Hell, they’d all been scared.
She pushed open the door to the lowest level and walked through. The hallway was dark. Ugly. She shivered. Her hand instinctively reached for the light switch. A harsh white light bulb hung drunkenly on wires. The light above her stayed dark.
This hallway, identical to all the others above had fewer doors. She stood undecided. “I’m not sure which direction to go.”
“Then let’s go where the light is. If we can’t find what you’re looking for there, we’ll come back to the other side.”
She stared at him. “I suppose you believe in fairy tales too, don’t you.”
He stopped and shot her a confused look. “What?”
“You know it’s not going to be that easy. If there’s anything bad here it’s going to be in the dark half of the hallway,” she muttered. “At least in the movies.”
“This isn’t the movies,” he said in exasperation. “And not everything in life is a horror story.”
She shot him a disbelieving look as she walked down the hallway – on the lit side. “Like I said, fairy tales.”
Twenty minutes later, having walked the whole length, checked all the rooms, he was forced to concede. “Okay, so we didn’t find anything on this side, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to be really bad on the other side.” As they were back at their original position he switched off the light, walked over and unscrewed the bulb that hung off its wires.
“There, now let’s see if we can shine some light on the situation.” He flicked the switch back on and they turned to the dark side of the hallway. “Let’s go to the furthest end and see if I can find a place to screw this in.”
She watched him, a smile on her face. She’d never have thought to do that. A smart move. Then again, she wasn’t tall enough to reach the damn light in the first place.
The dark gave the hospital the same feeling she’d had in her memories. A shiver rippled down her arms. There were no boogiemen here today, but in her mind that child was screaming at her to run…
“Okay?”
“I am.” She could only hope her voice was stable, sure. Inside she wasn’t so confident but didn’t want to always come across as some weakling. Never that.
His sharp gaze stayed on her face for a moment longer before easing back and moving on. She breathed a little easier. The hallway ahead was exactly the same as her memories. Back when she’d been led from one room to another, sometimes crying, sometimes fighting, always hating the journey, not sure what was to come. Not sure how bad it would be this time.
Always wondering why she just didn’t give in and do what they wanted her to do. Why fight.
Because it had been wrong and something inside of her said she had to keep up the fight, and if she wouldn’t fight for herself, then who would? No one. Because no one cared about Tia Hanniger. They’d all forgotten she existed – if they’d ever known in the first place.
Life was a bitch and all that.
She straightened her back determined to not let the same damn hallways make her skin crawl with memories. Dean strode ahead of her. He found another light socket hanging down and quickly screwed his light bulb into it.
Instantly cold light flooded the deserted space. The paint peeled off the walls here. The ceiling tiles hung slightly down as if something in the duct work had broken and needed repairing but no one had bothered. That was like a lot of this program. No one had bothered.
She swallowed hard and smiled. “Thanks. That’s easier to see.”
He nodded. “Let’s get this over with.” He strode forward and opened the first door he came to. She peered in over his shoulder and gulped hard. Her breath caught in the back of her throat and she closed her eyes.
“Jesus. What the hell went on in here?”
In a detached voice, one she was proud of, she said, “This was one of the punishment rooms. If we didn’t behave, he’d bring us down here and chain us up.”
The walls still held the padded cushions so the patients could bounce from side to side without hurting themselves. The hooks holding the bindings still hung securely from the walls. The rusty stains on the floor were new. She stared at them.
“Is that blood,” he exclaimed, stepping forward into the room.
“Most likely,” she said, following him inside. “There was often blood, but they always cleaned it up quickly.” She waited a beat. “Mostly fear of infection I suppose.”
He stared at her in shock. “Were you ever here?”
She snorted. “All the time. I couldn’t seem to stop fighting my circumstances. Lots of the blood on the floor is mine.”
“Yours.” His voice deepened, became menacing.
She studied him in surprise. This made him angry. Good. She liked to think he’d be upset at the wrongs in the world. “Yeah, mine.”
“Did they beat you?”
“Sometimes. Sometimes they gave us drugs that brought on nosebleeds, sometimes they cut us,” she said in a conversational tone. “Mostly it was superficial, unless Wilhelm lost his temper.”
It took a moment for the heavy silence to set in. She turned to look at Dean. He looked ready to murder someone.
“Good,” she replied tartly. “Get mad. Lord knows I did over the years. You at least have the power to do something about this. Unlike those of us that were here.”
“How many?”
“Too many,” she answered shortly. “In the beginning, maybe a dozen, at the very end, just me.” She laughed but even she winced at the harshness of the sound. “Like Wilhelm said often enough, I belonged to him. There was no other place for me to go.”
“Jesus Christ.” It was said more as a prayer, but with the force of an avenging angel. She loved that about him.
“He’s dead. There’s nothing any of us can do to him now. If I could,” she said, “I would have many times over.”
“Damn good thing,” Dean snapped. “I’d have taken this asshole out myself.”
“Actually, given the opportunity, I’d have beaten you to it. Several others tried. That’s when he doubled up the security on the place.” Her face twisted sourly. “Not that it did him any good.”
“Meaning?”
She shrugged. “The final straw was when Gord, one of the other poor sods that was here, attacked Wilhelm. Gord was shipped home after that, and for a long time Wilhelm never came into our rooms alone. Gord broke a couple of ribs and maybe something else. I don’t remember.”
She waved her hand at the bloodstains. “Actually, I don’t want to remember. Come on, we’re taking forever.”
With that she walked back out and opened the door across the hall. “This is it,” she called out excitedly. “There’re still some filing cabinets in here.”
