Psyche Moon (21 page)

Richard relaxed only a bit as he leaned against the wall, his arms folded across his chest. His voice stayed impassive and his eyes intent as he told me about my people. The tenor of his voice changed as if reading from a book.

“For centuries Mages have enslaved Wolves for their pleasure or to fulfill their goals. It’s not easy to turn a Wolf against his nature, and by our nature Wolves are free. It takes time, but there are ways of speeding up the process. Sometimes they sneak into a territory, find a Wolf without the Pack around, and plant a suggestion. A small one, not easily noticed. That suggestion is followed by another and another, until the Wolf’s mind becomes susceptible to suggestion. Since we usually know a Mage when we meet him – or her – this is difficult to accomplish without being caught and killed.

“The other way is to trap the Wolf, cage him, starve him, and torture him until his body can barely heal. His mind becomes open to control more quickly if his body is weak and his spirit is tired. Once enslaved, a Mage has complete control over all of his thoughts and actions. The Wolf can kill his entire Pack and even his own Mate without hesitating. There is no cure. The Wolf is lost forever. Any of us would choose death over enslavement.”

He paused in memory before he continued his eyes haunted and angry. “I’m the oldest here, and the only one who remembers. I was about Billie’s age when a Mage enslaved our Beta. We had no idea the Mage was in our territory until he started killing us. The Wolf killed his Mate first, tore her throat out and started hunting the rest of us. It took us two days to understand what was happening and another day to kill him. In two days he reduced our pack from thirty-four Wolves to eleven. My Mate died on the first day. Eleven of us fought him, and only eight of us survived the battle. Our Beta was the best warrior I’ve ever encountered, far surpassing either Billie’s or Jason’s skill. The Mage chose his slave well. He did not die easily. Our Alpha died minutes after fatally wounding him. Twenty-six pack-mates dead in three days. It nearly destroyed us and it took many years to recover.

“This is not an isolated event, Sadie. This has happened many times throughout our history. It’s even more common for a Mage to kidnap a Wolf and just disappear. We make great killing machines when our will is taken away. Humans are easier to enslave, and they do that too. But Wolves are a prize and owning our strength gives them power. Mages live for power, thrive on it. They’ll do anything to gain power.”

Bile rose in my throat, and I thought I would vomit. I knew that could be me. I’d felt the power’s seduction and knew it was part of me. No one spoke, waiting for me to collect myself. They could probably smell the bile, I thought. Finally I swallowed. “I’ve felt that power, and I promised myself a long time ago I’d never use it again. I won’t become that. I swear.”

Jason spoke. “Wolves can smell a lie, and we know you’re speaking the truth. We know you don’t mean to harm us or control us. But what if you are seduced by the power? You are a Mage.”

I shook my head, afraid. “Promise me, Jason. Promise me you won’t let that happen. I’d rather die.”

Billie grasped my hand.
Sadie! Don’t!

Gripping her hand in return, I insisted.
What he’s saying is true, love. That could be me. The power makes me feel like a god. Now that I know what I’m capable of, don’t make me live in fear of hurting you.

Grasping Billie’s hand tighter, I locked eyes with Jason. “Promise me that you will kill me if I become that.”

He nodded. “Now you understand how much of a risk you are to my Pack. And how much I’m risking just letting you live. Thank you for your offer, but it isn’t necessary. I already told you I’d kill you to protect my Pack.”

Silence hung in the air, thick and cloying. I could sense Billie’s fear, but I only felt relief.

Kathryn broke the silence. “Well, now that we’re done threatening to kill Billie’s Mate, who wants to cook the pheasant? Richard?”

“My pleasure.” He kissed her softly and retreated to the kitchen, still lost in painful memories. I thought he was relieved to be away from me.

Billie stood, swayed in dizziness, and took my hand. “How about a little alone time while Richard cooks?”

Standing, she led me to my bedroom. With the door shut, she sat me down on the bed and took me in her arms. The dam crumbled, and I broke into sobs.

I’m a monster.

No. You’re no monster.

When I killed those boys. When I harnessed that power. It felt fantastic. I enjoyed it. After the power was gone I realized what I did. Only after.

It’s okay. You were protecting yourself and your Mate.

Richard was right. It’s in me. If I got lost in the power, I could enslave you and not care.

