attacked.’

‘You tried to bring me this message?’

‘I was only slightly wounded in the attack, but as I rode towards Sweetbriars, I was shot down by an arrow in the shoulder. I fell from my horse and would have died had not a cottager taken me in. I lay for weeks between life and death—and then, as I was beginning to recover, Lord Stornway came and brought me here. Forgive me…’

Elaine put a hand to his fevered brow. ‘You need no forgiveness, sir. You did your best and it was the hand of an assassin that brought you down.’

‘Aye, my lady. We were set upon without warning. My Lord Zander cried that we had been lured into a trap. We fought hard, but when he saw that the numbers were too great, he sent me to tell you…’ The soldier broke
down, tears streaming down his cheek. ‘As I rode away, I saw…I saw…’

‘What did you see?’ Elaine’s heart felt as if it was being crushed.

‘I saw my lord dragged from his horse and…’ He shook his head. ‘I do not know…but he is either taken or dead.’

Elaine turned away as the pain swept through her. It was more than she could bear. In her mind she could see Zander being hacked to pieces by the assassins’ swords.

‘No…’ she whispered and then the chamber began to whirl about her. Her head was spinning and the darkness started to close in around her.

‘Catch her, Philip,’ Anne cried and that was the last thing Elaine heard before the blackness took over.

The blackness gave way to flashes of light and pain. She suffered terrible dreams in which she wandered in thick mists searching for her love. Lost and alone, she traversed thick forests, dark mountainsides and then saw again the lake with the island shrouded in mist in the centre of the deep water. The water looked black and she could see no way across until a small boat came towards her. An old man dressed in black,
a hood covering his face and head, rowed the shallow boat.

‘Give me a coin and I will row you to the Isle of the Forgotten,’ he said and held out a hand. His fingers were bones and had no flesh. ‘You shall join he whom you seek in death…’

Elaine screamed and sat upright. Her eyes were open but she was still caught fast in her dream. ‘No…not dead…not dead…’ she cried out. ‘I pray you, sir…take me to him…not dead…’

‘Hush, sweet lady,’ a voice said close to her ear. ‘You must not grieve so. I am here to care for you. I shall always love and care for you.’

‘She is caught in her fever. She cannot hear you,’ another voice said. ‘I warned you what might happen…’

‘You can make her better. Do this for me, Anne. I beg you, as your brother. You had your revenge. Now give me my heart’s desire.’

Elaine did not hear what the woman’s reply was, for she had sunk back into her fever. Now she was dreaming of another time and another place. She saw Zander walking towards her and he was as he had been before he went to the wars. He was smiling, happy and free of care.

‘Do not fear, my love,’ he told her and held out his hands to her. ‘I am waiting for you. I
shall be here when you cross over. Come to me, my darling. I am waiting for you.’

‘I am coming, Zander. Wait for me…show me the way…’

‘No! Elaine, you cannot die. I shall not let you. I love you. I command you to live for me.’

‘Zander…I must go to Zander…he is waiting for me…’

‘No, he would not want you to die,’ the voice said. ‘He would think you a coward. Zander would say live. I say live for me. I love you, Elaine. I live only to serve you. Live and I shall protect you all my life.’

‘Philip…’ Elaine’s voice was barely a whisper as she looked at him. ‘Zander is dead?’

‘I fear it is so,’ he said and grasped her hands. ‘You must let him go, my darling. Soon you will feel better. Live for me and I promise I shall make you happy again.’

She struggled to remember. ‘The soldier…’

‘I fear he died the same night you saw him.’

‘God rest his soul,’ she said and tears trickled down her cheek. ‘I know he did his best to reach me.’

‘Rest now, my darling. You must grow strong and well, and then I shall teach you to be happy again.’

Elaine’s eyes closed. She slipped away into
sleep. As she slept Zander’s name was on her lips and she whimpered sometimes, calling for him, but the nightmares had ceased. Her fever was done and now she slept the sleep of the exhausted.

Several days passed before Elaine woke to see Anne bending over her. She had been bathing her face with cool water and Elaine had been conscious of the kindness before she woke.

‘Thank you,’ she said weakly. ‘You have been so kind to me. I think you saved my life.’

‘Perhaps,’ Anne said. ‘Philip watched you constantly. He has been called to a meeting, but will come to see you as soon as he returns.’

‘I fear I have been a deal of trouble to you?’

‘You are as a sister to me. My brother loves you. You must know that he wants only to devote his life to making you happy.’

‘Yes…so kind…’

Elaine lay back and closed her eyes. She felt so weak and it was as if she had no will or strength of her own. Something at the back of her mind told her that things were not as they should be, but she could not recall what had worried her before…she was ill.

She knew that Zander was dead. The soldier had seen him fall and in her dreams Elaine had
seen him as a youth; he’d told her to come to him in death. She would have died if it had not been for Philip’s devotion and determination that she should live.

Elaine did not care whether she lived or died. All emotion had drained out of her and she no longer had the will to do anything but as she was told.

‘You must eat some of this soup.’ Anne’s voice seemed to come from a long way off. Elaine tried to recall what her voice had said when she was ill, but she could not. ‘You must get better, Elaine. Philip loves you. You owe him your life. You must live for him.’

Elaine was too weary to resist. Why did she want to live without Zander? Yet these people had been so good to her, fought so hard to save her. Perhaps she did owe them something.

She sat up and swallowed some of the soup. Her throat hurt as she felt it go down, but it gave her a little strength.

