PUCK (A BAD BOY HOCKEY ROMANCE) (38 page)

I
collect
my things and head off to Penn Station after breakfast. My father meets me when I get in to give me a ride to the house. He gets out of the car when he sees me and greets me with a big hug. Then he helps put my things in the car and we take off.

“It’s so nice to see you, Eve,” he says as we drive.

“Yeah. I’m happy to be here. I can’t believe it’s Christmas already,” I reply.

“Me, either. Time flies. Mom and I have had plans almost every weekend,” Dad answers. “We all don’t see each other as much as we should. It’s silly.”

“It is. It’s my fault, too. I’m not as busy—I don’t really have an excuse.” I’m feeling kind of bad now that I haven’t taken the short ride back to see my parents that often.

“Don’t worry, princess. You’re young, you’re living your dream—that’s important, too,” my stepfather says. “Maybe one day you’ll run off to California like Ryan, but for now, you’re here and life is good. Let’s enjoy this time while we have it.”

We pull up to the house and I see smoke coming from the chimney. I’m looking forward to the warm, cozy surroundings and being with my parents. A little coddling and some home-cooking is just what I need about now.

My step father helps me carry my things into the house. When we open the door, I smell the familiar scent of cinnamon and spices. The air is warm and there is holiday music playing in the background. My mother is in the kitchen, pulling something out of the oven. She appears to be cooking up a feast for Christmas Eve.

Mom pulls off her over mitts and embraces me in a big bear hug, “Oh, it’s so good to see you,” she says before letting me go.

“It’s good to be here. Whatever you’re making smells incredible,” I reply and step away to take a look at what she has going on in the kitchen.

“Same thing we have every Christmas Eve, and it gets better every time,” Mom answers proudly. “I was just going to have some coffee. Would you like to join me?”

“Sure,” I reply. I grab a mug for each of us. “Dad, would you like some?”

“Yes, please,” he replies and takes a seat at the table.

Mom and I make the cups of coffee and join my father at the table. I tell them all about living in Manhattan—well, I tell them most things about it. I talk about the class we all took together and one I am going to sign up for. I haven’t had an audition in a while, so I also want to try and put myself out there again. I talk about pretty much everything except Ryan.

“So, how do you like living alone now?” mom asks.

“It’s not too bad. Ryan and I weren’t on the same schedule, so it’s not that noticeable that he’s not there,” I lie.

“I don’t know how I feel about you living there all by yourself,” Dad says. “Do you plan on finding another roommate?”

“I don’t know. I’m really fine, Dad,” I assure him. “Ryan is still paying his share, so I don’t really have to. I mean, I’m getting older, I can’t have a roommate forever. That’s what cats are for.”

“How is Ryan doing in California?” Mom asks, “have you heard from him? He doesn’t really call much…”

“We’ve spoken a couple of times. He seems to be doing just fine.” I’m trying to be vague so maybe they will move on to something else.

“I can’t believe he’s going to be in a movie!” my mom says excitedly. “I can’t wait to see it.”

“I’m sure it will be a while before it’s out. Is anyone joining us for dinner?” I ask. It’s time to move on.

My mom rattles off the short list of relatives who will be joining us for dinner tonight, as they do each year. She catches me up on the latest family news and we finish our coffee. Dad takes the paper and sits by the fire, and I help my mother prepare dinner and set the dining room table for our guests.

The evening is prefect as far as family gatherings go. It’s very cold outside, but inside is warm and inviting. The fire is burning and everyone is in good spirits. Dinner is delicious and even though everyone is stuffed, we still manage to have dessert. I catch up with my relatives and spend some time with my cousins who I haven’t seen since last Christmas.

After everyone leaves, we clean the kitchen and put everything away. I fetch my bags and place the gifts for my parents under the tree. I smile as I look at the tree and the ornaments that all hold memories of my childhood. We say goodnight and all head up to bed. Just as I get comfortable, my phone rings. It’s Ryan.

“Hello?” I answer. I am suddenly nervous and excited—the opposite of how I’ve been all day.

