“What’s wrong, baby?”
And like I’m a little boy again, it all comes out. I tell her everything. About the drinking and drugs. Explain how when I was home I didn’t need them ‘cause I had Meara. Of course, Mom knows about the OD, and she too didn’t realize how bad I truly was. Am? Who the fuck knows.
She wipes her tears and I do the same, admitting that I have this … this problem. God, it sounds so fucking cliché, so typical. I don’t understand it.
“Please don’t be mad at me, Ma.”
“I’m not mad that you didn’t tell me. I’m mad at myself for not noticing.”
I chew on a piece of ice and shrug. “What can I say? I learned from the best how to be a lying, manipulative asshole.”
“You are not him, Liam John.”
“Pretty much. What I did to Meara, it’s—”
“It is
not
the same as what your father did to me.”
“You divorced him because of drugs.”
“Yes, but there was so much more to it.”
She twists her straw wrapper in her hands, and if her head was transparent, I’m sure I’d see wheels spinning right now.
“Don’t know how much more there can be.”
“Liam, your father couldn’t provide for himself let alone a family. Your father cheated on me. Your father almost got me killed driving drunk. I gave him chance after chance, but I had to draw the line somewhere. You admit your mistakes and try to be better. Hell, I had to force your dad to get help, and you called for help on your own.”
About another twenty minutes goes by of her lecturing, assuring, and supporting me. When we finally part, I acknowledge that maybe I’m not as bad as I thought I was. When I get back to Meara’s place, I sit in my car for a few minutes and reflect on the last thing Mom said to me.
You may be his son, but you are your own man.
* * *
Kelly’s Pub has a smell that makes you feel at home. It’s clean and woodsy with a faint hint of onions.
“Hey, man,” I say to Nik as I walk up to the bar.
He looks up but ignores me until the customer finishes paying. Then he puts the money in the drawer and walks away without actually looking at me. “She’s in the office.”
“’Kay, thanks.” He doesn’t hear me ‘cause he’s already gone to the other end of the bar. I suppose I should get used to people treating me like shit for being a dick to her.
The door is cracked open and I lean against the molding to watch her work. She’s concentrating on something on the computer screen and doesn’t see me. Her eyes scrunch together and she licks her lips. God, she’s so sexy. I love her hair best like this, too. It’s black and she grew it out a little, so I can actually grab it. I clear my throat and her head pops up.
“Jesus, way to scare me!”
“Sorry. You’re just so cute.”
She rolls her eyes and shuts her laptop, then rounds the desk to sit on it. I walk and stand between her legs while she automatically leans up to kiss my cheek. “I have to go in an hour.”
“Oh.” She sighs.
“Do you have some time to spare? I’d like to spend it with you.”
She looks at her watch and bites her finger. “I think I can manage that.”
We lean in toward each other at the same time, and our lips meet in the middle. She’s so soft and sweet, but then her tongue ring swipes against my mouth and I remember how naughty she can be. My hand slides up her back and grabs onto her hair while the other presses her against me. Her tits smash against my chest and I grind my hard-on between her legs.
She pulls back and bites on my lower lip. The opportunity to stick my hand up her shirt presents itself, so I pull her boobs out of her bra and lean down even further to suck on a nipple. Her soft moan spurs me on and I nip at it before standing up and slamming my mouth against hers again.
“Lisa’s on the phone. She wants to know if she should still come in for you tonight.” Nik’s angry voice scares us both, and we pull apart, laughing like a couple of teenagers who were just caught in the back of a car. I tuck my shirt back in while she runs her fingers through her hair.
“No, tell her thanks, but I’ll be back soon so I can work.”
“All right.”
“Just gotta run to the bathroom then I’m all yours for an hour.” She hops off the desk and Nik smiles at her as she passes.
Once she’s out of earshot, Nick turns to me. “You’ve got a lot of balls. I’ll give you that.”
“Come again?”
He shakes his head and lets out a humorless chuckle. “You have no fucking idea what you did to her. What you left her with to deal with on her own.”
“I know, man. I feel like shit, but I’m—”
“It isn’t about you, Liam, don’t you fucking get that?”
“Of course, it’s always been about her.”
