Prowl (2 page)

It’s not like I was surprised. I was always the backup plan. No one truly wanted me. No one chose me. Not my dad, who left when Mom told him she was pregnant. Not Caleb who only wanted one thing, or any of the other boys for that matter. Not my mom, who would rather spend a night with her girlfriends than her own daughter.

Sometimes I hated my life. Sometimes I even hated myself.

You’re worthless. No one wants you.
Cold swept over me like a strong wind as the familiar voice whispered in my ear. Opening the medicine cabinet, I dipped my hand inside. When my fingers located what I wanted, I grabbed it.

Sitting down on the closed toilet seat I held out my arm. For a split second I almost lost my nerve.

Do it. You’ll feel so much better if you do.

Shivering as if my veins were filled with ice, I brought the razor blade to the top of my arm. I held it against my skin and pulled.

For a moment I just watched the dark blood spilling out, enjoyed the burning sensation. I wasn’t trying to off myself. Not yet, anyway. The cut wasn’t very deep. In a minute I would clean it up. It was just a way to deal with the pain. It was just a way to cope.

2

G
randma’s house was small and yellow with a sweeping porch lined with vibrant flowers. It was nestled in a quiet court. All the lawns were neatly mowed and the cars were parked in the driveways or garages, not lining the streets or parked in the grass like in my neighborhood. I felt like I was stepping into a painting as I climbed out of her car and lugged my suitcases up the steps to her front door. I hadn’t seen Grandma since I was a little girl. She and Mom had issues. However, it only took me a moment to spot her at the airport. She looked almost identical to Mom with her blonde hair, blue eyes and tanned skin.

Grandma was pretty young too. I think all my friends pictured me staying with an old lady who smelled like mothballs, but Grandma was beautiful and smelled like Ralph Lauren perfume.

“Here we are,” she said in her smooth, clear voice as she opened the front door. I stepped inside, my flip-flops slapping on the hardwood floors. Her family room looked like it had been cut out of a magazine with its cream couches, plush bold colored pillows and matching paintings. I was used to our eclectic mix of furniture we had collected over the years from yard sales and thrift stores.

“Your house is beautiful,” I breathed.

Grandma smiled and patted my back. “Come on. I’ll show you to your room.”

I followed her down the short hallway lined with collages and pictures. We passed her bedroom and a bathroom before she opened the last door. The room was small with a white sleigh bed, matching nightstand and dresser. A large window, overlooking the neighbor’s front yard, covered the far wall and on the opposite wall was a closet with sliding mirrored doors.

“The dresser and nightstand are empty so feel free to organize them however you would like. I’ll let you get settled,” she said before closing the door behind her.

Dropping down onto the blue and white checked quilt that covered the bed, I sighed with satisfaction. The room smelled fresh like laundry detergent. It was so much different from home. A girl could get used to this. I couldn’t wait to tell Haley. Not for the first time I wished I had a cell phone. During my junior year I worked at Baskin Robbins and saved enough for my car. Even though it was a total clunker and everyone at school teased me, at least it carted me around. With my next job I planned to save for a phone.

In the meantime I knew that Grandma had a computer. Later I would Facebook Haley. First, I needed to unpack. I knelt on the floor next to my suitcase and unzipped it. It flew open, spilling a couple pairs of jeans and some tops onto the floor. Scooping them up, I headed to the dresser. As I passed the window I caught a glimpse of someone outside through the cracks in the blinds. A thumping sound caught my attention. Stepping forward I reached out and using my thumb and index finger spread the blinds to peek out. A boy about my age stood in the driveway next door dribbling a basketball. He had short black hair and bronze skin. I couldn’t see his face but from the back he looked pretty built. As if he could sense me staring he turned around. He had dark eyes and a nice face. To be honest, he was totally hot. My heart beat faster and I felt my palms clamming up. I immediately pulled my hands away, causing the blinds to click back in place. The last thing I needed was to get my mind back on boys.