“Hey! I’m glad you answered,” Ryan says, sounding relieved. “I miss you so much. I’ve been trying to get a hold of you.”

“Yeah, sorry. I’ve been working a lot and I never know when to call with the time difference and your new schedule,” I explain.

“No worries. At least we’re here now. So, what’s going on? Are you at our parents’ house?”

I tell him all about my day. It feels so good to be talking to him again. I can’t believe I’ve been so scared to call him. “Where are you? Do you have anywhere to go for Christmas?”

“I do. I hooked up with one of my old friends. He invited me to come spend the day with him and his wife.”

“Sounds nice. I’m glad you’ll have company. How’s everything else going?” I ask him.

“So far, so good. Just doing a lot of prepping and researching. Trying to get settled and learn about my role, and a million other things I have no clue about. I’m kind of nervous.”

“You’ll be great,” I assure him. “They chose you for a reason.”

“I guess. I miss you so much, Eve. I need you here. It’s ridiculous that we just got together and I had to leave. I don’t want to be away from you.”

“We’ll be back together soon enough,” I say. “No matter what.”

We talk for a long time about nothing and everything before hanging up. I promise Ryan I’ll make more time for him, and I mean it. He tells me he loves me and I believe him. I love him, too. The timing just sucks, but we will make it work. I am really considering going to California—maybe just for a little while, to see what happens. We end the call on a great note and I’m so glad we spoke.

Christmas morning is perfect. I wake up in a fantastic mood after my conversation with Ryan. I go downstairs and have breakfast and coffee. My stepdad lights a fire and we sit under the tree and open gifts, and for a moment, I feel like I’m a kid again. My parents appreciate the little gifts I got for them, and I love opening the things they got me. We lounge around for the rest of the day, eating leftovers and enjoying each other’s company.

M
y stepfather offers
me a ride back to my apartment so I don’t have to carry everything on the train. We arrive back around lunchtime and he finds parking easily so he can come up with me. He hasn’t been here since I moved in and is impressed with the way things look. I think he’s just happy the door is still up. He also doesn’t seem too fazed that Ryan is gone. He stays for a little while and we eat lunch before he drives back to the island and I get ready for work.

The bar is pretty crowded with so many people in town. The holiday parties usually continue straight through the new year. The drinks are flowing and people are still full of joy and holiday spirit. I don’t get home until very late, and the same pattern continued through my next three shifts at work. The money is fantastic, but I’m exhausted. I sleep very late on my day off, and it’s the perfect opportunity to catch up on the cleaning I’ve been neglecting the last couple of weeks.

I call Tara while I’m having coffee and she invites me to a party at their place for New Year’s Eve. They have a cool community room which one of her roommates had the smarts to reserve a year ago. It will be nice to see my friends. I’ve still been keeping to myself and working so it’s been a while. I begin the cleaning efforts in my room since that’s where I’ve been spending most of my time. I put away my clothes and gifts from Christmas and move into the living area.

Our little Christmas tree is pretty dead at this point. I have to take it down. I place the ornaments in a small box, unstring the lights, and put it all in the closet. I pick up the tree to bring it to the trash and see a red envelope with my name on it. I place the tree back on the floor and pick up the card—it has to be from Ryan.

I open it up and there is a card with a folded piece of paper inside. When I unfold the paper, I see it’s an airline ticket he must have printed online. It’s an open-ended round trip ticket to California. I’m shocked. I put it down and read the card:

E
ve
,

Merry Christmas! I hope you like your present. If you want to get me something in return, I would just love for you to use it.

Being with you, making love to you—I know it was meant to be. You’re my girl, and I know that I never want to be with anyone else. I hope you decide to come here and be with me. I promise I will make you so happy. I love you, Eve. I always have and I always will.

Ryan

M
y eyes are filled
with tears when I reach the end. I do love Ryan. I should be with him. I have to make it happen. I compose myself enough to call him and let him know I got his gift. I get Ryan’s voicemail and leave a message. I send him a text but there is no immediate reply. I’m sure he’s working. He said he was going to be very busy right after Christmas.

