Psyche Shield (6 page)

There are two sides to every coin, Muzi. Nathan would be
lost forever if you could not. Few had the power to free him, and only you
cared enough to do so.
His words penetrated my guilt, and I focused on that
single thought.
Your packmates wish to soothe your troubled spirit. Find
comfort in Pack.

I closed my eyes once again and buried my head in Billie’s
lap. “We’re here, love. We’re all here for you.” My mate sent her love for me
through our bond as she spoke softly. Kathryn’s serenity washed over me, and
Amy’s breath tickled my neck. Most of all, I focused on Nathan’s reassuring
presence.

Billie’s hand caressed my cheek, and I spoke to her
silently.
I don’t think I can do that again.

Hopefully it never comes to that again
, Billie
replied.
We’ll do everything we can to make sure of it.

It’s just beginning. Kato told us the war between Wolves
and Mages is escalating. I know I can do it, but I don’t know if I can handle
it.

We’ll do it together. You’re not alone anymore
, she
reminded me gently. Billie was right, and knowing we faced the future together
reassured me.

My hand trembled as I reached for Nathan’s rough hand
resting on Amy’s neck. He grasped it and held it tightly. “Ya ready to face us
now?” the young Wolf challenged. I met his worried eyes but didn’t know what to
say. My mouth opened and then closed wordlessly, and he gripped my hand
tighter. “Ya disappeared ’cause ya couldn’t face us, didn’t ya? Don’t ever run
away from us, Sadie. We’re Pack.”

He spoke the truth. I didn’t want to face them after what I
did to Jazz and her family, and it made escaping the void more difficult. “Are
you giving me orders now?” I asked the Pup with a failed attempt at a smile.

“Yup. If that’s what it takes.” He bobbed his head.

“I’m done running away.” I told him emphatically, gripping
his hand to make my point.

I noticed Sierra’s rapt attention but had nothing to spare
for her. Focusing on my mate and packmates, covered and surrounded by Pack,
brought me back to myself. When able, I dutifully acknowledged my guest. “I
woke you up, didn’t I? Sorry.”

“That’s okay. How are you?” Sierra projected her emotions
more than most. Confusion and concern for my welfare nearly replaced the terror
that I’d collar her.

“I’m having a shitty day.” I tried to smile but once again
it didn’t reach my face. “How are you doing?”

“Better,” she replied succinctly.

Amy jumped up, licking Nathan on the chin affectionately.
Too quick for the eye to follow, she shifted into her human form, unfazed by
her own nakedness. Amy had the body of a gymnast, short with lean muscles. I’d
grown somewhat accustomed to the frequent nudity, and it didn’t embarrass me.
Nathan enjoyed the view, blushing slightly at his obvious admiration. She
looked pointedly at me and Sierra before announcing, “Food for both of you.
Mind giving me a hand, Nate?” Nathan gave my hand a final squeeze and jumped to
his feet at her request.

They disappeared into the kitchen. I couldn’t hear them, but
I suspected it would take them a little longer than necessary to retrieve a
meal. The thought came with a smile that finally reached my face.

Kato hopped off the couch and shifted into his human form so
he could speak. His long tangled beard and hair fell in grey masses down his
body. He faced Sierra with bright eyes, kneeling to speak to her at eye level.
“I am pleased you are safe. I extend our pack’s full hospitality to you. Stay
as long as you wish. My packmates and I will see to your needs.”

“Thank you for all your help. It’s a privilege to meet you,”
Sierra replied respectfully.

“The honor is mine,” he spoke warmly and inclined his head
deeply. He turned to me next, placing a hand on my head affectionately.

She is special to you?
I asked him, looking up into
his deep gaze. I noticed Sierra no longer flinched at mindspeech.

He smiled widely in response but did not explain. “Rest,
Muzi. Fill your heart with Pack. We will speak at length soon.”

“You always come when I need you,” I replied appreciatively.

“I would spare you this anguish if I could, daughter.” His
eyes mourned that he could not. He spoke to Kathryn, her black wolf head still
on my chest. “If you wish, we can speak about what troubles you when I return.
For now, will you care for my Muzi and our guest?” She stretched her head
against my chest and cocked an ear towards Sierra, accepting the
responsibility.