“I know you think that, but man … just. Don’t fuck this up again.”
As much as I want to say that I understand where he’s coming from, he’s starting to piss me off. “Dude, I get it.”
“No, you don’t.” He steps in closer to me. “You don’t have a fucking clue what she—”
“Nik!”
His mouth shuts, and I can hear his teeth grinding. Without a word, he turns and walks out of the office as Meara shoots him a death glare, and then her face becomes panicked as she looks at me. “What did he say?”
“Nothing I didn’t already know. That I’m an asshole.”
“No …” She steps toward me and wraps her arms around my waist. “You’re not an asshole, Liam.”
Instead of arguing with her, I lead her out of the bar and toward the lake. “I thought we could go to the beach for a little while before I leave.”
“Sounds great.”
We’re not that far and arrive less than ten minutes later. “God, what is it about this place?”
She hums in agreement as she sits in front of me on the sand, her toes barely touching the water. “I don’t know, but it’s so serene. It always makes me feel so small, but so peaceful at the same time. Kind of hard to put into words.”
“Not really.” I kiss the side of her neck, and then rest my chin on her shoulder. “Because it’s how I feel when I’m with you.”
I had this big speech planned to tell her again how sorry I am and how hard I’m trying. That I was never going to give up on us for as long as I lived. But right now, I don’t think we need to say anything else. We just need to have this moment.
Chapter 20
Meara
I NERVOUSLY RUN AROUND
my apartment one last time and make sure everything is in place. In about five minutes, he’s going to be walking through my door for good. And I’m a nervous wreck. Liam has been absolutely amazing since the last time I saw him. He calls and texts multiple times throughout the day. His sponsor has even called me a couple of times to tell me how well he’s doing. In fact, Bart left two months ago and Lee has been on his own and staying sober with no problems.
Jamie called to check on me one night months ago, and I confessed to having the miscarriage. He was furious with me for hiding everything, but once I explained my reasons, he calmed down and promised not to tell Liam as long as I swore I would do it soon.
I like to think that when Liam comes back, things will go back to normal. The ultimate wish is that we could pretend the past six months didn’t happen. No drugs, no miscarriage, no heartache. Unfortunately … or maybe fortunately, I guess it depends on how you look at it, all that shit did happen. We’ve been through it, came out on the other end, and I hope that we will continue to do nothing but grow together.
Metal scrapes as the lock clicks and I stop pacing since my feet become cement. Liam opens the door and seems just as frozen as I am because he’s just standing in the doorframe with a look of fulfillment.
“Hi.” I awkwardly wave and he smiles, the left side lifting just a tad higher than the right. “Hey, princess.”
And there it is … everything’s going to be okay. We’re going to be okay.
I laugh as he steps inside and closes the door. “I like what you’ve done with the place.”
“Me, too.”
The day after he left last time, I got everything from the basement and put it back where I could see it, where it belonged. A weight lifted off my shoulders when I could walk in and have him surround me again.
“Cool.”
He drops his bag on the floor and tosses his jacket on top. In the middle of my apartment, he walks up and kisses the top of my head, then steps back. “I need to take a shower.”
My hormones are upset, but my ego’s pissed off. “Months, Lee! Months away and I get a kiss on the top of the head like a child?”
“Meara, I—”
“A peck. A goddamn peck! When this is supposed to be the first day of the rest of our lives!”
He chuckles and steps back into my space, resting his hands on my hips. “Babe, I need to take a fucking shower desperately, and if I kiss your lips right now, I won’t be able to stop. So please, please, just give me five minutes.”
My body swings toward his and my crotch rubs against his, clearly not in tune to his brain’s idea of a shower.
“Ugh … three minutes.” Then he pecks my head again and runs to the bathroom, tossing his clothes along the way.
As soon as the water comes on, I power walk to the bedroom and whip my shirt off. It takes about eight seconds for the rest of my clothes to come off, too. Instead of trying for a seductive pose, I sit on the bed with my legs crossed, my heart accelerating with every breath. Nervous anticipation pulses through my veins with each second that ticks by.
The clock reads that four minutes have passed when he comes into the room with nothing but a towel around his waist and a cocky smile on his handsome face.
“You’re a minute late.”