I had sworn them off. Where was my self-control?

Turning away from the window I resumed unpacking and tried not to think about the boy next door.

Later that evening while Grandma made dinner, I sat outside on her porch swing. I told myself I only wanted to bask in the warm weather, not try to catch a glimpse of the hot neighbor. Even though I did smooth down my hair and apply my favorite lip-gloss. It didn’t matter anyway because the court was deadly silent like a ghost town. The only sound was the creaking of the swing as it rocked back and forth. A rustling in the bushes startled me, causing me to gasp and flinch. When a black cat pounced out, hissed at me and scurried toward the house next door I felt silly. Usually I didn’t get spooked so easily.

“Hey,” a voice called, unnerving me further.

I turned and saw a teenage girl with long black hair, wearing skinny jeans and a black halter-top walking in my direction. Where had she come from? In her hand she held a shopping bag and behind her I saw a car that hadn’t been there before, parked along the curb. How did I not hear her pull up?

“That’s Pepper,” she said.

“What?”

“My cat. I saw her scare you. Sorry about that. She’s shy.” She approached, stuck out her hand. “I’m Rhiannon, by the way.” I noticed her nails were short, painted black and she had a tattoo I couldn’t identify on the inner part of her wrist.

I thought of my own markings and pulled my long-sleeved shirt down lower before returning the handshake. Her skin was hot as if she had a fever. “I’m Mackenzie but most people call me Kenzie for short. It’s sort of a mouthful.”

“You must be Felicia’s granddaughter.”

I nodded, studying Rhiannon. She had smooth, ivory skin, a pert nose, red lips, and eyes the most intense color green I’d ever seen. She smelled like incense.

“Cool. You know, you have a great aura. I can tell we’re gonna be friends.” She winked.

I smiled. I wasn’t sure about the whole aura thing but I liked the sound of us being friends. I sure could use some.

Rhiannon looked down at her shopping bag. “Well, I better go. I’m havin’ some friends over later. Gotta set up.”

“Oh? Are you having a party?”

“Somethin’ like that.” She gave me a contemplative look. “Maybe next time I’ll invite you. First I’ll have to get approval from the other members.”

“Members? What are you, like, in a gang or something?” Instantly I regretted the words. What if she was? Then I just totally put myself in danger.

She laughed. “Not exactly. Anyway, it was nice to meet you. I’ll see you around.”

“Hey, wait up,” I called after her. “I wanted to ask you about the boy on the other side of Grandma’s house. Dark hair. About our age.” I hoped he wasn’t her boyfriend or anything.

“Oh, you mean Isaac.” She wrinkled her nose like she just caught a whiff of B.O. “If I were you I’d stay away from him.” With that she turned on her heels and headed toward her house.

I stared after her, wondering what she meant by that.

A second later Grandma poked her head outside. “Dinner time.” She looked around expectantly. “Were you just talking to someone?”

“Yeah,” I said as I stood up. “That was Rhiannon, the girl next door.”

“That’s good that you are already making friends.”

I peered over at the house next door, closed up, curtains drawn. She did seem nice but definitely mysterious. “Do you know her very well?”

“Not really. Her family just moved in a few months ago.”

I followed Grandma inside, sat across from her at the dining table. “Do you know if she’s dating the boy on the other side of your house? Isaac?”

Grandma was spooning salad on her plate but she froze, smiled up at me. “Wow, you sure don’t waste any time.”

I bristled at the remark. Had Mom filled her in on my reputation with boys?

“You’ve already learned a lot about my neighborhood. You’re much more outgoing than your mom was, that’s for sure. It would take her days to make friends when we would go to new places.”

My shoulders relaxed with her explanation. “Well, I haven’t actually met Isaac. Rhiannon told me his name. She just said something weird that made me think something might be going on there.”

“Not that I’m aware of. He is a cute boy. Maybe she has a crush on him. I have never seen them together and according to his mom he does not have a girlfriend.”