I go about the rest of my day with thoughts of Ryan on my mind. I am trying to make plans while I get things done. I have a workshop starting the first week of the year, but it’s only two weeks of classes, so I can go after that. The beginning of the year is always the slowest in the hospitality business, so I’m sure my boss won’t mind if I take off for a couple of weeks. Everyone knows Ryan and I are friends, so I can just say I want to visit him and get out of the cold for a little while. If they suspect something, so be it.

I’m on cloud nine. I feel like everything is falling into place. Ryan and I are in love, and even if we are thousands of miles apart right now, we will make it work.

I fly through the next few days until New Year’s Eve. I speak to Ryan and let him know how thankful and excited I am to come and see him. I’m just waiting to clear the dates with work and I will book a flight. Ryan sounds ecstatic, which makes it that much better. We are now being very open about our feelings for each other when we talk on the phone; and even talk about the future. I’m not sure what’s going to happen, but I know it will be incredible.

I
show
up at Tara’s on New Year’s Eve, dressed to kill and ready for some fun. I haven’t been out in a long time and I am looking forward to seeing everyone. I am greeted like a long lost friend, which I almost am, with hugs and kisses and lots of smiles. There are a lot of people here, many of whom I don’t know, but all of my friends made it. It doesn’t take long before most of us are pretty buzzed and dancing to the music being played by the DJ. I wasn’t feeling the alcohol though. I stuck to water and sprite and just enjoyed myself. The party is awesome—it’s the perfect scene to ring in the new year. I only wish Ryan was here.

Tony and I amble up to the bar at the same time. “What’s happening, hot stuff?” he greets me in his usual playful tone.

“Same old,” I reply, disinclined to give details.

We hug again and talk for a while. He tells me how Ryan is, and in typical Tony-style, doesn’t listen when I tell him I’ve spoken to him, too. He tells me that he hopes to go out for a visit so Ryan can take him to all the Hollywood hangouts and introduce him to some hotties. I smile and go along with his story. I don’t need to steal his thunder and let him know I’m planning on going soon, too.

We go back out on the make shift dance floor and join our crew. Everyone is having a great time, and by the time the countdown comes on, we are all fairly drunk.

I hold Tara’s hand as the DJ counts us into the new year. The rest of our friends join in, since we are all single, for the most part. When he reaches number one, we all cheer and shout and throw confetti. Everyone is hugging and kissing and wishing each other the best for the new year. A couple of my friends even shed some tears as Auld Lang Syne is played. As soon as the music comes back on, we start dancing again, and continue into the wee hours of the morning.

After dancing up the night, I was flat out exhausted. Tara lets me crash on her couch. There are a few extra people in the apartment, but no one seems to care. Everyone there wakes up feeling awful, and even I’m still wiped. Someone puts on a pot of coffee and we take our time coming into the kitchen to have some. One of the roommates was nice enough to go out early this morning and get bagels for everyone. I’m not sure if they woke up early, or just never went to sleep. Either way, I’m glad they’re here.

The television is on and we are mindlessly watching while we eat and have coffee and try to get the terrible hangover feeling to subside. Tara suddenly gets excited and points to the television with a mouthful of bagel. I turn to look and catch a quick glimpse of Ryan. One of the morning shows is covering some of the best parties from last night, and there is Ryan.

He is just off-center in the shot. There is one guy next to him and a bunch of girls. Each one is more beautiful than the next, and each skirt just a little bit shorter, if that’s even possible. They mention Ryan’s name for a brief moment and introduce him as the up-and-coming new actor to the scene, set to costar in a sure-to-be blockbuster coming this year. I am filled with jealousy as I go through my own scenario of how the rest of his night went after that shot. I calm myself by recalling how much fun I had last night and how many guys were there that I had no interest in, but my suspicion isn’t completely gone.

“Holy shit!” Tara says when they break for commercial. “I can’t believe Ryan was just shown at one of Hollywood’s hottest parties! And they knew who he was.”

“I know,” I say, trying to match her excitement. “That’s crazy.”

We talk about Ryan and how cool it was to see him on television. Every time someone else comes in, Tara retells the story. If she’s this elated from a short clip on daytime TV, I can’t imagine what it will be like when he’s on the big screen.