He drops the towel and dives for me. I fall to my back and wrap my legs around him, crossing them tight. Water drips from his hair onto my face as he lowers his head. Our kiss is punishing; it’s been months in the making and I wouldn’t want it any other way. This is how it should be. This is what’s right for us.
His teeth nip at my bottom lip and I slide my tongue across his. It’s not a fight for control but rather a desperation that’s finally satisfied. My entire body is already burning, but when he runs his hand down my side and across my stomach, he sets me on fire. He teases me and stops right above where I desperately need him to be.
“You need to touch me before I explode, Lee.”
“Oh, you’ll explode, princess. It’s just a matter of how many times.”
His thumb circles my clit and I turn my head to take in a breath. I raise my hips because I want more; I fucking need more from him. He drags his thumb down and circles my opening before bringing it back up and pressing down on my clit again. I’m so close already and as soon as he sucks a nipple into his mouth, I shudder and clench and thrash as an orgasm rips through me.
I’m still coming down when he thrusts two fingers into me and I almost push his hand away because it’s too much. But, like always, he knows my body and just holds his hand still. While I’m catching my breath, he licks up from my breast to my collarbone and presses his lips against mine. “Spread your legs for me.”
I uncross my ankles and let my knees fall to the bed while he sits up and watches his fingers going in and out of my body. “God, I missed this. You have such a pretty pussy, Meara. I could do this all fucking night … just watch you cover my hand with your cum. Can you feel how wet you are?”
“Yes.” I pant, and the wave begins to build again, faster than I thought possible. I love it when he talks like that to me; it pushes me over the edge every single time.
“Yeah, I can see it. I can taste it, too.” His head disappears between my legs and his tongue replaces his fingers. Both of his strong hands grip the outside of my thighs and he lifts me up so he can get a better angle to fuck me with his mouth.
I’ve become immobile and can do nothing but feel his rough tongue sliding in and out, licking every millimeter, sucking and biting. “God, Lee … it feels so good.”
He pulls his mouth away, my juice shining on his chin. “Tastes good, too.” He crawls up my torso and licks my lips. “See?”
I run my tongue along my wetness and nod.
“Yeah, it’s delectable, isn’t it? In fact, it’s so good that I want more. Watch me eat you, princess.” I sit up on my elbows, and in a matter of seconds, he’s back between my thighs, but this time, he uses his fingers to fuck me and his mouth to devour my clit. I spasm around him and cry out when he sucks my clit into his mouth, pulling it against his tongue. He slowly licks light circles around it and lets me ride his fingers until I collapse on the bed. “Holy shit, that was amazing.”
“You’re amazing. So beautiful when you come. Stay spread for me just like that but bend your knees a little.”
I happily comply, and he wastes no time in sticking his rigid dick into my soaking wet hole. “Holy fuck!”
“Ungh.” I grunt in agreement.
“Babe, I wish I could make this last all night.” He pulls out and slams back in so hard that I have to put my hands over my head and push against the wall so I don’t move. “But there’s no way that’s gonna happen. I’m just gonna fuck you real quick ‘til you come again, all right?” He grabs my ass and my legs rest on his forearms. I try to nod since I can’t form a word right now, but he’s pounding into me so fast that my head is already making the movement. I figure it’s a good enough acknowledgment. Especially since I’m pretty sure he’s going to take me there again really, really soon.
“You gonna come for me so I can make you mine again?”
“Yes,” I manage to mutter. God, I want to so bad.
“I’m gonna fill you up, and then later tonight, I want you to ride me with my cum still inside you, makin’ my dick nice and wet so you can take me nice and slow. We’ll watch my cock disappear into your tight little pussy.”
“Shit …”
“You ready, babe? I can’t wait anymore.”
“Yes, yes, yes,” I chant as my entire body shakes and he slams into me one more time. He holds me flush against his pelvis so hard that I feel like if he pushes any harder, we’ll meld together as one. It doesn’t hurt, though. It feels goddamn perfect because his sexy ‘V’ is right against my clit and the vibrations coming from his body are better than a vibrator.
“Jesus, holy shit. Fuck.” He releases my legs and his eyes widen. “Fuck, did I hurt you?”