Shhh. Baby. That won’t happen. We’ll figure it out. I always thought if you found out what I was you would be afraid of me. You weren’t afraid.

I could never be afraid of you.

And I’m not afraid of you. We’re in this together. Mates.

Lying back on the bed, she held me until my sobbing subsided. As I calmed, I sensed the difference in her fears. She wasn’t afraid of me. She was afraid for me. She was listening to the conversation in the other room, and it didn’t help.

They’re discussing me, aren’t they?

Yes. They’re concerned.

What are they saying?

You don’t want to hear the details. Understand they are responsible for the lives of everyone in the Pack. I’m responsible for them too, so they’re not sparing me. They know I can hear them. They have to consider every possibility, but they know I could never harm you. If the shit hit the fan, they wouldn’t even tell me. But Jason won’t break his word. He won’t kill you unless you threaten the Pack. I believe in you. You are too good-hearted to ever be like other Mages.

I wanted to believe her, but I kept thinking about the dead teenage boys, their bodies littering the ground in front of me. Billie held me closer.

Chapter 12

Richard and Kathryn stayed through dinner but left soon after. By the time he left, Richard no longer looked at me as if I’d killed his Mate, but it wasn’t the same as before. My very existence haunted him, and he worried about the safety of his Pack with me around. He wouldn’t look at me, and he barely acknowledged my presence.

Jason’s concerns were less overt but no less present. He left soon after Richard and Kathryn, leaving Billie in my care. Or me in Billie’s care. Probably both. He was honestly happy that Billie had found a mate, despite his displeasure at my Mage status. He did, however, love referencing his sense of smell frequently.

A Wolf came to fix the door, smiling and nodding his greeting. A taciturn man, he asked a few questions but mostly focused on the job. He wasn’t afraid, so I assumed he didn’t know about me yet. Checking out every door and window, he announced his intention to purchase supplies and return to finish the job.

Before he left, Amy arrived. Physically, she was no head turner. Plain, dirty blond hair, and dressed very casually. She radiated the same vitality that all the other Wolves did, and I realized I’d always know Wolf from Human now. “Hi, I’m Amy.”

“I’m Sadie.” I smiled.

“Looks like it smarts.” She gently pressed around my eye and cheek. I flinched involuntarily but let her prod my face, arms, chest and legs.

“Yeah it does.”

“If anything was broken, it would hurt a lot worse. How do you feel?” I blinked, not knowing how to answer that question. She smiled invitingly. “Any dizziness? Nausea? Headaches?”

“Headache. The nausea and dizziness went away.”

She nodded. “Did you black out at all when you were being hit or after?”

“I started to. Everything sort of faded to grey, but I didn’t black out.”

She nodded and continued her questions. Once satisfied, she sat on the couch beside me. “The headaches, nausea, and everything else could be a concussion or it could be an emotional response. Probably a combination of both. You were hit hard enough for a concussion, but you’re not showing any major warning signs. Going to an ER probably isn’t necessary but it wouldn’t be a bad idea – they can scan your head. But it could lead to questions none of us want asked.”

“I don’t want to add to the problems.”

She nodded solemnly. “I appreciate that. I won’t tell you what to do. I’ll tell you what I can and let you decide. I think you’ve got a concussion and you’ll be just fine. My nose and ears tell me more than a Human’s, but without X-ray vision, there’s the possibility I’m wrong. If it’s worse than I think it is, the ER is the place to be. If it were any other situation, I’d recommend going to the ER just to be sure. At the ER, they will know you were beat up and they’ll call the police. The police will ask questions that you can’t answer truthfully without exposing us. They can tell how old a bruise is just by looking at it. If they know where you live, they could easily connect you with the deaths. They’d probably think you are a victim that doesn’t want to come forward.”

She paused and let me catch up. “If you decide to go to the ER, I can help you with your story. If you don’t go to the ER, I’ll come back and check on you regularly but someone should stay with you for a day or two. I doubt you’ll have to twist Billie’s arm.” She smiled warmly at her friend.

“I don’t feel that bad, and I don’t want to talk to the police again. I’ll stay here.”