‘Good, you are awake,’ a voice said from the doorway. Philip walked in. He presented her with a sprig of some winter flower with the dew still on it. ‘I picked this for you, Elaine, as I have very day since you were taken ill, but this is the first time you’ve known us.’

‘You are so kind…’

‘We care for you,’ Philip said and sat on the edge of her bed, reaching for her hand. ‘I love you, Elaine. When you are better I shall show you how much I love you…’

Elaine smiled, but made no reply. How could she tell him that she did not want his love when he had saved her life?

‘So, you are almost better,’ Marion said as she entered the bedchamber the next morning. ‘You look rested, my lady. Lady Anne and Lord Stornway have saved your life.’

‘Perhaps it might have been better had they let me die.’

‘Do not say such a thing!’ Marion scolded. ‘You are loved by many and your people need you. Lord Stornway loves you. He wishes only to care for you.’

‘I am Zander’s wife.’

‘His widow,’ Marion said. ‘You must face the truth, my lady. Lord Zander is dead. You must learn to live without him—for the sake of others, if not yourself.’

‘Do not scold me, Marion.’

‘Do you think I shall let you throw your life away? You are young and beautiful. Lord Zander should not have gone to fight a superior enemy. He should have put aside his desire for
revenge and given his life to you and your people. If he loved you, he would have forgotten his need for revenge.’

‘Do not speak to me like that!’

‘I speak only the truth, my lady. You grieve for him, but when you are ready you will see the truth is as I say.’

Elaine turned her face aside. How could Marion be so cruel? She had loved Bertrand—would she so easily find another lover in his place?

‘What of Bertrand?’

‘He has come back to me,’ Marion said. ‘He was Newark’s prisoner, but released after Lord Stornway demanded the release of all prisoners.’

‘Has he heard anything of Zander?’ Elaine asked eagerly.

‘Nothing. Your lord was slain and buried where he lay,’ Marion said. ‘I know you grieve, but you must learn to put your grief behind you, my lady.’

‘I am glad that Bertrand came back to you,’ Elaine said wearily. ‘You have my permission to wed him.’

‘Lord Stornway hath given us a few acres and a cottage of our own. I shall stay until you are well again and then I shall marry and leave
you, my lady. You have good friends and other ladies to serve you.’

‘Yes, I knew you would leave me when you married.’

Elaine turned her face to the pillow. Once she would have protested that Marion and Bertrand should stay with her, but now it no longer seemed to matter. Everything was too much trouble…

‘I am glad to see you so much better,’ Philip said on the morning that she came down to the hall for the first time. ‘At one time we feared we should lose you, but you are feeling more yourself now, I think—are you not?’ He was so anxious that Elaine smiled.

‘You have been very kind to me, sir.’

‘It is not kindness. I loved you the moment I saw you, but you were Zander’s. I knew you would not look at me, nor would I have tried to come between you. Now that you are alone and at the mercy of rogues, I know that Zander would want me to take care of you.’

‘I shall be able to go home soon,’ Elaine said, but she knew that without her husband she would be vulnerable and at the mercy of rogue barons, unless this man continued to offer her protection.

‘Yes, if you wish it,’ he said. ‘Yet I would ask you to stay for your own sake—and for mine. Be my wife, Elaine. I know you grieve for Zander, but in time you may learn to love me a little…it is all I ask…’

Elaine caught her breath. ‘I was his true wife,’ she said. ‘The marriage was consummated, the law would not let me marry until I have proof that Zander is dead.’

Something flickered in his eyes. ‘But he was called away because the village was attacked…’

‘Yet still he came to me,’ Elaine said, an instinct she hardly understood making her lie. ‘Ask my ladies, they will bear testament and tell you. I could not remarry without proof of my lord’s death—the Church would not allow it.’

‘Supposing his body cannot be found?’ Philip asked, an odd expression in his eyes. ‘Could you not claim that the marriage was not consummated and let me ask the Pope for an annulment?’

‘My ladies would know that I lied—and I am not ready to take another husband in Zander’s place.’ Elaine sighed and put a hand to her eyes. She still felt weak and it was hard to resist his will. ‘I am grateful for your kindness, sir. I shall never forget that you and Anne saved my life. Perhaps in a year or so…’

Philip looked at her, such an intense expression in his eyes that she trembled. ‘If there were proof of Zander’s death…if we could gain the Church’s permission for our union, would you consider wedding me sooner?’ He reached out for her hands and held them. ‘I fear for you alone in your manor, Elaine. I think I must insist on your staying here as my ward until you feel able to marry.’

Elaine blinked back her tears. It was the same old story—the same fear of her being forced to marry a rogue baron. Her uncle had given her until Christ’s Mass reluctantly. Now the feast was almost upon them and once again she was being pressed to marry.

‘You must give me a few months to think and grieve,’ she said. ‘Ask me again in the New Year and I may be able to think more clearly.’

‘You know I would love and honour you. I do not desire your lands, Elaine—though I shall force Newark to return them to you.’

Elaine sighed, bowing her head. She was not strong enough to fight him. If Zander was dead, there was nothing to hope for in life. She must take what she could from it.

‘If there is proof and the Church will permit our wedding next spring, then I will wed you,’ she said. ‘There is no other I wish to marry,
sir. If I must take a husband, I would as soon a friend than a stranger. I shall never cease to remember and to love Zander, but…’ She shook her head as the tears stung her eyes. ‘I can say no more…’