“You’re friends with his mom?” My cheeks warmed and I hoped they weren’t noticeably red

Grandma nodded, chewing. After swallowing she said, “Yeah, we go to the same church.”

Grandma’s religion was one of the many things she and Mom disagreed upon.

“They’re a great family,” Grandma continued. “Lived here for years. We’ll go over there tomorrow and I’ll introduce you. I know they have been very excited about your visit.”

I stared hard at my plate, hiding the grin on my face. Even though I knew I shouldn’t be, I was really looking forward to meeting Isaac.

After dinner while Grandma and I lounged on the couch and drank tea, she insisted I call Mom to tell her I made it okay. I tried to explain that Mom didn’t care. That morning she acted like she could hardly wait to get rid of me. But Grandma wouldn’t take no for an answer so I gave in.

When I got her voice mail I shot Grandma an “I-told-you-so” look and then left a message. “Hey Mom, Grandma just wanted me to call and tell you I made it here fine. Bye.”

Grandma smiled when I hung up. “See that wasn’t so painful.”

“She didn’t even answer. I told you she wasn’t worried about me. Probably forgot I existed already.”

“Oh, stop being so melodramatic. Maybe she was working. I’m sure she will be happy to get your message.”

“I can’t believe you defend her so much. Believe me, she’s not that generous about you.”

Grandma sat back into the couch cushions, brought the teacup to her lips and took a tentative sip. “Your mom and I have our issues, but she’s still my daughter. I may not always agree with her choices but I’ll always love and support her.”

My eyes burned, my shoulders ached. I leaned back, yawned. “I’m getting tired.”

Glancing at the clock Grandma gave me a surprised look. “It’s only nine o’clock.”

“I know, but it’s been a long day.”

Before heading to bed I logged onto the computer to chat with Haley but she was offline. I checked her Facebook status.
Going to the movies with Derek tonight!

I rolled my eyes. After all that whining about how much she didn’t want me to leave. I should have known. No one back home missed me. They all had their own lives. I didn’t know why I expected anything different.

After changing into my flannel pajamas, I slipped into my bed. The sheets were warm and soft. I pulled the covers up to my chin and pressed my face into the sweet smelling pillow. Within minutes I drifted to sleep.

A loud monotonous chanting awakened me. I sat upright in bed, glanced around. The room was pitch-black. I wondered how come the bright streetlight wasn’t shining in my window like always and then I remembered I wasn’t home. The chanting quieted to barely above a whisper. I listened intently, honing in on the sound. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. I felt someone in my room. I heard someone breathing.

Sweat snaked down my back, my heart thumped in my chest. I froze, held my breath. As my eyes adjusted to the darkness I could make out shapes. I gasped when I saw the figure of a man. He was standing at the foot of my bed, looming over me.

3

I
opened my mouth to scream but no sound escaped. I cowered from him, pulled the covers up to my chin. He was tall and large, but I couldn’t make out his face. Tears pricked my eyes. I prayed he wouldn’t hurt me. Stiffening, I gripped the covers so tightly my hand hurt with the effort. Squeezing my eyes shut, I slunk further into the bed and pulled the quilt over my face. My body trembled violently, racked with fear. I prayed it was all a bad dream or a figment of my imagination.

Silence.

Holding my breath, I peeked out of the covers.

No one was there. The room was empty.

I was still too scared to move. So badly I wanted to get up and turn on my light but I imagined a man crouched under my bed. My feet tingled as I envisioned him grabbing me by the ankles. Careful not to make a sound, I scooted down into the covers again. Even though I was certain it had all just been in my mind, my heartbeat was still erratic. I floated in and out of nightmares all night until morning sunlight filtered into the window. Sitting up, I was grateful the night was over. I couldn’t believe I got so freaked. The last time that happened I was a child. I used to always think I saw things in my room. Once I thought a pile of laundry was a monster and I screamed until my mom came in and turned on the light. But, I wasn’t a little girl anymore. I was seventeen.