“They are going to be empty, you know that.”
She raced across the floor and pulled over the top drawer, empty. The next two cabinets were also empty. The one on the bottom, she pulled it open and pulled the damn thing right out with her need to find something important.
It was also empty.
Shit.
She squatted down and tried to fit the damn drawer back in but couldn’t get it to line up properly.
“Forget about it. There’s no one left to care if the drawer is put away properly or not.”
She nodded but couldn’t stop trying to fix it. He took it out of her hands, placed it in the right position and as he tried to push it in, they heard paper crumple. Tia leaned over to find a folder jammed in the back.
Dean, anticipating her need, tilted the entire cabinet sideways so she could reach it.
“There’re two files.” She snagged the folders and reached for several loose sheets tucked in and around the fat files.
Standing up again, she held the folders aloft. “They must have forgotten about these.”
“Probably didn’t know they existed,” Dean said. “A shredding company likely came in and cleaned the place out.”
She gave him a horrified look. “They wouldn’t have, would they? That was Dr. Wilhelm’s life work.”
He gave her a strange look. “I’m not sure anyone gave a shit about his research, Tia. Sounds like he was a crackpot.”
“He was.” But he was also her crackpot. And she’d hated him – but he’d also been a mainstay in her life. In a twisted way she’d depended on him. He’d been father figure and mentor, then after she’d tried to escape the first time, he’d just become her prison warden.
For the first time, standing there in the empty room staring at the last of what she could find of his research, she wondered if he’d seen her attempt to escape as a betrayal. If he’d bonded with her, then he most likely did.
That might account for the viciousness of his response. At least in his demented mind.
She gave her head a shake. It was all old news. Dead news. Just like the doctor. He was gone and she was alive and well and doing better than ever. And just think, for the first time, she wasn’t alone.
Sliding a sideways glance at Dean, she had to wonder just how alone she was. And just how attached she was.
“Now what’s rolling around in that pretty head of yours?” He caught up to her and slipped an arm through hers. “Are we leaving? Do you want to check the other rooms?”
She stopped and turned, realizing now that she had something from here, even if it wasn’t what she really wanted. Instinct told her to get the hell out. Or was it remembered fear, panic? She had enough of those old memories rising up to make her panicked now. But she shouldn’t be so fast to leave. She couldn’t remember what was in the other rooms, but there had been something.
And she was never going to come back so she’d better look now. “Damn it. I don’t want to, but I think we should check them.” She turned and walked back. At the next room, the door was open and it was empty. “Good. Hopefully the others are the same way.”
He opened the next one, took a good look inside while she waited in the hallway and said, “It’s empty.”
She nodded and walked to the next one. Glancing down the hall, she realized they were almost done. “Three more.”
“Good. Let’s get this done and get out of here.”
“I want pizza,” she said, opening the next door to find another bare room. “Empty.”
“And empty,” he said from slightly ahead of her. “One last one.”
She nodded and walked up to the door. “I don’t remember these rooms.”
“Good. Sounds like you remember way too much from here.”
“True enough.”
With a deep breath, she opened the last door. Maybe it was that whole nightmare thing again saying she’d find something horrible behind the door, but as she gazed inside, she realized the last room was empty too.
“Thank heavens for that,” she muttered as she walked back toward the stairs.
“You really thought you’d see something?” he asked.
“Not necessarily. It’s more a case of my mind always said there was something here based on what it knew from before.” She shrugged. “I know it probably sounds stupid, but I needed to update my memories. To see this place derelict, empty. Harmless.”
“It doesn’t seem stupid to me.” He frowned. “Are you good now? Can we leave?” They walked up the stairs to the main floor and out the front door. There she turned and looked back at the big slice of her life so far. “Yeah, I’m good.”
She walked out to the edge of the property where the broken gate hung. With one final last look, she turned back, and standing with hands across her chest, stared at the building. “It doesn’t look the same.”
“Why would it? It was a long time ago.”
“Yet, there is something…”
He shifted impatiently at her side. “Something what?”
She shrugged. “Almost a presence there.”
“I don’t think so. It’s broken glass and sagging beams.”
She nodded. “It must be my imagination.”
*
Dean waited for
her to be done. Whatever it was she was doing. Saying goodbye maybe? He’d have kicked his heels at returning to a place like this, happy to never set his eyes on it. But in her case, there was something…off.
Still, it was late and darkness was settling in. And he was starving.
“Do you need to go back in again?” He waited, trying for the patience required.
“If there is something there,” she said almost absently, “it’s more energy than substance.”
“Huh?”
She shook her head and smiled. “Nothing. Let’s go, I’m starved.”
Still carrying the folders he noticed she hadn’t looked at yet – something else he would have done differently, as in he’d have looked inside them immediately. She appeared afraid to open that door – like Pandora’s Box – it could be something she didn’t want to start.
“Pick up pizza and home?” he asked.
“Absolutely.”
She remained silent the whole trip back to his son’s favorite restaurant. They waited the ten minutes for their order to be ready then completed the last of the journey back to his place.
The house was empty with his son gone but with Tia there, it was full of life, warmth. His last relationship had been a long time ago. He dropped the pizza boxes down on the table. “Let’s eat.”
She tossed the files on the table and sat down.
He opened the boxes. Heavy Italian sausage filled the air. “Oh, that smells good.”
“It does.” He sat down and shoved the files back slightly. And picked up a piece rich with meat and cheese. “Seems like hours since we ate.”
“It was,” she mumbled around a mouthful of hot pizza. “It’s almost ten o’clock.”