Protective Love (Hidden Secrets) (19 page)

She was shaking
more, and I knew if I didn’t do something, she was going to let fear take over again.  If she did that she wouldn’t know how good it could feel when you were with the right person.  When you were with someone that loved you.

“Kiss me
,” I breathed.

The minute her mouth was on mine I could feel her body loosen and I knew that she was forgetting everything but us.  She moaned into my
mouth as her body started to shake and her head fell to my neck as she quietly cried out my name.  It was the sexiest sound I had ever heard, and it brought my release right after hers.

“Oh Kayla…
shit!”  I groaned as my own orgasm took over me.  “Oh God!” 

My hips jerked up to meet her still moving hand.

Finally, I collapsed into the bed and sighed.  Kayla lay there a few moments catching her breath.  She corrected her clothing and climbed off the bed.  She walked over to one of the closets, got a clean sheet, and pulled the old one off, covering me up before taking the old sheet to the dirty linen bin.  I watched her closely, afraid that I had scared her.   I honestly thought it would be a way to help us forget what happened that day, but also, I needed it.  It had been a couple months since the investigation started, and every day seeing her was both pleasure and torture. 

Maybe I let my need take root and I pushed her to do something that she really didn’t want to do.

“Sunshine?”

She turned to look at me and walked back over to the bed. 

“Yeah?”

“Did I
… did you… what I mean is…” 

I didn’t know how to ask her.  I didn’t want to push her away, especially
since I realized that I was in love with her.  If I lost her then, it would kill me.

“Jason?”

I looked up at her and was completely caught off guard by her smiling face.

“You have nothing to worry about.  I couldn’t do it all
, and I’m sorry for that, but I did enjoy it, and I loved how you knew not to push me.  You showed me that I can trust you and that means a lot to me, Jason.  Did I do…”  She bit her lip and dropped her eyes.

“You were fucking amazing
,” I whispered and she laughed.

I was about to pull her down for another kiss when the doctor walked in.  I wanted to strangle the doctor, but I also wanted to get Kayla home and have both hands to use, to feel, to touch.  I struggled to keep my erection at bay and listen to the doctor.
 

“…because of this surgery is needed in order to retrieve the bullet that is still lodged there.”

Great – surgery!

I turned to
Kayla, who looked white as a ghost.  She was worried and I knew she was, but frankly I was too.  Anesthesia scared me. It wasn’t so much the surgery process that scared me, it was not having control over events for a certain period of time.  I had been in control of all aspects of my life, and I liked it that way.  Not having control during surgery?  That terrified me.

Before I even realized what was happening, I was being wheeled out for surgery with a very nervous Kayla being left behind. There was so much I wanted to say and so much I wanted to do, but there was no time to tell her anything.  I looked back again and she was standing in the hall with her hand to her mouth and crying.

Please God help me through this surgery so I can find out if that magnificent woman could love me back.  Please.  I love her so damn much.

CHAPTER
SEVENTEEN

~KAYLA~

When they took Jason away to surgery my heart was literally in my throat.  I felt like I was going to choke on it.  I had no idea how long the surgery was going to take and if he was even going to survive.  What if I didn’t see him again, and the one guy that I have ever-

Oh my God!  He can’t leave me.

I was still standing there when I felt a hand on my back, a little too low for comfort.  I jumped and screamed.

“I’m Captain Dale Day.  I hear Detective Gold was shot.”

This guy gave me the creeps.  He worked for the police department, but he didn’t seem like he was on the good side.  Instead, as he looked at me, I felt violated.

“Y-
yes, Sir.  They’ve taken him back for surgery to remove the bullet.  It’s all I know.”

“No wonder, Gold likes you
,” he said.

“I’m sorry?”

“You’re very attractive.”  He walked closer to me.  “Your father said you’re a vet.  I bet you look sexy in scrubs.”

“Mr. Day, I-I don’t l-like the way you
’re talking to me.”

“KAY!”

Oh, thank God! 

I
had never been happier to see my brother in my life.  I moved away from Dale quickly and ran to Eli, throwing my arms around his neck and holding on for dear life.

“Hey, let’s go sit down in the waiting room, okay?”

I nodded my head, and we walked past Dale.  As we did, he sneered at me.  I shuddered in my brother’s hold.  There was something going on with Dale Day.  Whatever it was gave me the feeling that I was missing something important, and I couldn’t figure out what.

Once we got to the waiting room, I sat in a chair and Eli kneeled in front of me.

“Kay, are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine.  It’s Jason I’m worried about.”

My mind was racing, and I worried that by not knowing this missing information, I was putting myself in more and more danger.  I needed to find out some information, and I needed to do it quickly.  There was only one person I trusted, but I was afraid it would be too much for him, and I didn’t want to overwhelm him.  So, I told the next person who I knew could help and would keep it secret from Jason.