“I thought you’d say that. I’ll check on you often. Call me if the dizziness or nausea comes back, if the headaches get worse, or if you don’t feel right for any reason.” She turned to Billie. “If she shows any cognitive problems, her heart rate changes, or if her scent gets acrid call me.”

“You’re the best.” Billie smiled at the woman.

“Better believe it!” Amy switched out of medic mode. “I’ve been itching to meet you, Sadie. I’ve been super busy and haven’t seen much of Billie lately, but everyone’s been talking about you.”

“How long have you known Billie?” Amy made me think of an overgrown teenager with her enthusiasm. A teenager from the 1930’s.

“Ever since she came to the Pack. Seven years, I think. She was such a feisty thing. I didn’t know whether to adopt her or shove her into a wall.”

Billie replied with mock sternness. “You did shove me into a wall once.”

“Well, yes. But only because you were being a bitch and weren’t paying attention. First and last time I got the upper hand.” She grinned. Amy explained to me. “I’m pretty mellow for a Wolf. Low in the Pack hierarchy but it works for me. That’s why I became a medic. I can patch people up instead of joining in the sparring and fighting. Billie, on the other hand, is as dominant as they get. Beta at five years old.” She sounded very proud of her friend.

“There’s so much about Billie that I don’t know yet.” I mused. “Beta means you’re second in command, right? How long have you been a Wolf?”

“Seven years, going on eight. I was Turned in Ohio and moved here almost immediately. Yes, Beta means I’m second to the Alpha.”

“Your scar.”

“Yes.” Anger welled up in her, so she explained. “I love being a Wolf, but I wasn’t given the choice.”

Amy’s voice turned cold. “Most of us chose this, and we had a Pack to guide us. I fell in love with a Wolf and chose to become one. That bastard didn’t give her a choice and he just abandoned her without telling her what she was turning in to. Fortunately, Kathryn was in the area and heard what happened. She found Billie and brought her home to us. Speaking of which, did Jason bring the new guy home?”

“Yes. He’s staying with John tonight. You can go see him if you want.”

“I will.” Amy brightened.

“I keep wondering how many people I know are Wolves. Am I going to go into work and realize one of my crew is one?”

Billie bit her lower lip and gave me an apologetic grin. “Not exactly. He’s married to a Wolf.”

“Some Mage I am.” I grumbled. Amy threw me a sharp glance, alarmed. I sighed at her. “I don’t think I can explain it all again tonight. Another day?”

“You’re a Mage?” Her voice quaked a bit and then she collected herself. “If Jason and Billie are okay with having a Mage around, who am I to argue?” Something occurred to her. “Why don’t you feel like a Mage? I’ve met several, and they stand out. I never would have guessed.”

“That seems to be the question of the day.” I shrugged. “I don’t know. You guys know more about Mages than I do.”

“Weird.” She jumped to her feet and bent to give me a hug. “Well. Welcome to the Pack. We should go for a beer sometime.” She patted Billie on the face adoringly. “I like her. Don’t keep her all to yourself.”

“I won’t. See you soon.” Amy grabbed her satchel and disappeared out the door with a wave.

I sighed and leaned against Billie. “We’re alone. Finally.”

“Finally.” She agreed, stroking my waist.

 We sat in silence for a few minutes, just enjoying each other’s presence. “Let’s go shopping for perfume.” I blurted.

“What? Perfume?” I’d caught Billie unaware, which was a little satisfying since nothing caught her off guard.

“Yes. Perfume. What’s the most obnoxious perfume you could handle me wearing?” She looked at me as if I was crazy. “Just for when Jason visits.” I assured her. “I’ll take a shower as soon as he leaves.”

She laughed. “You’re going to deliberately annoy an Alpha Wolf?”

“Well, yes.” I said. “He’s having way too much fun with the smelling thing. It’s creepy. I promise to annoy him politely.”

“It’s your funeral.” She joked before realizing how not funny her statement was.

“It’s not about being rude or pissing him off. I just want to poke him in the ribs a bit since he’s been doing that to me for hours.”

She shook her head. “Keep it friendly?”

“Promise.”

“Patchouli. He can’t stand the stuff, and I don’t mind it even when it’s a bit strong.”

“I’ll get some.” I nodded, satisfied, at the thought. Looking around my home, I groaned at the mess. “Why did I agree to do the cleanup?”