Fill your heart with Pack
, he said once again before
transforming into a red lanky Ethiopian Wolf and ducking out the doggie door. Amy
and Nathan, hands full of plates piled high with food, watched him through the
glass door as he disappeared into the foothills. Amy let out a slight huff and
complained. “He’s gone again. He never sticks around very long. We’ve been
packmates for seventy years, and I barely know him.”

She handed me a plate with more food than I usually ate in
an entire day. “Amy, I’m not Wolf. I don’t eat this much.”

“Billie can help you. She hurt herself again.” Amy glared at
her Beta. “You can’t hide it from me, so don’t even try. You re-cracked that
rib carrying Sadie in here. I heard it pop.”

“I’m fine, Amy,” Billie warned the Medic as she plucked a
sandwich off my plate. Both Amy and I knew how much pain the Beta hid from the
others. I could feel it through our bond, but I also sensed my mate’s need to
appear strong in front of Sierra. Her ribs and knee had flared up since
morning, and her bruised flanks hadn’t quit hurting since she fought Jason.

Amy expressed her disbelief. “Hmmph. Sadie, is Billie fine?”

“Very fine.” I dodged Amy’s question by running a hand down
Billie’s long leg. Sierra grinned at the obvious but effective decoy.

Amy didn’t appreciate the humor, narrowing her eyes and
pursing her lips at the two of us. “Either way, Sadie needs rest and Pack, so you
get to stay put with her. I know you won’t do it for yourself. You’re too
pigheaded. But you’ll do it for your mate, and I get two for one.” She sounded
very pleased with herself and plopped on the floor beside Nathan. He pulled her
closer and kissed her forehead.

Billie ran her hand through my hair, silently agreeing to
stay with me. I could appreciate Amy’s craftiness, even when it didn’t work.
The familiar banter eased my spirit. “She’s devious. Are all Wolves this bad or
am I just lucky?” I asked Sierra.

“Not all, but most,” she replied with a knowing chuckle. “My
Beta never admits when he’s injured either.”

I picked absently at the food as the others dug into the
meal. Eager to distract myself with conversation, I asked about Sierra’s Beta
“What’s he like?”

“He’s a tough old goat, and as stubborn as yours. Stephen’s
friendly enough, though. He’s a good Beta,” she replied easily and spoke as if
Billie couldn’t hear. “I’ve heard your Beta is young. The rumors don’t seem
possible. How old is she?”

I answered as the Wolves did, calculating age from the time
they became Wolf. “She’s seven, eight this winter. She’s been Beta for two
years.”

“No way!” Sierra’s eyes widened even further, reminding me
of an owl. “I heard she was twenty and didn’t believe it. Is she really only
seven?” Billie silently enjoyed the conversation while she consumed the food on
my plate.

“How old is your Beta?”

“Oh, about 100, I guess.” She shrugged as if she didn’t know
for sure.

I glanced at Kathryn and Amy. “I’m still having a hard time
wrapping my head around everyone’s age. You seem young, though.” She hesitated
and I realized her assumption. It brought me back to reality. “I’m not reading
you. I pick up some of what’s on the surface, and I can’t help that. But I’m
not entering your mind.”

“Oh.” She thought about it. “I’m thirteen. Can I ask you
something?”

“Sure.” Curiosity filled the air around her, nearly
tangible. I didn’t feel like I could say no.

“Why don’t you like being a Mage?” Her question brought back
memories of the void.

Amy saw my expression darken and interrupted protectively.
“You can interrogate Sadie later when she’s feeling better.”

With a half-smile and a wave, I banished memories of the
void. “That’s okay. I was raised by Humans. I didn’t know what I was until the
Wolves told me. I thought I was just a freak, and everyone around me pretty
much agreed. When I was a kid, I used my abilities. I meddled with people’s
thoughts and coerced them when it suited me. I liked the way I felt when I did
it, and I didn’t know any better.”

I paused in thought, the memory fresh in my mind. Even
Billie didn’t know why I quit using magepower. Nathan was right. I shouldn’t
hide from it.
I’m done running away
, I reminded myself. “When I was 16,
I snuck out to party with my friends. They didn’t even like me until I changed
their minds. I bought beer using magepower, and we went to Lucky Peak to have a
good time. I had the hots for one of the girls. She was straight except when I
wanted to make out with her. The cops showed up, and I coerced them into
leaving us alone. I was drunk and got carried away. When I got home, my parents
caught me coming in the back door. I made them forget, but I was sloppy and
erased more than I intended to. They were confused for days.