“Eli, can I ask you something?”

“Of course, Kay.  We’ve always been close.  You know you can tell me anything or ask anything.”

“If I tell you this, I want you to promise me that you will not hide anything from me and I will be just as much involved in it all as you are.  Do you promise?”

“I’m not sure I like the sound of this, but if it’s the only way to get you to open up to me, then I agree.”

“Can you privately investigate Dale Day?”

He sat up straighter. 

“The Captain of police?”

I nodded.

“Why would you want to investigate him?”
he asked.

“Because of the things he said to me in the hallway and the way he looked at me.”

“What did he say to you, Kay?”  His voice was heavy with anger.

I told Eli about what the Captain said and how he looked at me.  Eli paced back and forth in the room
, not saying anything for a moment.  I could tell he was going to explode at any minute.

“Eli, listen to me.  There is something about him that scares me, but what scares me more is that I feel like I’m missing something important about him.  I don’t know what, but something that if I don’t figure out soon
, could be very bad for me.”

This stopped Eli from pacing and he looked back at me with anger and sorrow in his eyes.  He walked over to me and held me in his arms.  I knew he was thinking back to all the years he didn’t protect me.  In a way I was glad
, because I knew that would give him more motivation to do it now.

“I’ll do ever
ything I can, Kay.  You know I’m going to have to tell dad, right?”

I nodded. 

“I know, but I want to be there when you do.  He is going to make me the same promise.  I’ll be the one to tell him.  I don’t want Jason to know either.  He has so much on his plate now, and he’s already been hurt once to protect me.  I don’t want anything else to happen to him.  Please?”

“Fine.”

It was all he said.  I knew he wasn’t happy to do it my way, but it was the way I wanted it to be.  For the first time, I was going to have things done the way I wanted, and nothing less.  I couldn’t have control over the investigation or the fact that there are cameras in my apartment, but I would have control over the current situation.  Once I knew the situation was going to be handled properly, my mind went back to Jason.  I looked up at my brother.

“Jason’s going to be okay, right?”  I whispered
as  tears burned my eyes.

He sat down next to me and took my hand. 

“You love him, don’t you?”

“I
… I don’t know.  What’s love, Eli?”

He laughed sadly. 

“It’s when you can’t help but think about someone.  When they take over your everyday life.  When little things remind you of them, and when good or bad things happen, you can’t wait to tell them or wish they were there.  It’s when you open yourself to hurt and pain, but know that the risk is worth it.  That’s love sweetie.”

“Oh
,” I whispered. “Eli, I think I might love Jason.”

“Baby girl
, there is no thinking about love.  You either are or you aren’t.”

Nodding my head,
I spoke again.

“I’m
… I’m… I’m in love with Jason.”

“I know sweetie and he loves you too.  Are you going to tell him?”

“Not yet.  I will, but not yet.  I want to get used to this first please.  It’s new and different and so very terrifying.  I just need a moment.”

“He’s going to be okay, Kay.  You just need to make sure that you grab this chance with everything you have.  He put you first Kay.  He didn’t think about himself when he walked into that room.  He thought only about you and getting you away from the danger.  Not all of us run across someone willing to do that.  If you take that for granted
, you will lose it.  I know all this scares you, but anything new is scary.  Anything that could break us if we choose wrong is terrifying.  But which is harder to live with, Kay?  To love someone and never tell them, fearing that they won’t love you back and you’ll lose them without even having a chance?  Or would it be to take the risk and tell the person you love that you love them, and have a chance to build something great from it?  If it were me, I think the first one would be the hardest to live with.  But I’ll stop lecturing you.  Let’s go get you checked out and some pictures taken so this is on record as well.”

Eli took over all talking to the nurses and the doctor.  It was something that I was completely grateful for.  I was still stuck on what he said in the waiting room.  Could Eli be right and not telling Jason how I feel is more risky than telling him?  If he
was right, then I knew what I needed to do, but I was going to do it my way. 

The first thing I needed to do was open myself up more to him
- allow him in and stop fighting what I feel for him.  I let him inside my walls further than anyone had ever been, but I knew there was more I needed to do.  I was willing do it because for the first time in my life, I dreamed of something, longed for someone, and I didn’t want to lose that.  I believed in a happily ever after, even after everything I’d been through, and I only hoped it was there.

Once I was finished being checked out, I went back into the waiting room.  There was entirely too much time to think about everything. 
I was at the point where Jason would talk to me about something else to get my mind off anything that could make me panic.  Eli had left to get me some food, and left me in complete silence.  If I’d had nails to bite off, I would have already nibbled them to nubs again.  By the time the nurse came in, I was about as stressed as I have ever been.