I finish my bagel and coffee and say goodbye. I’m not feeling well at all, and now I’m also annoyed about Ryan’s new life partying with the rich and famous. I shouldn’t be, but I can’t help it. I’m here, and he’s there, and even though I know he’s a sincere, honest person, I also know that fame can change people.

I walk the short distance to my apartment feeling like crap from head to toe. My stomach is in knots and my head is pounding. I thought the cold air would help, but it’s only giving me the chills.

I get home, and immediately, the nausea overtakes me. I run to the bathroom and throw up before I even take my coat off. Seeing Ryan like that must have really gotten to me… I feel slightly better, but not much. I curl up under a blanket on my couch with a small garbage pail next to me in case I get sick again, and I quickly drift off to sleep.

When I wake up, the sun is going down. I feel a lot better, but nowhere near perfect. I’m still nauseous with the chills and sweats, but I know I’m not going to be sick again, at least for now. I dig out a can of chicken soup and heat it up. I get through half a bowl and my stomach starts turning again. I have no energy and I still feel awful. I wash my face and get into bed for the night.

The feeling is still with me when I wake up again. I’m still nauseous and completely exhausted. I must have a bug, or something, because I’ve never been affected like this from a night out, and I didn’t even touch a sip of alcohol that night. I stay in bed most of the day but pull myself together to go to work. If I’m going to be taking off to go to California, I really can’t call in sick right now. I take a shower and try to eat some toast before leaving, but I still don’t feel well.

I make it through the night and continue to feel sick for another couple of days before the nausea subsides and I regain some energy. Tara comes by with some chicken soup from the deli and keeps me company for a while. I speak to Ryan a couple of times who tries to cheer me up. I ask him about New Year’s Eve and he explains that he had a great time at an amazing party his costars brought him to, but nothing happened. I do believe him but I still don’t like the whole vibe out there—especially when I’m here.

Tara and I start our new workshop. It’s another small class that’s twice a week for two weeks. It’s good to be somewhere other than home or work again. The class is fun and we go out after. I’m still feeling a little under the weather, so I skip the cocktails and just have some food. I just found out my manager is going to let me have two weeks off in February so I tell Tara I’m going to visit Ryan. I leave out the part about him buying me a ticket and that we are in love. I’ll save that for when I come back although I’m pretty sure by the way she looks at me when I tell her, that she suspects something is up. She knows me well enough not to press me, I will tell her when I’m ready, if there’s something to tell.

I book my flight and call Ryan to give him the news. He’s so excited and starts babbling on about all the things he wants to do with me, the places he wants to take me, the people he wants me to meet. I don’t know how he plans on doing any of it while he’s working all day, but I love his enthusiasm—it’s contagious. I go along with everything he is saying and look forward to doing whatever he has planned. I’m really going there to see him so even spending some time together doing nothing would be just fine.

The exhilaration I have about going to California pushes me through the next couple of weeks. I’m happy at work and keeping busy when I’m not there. I even start looking for some auditions that I might be able to go to, it’s been way too long. I’m still getting waves of nausea and finding myself exhausted at the end of my shift, more so than usual. I can’t completely shake whatever bug I had after the new year, and it’s starting to bother me. There’s a possibility that it’s stress-related, but I just don’t know.

Ryan is concerned that I still don’t feel like myself. Each time we talk, he bugs me to get a checkup. I guess since he’s not here to take care of me, it’s all he can do to make himself feel useful. I make myself an appointment on my next day off to see the doctor. It’s been a while since my last appointment, anyway.

I still see the doctor in my hometown, so I let my mom know when I’m coming. She’s not happy that I don’t feel well, but it doesn’t sound like anything serious, and she gets to spend the day with me so she’s happy to have me in town. We make plans for her to pick me up at the train the following day so we can have lunch and then go to my appointment. I don’t have to work until the next afternoon so I plan on spending the night. Before I go to bed, I get a few things together to bring with me in the morning. I want to catch an early train tomorrow and I want to be ready to leave.