“That was pretty normal for me for a while. I thought it was
fun getting anything I wanted. Then I saw what it was doing to the people
around me. That night I promised myself I’d never use my abilities to coerce
others again. I kept that promise until a few weeks ago. That’s when I found
out about Wolves and Mages.”

Billie listened intently to the story, and I could feel her
connecting the dots. Everyone heard it, and I sensed compassion towards the
lost teenager who didn’t know any better.
I was selfish.
I argued with
Billie’s unspoken thought.

Billie disagreed.
You’re too hard on yourself. When are
you going to give yourself a break?
Billie disputed. “You were a kid.”

“Don’t make excuses for me.”
I liked feeling like a god.
I did whatever I wanted, no matter who it hurt.

Teenagers do that. We all did.
“Just ask them.”

Sierra had trouble following the fractured conversation. Amy
poked an irritated thumb at us. “They do that a lot. And they’re getting
worse.”

Sierra dismissed it with a shake of her head and asked
another question. “What happened a few weeks ago?”

“I was attacked by a bunch of teenagers. Humans. I called
out to Billie mentally, and she came to my rescue in wolf form. That was a
pretty big clue that she’s not Human. I didn’t know there was anything else
before then. The boys nearly killed her, and I used magepower to stop them.
When I did the Wolves knew what I am and told me about Mages. That was when I
found out I’m not Human.” I deliberately left out the part where I killed the
teenagers with a thought. I didn’t mean to, but their accusing faces had
emerged in the void regardless.

“I’m surprised they didn’t kill you,” Sierra asserted.

“Billie carried my matebite, and I saved her life that
night. After she saved mine. Jason, our Alpha, gave me a chance, but it isn’t easy
to build trust with Wolves.”

“It wouldn’t be. And the recent Mage problem?” Once she
started, she didn’t let up. During the conversation, she’d grown even more
comfortable with me, so I welcomed her curiosity.

“That’s an even longer story.” I sighed and asked Billie to
fill her in.
I don’t know how much you want to tell someone from another
pack.

Gladly.
Billie tucked her legs under her, getting
more comfortable as she picked up where I left off. “Nathan came to us already
collared, but we didn’t know it at the time. Kato knew, and he knew Nathan was
a pawn in the Mage’s plan to take the entire pack. He had a vision, and he
asked Sadie to help him stop it. What was the vision? You never did tell me.”

Glancing at Amy, I took a deep breath. If I could erase a
memory from my own mind, I’d rid myself of this one. “He did more than tell me
what he foresaw, he shared the vision with me. Amy was in the forest, crying
and screaming while she told Kato what happened. Everyone was gone. Billie,
Matthew, and Jason were dead and every other Wolf was collared. Most of the
Humans too. Kato helped her get away, but she was completely broken. The Amy I
know was gone.” I couldn’t tear my eyes away from my friend. She covered her
mouth in horror, and Billie’s ire rose upon hearing the gruesome details. “It
was as vivid as a memory, but it hadn’t happened yet. Except I knew if I told
anyone about it or what I was doing to prevent it, Wolves would be lost. It was
so real. I’m glad I don’t have visions.”

“That’s horrible!” Amy exclaimed and snuggled closer into
Nathan’s protective arms. Sierra shuddered at the idea of losing her entire
pack.

Billie resumed the story, her voice harsh. “Sadie lured
Nathan’s owner in and pretended to be interested in joining them. That was the
first time Sadie ever met another Mage. Growing up in Pack territory, she
didn’t have the opportunity.

“She even told Cassandra that she’d collared me. She didn’t,
of course, but I was her ticket in. When she met with Cassandra the second
time, she agreed to let them use me to take the pack. Gary, one of our Human
packmates, overheard them. You can imagine how he reacted. He told our Alpha
she’d sold us out, and I was collared. Jason ordered Matthew to kill Sadie, and
me too if I tried to save her. I stopped Matthew, and we fled to the mountains.
On our way out of town, we found out that Cassandra had used Nathan to kill
John. Nathan was missing.” She left out the part about beating our Alpha in a
fight in order to reach me.

Anger darkened Nathan’s face, and he interrupted. “I
remember killin’ John, but I didn’t wanna kill him. I couldn’t stop m’self.
That Mage was yappin’ at me, and I said somethin’ out loud. He figured it out,
’n she could tell. She made me put a knife in his throat, steal a car, ’n join
her.”