“Ms. Williams?  Kayla Williams?”

“Yes, that’s me.”

“He’s asking for you.  Please follow me.”

I followed the slow walking nurse.  It was stressful to walk at such a slow pace when I just wanted to run to him and make sure that he was okay.  It was the first time that I had ever been on the verge of a panic attack and it will not be because of Alex.  Nothing was moving fast enough - not the nurse, and not the elevator.  It felt like it took days to get up to Jason’s room, but once there, I stood outside the door, afraid to walk through it.  In my head, the most gruesome scenarios played out, and I was worried that any of them could be true.  I took a deep breath and opened the door.  The curtain was drawn so all I could see was his feet.  My hands were shaking, so I clenched them to try and stop them.

Walking around the curtain, I saw him
lying in the hospital bed with his eyes shut and machines around him.  I had to close my eyes to keep from crying.  He was in that position because I’d put him there.  If I could fend off Alex on my own, Jason wouldn’t have needed to put himself at risk to do it.

“I didn’t ask you to come here so you could stand all the way over there.  Come here, sunshine.  I need
you near me, please.”  His voice was scratchy.

I moved over to him slowly.  When I was standing next to his bed, I could see his arm in a sling and the bandage on his arm.  It broke me, hurt me
, and I burst into tears.

“I’m so sorry Jason
,” I sobbed.

He reached his hand out and took mine.  Jason pulled lightly on my hand until I moved down on the bed with him.  He wrapped his
uninjured arm around me and held me as tight as he could with one arm.  Jason was trying to calm me down when he just had surgery.  Trying as hard as I could to pull myself together, I leaned back and wiped my eyes.

“I’ll make this up to you.  I promise I will.”

“Baby, there is nothing you could do that would mean more to me than having you in my arms right now.  It’s all I want and need.”  He turns his head and meets my eyes.  “All I need is you, Kayla.  There is not a single thing in my life that matters to me more than you, aside from my parents of course.”

My eyes filled with tears and I tried my hardest to keep myself under control.  He needed me to be strong for him.  If it killed me, I would be
stronger if only for him.  I cuddle down into him with my head on his chest and my arm around his waist.

“You have me, all of me.” I whispered.

“Thank God… Kay, I l…” He murmured before falling asleep.

I sat up and looked at him.  Everything in me wanted to shake him awake to get him to finish what he was starting to say.  That would be very selfish of me, he needed the sleep.  Resting my head back on his chest, I listened to his heart beat strongly in my ear.  I let the rise and fall of his chest and the rhythm of his heartbeat lull me to sleep.

It’s dark and there are noises coming from my kitchen.  My heart is pounding so hard it almost hurts.  It was my first place and my first night here, even though I have had it for about a week.  Mom said she wasn’t ready to let me go just yet.  Maybe I should have stayed there again.  It would figure that my first night on my own and I have a burglar in my house. 

Scooting off the bed quietly, I push my ear to the wall that connects to the kitchen.  It was hard to hear exactly what they were getting into, but honestly as long as they didn’t come in here, I didn’t care what they took.  The movement moved closer to my door.  I backed away
slowly, hoping that I could hide under my bed and they would think I am not here. 

Moving under my bed, I tried to keep my breathing quiet, but I was scared out of my skin.
Lying flat on my stomach I turned my head in the direction of the door.  My breathing faltered and I think I actually stopped breathing for a moment there.  My heart was pounding so loud in my ears that I couldn’t hear anything besides my erratic heartbeat.  It was pounding so hard, I swear I could feel it hitting the floor with each thump.  I closed my eyes and prayed that they didn’t find me.  If they found me…

“AHHHHH!!!!” I screamed when someone grabbed my ankle.  I jumped forgetting for a moment that I was under my
bed and smacked my head on the bottom of my bed.  I desperately tried to hang on to the footing of the bed at the top, but whoever had me was a hell of a lot stronger than me. I reached for something to grab a hold of to keep from being taken out from under the bed, but my hands couldn’t hold on to anything.  The carpet burned my skin as I was dragged out from under my bed.

Once I was all the way out, I was flipped over.  When nothing happened for a moment
, I opened my eyes.  There with a smiling face was Alex.  Now I wished it was some random burglar.  It would be the lesser of two evils.  He leaned down and put his mouth by my ear.

“I’ve missed you my pet
,” he whispered.

I hadn’t seen or heard anything from Alex in months.  I thought for sure my nightmare was finally over, but apparently he was just busy and couldn’t get to me.  I brought my knee up and made contact with his groin.  When he fell over holding himself, I was off the floor and out of my bedroom faster than I could blink
, but it wasn’t fast enough.  I had just reached the front door when he grabbed me.  Alex threw me backwards, and my head hit my kitchen island on the way down to the floor.  I scurried backwards.